Homer Quotes  Homer is so famous for his ridiculously funny quotes and in the majority of cases based on total stupidity or just very, very bad timing! Below are a list of Homer'z more memorable quotes or wisdom filled comments, NOT!. HOMER'S ADVICE

• There's nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is turned.

• The three little sentences that will get you through life:
• 1. Cover for me.
• 2. Oh, good idea, Boss!
• 3. It was like that when I got here.

• If stuff starts flying, just turn your head.

• If you tip the glass, there won't be so much foam on top.

• It takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.

• It's a crock, no matter how good you are there is someone better. (Bart then says" Can't win, don't try")

• If something's hard to do then it's not worth doing.

• (Getting out of jury duty) The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

• If something goes wrong, blame the guy who can't speak English.

• Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get.

• Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Homer on Jobs        "If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in everyday and do it really half-assed. That's the American Way." Homer on Excuses "Asleep at the switch? I wasn't asleep, I was drunk!" Homer on Public Outings           ."This ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also gives me the right, no, the duty to make a complete ass of myself." Homer on Writing          "Dear somebody you never heard of, how is so-and-so. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Yours truly, some Bozo." Homer on Slang            "You jive turkey. See you've got to sas it. Quit jivin' me turkey. You've got to sas it. A turkey is a bad person." Homer on the Movies                       "Give me my dignity. I just came here to see 'Honk if you're horny' in peace." Homer on Marriage      "Now, what is a wedding? Well, Webster's Dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one's garden." Homer on Fairy Tales                         "Vampires are make believe. Just like Elves, Gremlins, and Eskimoes." Homer on Missing Pets  Crying isn't going to bring the dog back ... unless your tears smell like dog food. Maybe if you ate a lot of dog food, your tears would start to  smell like dog food. So you can sit here and eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food so it brings the dog back,                                       or you can go out and find him Homer on Gambling Lisa:"Boy, Mom sure will be happy you won 50 dollars." Homer:"You'd think that, wouldn't you? But you see, Lisa, your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's OK in the bible." Lisa:"Really? Where?" Homer:"Uhh...somewhere in the back." Homer on Jury Duty                 "Remember, son, the trick to advising jury duty is to say you're prejudiced against all races." Homer on the Bible   Homer: Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy. Homer on Beer           Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! Homer on Women in the Workforce  When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie -- Spaceballs. But instead it                             was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy. Homer Talking to his Brain Be quiet, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip Homer on Women's Sports  If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, its that girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling foxy boxy and such  and such Homer on Rules In this house, young lady, we obey the laws of thermodynamics! Homer on Pigs Homer : "So Lisa your not going to eat any meat anymore, not even bacon?" LIsa : "No" Homer : "Ham?" Lisa : "No" Homer : "Pork chops" LIsa : "Dad those all come from the same animal" Homer : "Yes Lisa, A special magical animal from fairy land!"   QUOTES

• "Kids, if he (Grandpa) starts acting weird, lead him the basement."

• Lisa  : "Who will police the police?"
• Homer : "I dunna know. Coast Guard?"

•  Homer (to brain): "Uh, oh. It's time you told Marge your secret."

• Homer : "Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom."

Marge : "Oh, my gosh!" Brain : "No, the other secret." Homer : "Marge, I never passed high school." Marge : "That still doesn't explain why you ate my soap. Wait, maybe it          does."  

• Marge : "But, Homer! You're a Nuclear Technician."

Homer : "Marge! Icksnay on the Uclearnay EchnicianTay." Marge : "What did you say?" Homer : "I don't know. I flunked Latin, too." TOP QUOTES

1. Homer: D'oh!

1. Homer: Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a Q-tip.

1. Homer: Mmm...Urinal fresh.

1. Homer: Trying is the first step in failing.

1. Homer: He came to life, good for him.

1. Homer: Bart I don't want to alarm you but there may be a boogyman or men in the house!

1. Homer: Three simple words: I am gay.

1. Homer: D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! I mean... Woohoo.

1. Homer: What's the point of going out? We always end up here anyway.

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