Episode 225

Original airdate: January 6, 2000
Performers: Brad Sherwood, Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles

Overview

Superheroes: Brad, as Super Rabbi, battles mosquitoes
Film, Theater, and Television Styles: Colin finds Ryan dumping nuclear waste
  on his lawn -- soap opera, student film, "Animal Planet," "South Park"
Song Titles: in Las Vegas
Sound Effects: Colin is an ice hockey player, sounds by Ryan
Telethon: for sitcom stars
Three-Headed Broadway Star: Wayne, Drew, and Ryan sing "These Aren't My Hips"
Credits: Wayne and Ryan as football coaches

Did you notice...

huzlinefan:
   ...Brad gets away with "I've been through the desert on a horse with no
      name" while the title of the song is simply "A Horse with No Name," but
      Wayne is buzzed out for using a lyric?
   ...Colin doesn't put on a helmet before the hockey game?
   ...Wayne is able to identify Brad's Kenny G impression, and Ryan names two
      Schneider and Cosby but Colin doesn't name Brad between the two?
   ...Ryan doesn't know the name of 'the guy from the B-52's?'
   ...Ryan is picked over Brad for Three-Headed Broadway Star?
   ...Drew says "stretchy hips" in one turn?
   ...Colin and Brad with their shoulders hunched up look like Clive
      Anderson? (Sorry couldn't resist that one)

Scott Robinson:
   ...two urination jokes in one episode?

References

huzlinefan:
"Livin' La Vida Loca" (song)
"Tora! Tora! Tora! (movie)
Trix (cereal) 
   - Colin makes a play on words from the cereal's ad "Silly Rabbit"
"Animal Planet" (TV; cable channel)
"South Park" (TV)
"Friends" (TV)
"Drew Carey Show" (TV) 
   - Drew's sitcom show; Wayne mentions that Drew has two shows
B-52's (music band)

Scott Robinson:
"Stand By Your Man" (song)
"The Gambler" (song)
"All My Exes Live in Texas" (song)
"An Okie from Fenokee" (song)
   - all used by Drew in the introductions
Trix (cereal)
   - part of its slogan is "Silly rabbit"
"Happy Days" (TV)
   - Brad lists characters from this show in the Telethon song

Episode transcript

DREW:  Goooood evening everybody and welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" On
tonight's show...Stand by your man, Brad Sherwood. He knows when to hold 'em,
Wayne Brady! All his exes live in Texas, Colin Mochrie! And an Okie from
Fenokee, Ryan Stiles! And I'm your host Drew Carey come on down let's have
some fun! Hello! Good evening! Hello everybody thank you very much. Welcome
to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" the show where everything's made up and the
points don't matter. That's right, they don't matter at all. Just like the
second person you ever slept with. If you never saw the show before what
happens is, uh, these four fine performers are gonna come up here, they're
gonna make up everything for you right on the spot, and then I give them
points, just a gag to hold the show together, they don't mean anything. And
then at the end of the show we pick a winner and the winner gets to do...do a
little something special with me. And the loser gets tied down and is forced
to listen to "La Vida Loca." Over and over again, just as if it was on the
radio. Now let's start out with a game called Superheroes. This is uh
Superheroes a great game it's for all four of you. Brad, you're gonna start
and then uh Ryan, Colin, Wayne are gonna join him. And he, he's gonna start
out as an unlikely superhero and everybody's gonna name everybody else when
they come in. And what I need from the audience is a suggestion for a name of
an unlikely superhero.
(audience yells suggestions, "Super Rabbi" is heard clearly and loudly)
DREW:  Super Rabbi!
(Brad looks at camera)
DREW:  The crowd wants Super Rabbi. I can't argue with the rabble. There's a
crisis in the world. What kind of crisis are we dealing with?
(audience yells suggestion)
DREW:  Mosquitoes?
(audience)
DREW:  Oh mosquitoes okay. Super Rabbi! There seems to be mosquitoes
everywhere. What are you gonna do?
BRAD:  (thick Hebrew accent) Barookata...Ma ka ka ah ka ka ka ka ka...
(smacking his arms) Ishmael! David! Owch! There are too many mosquitoes! I
will not be able to watch "Tora! Tora! Tora!" tonight! And I am late for my
bris! What will I do?
RYAN:  Hey! Sorry I'm late, someone cut me off. I mean in traffic. You know
what I mean. 
BRAD:  Let me open the screen, get in here. There's plenty of mosquitoes.
Thank goodness you're here Deathly Afraid of Everything Man.
RYAN:  AAAH! What do you mean by that? AAAH! The curls! AAH! The beard! AAH!
Put the beard ba...AAH! AAH! (smacks arms) Mosquitoes! Mosquitoes around
here!
BRAD:  They're everywhere.
RYAN:  What do you want? That's a weird voice! What is that?
BRAD:  What are you talking about?
RYAN:  What's with the accent?
(Colin enters without opening the door)
BRAD:  Watch the screen! I just paid for that new screen!
(Colin flexes his muscles)
RYAN:  Thank god you're here Captain Cliche!
COLIN: Better late than never.
RYAN:  Never? What do you mean never?
COLIN: A mosquito who sucks is one who chews.
BRAD:  You can say that again. Bless my mezuzah.
RYAN:  What's a mezuzah?!
COLIN: The grass is always greener!
RYAN:  Ohhhh..... 
BRAD:  Oh...
WAYNE: (enters without opening the door) Sorry I'm late.
BRAD:  The screen!
COLIN: Thank goodness you're here Uncoordinated Go-Go Girl.
WAYNE: (dances clumsily) Anything I can do to help. (falls down)
RYAN:  AAH! AAH!
BRAD:  OH! OH! OH! OH! I cannot have this in my house! (shielding his face
from Wayne)
RYAN:  AAH! AAAH! (makes a cross with his fingers at Wayne)
WAYNE: (pokes himself in the eyes) OW!
(Ryan shields his face from Wayne)
BRAD:  Ish ma la Barookata....
COLIN: Look before you leap.
WAYNE: I'm telling you all you have to do is you have to attract all the
mosquitoes that way...and then shimmy 'em to death!
RYAN:  AAH! (Wayne bumps into Colin while dancing)
WAYNE: I'm so sorry....(bumps into Ryan)
RYAN:  AAH!
WAYNE: AAH! I'm really sorry! I gotta go! (dances and trips on his way out)
BRAD:  And to think, I once did his bar mitzvah!
COLIN: Silly Rabbi!
(Drew laughs, Ryan tries to hide his laughter)
RYAN:  AAH! I gotta leave to...just...must...get through door...(opens door,
about to leave then looks at Brad) AAH! 
DREW:  (Buzz) Thank you very much. Hey Jewish Defense League, we're sending a
million points right to you! (Brad waves at the camera, Drew laughs) Now
let's go on to a game called Film TV and Theater Styles. This is for Ryan and
Colin. They're gonna act out a scene, and I'm gonna make them adopt different
film and TV styles that I'm gonna get suggestions from the audience for. What
I need from you guys is suggestions for different styles of film theater and
television that I'm gonna make them do.
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW:  South Park...Soap opera...Student film...(laughs)...Animal Planet.
Animal Planet...
(Ryan shakes his head and puts his fingers over his lips)
DREW:  Okay that's enough. We got enough. Let's start out, your scene is
Colin comes out of his house to find that Ryan, a truck driver, is dumping
nuclear waste in his backyard. So you start out as normal and I'll come in
with different styles the audience yelled out after you start.
(Ryan, standing facing back towards camera miming going to the bathroom)
COLIN: (opens door) Hey hey!
RYAN:  (zips up) Sorry.
COLIN: Not on the lawn.
RYAN:  Sorry I'm heading to Fresno and I knew I couldn't make it all the way.
COLIN: What's all this stuff?
RYAN:  Well this is nuclear waste it'll help your lawn grow.
COLIN: My lawn? It'll kill everything!
RYAN:  Well if you want to look at it that way but before it's dead, it's
gonna grow like crazy!
DREW:  (BUZZ) Soap opera.
COLIN: Of course you know now I can never have children. (looks at camera)
RYAN:  Maybe it's time you leave Shady Elms.
COLIN: You would love that wouldn't you, Dirk?
RYAN:  It's not about...
DREW:  (BUZZ) Student film.
(Ryan whispers to Colin to get his attention)
(Colin goes towards Ryan; uses his arm to mime a microphone in the shot
bumping into Ryan and Colin's head, signals towards the crew to get it out of
the way)
RYAN:  If you don't like that lawn the way it is perhaps I...should just
leave now. (acts mad)
COLIN: Hey! (is fixed on looking at the camera, smiles)
(Ryan gets Colin's attention)
COLIN: I want you to clean up this mess. (shakes finger at Ryan, looks at
camera, is still shaking his finger)
DREW:  (BUZZ) Animal Planet.
RYAN:  I'll clean up this mess as i- did you see that? (points to the ground)
That was a little gopher making his way across your lawn.
COLIN: The gopher is the most misunderstood of all mammals. A tenacious
little worker, it loves its mate, and sometimes plays cards.
RYAN:  (as Steve Irwin) Now I'm gonna go after this gopher, but watch what
you're doing cause they can spring on you at any minute! (catches gopher,
holds it in his arms) Feisty little critter isn't he?
(Colin cuts gopher)
RYAN:  OH!
DREW:  (BUZZ) Please be careful as I make you do it as South Park.
RYAN:  (nasal voice) The gopher's dead.
COLIN: (similar voice) Yeah. (walks stiffly towards camera, looks left and
right stiffly) Oh noooo! The gopher's dead! The bleeping gopher's dead! Bleep
bleep bleep bleep bleep!
RYAN:  (bending over miming throwing up with arms fixed) Blaaaaaah! Blaaaaah!
DREW:  (BUZZ BUZZ BUZ BUZ BUZ BUZ) Thank you very much. Man, I'll give you a
thousand points just for the shoes. (camera shows Ryan's shoes which are
white with black flames on the side) Hey hot foot what's up? All right let's
go on to our next game, uh...it's called Song Titles. This is for all four of
you. Song Titles. Brad and Wayne you're gonna start. 
WAYNE: Yeah...
DREW:  Now the trick to this game, this is also a fun game you can play at
home, you can only speak in song titles. That's all you're allowed to do. And
I'll buzz you if one of you goes wrong. And then the person behind you will
step in and take their place. And your scene is, uh, you're in Las Vegas. And
you can only speak in song titles and I have to recognize the title or I'm
just gonna buzz you out. So go ahead speak only in song titles, in Las Vegas.
WAYNE: Great balls of fire!
BRAD:  Luck be a lady.
WAYNE: (flashing money in hands) Money money money!
BRAD:  Money can't buy everything.
WAYNE: (looks around) Hello?
BRAD:  Hello, goodbye. (starts to leave)
WAYNE: Bernadette! (stops Brad from leaving)
BRAD:  Jeremy.
WAYNE: Endless love.
BRAD:  Love is a many splendored thing.
WAYNE: I...mi-me-ma-mo-mo....
(BUZZ)
RYAN:  Daniel.
BRAD:  Mr. Roberts.
RYAN:  I'm Henry the Eighth I am.
BRAD:  Who are you?
RYAN:  Disco...duck! (ducks)
BRAD:  Love is a battlefield.
RYAN:  I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.
BRAD:  Come, Mr. Tally Man.
(Ryan leaves silently)
(Wayne steps in slowly)
COLIN: Keep going! Keep going! (thumbs up)
WAYNE: Viva Las Vegas!
BRAD:  I've been through the desert on a horse with no name.
WAYNE: I come from a land down under.
DREW:  (BUZZ) That's a lyric.
RYAN:  Angie.
BRAD:  Mean Mr. Mustard.
RYAN:  Do you love me?
(Brad leaves silently)
COLIN: What's new pussycat?
RYAN:  Rain.
COLIN: It's raining men.
(Ryan looks at Colin. Pauses. Laughs. Throws tantrum.)
DREW:  (BUZZZ BUZ BUZ) Thank you very much.
(Brad high-fives Colin with both hands then high-fives Wayne)
DREW:  Don't go away we'll be right back with more "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
right after this. Stay where you are.

DREW:  Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?", the show where
everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points
don't matter, just like tasteful shoes to Ryan Stiles. The points don't mean
a thing. I'm sorry, was that applause? I couldn't hear it over Ryan's shoes.
(Ryan mouths "oh, they're loud!" and laughs)
DREW:  Let's...move along...with a game called Sound Effects. Sound Effects
is the name of the game. And it's for Colin and Ryan. Colin's gonna improvise
a scene but he has to respond to sound effects made by Ryan. Here's your
microphone. (hands Ryan the microphone) Colin your scene is you are an ice
hockey star and you're arriving at the stadium for the big game. An ice
hockey star arrives at the stadium for the big game. Go ahead.
(Colin walks around carrying a bag over his shoulder. Opens door. Walks
around. Waves around while music plays in the background. Opens door that
makes the "squeaky" sound. Opens his bag. Puts on shoulder pads then takes
them off. Takes off his shirt and pants. Puts on pants shirt and shoulder
pads. Puts on knee pads. Pauses. Takes equipment off, goes to the bathroom.
Flushes after he's done. Puts equipment back on. Takes hockey stick and goes
out door. Crowd is cheering. Skates around and stops. Buzzer sounds twice.
Shoot from his nostrils. Skates around more. Effortlessly showing off, shoots
puck into goal with one hand. Buzzer sounds. Jabs opponent with his stick,
mumbles. Opponent mumbles, "ah! why you..." Colin pokes him again. Opponent
yells again. Gets into a sword fight with their hockey sticks. Colin shoves
his stick into the opponent's face. Opponent yells. Then yells, "aah! ah! ah!
Ow!" after Colin playfully skates around him then starts beating him with the
stick. Buzzer sounds. Referee mumbles something. Colin hits referee. Referee
yells.)
DREW:  (BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ) Thank you very much. Stop him before he kills again,
that's what I wanted to do. That was going great, I- I'll give you, uh, 500
points. I'd give you a thousand but I'm trying to beat the spread. (laughs)
Now let's go onto a game called Telethon. This game's called Telethon. This
is all four performers. With the help of course of Laura Hall and Linda
Taylor. Laura Hall and Linda Taylor. Ryan and Colin are on a telethon and
Brad and Wayne are gonna come on as celebrity guests to sing like the big
charity anthem at the end. And uh what we need uh an idea for a group of
people you wouldn't normally want to raise money for.
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW:  Sitcom stars I heard behind me. I don't know why uh you'd want to pick
that. I'm just normal Drew. Okay, uh your telethon is to raise money for
sitcom stars. And whenever you're ready go ahead.
RYAN:  Hello and welcome back to our first hour...
COLIN: (wiping sweat from forehead) Boy I'm bushed.
RYAN:  To save money for sitcom stars. Take it easy. We got to keep the
phones ringing people. We need to make some money. Let's check that tote
board...two hundred and fifty million? Is that the best we can do?
COLIN: That'll barely cover the hair mousse for the set of Friends. Keep
giving people! 
RYAN:  Ladies and gentlemen you'll hear a lot of rumors about stars, how much
they make...Drew Carey for instance a lot of people say he made forty-five
million dollars last year. After he pays taxes he's lucky if he clears thirty
million ladies and gentlemen. A man has to eat! Please, Gary Coleman is a
security guard! Send your money now!
COLIN: Come on! 
RYAN:  Get those phones ringing!
COLIN: What is wrong with you people? Sure it's easy for you to go out there
for your nine-to-five jobs working in the mines or working mindless boring
jobs, but these people have to do interviews! They have to endorse things
they don't even use!
RYAN:  I love Lucy. Won't you love Lucy too? Let's keep those phones ringing.
Right now we have some special guests that have come all the way from
Laughlin, Nevada here today. Many many stars on our stage tonight. Please
welcome if you will Bruce Springsteen...
COLIN:  And Stevie Wonder!
(music starts)
WAYNE: (playing piano with eyes closed)
       Because I used to watch "Leave It to Beaver" too
       Doo doo doo...
       It's true these people make more money than....you
       Na da da da da uh uh....
BRAD:  (as Springsteen) Give your money...to all these poor bleached blondes
       And help out, good old Potsie, Chachi, Joanie and the Fonzzzz.....
COLIN: It's Louis Armstrong!
WAYNE: (eyes closed as Armstrong)
       They need your money baby, because just 'cause I know I know 
       It don't mean you're rich if you've got two shows...
       (looks at Drew, Drew looks away) Ah da da da....
RYAN:  Mick Jagger!
BRAD:  (hands on hips as Jagger)
       We all need a little money to help these stars
       Because, a couple of them, only have four motorcars!
COLIN: Lieutenant Uhura from Star Trek!
WAYNE: (sitting with hand over ear) Captain, they need your help.
(presses buttons)
RYAN:  The guy from the B-52's!
BRAD:  (as Fred Schneider) So if you see a star and he needs a little money
       So come on baby give it to him this isn't funny!
       Just reach into your pocket, and pull out some change, 
       Come on baby help a star it's not strange!
RYAN:  And who can sum that up better...than Bill Cosby?
WAYNE: (as Cosby) Because they need the money... just like, meeee....
       All these stars are funny....ha ha heheheeee.....
(Ryan and Colin start dancing)
WAYNE: Thank you ladies and gentlemen for coming out tonight! We think it's
great... (Brad starts playing the saxophone) and remember, with me and Kenny
G, it's because of you, that I'm rich! Hahahaha....
DREW:  (BUZZ BUZZ) Thank you very much! Hey! We're gonna go to a commercial
to make some money for all of us here. And when we come back, the winner gets
to do a little something special with me. Don't go away.

DREW:  Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" Tonight's winners are Wayne
and Ryan. Wayne and Ryan are the winners tonight, how about that? How about
that? They're gonna play a little game with me called Three-Headed Broadway
Star. Three-Headed Broadway Star. Now, we're going to get together, we're
going to pretend to be a three-headed Broadway star. We need the name of a
Broadway...an unlikely Broadway show.
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW:  "Stretch Marks." "Stretch Marks" the musical. "Stretch Marks" the
musical. And the name of the big hit love song from...
(audience suggests)
DREW:  What? What hips?
(audience)
DREW:  "These Aren't My Hips." The love song from the big hit musical
"Stretch Marks."
(music starts)
(Wayne and Drew are crying)
WAYNE: These
DREW:  aren't
RYAN:  my
WAYNE: hips.
DREW:  They 
RYAN:  belong
WAYNE: on
DREW:  a
RYAN:  young
WAYNE: man.
DREW:  All 
RYAN:  by
WAYNE: myself
DREW:  because
RYAN:  I
WAYNE: was
DREW:  pregnant! (cries)
RYAN:  I
WAYNE: love
DREW:  my 
RYAN:  baby
WAYNE: but
DREW:  look
RYAN:  at
WAYNE: me!
DREW:  Stretch
RYAN:  marks
WAYNE: color
DREW:  my
RYAN:  hips
WAYNE: and
DREW:  no
RYAN:  body
WAYNE: touches
DREW:  meeee....
RYAN:  Twice
WAYNE: nightly
DREW:  (looks at Wayne) used
RYAN:  to
WAYNE: be
DREW:  the
RYAN:  number
WAYNE: of 
DREW:  times
RYAN:  I
WAYNE: made
DREW:  love!
RYAN:  Now
WAYNE: I
DREW:  am
RYAN:  barren!
WAYNE: And
DREW:  my 
RYAN:  husband
WAYNE: doesn't
DREW:  love
RYAN:  me!
WAYNE: These
DREW:  aren't
RYAN:  my
WAYNE: hips.
DREW:  OH!
RYAN:  These
WAYNE: are
DREW:  my
RYAN:  dest-iny...
WAYNE: My-y-y-y-y....
DREW:  stretchy...hips...
RYAN:  hips?
WAYNE: hiiiiiiips....
DREW:  (baritone) hips...
(all harmonize, song ends)
(BUZZZZ)
RYAN:  We got into some of the longest lyrics...(saying something inaudible
over the crowd)
DREW:  Bye everybody we'll be right back with more "Whose Line" right after
this.

DREW:  Hey welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" Uh tonight we're gonna
end the show with Wayne and Ryan reading the credits. And I want you to read
the credits like uh two football coaches bawling out the players at halftime.
So good night everybody thanks for watching we'll see you next time on "Whose
Line is it Anyway?"
RYAN:  What is with Mark Leveson? That boy couldn't catch a ball if his life
depended on it for god's sake.
(Brad and Colin come up wearing shoulder pads)
WAYNE: I don't know but Jimmy...Mark Leveson...sissy! You big sissy, I want
you to catch that ball!
RYAN:  I would never put Ruth Phillips into a game!
WAYNE: Drew Carey! Who the hell would hire Drew Carey?!
RYAN:  Colin Mochrie you call yourself a football player? I see your name up
there but I don't think you're a football player. Are you a football player?
WAYNE: (to Colin) Get down!
RYAN:  Get down and give me twenty. Get on that floor and give me twenty.
(Colin removes helmet) You heard me! Get on that floor. John Pritchett
couldn't catch a ball if his life depended on it. (Brad and Colin do
push-ups)
WAYNE: Chris Dale. Now Chris Dale's a good player.
RYAN:  Yeah give me twenty!

Transcript credits

huzlinefan transcribed all of the games


(This episode capsule was compiled by Scott Robinson. Copyright 2000. All
titles of games and related situations are trademarks and the property of
Hat Trick Productions, Warner Brothers, and/or ABC and no infringements on
copyright are intended. Watch the show. It's better than reading about it.)