"Angel." Buffy whispered.
He only smiled & starred at her. He looked so sad. Buffy ran to him on impulse to throw herself into his arms, but ran right through him. He turned around to face her. "I can't hold you Buffy or touch you. I can only speak & look at you." he answered her unasked question.
Buffy started crying. Angel gave Xander a silent look conveying with his eyes for Xander to comfort her. Xander nodded & silently walked over to Buffy and hugged her to him. "I have something for you." Angel directed to Giles. "On the table. The white envelope. Don't read it until your alone." Angel instructed.
Giles walked over to the table & picked up the envelop. On the front said Rupert. He recognized the handwriting. Giles gasped, "this is from her?" he asked
Angel nodded, "she says to tell you she loves you." he whispered. "I'm sorry." Angel voice filled with sorrow & guilt.
"It's not your fault." Willow spoke to him.
"Isn't it?" he asked her. "If I'd never come here none of this would've happened." Angel informed.
"As much as I hate to say this, if you hadn't come here we'd all be dead at some point." Xander told him.
"Maybe." Angel contemplated. "Buffy I have something for you as well. It's the book I was looking at. It's for you . I want you to know my thoughts and feelings. The ones I never had the nerve to tell you." Angel looked into her teary eyes. He stepped towards her & grazed her cheek with his hand. Buffy gasped and felt a warm feeling of peace pass over her. "I don't understand why you won't kill him." Angel confided.
"If I kill him there's no way of bringing you back." Buffy informed.
"But it's ok to hold out while he kills more innocent people? I'm not worth it Buffy. Don't let him kill more of your friends. In the end it's not worth it. You'll resent me and I wouldn't be able to handle that. You don't deserve this pain. Don't let him do to you what he did to Drusilla." Angel pleaded.
"My life isn't worth living without you in it." Buffy sobbed.
"Don't ever say that. I'll always be with you. If not physically then spiritually." Angel comforted her. He turned towards the group once again. "I just wanted to see for myself that you all were all right." Angel informed.
"Just for the record you will always have a place here Angel. He on the other hand I'll rip to shreds if I get my hands on him." Giles gritted his teeth."
I'm looking forward to it. I'll laugh while he turns to dust. Just remember fear motivates him. He thrives on pain and torture. Don't give him the satisfaction." Angel spoke to everyone. "I have to go. I'm thinking about paying him a visit." Angel quirked a half smile. As he passed Buffy he lightly kissed her on the forehead or what looked like he did & whispered in her ear, "I love you Buffy. Always remember that. No regrets?" he asked hopefully.
"I love you too. No regrets." Buffy whispered.
"You were incredible. I'm just sorry I couldn't be there for you afterwards." Angel whispered a last time. He gently took his hand from her cheek & faded out of sight. "Willow you might want to feed the fish when you get home." Willow heard him call before he disappeared.
"My fish are...oh." she smiled. "You didn't have to do that Angel."
Buffy walked towards the table and picked up the forgotten book Angel was looking at. It had no title. It was small and thick and encased in brownish leather and rimmed with gold borders. She opened the cover. "It's his journal." Buffy informed. "There's entries from the very first time we met until the last.... Oh, Angel." she whispered. "I think I'm going to go home and do a little reading." Buffy told the group with small smile.
"Yes, I think I'll do that as well." Giles agreed & looked longingly at the envelope he was clutching close to his heart. "A very good idea indeed." he whispered to no one in particular.
Giles paid no heed to where his jacket landed as he went and sat himself on the couch in his apartment. He took deep breaths before he get the nerve up to open the letter. Finally he was brave enough. He opened the top flap of the envelop and pulled out a neatly folded letter. He unfolded it and began to read.
Dear Rupert,
I guess I need to get some things out into the open. First of all I love you. I'm sorry I never got to tell you that. This place I'm in now it's so peaceful and happy. There's no evil, hate, or darkness. It's perfect, except for the fact that you aren't with me, but you will be one day and I'll wait for you. I still can't express how sorry I am that all of this happened, but I did try to undo my mistake. The night Angelus killed me I deciphering a cure to return his soul. The downfall was that Angelus found out and wasn't too happy about it. He trashed the computer and burned the printouts, but I did manage to save it disk. A yellow disk somewhere in the classroom. Finish what I started Rupert. Give Angel his soul back and let him and Buffy be together. Angel's been nothing but nice to me here and I want to repay him. He misses her so much and I know she misses him. Angel knows about this and he says if you decide not to do it he understands it's a choice you all need to make as a group. Just remember that Angel and Angelus are two different beings. Angelus is our enemy, Angel is our friend. I just wanted to tell you that I'm happy were I am, and that nothing can hurt me anymore. I'll watch over you and always think about you. Don't forget me, Rupert because I won't forget you.
Love Always,
Jenny Calendar
"I won't ever forget you Jenny because I love you to. Be happy my love." Giles whispered. Giles took the letter and put it away safely in the desk draw, then picked up the telephone and dialed Buffy's number.
"Hello." Buffy greeted.
"Buffy It's Giles I have some news."
