Episode 227

Original airdate: February 3, 2000
Performers: Wayne Brady, Kathy Greenwood, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles

Overview

Weird Newscasters: Colin anchors, Kathy is his teenage daughter, Wayne can't
  control his jet pack, Ryan escapes from prison
Song Styles: Wayne sings to Lee the lunch lady as a strip-o-gram
Theme Restaurant: Colin and Kathy are in a war zone restaurant
Narrate: Colin and Ryan at a fast food restaurant
Scenes From a Hat: Senior citizen Olympic events, the number one thing that
  you shouldn't lick, alternate endings to famous films, things that can
  spoil a date, Hillary Clinton's recurring nightmare, things you should
  never ever ever say while making love, the first thing that Adam said to
  Eve
Hoedown: Wayne, Drew, Colin, and Ryan sing about Halloween
Credits: Kathy and Ryan are gossipy manicurists

Did you notice...

Cats:
   ...Colin and Ryan's reactions when Drew announces Wayne will be singing as
      a strip-o-gram?
   ...coming back from commercial # 1, Drew slurs his words, and Colin and
      Ryan's reaction?
   ...Wayne and Drew's reaction to Ryan's reaction to Colin's Hoe-down?
   ...Colin drinks his French fries?

Scott Robinson:
   ...Colin's eyes dart back and forth after he drinks his fries?
   ...Colin and Ryan don't stand next to each other like they usually do for
      Scenes From a Hat?

References

"Have it your way"
"Hold the pickles"
   - both of these appear to be from Burger King jingles
"Finger-lickin' good"
   - KFC slogan
"You can't eat just one"
   - Lay's potato chips slogan
"Whip It" (song)
   - has the lyrics "Whip it, whip it good"
"Rocketman" (film)
   - Wayne, and his jet pack, and all that stuff
"Rock & Roll Part II" (song)
   - the beginning of Song Styles resembles this song
"Star-Spangled Banner" (song)
   - bombs bursting in air
"Saving Private Ryan" (film)
   - Wayne says his last name is Ryan
"The Maltese Falcon"
   - Maltese Burger
"Thelma and Louise" (film)
"Citizen Kane" (film)
   - the films referenced in "Alternate endings to famous films"

Déjà vu

British 7.01 -- Halloween Hoedown
(Ryan's verse is about dressing up as the host in that one as well)

Miscellaneous

Wayne singing as a strip-o-gram is funny in itself. But what made the scene
so hilarious was not how he was singing, but who he was singing to. As he
revealed on "The Vicki Gabereau Show," Wayne was eating lunch with Colin when
Lee the lunch lady met them. She explained how her family loved "Whose Line
is it Anyway?" and expressed her desire to see a taping of the show. Wayne
invited her to join the studio audience at a taping. As Lee left, she asked
if Wayne was a Christian. Wayne answered that he was, and Lee said that he
looked like a Christian, because he doesn't do anything filthy or curse
(apparently Lee doesn't watch the show ALL the time). Before the taping,
Wayne had told some of the other guys the story of what happened at lunch,
which is what made singing to her as a strip-o-gram so funny.

Episode transcript

DREW:  Good evening everybody and welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?".  On
tonight's show, "Have it your way", Wayne Brady.  "Hold the pickles", Kathy
Greenwood.  "Finger-licking good", Colin Mochrie, and "You can't eat just
one", Ryan Stiles! (Ryan is holding up two drinking glasses like binoculars)
Hi I'm your host Drew Carey, come on down let's have some fun.
(audience cheers)
DREW:  Oh, hello! Hello everybody and welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.  That's
right, the points are useless, just like a personal check from Willie Nelson.
Love you Willie, just a joke, we're just kidding around.  If you never saw
the show before what happens is these guys are going to come up, they're
going to make everything up you see right off the top of their heads, then I
give them points, it's a gag to hold the show together, and we decide on an
artificial winner at the end, and the winner gets to do a little something
special, and the loser gets to "Whip it, whip it good." Sooo haha, let's
start off the game with a game called, let's start off the show rather with a
game called Weird Newscasters, this is for all four of you.  Colin you're
going to be the anchor of a news show, Kathy, Wayne and Ryan are the
co-anchors. We're giving each of you an odd uhh thing to play. Kathy you're
the co-anchor, haha you're Colin's spoiled, bad-tempered teenage daughter.
Sportscaster is Wayne, having trouble mastering his jet pack. The weatherman
is Ryan, Ryan you are the weather, you're a lifer about to attempt a daring
and elaborate prison escape.
RYAN:  Yes!
DREW:  So whenever you hear the music Colin start the news.
(newscaster music)
COLIN: Welcome to the 6:00 news, I'm your anchor Ollie Oxenfree. Our top
story tonight, famous TV dolphin, Flipper was arrested today on prostitution
ring charges, he allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across
state lines for immoral porpoises.  And now I am very proud to turn the
co-anchoring duties over to my lovely daughter Jan-isa, Janisa?
KATHY: Who cares what's going on in the world what about meeeeee???? You
never pay any attention to me. Hehehe I'm on TV aren't I hehehe.
COLIN: Well this was an experiment that went awry.  And now over to our
sports desk with Brick Bruck.
WAYNE: Yes sir! Thank you very much. Hello citizens, (puts on jet pack) today
I shall be reporting the sports from high above our fair city (slides helmet
shield down) (press buttons on his belt) (sputtering) It appears that
(sputtering) in the first game whoa! It's technology folks, it's all right!
(runs into Drew's desk) Whoa! (imitates beeping noise) (imitates computer
voice) Warning! (Wayne) Oh hell! Ahhh the engine! It's OK...... (he crashes)
COLIN: (to Kathy who is making faces) Don't, don't do that.
KATHY: (in a whiny voice) I want one of those!
COLIN: Well you can't get one.
KATHY: (whiny) But I want onnnne!!
COLIN: Well now it is time to go over to the weather with our happy
weatherman Sprinkly Days, Sprinkly?
RYAN:  Thanks we've got some fog moving in that should turn in quite handy,
(into a hand held tape player) quite handy indeed. (he takes the tape and
puts into a regular tape player and hits play) (Imitating tape player) Later
on in the week we're going to have some weather... (muffled voice)
(Crawling through an imaginary hole across the floor toward the back chairs,
then up an imaginary ladder, and finally opens a hatch. Then a right turn to
go behind the set he reappears behind the chairs walking from right to left,
behind the left pillar to finally come out near Drew's desk)
WAYNE: PPST!
RYAN:  What? (he motions for Ryan to come)
(Ryan climbs on to Wayne's jet pack and they fly off across the stage toward
the green screen)
COLIN: Well that was the 6:00 news, join us in 15 minutes for the 6:15 news.
Good night and good news.
(buzzer)
DREW:  That was great! No points for that one but your rooms and meals are
comped.
WAYNE: OOO!
RYAN:  Mini-bar??
DREW:  Yea a little bit of mini-bar, OK, half a mini-bar. OK, we're going to
move on to a game called Song Styles. This is for Wayne with Laura Hall,
Linda Taylor, and Cece Worall, now I have had my eye on a young lady in the
audience, she is right up here, I know just where I'm going, hello how are
you doing? What's your name?
LEE:   Lee.
DREW:  Lee, nice to meet you Lee, I'm Grant, a little Civil War humor for
you, and what do you do for a living Lee?
LEE:   I'm a lunch lady.
DREW:  You're a lunch lady? Oh good for you, they don't even say food service
worker anymore, they just go right to lunch lady, why don't you come on down,
make the big walk down the stairs here and meet Wayne Brady. (Drew helps Lee
down the steps) Say hi to Wayne Brady, have a seat, make yourself
comfortable, the special today is meatloaf. This is Lee, she's a retired
school lunch lady which just makes me laugh so hard. And you're going to sing
a song to her as a singing strip-o-gram. (the audience whoops and laughs,
Wayne laughs in embarrassment, he walks over to Drew to see the card for
himself, Drew shows it to him, Wayne walks back and gives Lee a big hug) OK
so singing strip-o-gram, go at it brother.
RYAN:  Go Wayne, go Wayne.
(music playing Rock and roll part 2)
WAYNE: (imitating a doorbell) Ding-dong. Ding-dong. I'll let myself in. Are
you Lee?
(Lee nods)
WAYNE: These words come right from me
       They're to you, and your name is Lee
       Can you fix me a treat? Maybe some mystery meat
       I love you girl, I sing this song
       You have the shower cap on 
       When you're serving all that food, hey!
       Do you like it when you spoon out the food
       (unbuckles his belt, then rebuckles it)
       Do you like it Lee?
       Oh Lee, hey Lee
       Would you like to serve me?
       (unbuckles his belt and unbuttons his shirt in a strip tease)
       On Monday--Meatloaf
       On Tuesday--Steak
       On Wednesday--Pork
       On Thursday--Chicken
       And Friday--It's the best day of all
       Because you get to have a little spaghetti and two great meatballs
       (he starts laughing uncontrollably)
       Oh Lee (Wayne is laughing too hard to continue)
(the music abruptly cuts off)
WAYNE: I'm so sorry!
LEE:   That's okay.
DREW:  Thank you Lee.
(Drew helps Lee back to her seat)
DREW:  I'm gonna have some bad dreams tonight folks let me tell you!
WAYNE: I feel so dirty!
DREW:  You feel dirty how about poor Lee the lunch lady?
(Lee waves and the audience cheers)
DREW:  Now let's go on to a game called Themed Restaurant this is for all
four of you. Colin and Kathy are two business associates who have stepped out
for an illicit romantic lunch in a themed restaurant.  Ryan and Wayne are
going to be the maitre'd and the waiter, and the theme of the restaurant is,
the themed restaurant is a war zone. (Kathy and Colin pull out a small round
table with a red and white checkered tablecloth and two chairs) And Ryan and
Colin are your waiter and maitre'd and you are out having a illicit, romantic
lunch, go ahead.  
KATHY: We don't have much time.
COLIN: No we don't.  I thought the bombs bursting in the air might just
inflame our passion.
KATHY: Nothing could inflame me any more.
WAYNE: Hi. I'm your waiter, my last name's Ryan.
COLIN: What took you so long?
WAYNE: (pulling up antenna of a walkie-talkie) Uh huh don't you understand we
need some food at this table fast! No! (imitates being hit by a bullet)
(Ryan comes in hiding behind Colin and then Kathy as he pours them each a
glass of water)
COLIN: Um...
(Wayne, using Ryan's chair, imitates driving in a tank and speaks fake
German)
COLIN: Did you order sauerkraut? (Wayne gets blown up) I'm quickly losing my
appetite.
RYAN:  (wandering through acting like a human shield) We're out of the
spaghetti.
KATHY: I'm craving steak tartare.
COLIN: Are you?
KATHY: Yes.
COLIN: I thought we'd order some buns.
RYAN:  Buns! (throwing grenades) (Colin catches them and gives one to Kathy)
WAYNE: (German accent) Your papers where are they? What are you eating? What
is your name?
COLIN: My..My name's...Ger...
KATHY: Listen we're not supposed to be here....
WAYNE: You don't shut up! You can't talk and speak, the quiet you!
COLIN: Hey you know how crazy these Belgians get.
RYAN:  (coming up behind Wayne pretending to hold a knife to his throat)
You're wanted at table four.
(buzzer)
DREW:  OK, we'll be right back with more "Whose Line is it Anyway?" right
after this don't go away.

DREW:  Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" the show where everything's
made up and the points don't matter, "Whose Line is it Anyway?" is the name
of the show. Hey if you're home watching the show with your girlfriend, why
don't you call your wife and ask her to tune in too. The next game is called
Narrate it's for Colin and Ryan, they're going to act out a film noir scene
for you and we've picked out music for them to act it out to, and what we
need from the audience is an unlikely place for a film noir scene.
(audience shouts out suggestions)
DREW:  Burger joint OK fast food place we'll do that. We'll do fast food
burger place. And whenever you're ready go a ahead.
(slow music is played)
COLIN: (to the camera) I'd been searching for the Maltese burger for three
years. All clues finally lead to this place in the middle of nowhere, it was
time for me to get it. (steps back) Hi I'll have some fries.
RYAN:  (to the camera) (mumbling) (steps back) Sorry the speaker's broken.
You wanted fries?
COLIN: Yea.
RYAN:  You want fries with that?
(Colin nods)
COLIN: (to the camera) While he was working on the fries, I had this
incredible plan that would get from him the location of the Maltese burger.
(steps back)
RYAN:  (handing Colin the fries) Here you go.
COLIN: Thanks, where's the Maltese burger? (he drinks the fries then realizes
it)
DREW:  Haha.
RYAN:  I didn't know whether I should tell him or not, I didn't know whether
it was part of some elaborate plan or just a simple question. (steps back)
Pardon?
COLIN: (to the camera) He was playing me like he'd play a fish. I can't make
it much clearer than that. It was then I noticed the sesame seeds on his
shirt. (steps back) Say, you got some seeds there...Ah Hah! The Maltese
burger!
RYAN:  I guess you got me. (to the camera) Oh I knew who he was, disgruntled
employee who had worked here five years ago, I couldn't forget that face, he
used to bob for fries. (steps back) I guess it's all yours you got me.
COLIN: (to the camera) It all seemed too easy, way too easy. That's when he
did something totally unexpected. Something so crazy and wild, it took me
totally by surprise. Even though it was kind of funny, it still was really
weird! (steps back)
(Ryan grabs Colin and kisses him on the lips, then goes back to flipping
burgers, and shuts the drive-in window. Colin just stands there blinking)
(the audience, Drew, Kathy and Wayne all whoop in laughter!)
(buzzer)
DREW:  Stop.
(walking back to their seats)
RYAN:  I think that's the first time I've ever kissed you.
COLIN: Yes. It was very nice, thank you.
DREW:  Wow.
RYAN:  (holding out an open palm to Colin) Breath mint?
(Colin takes it and they both enjoy their breath mints)
DREW:  I'm really going to have some nightmares boy, I'm telling you! 5000
points apiece.  Kids if you're at home watching this with your parents, just
pretend you didn't understand that last part (wink). Quickly we'll go on to a
game called Scenes From a Hat, for Colin and Kathy and Ryan and Wayne, and
what happens is before every show we ask the audience to write down
suggestions for things, and one of the things is scenes they'd like to see
acted out, we take the good ones and put them in a hat, and we see how many
our performers here can act out, starting with...haha.. "senior citizen
Olympic events."
(Ryan walks out, throws an imaginary shot put ball then shuffles back using
an imaginary walker)
(Wayne comes shuffling out with an imaginary walker, suddenly becomes agile
enough to effortlessly do a routine on the pummel horse then shuffles back
with his walker)
(buzzer)
DREW:  Oh please be kind. "The number one thing that you shouldn't lick."
(Ryan steps out and motions for Colin to join him. Ryan points to Colin.)
DREW:  "Alternative endings to famous films."
RYAN:  I love you Thelma.
COLIN: I love you Louise.
(Ryan imitates the sound of a car engine trying to turn over)
(buzzer)
COLIN: Rosebud's the sled.
(buzzer)
DREW:  "Things that can spoil a date."
WAYNE: You're so pretty.
KATHY: Thanks.
WAYNE: (howls) (turns into a werewolf)
(buzzer)
COLIN: (steps out and motions for Kathy to join him) I once kissed Ryan
Stiles.
(Kathy laughs then looks grossed out)
(buzzer)
DREW:  Hahahah "Hillary Clinton's reccurring nightmare."
KATHY: I bet he's coming home tonight, I bet he's coming home tonight.
(buzzer)
DREW:  "Things you should never ever ever say while making love."
KATHY: Uh honey could you just reach over and hand me the yeast infection
medication right there?
(buzzer)
WAYNE: (deep voice) Oooo it'll be even better after the operation.
(buzzer)
DREW:  "The first thing that Adam said to Eve."
COLIN: (placing his right hand on his right side) Owww!
(buzzer)
WAYNE: (looking at chest height) Damn!
(buzzer)
RYAN:  No, you do not look fat in your leaf!
(insistent buzzer)
DREW:  Don't go away, we're going to find out who the winner is, we'll be
right back with more "Whose Line" right after this.

DREW: Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?", tonight's winner: Kathy
Greenwood, Kathy's the winner tonight, congratulations Kathy, and uh 'cause
she wins and these guys lose so they're going to be punished by doing a game
with me called Hoedown, our favorite game in the whole wide world, Hoedown,
with Laura Hall on the piano, and what we need from the audience is a
suggestion for a reason you might wear a mask.
(audience yells out suggestions)
DREW:  Halloween! Let's do the Halloween Hoedown.
(music begins)
WAYNE: Yoo Hoo!!
       Everytime it's Halloween, WOO! make room
       Because I have the world's best costume
       If you see me, get a sheet man
       Because I'll pull it over my head and go as the Klu Klux Klan
DREW:  Halloween's the only time I get a girl
       That's the only time I really give it a whirl
       Never get anyone pregnant, "How is that?" you ask?
       Well it's real easy, I wear a rubber mask!
COLIN: This Halloween, I thought it would be fair
       If I gave all the kids one real big scare
       It went way too far and now I'm being sued
       This is the last year that I go as a nude
RYAN:  I have the most horrifying costume you've ever seen
       When the children see me, they run away and scream
       When it comes to costumes, there is none more scary
       I put on stupid glasses and go out as Drew Carey
ALL:   Go out as Drew Carey
DREW:  Hey, we'll be right back with more "Whose Line is it Anyway?" right
after this. Don't go away.

DREW:  Hey welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" ahh, we're going to end
the show tonight with Kathy and Ryan reading the credits for you and I want
you to read the credits like two gossipy manicurists. Good night everybody
and thanks for watching.
KATHY: Did you hear what happened with Denise O'Donoghue and Mark Leveson?
RYAN:  No what happened?
KATHY: Well you are not going to believe it, I heard it from Dan Cutforth.
RYAN:  Well let me tell you Drew Carey was in here last week and you've never
seen nails like that.
KATHY: Oh I've heard the stories mister, Eric Wilker can tell you.
RYAN:  Steve Blum is soaking in it, you know what I'm saying?
KATHY: I know what you're saying, ask Hal Speer.
RYAN:  Don't tell me about it, I'll tell you about it.
KATHY: Hahah is that Glenn Hazlett, is that Glenn Hazlett?
RYAN:  (holding up Colin's hand, folding down one finger) I've taken his
whole finger off!!

Transcript credits

Cats transcribed all of the games


(This episode capsule was compiled by Scott Robinson. Copyright 2000. All
titles of games and related situations are trademarks and the property of
Hat Trick Productions, Warner Brothers, and/or ABC and no infringements on
copyright are intended. Watch the show. It's better than reading about it.)