Episode 221

Original airdate: November 4, 1999
Performers: Brad Sherwood, Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles

Overview

Song Titles: at an airport
Gangsta Rap: Brad and Wayne sing about astronauts
Scenes From a Hat: Bad choices for pets, strange things to find in your bed,
  dangerous things to do while you are naked, baby names that will one day
  get your child's ass kicked, little-known facts about our host Drew Carey,
  things you wish you hadn't said to the president
Weird Newscasters: Brad hosts, Colin is a nudist, Wayne is a Latin singer,
  Ryan is a mafia boss
Three-Headed Broadway Star: Brad, Ryan, and Wayne sing "I Love Cheese"
Hoedown: Brad, Drew, Colin, and Ryan sing about Christmas
Credits: Colin and Ryan in a barroom fight

Did you notice...

Scott Robinson:
   ...the same contestant introductions are used as 202's?
   ...Colin does his dinosaur impression!?
   ...Brad introduces Colin as Carl, but later calls him Chester?
   ...and Ryan calls Brad "Brad," though he was going by Chester?
   ...Colin stuck his leg out so Ryan could grab it when he died?

References

"Livin' La Vida Loca" (song)
   - "Livin' La Vida Soccer"
"Hamlet" (play)
   - "To thine own self be true"

Miscellaneous

For those who know only the Drew Carey-hosted "Whose Line is it Anyway?", the
line "Here, velociraptor!" and the resulting action probably didn't mean
much. But to the Whosers, it represented the American introduction of a
beloved running gag: Colin's dinosaur impression.

It started in the seventh season, where in two different episodes, Colin was
required to do an impression of a dinosaur. It seemed routine enough, but
Colin's sudden, jerky movements and stretched face made the impression
exceptionally clever.

At the first WhoserCon, Colin was kind enough to agree to appear and answer
questions. The questions were the standard fan queries, until one person got
up the courage to ask Colin for a small performance -- could he please do
either his chicken impression or his dinosaur impression? Colin obliged, and
performed his dinosaur for the attendants. Everybody was delighted.

That first WhoserCon preceded the tapings for the final season of the British
"Whose Line is it Anyway?", to be held in California. With quite a few
Whosers in attendance, and Colin at every taping, the main thing to do seemed
to be to find different ways to get Colin to do his dinosaur impression
through audience suggestions. Even Greg Proops got into the act, making
reference to Colin's dino before a game of Party Quirks, and also during a
Hoedown.

Episode transcript

DREW:  Good evening everybody, and welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" On
tonight's show: Lean and tender. Brad Sherwood! Nicely trimmed. Wayne Brady!
Well-marbled. Colin Mochrie! And the bits that go to make a hot dog. Ryan
Stiles! And I'm your host, Drew Carey, come on down, let's have some fun.
Hello. And welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?", the show where everything's
made up and the points don't matter. The points here are kind of like Canada.
(Colin gets a shocked look on his face. Ryan and Wayne console him. Ryan then
covers Colin's ears.)
DREW:  Colin, I'm kidding around, buddy, I'm just joking around, Colin, it
was just a joke. Very sorry. I love Canada, it's the greatest place in the
whole wide world. If you never saw the show before -- you'll probably never
see it again in Canada -- what happens is, these four talented people,
including the one extra-talented one from Canada, are going to come up here,
and they're going to improvise scenes for you based on suggestions from the
audience and what's written on these cards, they've never seen what's on
these cards before. They're going to make up everything off the top of their
head, it's really fun. And then we give them points, but the points don't
matter at all, it's just a gag to tie the show together. And then we pick a
winner at the end of the show, and at the end of the show the winner gets to
do a little something special, and the losers have to take pictures. So let's
start out with the first game, it's called Song Titles. This is for all four
of you, Song Titles. Brad and Wayne, you're going to start the scene.
WAYNE: Yes.
DREW:  This is kind of like the question game, except instead of questions,
they can only speak in song titles. If you can't think of a song title or if
I think the one you made up is bull, I'm going to buzz you out and the other
person's going to take your place. And then I'll give the points to whoever's
the cleverest boy in the room. Your scene is, using song titles only, you are
at an airport. Song titles only.
BRAD:  I'm leaving on a jet plane.
WAYNE: Hello? Is it you I'm looking for?
BRAD:  I'm mean Mr. Mustard.
WAYNE: I am the walrus. (buzz)
DREW:  That's a lyric, not the title, sorry.
RYAN:  Angie.
BRAD:  Lady Madonna.
RYAN:  Take me to the pilot.
BRAD:  Who are you?
RYAN:  Bang bang Maxwell's silver hammer.
BRAD:  Walk this way.
RYAN:  Hair. (he picks it off Brad's shoulder)
BRAD:  Time is on my side.
RYAN:  Love is a many-splendored thing.
BRAD:  What's love got to do with it?
RYAN:  I don't know. (buzz)
WAYNE: Mama said knock you out.
BRAD:  Mama told me not to come.
WAYNE: Mama played banjo.
BRAD:  Papa's got a brand-new bag.
(Wayne pauses) (buzz) (Brad flirts with the camera, then takes on a fighting
stance when Ryan walks out)
RYAN:  Funky town.
BRAD:  You dropped the bomb on me.
RYAN:  Baby you can drive my car.
BRAD:  Word up.
RYAN:  What's that supposed to mean? (buzz)
WAYNE: (feeling Brad's head) Saturday night fever?
BRAD:  Boogie-woogie flu.
WAYNE: Johnny, be good.
(Brad walks off) (buzz)
WAYNE: Yes! Get out!
(Wayne high-fives Ryan, who points out that Colin is there now)
COLIN: Shaft.
WAYNE: Yes. (buzz)
DREW:  There's a group called Yes, not a song.
COLIN: Wanna dance?
RYAN:  Do you know the way to San Jose?
COLIN: Route 66.
(they start to slow dance)
RYAN:  Oklahoma.
COLIN: Theme from "Titanic."
(buzzer)
DREW:  Well, ten points apiece. Who's crying now? Theme from "Titanic," that
was really funny. Now we're going to play a game called Gangsta Rap. This is
Gangsta Rap, this is for Wayne and Brad with the help of Laura Hall and Linda
Taylor on guitar. Now, Wayne and Brad are going to be two gangsta rappers.
Now what I need from the audience is a suggestion of something you wanted to
be when you grew up.
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW:  What? A belly dancer? Astronaut. Astronaut's good. So let's see the
gangsta rap about an astronaut.
(music starts)
WAYNE: Oh yeah yeah yeah, word word.
BRAD:  Yeeeaaaaahhhh.
WAYNE: Coming straight to you from NASA.
BRAD:  What's up, Houston? Houston in the house.
WAYNE: Uh uh, what what
       Now-now-now shuttles are blown off, I think you gotta solve them
       Because you realize "Houston, I've got a problem"
       So what do you do, and so what do you say
       Because I realize I have to blast off this way
BRAD:  I'm gonna blast off right in your face
       Then I'm gonna take your butt to outer
BOTH:  Space
BRAD:  If you do not like it then I do not care
       'Cause I am breathing bottled
BOTH:  Air
WAYNE: Because you see, and I know it's a beaut
       I strap myself in into my big suit
       And then as fast as you can see, as fast as you can talk
       Because I stepped outside the shuttle and I took a walk
BRAD:  We're gonna do it, and we'll do it real soon
       And if you do not like it from here to the
BOTH:  Moon
BRAD:  We're gonna go weightless and we do not care
       Because I told you once, I'm breathing bottled air
WAYNE: Because the astronaut, the astronaut's hot
BOTH:  The astronaut, the astronaut's hot
       The astronaut, the astronaut's hot
WAYNE: And I got a shuttle, hey, what you got?
(buzzer)
DREW:  Thank you very much. Got to work two jobs to pay my rent. (laughing)
WAYNE: My mom's going to be proud of that one.
DREW:  That's right. Well hey, thousand points to your mom, what the hell.
BRAD:  Points to your mother.
DREW:  Now let's do a game called Scenes From a Hat. This is a really fun
game. Now what we do is before the show, we ask our audience members to fill
out different suggestions of scenes they'd like to see. And we pick the best
ones and we put them in a hat. And now we're going to ask you guys to come up
with as many ideas as you can based on these suggestions. Let's start out
with... (he reads the paper, pauses, then puts it back into the hat) "Bad
choices for pets."
BRAD:  Here, velociraptor!
(Colin, doing a dinosaur impression, attacks Brad's neck) (buzz)
RYAN:  (whistling) Where's my little tapeworm?
(buzzer)
DREW:  Okay, "Strange things to find in your bed."
(Wayne, asleep, rolls over and suddenly wakes up)
WAYNE: Colin?
(Colin comes up from under the covers. Wayne runs away scared.)
COLIN: Teach me how to sing like you! (buzz)
(Ryan comes up from under the covers)
RYAN:  What's his problem?
COLIN: I don't know.
(buzzer)
DREW:  Okay. "Dangerous things to do while you are naked."
BRAD:  Honey, bring out the steaks, I'm going to light the barbecue. (buzz)
(Colin starts a chainsaw. He then juggles it.) (buzz)
RYAN:  (opening a door) Five minutes, Mr. President.
(buzzer)
DREW:  Okay, "Baby names that will one day get your child's ass kicked."
RYAN:  Oh, is Kick My Ass hungry? (buzz)
COLIN: (sadly) Come here, Colin.
(buzzer)
(Brad and Wayne beat up Colin)
DREW:  Okay. (he hesitates) "Little-known facts about our host, Drew Carey."
(Ryan walks out) (buzz)
(Brad walks out) (buzz)
DREW:  No, go ahead. Go ahead.
RYAN:  What kind of a middle name is Allison?
(buzzer)
DREW:  "Things you wish you hadn't said to the president."
COLIN: Sure, I'll be your intern. (buzz)
BRAD:  Cigarette? Cigar? (buzz)
RYAN:  I do.
(buzzer)
DREW:  Hey! Don't go away, we'll be right back with more "Whose Line is it
Anyway?" right after this.

DREW:  Hey, welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" Thanks for spending
your time with us. Hey, to recap the scores, people keeping track at home,
Brad: who knows, Wayne: who cares, Colin: I forgot, Ryan: minus 73. Minus 73.
Some people, the points do matter. Now let's go on to a game called Weird
Newscasters. This is for all four of you, Weird Newscasters. Brad, you're the
anchorman of a news show, and Colin, Wayne, and Ryan are going to help you
out. Colin, you're the co-anchor. You have chosen just this moment to become
a nudist. On sports is Wayne, you're a Latin pop heartthrob. I think you
know...
WAYNE: Yeah?
DREW:  Ryan, you're the weatherman, and you're a Mafia boss who realizes the
camera is an assassin.
RYAN:  I'm sorry?
DREW:  You're a Mafia boss who realizes his camera...
RYAN:  Oh, I heard you.
DREW:  So Brad, whenever you hear the music, go ahead and start.
(news music)
BRAD:  Good evening, and welcome to the 4:17 news. I'm Chester Steakknife.
Today, monkeys broke out of the National Zoo and killed everyone in the
nation. For further stories on this, please welcome Carl Turkeybaster. Carl?
COLIN: I would just... I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, I can't go through
this pretense. Too often are people shackled by the conventions of clothes.
(he pretends to take off his shirt) Nudity is where it's at, people. Feel
free. (he pretends to take off his pants) You may want to pull back the
camera. (Brad tries to cover Colin's waist with his hand) Remember, whether
you're from there (he gestures with his waist) or from there (he gestures the
other way) all across this great nation (he swivels his hips) be nude. The
4:17 nudes! That's what we're going to be called from now on, ladies and
gentlemen! (he notices Brad's hand) Careful.
(Colin sits back down on the stool. Brad pulls his hand out from underneath.)
BRAD:  Thanks, Chester. And speaking of sports, well, it was hot as anything,
wasn't it? Let's find out from Carlos Burritogrande.
(Wayne puts a large amount of gel in his hair and styles it. He looks at
himself in the mirror.)
WAYNE: Bien. Well, I'll tell you all about the sports today. I'm living la
vida soccer. Those ladies, they won, and afterwards, they get me. (he dances)
Oh, too much sport is making me caliente. Maybe the whole team would like to
come back to my etrailer. Back to you. I'm too busy enjoying myself.
BRAD:  Alé, alé, alé.
COLIN: Oh, these damn seats are vinyl.
(Colin gets up with the stool stuck to his behind. He walks around a bit,
then pries it off. He stands, placing his upstage leg up on the stool. Brad
places his hand in front of where Colin's private parts would be. Colin takes
his hand and places it much lower toward the ground.)
BRAD:  Speaking of hot and sticky, let's go to the weather. Franklin?
RYAN:  (in a raspy voice) Thank you very much, Brad. Actually, I've forgot my
pointer today, would you mind? (he looks at Colin) If you wouldn't mind.
(Colin goes to the map) We've got some sun moving in over the western
Washington area. (Colin points with his waist) Coming down into Oregon over
the weekend. Right through the Himalayas we've got some sun coming in. (Ryan
notices the camera, and Colin leaves) You didn't think I saw you there? Is it
me you're looking for? (he slowly approaches the camera) Who sent you? Did
NBC send you? You can kill me, but your day will come, too. (He kisses the
camera, and as he walks back to the stage, is stabbed in the back. He falls,
and grabs Colin's leg as he dies.)
BRAD:  Well, that's all the time we have on the 4:17 news. Some of us will be
sleeping with the fishes, we hope you aren't. Good night, folks.
(buzzer)
DREW:  Just for the record, there is no Mafia. And I would like to give a
million points apiece to all our Italian-American independent businessman
friends. Next game is called Three-Headed Broadway Star. Three-Headed
Broadway Star. Wayne, Ryan, and Brad, why don't you come up here. They're
going to pretend to be a strange three-headed Broadway star. And they're
going to be singing a Broadway hit. And they have to sing it one word at a
time, they're going to make it up one word at a time with the help of Laura
Hall and Linda Taylor, how about them? Laura Hall and Linda Taylor. Quick,
give me the name of an unlikely Broadway musical.
AUDIENCE MEMBER: "Gee, You Smell Terrific."
DREW:  "Gee, You Smell Terrific." And the name of the love song from that
musical.
AUDIENCE MEMBER: "I Love Cheese."
DREW:  "I Love Cheese." So, the song is "I Love Cheese" from the hit Broadway
musical "Gee, You Smell Terrific," right? And when you're ready, one word at
a time, off you go.
(music begins)
BRAD:  Today
RYAN:  I
WAYNE: ate
BRAD:  some
RYAN:  cheese.
WAYNE: It
BRAD:  was
RYAN:  delicious.
WAYNE: And
BRAD:  it
RYAN:  was
WAYNE: so
BRAD:  tasty.
RYAN:  I
WAYNE: love
BRAD:  the
RYAN:  cheese
WAYNE: whiz
BRAD:  from
RYAN:  my
WAYNE: can.
BRAD:  When
RYAN:  I
WAYNE: eat
BRAD:  it,
RYAN:  I
WAYNE: eat
BRAD:  it
RYAN:  fast,
WAYNE: man.
BRAD:  Cheese
RYAN:  isn't
WAYNE: just
BRAD:  a
RYAN:  food.
WAYNE: It's
BRAD:  also
RYAN:  a
WAYNE: religion.
BRAD:  Cheese
RYAN:  isn't
WAYNE: only
BRAD:  a
RYAN:  substance
WAYNE: which
BRAD:  you
RYAN:  adore.
WAYNE: Oh,
BRAD:  people
RYAN:  love
WAYNE: my
BRAD:  cheesy
RYAN:  way
WAYNE: of
BRAD:  life.
RYAN:  I
WAYNE: want
BRAD:  more
ALL:   cheese.
(they bow)
DREW:  Okay, that was great. We're going to see a commercial now, don't go
anywhere, we'll be right back with more of "Whose Line is it Anyway?"

DREW:  Hey, welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" Tonight's winner:
Wayne Brady, Wayne Brady's the winner. And because he's the winner, he gets
to sit behind the desk and do what I do while there's performing going on,
read magazines and drink beer. And the rest of us have to do a Hoedown. Whoo,
a Hoedown, our favorite game. What I need from the audience is a suggestion
of something you look forward to all year long.
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW:  Christmas. I heard a lot of Christmas, apparently Christmas is very
popular. Now we're going to do this with the help of Laura Hall on piano.
Laura Hall. So Laura Hall, whenever you're ready, let's do the Christmas
Hoedown.
(music begins)
BRAD:  I look forward to Christmas each and every day
       But this year I got no presents, and I don't know what to say
       I guess that old Santa Claus was nothing but a liar
       And there was a funny smell when I lit the fire
DREW:  Christmas is a holiday that I really hate
       There's nothing about it to which I can relate
       So every December 25th, I kick off my shoes
       And go down to the deli and hang out with the Jews
COLIN: Up in the North Pole, the elves all went on strike
       Santa didn't care, he said, "Go on, take a hike"
       Things were horrible that Christmas, it all just turned to poo
       As Shakespeare said, remember, to thine own elf be true
RYAN:  I love when Santa goes, delivers all the toys
       I love to see the smiles on all the girls and boys
       It really is a holiday, a time to pause
       Every Christmas Eve you'll find me (censored)
DREW:  Thank you very much, we'll be right back with more "Whose Line is it
Anyway?" right after this.

DREW:  Hey, welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" We're going to end the
show tonight with Ryan and Colin reading the credits. And I want you guys to
read the credits like two guys in a bar about to get in a fight. Two guys in
a bar about to get in a fight. Go ahead and read the credits. And we'll see
you next time on "Whose Line is it Anyway?" Good night.
COLIN: Dan Patterson invented it, Mark Leveson had nothing to do with it.
RYAN:  Executive producer isn't Dan Patterson, and he never was.
COLIN: What are you talking about to Tom Park?
RYAN:  What do you know about credits, I've told you about...
COLIN: Yeah, why don't you kiss my Drew Carey, buddy?
RYAN:  I'll kiss your Brad Sherwood is what I'll do before I kiss your... oh,
you wanna go?
COLIN: You wanna go?
RYAN:  You wanna go?
COLIN: Come on, bring your Melinda with you.
(Ryan vomits)
RYAN:  I'm sorry.
COLIN: Oh, (vomiting) Keith Winikoff.
RYAN:  You all right?
COLIN: I'm fine, I love you.
RYAN:  I love you, too.


(This episode capsule was compiled by Scott Robinson. Copyright 2000. All
titles of games and related situations are trademarks and the property of
Hat Trick Productions, Warner Brothers, and/or ABC and no infringements on
copyright are intended. Watch the show. It's better than reading about it.)