Long Jokes

Long Jokes #1

*Disclaimer*

The jokes contained on this page do not reflect the views of the creator of The Jokes Homepage nor are they intended to degrade other people. They are merely jokes intended for entertainment not to bash blondes, lawyers, nor people of different race or gender. If you believe these jokes to be offensives, leave this site, do not email me complaining. I don't hate anyone or group of people mentioned in these jokes. I only posted these jokes as a collection for others who can take these jokes lightheartedly.

View My Guestbook
Sign My Guestbook

Three Engineers
Three engineers are riding down the road in a car. Suddenly, the car begins to develop trouble. It's sputtering and it sounds like it's going to stall.
The first engineer is a chemical engineer. He says, "It could be something in the fuel line. Lets put an additive into the gas and maybe that will take care of the problem."
The second engineer is an electrical engineer. She says, "It could be something in the electrical system. Let's replace the wires and the distributor cap. Maybe that will take care of the problem."
The third engineer is a software engineer from Microsoft. He says, "It could be that we have too many windows open. Let's close all the windows, turn off the car, then restart the car and open all the windows again. Maybe that will take care of the problem."
Submitted by: 14u2c

Three nuns are being interviewed on a talk show, the host asks the first nun "Who was the first man on earth?" the nun replies, "That's an easy one, it was Adam!" The crowd goes wild. The host asks the second nun, "Who was the first woman on earth?" The second nun answers, "That's an easy one, Eve!" The crowd goes wild. The host asks the third nun, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The third nun says, "That's a hard one!"
Submitted by: Stacey

There once was a little boy who asked his mother, "Mommy can people be on their backs when they go to heaven?" The mother says; "Well you can be in any position you want to go to heaven, why do you ask??" The boy says; "because one day as I was walking past the Maids room I saw the maid on her back screaming, oh god, oh god, I think I'm coming ! And if Daddy wasn't there to hold her down she would have left!!!!"
Submitted by: Omar Gardner

Two men are playing golf. They play each week, and have a wager as to who is going to win. One week there are these two women at the hole ahead of them. they're hitting the ball all over the place. They have no idea how to play. They're just there having a goold old time. The two men want to finish they're game. One of them decides to ask the women if they can play through. He goes up the hill, then comes back down. He tells his friend "I can't do it. One's my wife, the other's my mistress." The other guy says "No problem, I understand." So he goes up the hill. He comes back down and says, "Small world isn't it?"
Submitted by: Paul Galante

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "ma'm, if you heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."
Submitted by: Rory Banks

Two gay guys are hitch hiking. This truck driver picks them up. After a wile one of the gay guys develops this burning urge to pass gas so he says to the truck driver would you mind if i passed a little gas. The driver says "no i don't mind" so the gay guy lets this sound out that sounds like he was blowing air out of his mouth. So the truck driver looks at him and says " I'll show you how to fart!" And he lets one fly the sounds like a woppy coution with about 30 PSI behind it. Then both the gay guys look at each other and say "Virgin!".
Submitted by: Hugh Gass

One day there was a prison break out at the Highway Pen for murderers and one convict got away. Anyway he lays low for a couple of days untill he figures its safe and he starts hitchhiking and a truck driver picks him up and they start down the road. After a while the truck driver sees another hitchhiker with his back turned and thinks what the hell lets scare the hell out of him so he swerved and decided he would get really close to him them he though he was to close and got back on the road at the last second when he hears boom, thump, thump. He look over and sees the convict closing the door. The convict says "I thought you were going to miss him."
Submitted by: Hugh Gass

Theres this blind rabbit and this blind skunk they were walking in the forest when they ran into each other. Then the rabbit asked what are you, and the skunk said I dont know, I'm blind. What are you, I dont know either I'm blind as well. So the the rabbit says you feel me out and tell me what you feel. Ok so he feels the rabbit out and says your furry and have long ears you must be a rabbit cool now you feel me out and tell me what you feel. Ok, you have greasy hair and you smell. Your an indian
Submitted by: Unknown

A nun was waiting for at a bus stop and finally after 10 minutes the bus came. She got on the bus and saw that she was the only one on the bus and not wanting to be alone she sat behind the driver and started a conversation. They got talking about their sex lives and the bus driver said that he was 32 and still a virgin. The nun admitted, too, that she was a virgin. She then said that because of her religion she had to have it up the ass. The two of them decided that their dreams could come true. So the bus driver pulled the bus over to the side of the road and they had sex. When they were finished the bus driver said to the nun, "I have a confession, I'm really married with 3 kids." The nun then said , "I have a confession to make, too, I'm really a man dressed up to go to a costume party."
Submitted by: Julie Hopper

Two hillbillies were sitting outside the barber shop and one says to the other, "What part of a woman is called her 'yet'?" The other says, "A woman ain't got no part called her 'yet'!" "She sure does," says the first. "No she don't," says the second. "Yes she, does," says the first, "and I can prove it!" He holds up the paper and shows the headline - "Last night a woman was shot, and the bullet is in her yet"
Submitted by: Rob Fisher

Submit Jokes/Comments