MARIA: The guy with the gun was kind of like a, like a muscular Beavis. And...the other one was like a, like a beefy Butthead.
DEPUTY: I'm gonna need a better description then that. I'm assuming they weren't actually cartoons.
MARIA: Excuse me.
Maria starts to sniff her oil and Valenti comes in and gives her a look
MARIA: Cypress Oil, it um, it reduces stress.
In Maria's car
MARIA: Liz, Liz what happened to you? You were on this whole like, valedictorian path. You were on your way to be like, this world renowned scientist and I was gonna be your wacky friend. I can't be a wacky friend to someone who's already whacky!! It'd be like repetitious....
LIZ: Maria you're babbling.
MARIA: I think I've earned the right to babble, all right so just deal with it.
Max, Isabel, and Michael drive past
LIZ: Oh my God Maria that's them!! Cut a U-ie!
MARIA: Cut a U-ie?
LIZ: Maria!
MARIA: Who are you? I mean.....
Liz grabs the wheel and makes Maria do a U-turn in the middle of the road.
MARIA: Oh my God, you're a crazy person.
LIZ: Maria I am not!! Please, just catch them!!
MARIA: Catch them? Liz, we're in a Jetta.
The Morning After
MARIA: Well think about it. She takes attendance. What substitute teacher takes attendance? I mean, God, the whole thing is so Roswellian. I’m telling you Liz, she’s been sent here.
LIZ: Why would she be sent here?
MARIA: To find the Czechoslovakians.
LIZ: Sniff some cedar oil, Maria.
MARIA: I mean, we don’t know what can happen. I mean, the guy touched you and you saw into his soul. How do we know what happens if he kisses you? How do we know what it is to be kissed by a Czechoslovakian? You don’t.
LIZ: OK, Maria, no one is kissing anyone here. I mean, Max isn’t even the least bit interested in me. You know, he said that things were just like they used to be before. Nothing’s changed. He said that.
MARIA: Oh my God, it’s not just kissing that goes on in the Eraser Room.
LIZ'S FRIEND FROM GEOMETRY: She’s got that right.
MARIA: The Eraser Room does two things: cleans erasers and takes our innocence. Do you know what I mean by "takes our innocence," Liz? The Eraser Room has taken some of the best of us.
Blood Brothers
MARIA: Relax. God, you guys act like I've never tailed someone before.
Maria drives in reverse
ISABEL: Swell, he'll never notice us going backwards.
The Balance
ALEX: What actually makes you believe in any of this?
MARIA: Well, I guess when Liz was shot and Max dissolved the bullet into nothingness and then repaired the damages inside of her that would have otherwise left her dead, I guess that kind of changed my thinking.
