If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Following the rules will not get the job done.

Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might, John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning, he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough."

A priest went into a Washington, D.C., barbershop, got his hair cut and asked how much he owed. "No charge, Father," the barber said. "I consider it a service to the Lord." when the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a dozen small prayer booklets on the stoop along with a thank you note from the priest.

A few days later a police officer came in. "How much do I owe you?" the cop asked after his haircut. "No charge, officer," the barber answered. "I consider it a service to my community." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts on the stoop along with a thank you note from the police officer.

A few days after that, a Senator walked in for a haircut. "How much do I owe you?" he asked afterward. "No charge," the barber replied. "I consider it a service to my country." The next morning when he arrived at the shop, the barber found a dozen Senators waiting on the stoop.

A couple of drinkin' buddies, who are airplane mechanics, are in the hanger at SFO; it's fogged in and they have nothing to do. One of them says to the other "Man, have you got anything to drink?" "Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel - that'll kinda give you a buzz." So they do, get smashed and have a beautiful time; like only drinkin' buddies can do.

The following morning, one of them wakes up and he knows his head will explode if he gets up. But It doesn't. He gets up and feels good, in fact he feels great - NO hangover! The phone rings, it's his buddy. The buddy says "Hey, how do you feel?"

He said, "I feel great!!, and the buddy says, "I feel great too!! You don't have a hangover - we ought to do this more often"

"Yeah, we could, but there's just one thing..."

"What's that?"

"Did you fart yet?"

"What??"

"Did you FART yet??"

"No..."

"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Phoenix!!"

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a redhead in bed?

A: A blonde let's you leave the bed when you are satisfied - a redhead let's you leave the bed when SHE is satisfied.

Brunette after sex: "Oh that was great! Love you... wanna marry?"

Blonde after sex: "Next!" Redhead after sex: "Better start chewing some VITAMINS, kid."

Q: What's the difference between a blonde whore and a redhead whore?

A: After the blonde, you put antibiotics on your dick. After the redhead you put antibiotics on the bite marks on your shoulders and scratches on your back.

Q: How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?

A: She unties you.

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