A Love Beyond Compare by Sandra Bondelier

Chapter 3
Time Changes Everything

Roman and Marlena walked arm in arm to the dingy, dreary motel in which Marlena had stayed for a day or two. As Roman surveyed the building and its surroundings, he was appalled and wanted to get her out of there as quickly as possible, she deserved a much more warm welcome home than this place offered her. He made a mental note to convince her to come back to the house with him after they talked, thinking for some reason that she would still be hesitant. Suddenly, it dawned on him, 'The house...there's a party for me....and Isabella at the house. Jeez, I almost completely forgot about that. I'm engaged to another woman, I wonder if Doc knows about that, how could she Roman?' he asked himself silently. 'Oh, man what am I gonna tell her? Of course she does Roman, she was there remember? Oh, and...what am I gonna tell Izzy B, she was so happy tonight and now.... Stop it, Roman! First things first, talk to Doc...find out if she's really allright, ask her what she knows about what happened to her. Tell her how ecstatic you are that she's here. Enjoy the fact that she's alive and by some miracle she came back to you, there will be time for all of that later... much later... "God, I'm glad you came back to me, Doc!" he said excitedly to Marlena as they entered the room and stood slightly awkwardly a few feet away from each other.

"Me too, Roman, it's all a little too much to believe isn't it?" she asked, seeing the shock and confusion that still registered in his face.

Nodding his head and gazing intently at her, he replied affirmatively, "Yea, forgive me if I keep staring at you, I just have to do that to make myself believe it's real."

"It is, I'm back and I'm never going away again. I'm home to stay, Roman." I wonder if you are as happy about that as I am she said to herself. Of course he is Marlena, look at the tears in his eyes, on his cheeks, the delightful embrace. He is overjoyed to see you, don't doubt that. But, will he love me again, will he choose to make his life, his future with me? No, don't dwell on all that now, Marlena, just enjoy being back home for a little while. We'll have plenty of time for all that....later.

Looking around the shabby room and questioning why she didn't come straight to see him, Roman asked, "So, how long have you been in Salem, Marlena?"

She knew what he wanted and hoped she wouldn't upset him too much. "Two days," she said quietly. Upon seeing the puzzled, slightly hurt expression on his face she started to explain it," Roman I was..."

"Doc, why didn't you just come to me, didn't you think I would be happy to see you?" he asked, interrupting.

"Well I...thought...maybe..." Tears were in her eyes again and she stopped speaking and turned her body away from him, the fear that he wouldn't choose her starting to penetrate her normally strong defenses.

He approached her and gently turned her around to face him, wanting to reassure her that he was thrilled she had returned to him. "Marlena, let me tell you right now, you have made me incredibly happy, delerious actually. Doc, you can't know how....much I missed you, how I ached for you... and now you're here, looking as....beautiful as ever, no, more beautiful than I even remembered."

"Oh, Roman..." she sighed as he moved closer again.

Roman felt the emotions rushing in and he stood inches from her and told her what it was like when he thought she died, "Marlena, you're here and I can hold you in my arms again, I can touch your soft skin and look into those...amazing eyes of yours." As he spoke he caressed her cheek and stroked her hair, almost worshipping her and she felt herself getting lost in his eyes and the intense feelings of desire his touch stirred throughout her body. Then, he stepped back a minute while reflecting and his voice quivered as he spoke, a few more tears forming in his eyes as he recounted, "Doc, it was...hell, learning to live without you...every night when I'd go to bed all I could think of was...how we..made love, knowing I would...never touch you, never...love you like that again and every day when I'd wake up and reach for you... and find you weren't there....Oh God, Doc...I missed you so much, it hurt so bad sometimes that I wanted to die myself and if it weren't for the kids...."

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry you had to go through that!" she cried as she held his hand.

Slightly embarassed at his open display of emotions, he moved away again, toward the door. "Hey...I'm sorry, here I am going on and on about me. Then turning back toward her he added, "Look, Marlena, I just wanted to make sure that you don't doubt for one second that I am overjoyed that you're back. No matter what else happens from here on out, promise me you won't forget that, Doc," he said rather intensely as he stared into her hesitant eyes.

"I won't, I promise Roman," she answered firmly, understanding what he was getting at. It was the issue they weren't ready to handle, the future. "Roman, I want to tell you what it's like for me, I was...in a coma-like state and when I came around, I had no idea where I was or what was happening and then I saw a newspaper and I found out that five years had passed. Five years passed by while I was....sleeping. And now, here I am stepping back into a place that I called home and to me it feels like it was only yesterday, but everyone has gone on with their lives without me. I'm not sure how I'll fit in, that's why I didn't contact you immediately, I just felt...so....out of place and I..... "

Seeing her anxiety, Roman stepped closer, took her hand tenderly in his and raised it to his lips, kissing it. Then he said reassuringly, "Marlena, you belong here and everyone you love will welcome you gladly back into their lives and I..will be here with you every step of the way. You helped me when I was lost and all alone and I intend to be there for you, I want you to share everything with me, Doc."

She was touched by his sincerity and enthusiasm, "Oh, Roman, that sounds so wonderful, but what about..." She hated to ask it, but it couldn't be avoided for long, she assumed Isabella was...living with him, a decision about that needed to be made soon.

Roman knew where it was leading and he wasn't ready, so he avoided it. Still holding her hands in front of their faces, he said, "Doc, I will see you through this thing, you can count on me, I won't let you down. I want you to tell me how you're feeling, your fears, everything, I mean it."

"I know you do, Roman, but there is something else we need to talk about, someone..." she paused to let him confront the reality of the situation, it was a reality he obviously didn't want to face yet. "John, there is a party going on at your house right now."

He cut her off, not wanting to deal with it, "Forget about that party, Doc. You are more important to me at this moment." He avoided the subject again and started asking questions rapid-fire style, "Are you sure you're allright, have you had enough to eat, are you hungry because if you are I can...." he asked, talking rapidly, obviously feeling quite anxious.

She put a fingertip to his lips to stop him and said, "I'm fine, Roman, but I can see that you aren't. This must be very confusing and I know you don't want to address it right now, but Roman that party isn't just any party. It's....a celebration of your engagement, isn't it?" she asked, wanting him to say it for some reason.

He hung his head, almost feeling ashamed, not wanting to hurt her when she had just come home, probably wanting to pick up right where they left off. Forgetting for the moment that she had been to the house earlier, he reluctantly answered truthfully and then asked a question directly afterward, "Yes it is, but...how did you know?"

Working hard not to seem devastated, she replied quietly, "I saw the announcement in the paper, and then the banner at the house." After one more moment's pause Marlena added, "She's lovely Roman."

"Oh, yea that's right," he mumbled quietly. Then he nodded slightly, not wanting to agree, thinking he would wound her and yet... "Yes, she is, she's very special to me, but Doc so are you... Oh, man..." He shut his eyes and leaned his head back, wishing his impending dilemna away, but it didn't happen. "I'm sorry, Doc. I should have...known somehow, I should have...waited for you."

Putting her hand on his neck, just below his cheek to capture his attention, she said compassionately, "No, don't do that to yourself, Roman it was five years, honey. You grieved for me and moved on, it was what I asked you to do. I'm....happy that you found someone."

Looking at her with a puzzled expression and then shaking his head to disagree, he said, "Oh, come on Doc, you can't be happy about this in any way, it has to..hurt you to think I was planning to marry someone else. How can you be so..understanding about this when I don't even understand it myself?"

He was hurting and she wanted to help him, but wasn't quite sure how. "Roman, I...love you the same way I have always loved you, but I know that time has passed for you, it was only natural that one day you would find new love and I am glad about that."

He argued somewhat intensely, telling her his feelings by making an assumption about hers. "Marlena, can you honestly stand there and tell me that there isn't some small part of you that's saying, he should have known I was still alive, he should have found me, he should have waited!"

Reaching out to hold him, she urged him not to be so hard on himself, "Oh, Roman, please don't do this to yourself, there was no way you could have known, you saw my plane go down, you believed I was dead and you did whatever you had to do to survive the loss."

Suddenly he became very emotional again, saying,"Yes, but...our love was so strong, Marlena...I should have..sensed your presence, I should have.... Dammit! I should have....known somehow, but I didn't and because of that you lost five years of your life, five years of being with your children!"

She reached up with her fingertips to wipe some his tears away and then took his face in her tender hands and said, "Roman, I want you to stop this right now, this will get us nowhere, it will only cause you pain. You know that there is no way you could have known and none of what happened to me is your fault. You were not responsible and you did the best you could to survive the pain of losing me."

Finally, he seemed to accept it and nodded his head, saying, "Okay, you're right, it doesn't do any good, but I feel..so bad about it." Then, he changed directions as he found himself gradually embracing the love emanating from her very pores, while at the same time it made him uncomfortable to feel some physical attraction for someone whose loss he had grieved. "Do you have any idea how... incredible it is to hear you talking to me, to see you looking into my eyes this way?" he asked as he stared at her with amazment again.

She smiled one of those wide dazzling smiles and said, "Yes, because it feels incredible to be standing here looking at you, touching you, I love you so much Roman!" She whispered in his ear, "It feels so good to be in your arms like this. You smell so good to me..Oh, I love you so..." she finished, pulling his body closer, she couldn't seem to get close enough. Feeling the desire build, she started to kiss his lips, wishing he could say those words in the same way and make love to her on the spot.

It was so strange and wonderful to have her in front of him after so long and he did love her...very much, but he had mourned for her and tucked that everlasting bond of love for Marlena away in a special place in his heart. It was locked safely inside and now...could he find a way to open up his heart to it again, and if he did, what about his genuine feelings of romantic love for Isabella which were completely in the present? It was suddenly almost overwhelming to Roman and he felt like running, but no... Holding her hand to his lips he said, "Doc, I... love you too, but I...I.... Oh, this is all so...strange.." he said with anguished tones as he pulled away from her slightly. "I'm...sorry, Doc..I'm sorry but I..."

Sadly, she finished his sentence, "But you love Isabella too, you're engaged to marry her.. Oh, Roman.." she sighed, feeling rejected in spite of her attempt to be understanding. Facing the depth and strength of his feelings for the other woman was difficult, but it wasn't fair to make him feel bad about it. "Roman, I'm so sorry you have to go through all this, but it can't be avoided. You have some decisions to make about the future."

Roman nodded to answer her first statement. The swirling mix of emotions was tough to manage, one minute he wanted to take her in his arms and make love to her and the next he felt paralyzed with feelings of guilt as thoughts of Isabella rushed to his mind. His long sigh reflected the pain and fear and uncertainty for both of them, "I...I know there's so much to..think about, so much to decide, but just for tonight I would like to enjoy the fact that you are alive and you're here with me. I want to hold you close to me and forget about everything else for a little while." Roman reached for her face again as he spoke, still shocked to have her with him.

Oh, it was so tempting, she could probably persuade him to make love to her, he was so vulnerable, so confused. Actually, they both were, but they couldn't ignore the fact that Isabella was sitting there waiting for him along with all their friends and family. "Roman, that sounds wonderful, but you know we can't do that, you need to deal with the fact that everyone is at the house....celebrating, expecting you to return soon. Isabella is waiting for you, Roman."

He sighed again with sudden exhaustion and agreed, "Yes you're right Marlena, but I don't know what to say to her. I don't want to hurt her and I don't want to hurt you either by keeping you from the people you love for even one more day, it's not fair to you." Running his fingers through his thick dark hair, as he paced for a minute, he asked anxiously, "Oh, Doc...what are we gonna do?" wishing someone could decide for him.

She hugged him again and they enjoyed the close contact in silence for a few more minutes and then she said, "You have to decide how and when to tell them all, I'll support your decision, Roman, whatever it is. I want to make this as easy as we possibly can for everyone, but especially for you, honey."

It was so hard to know what was right when his emotions felt so out of control, rational thought having almost deserted him in the moment she emerged like an angel from out of the fog. He didn't want either of the women he loved to be hurt, but realized that it was inevitable. Roman wished he could avoid it a little while longer, but was beginning to accept the reality of the circumstances in which he suddenly found himself. It wouldn't make the situation any less painful if they waited, so he said, "No, especially you, Doc you're the one that lost out on five years of your life. You deserve to have your life back as soon as possible." He knew as he said it what he had to do, "Marlena, I want you to come back to the house with me and see everyone..tonight, but I need to tell Isabella privately first, is that allright with you?"

Stepping around behind him, massaging his shoulders which were quite tense already, she said, "Of course it is Roman, I'm very sorry about the timing of all of this. I know it won't be easy for you to tell her that I'm alive and that I've come back. I wish...."

He cut her off, "No, don't....it is what it is, we'll handle it... together, Doc. We'll deal with all of it together, just like we always did before, right?"

"Right, Roman," she said, trying to smile, but not quite able to muster one up. It wouldn't be the same as it always was and she wondered if it ever would be.

"Allright then, I'll call Bo and have him meet us outside with Isabella, before I take you in to the party. I'll tell Isabella what has happened and then you can see everyone you love, how does that sound to you?"

It was everything she wanted, but didn't want to let herself hope for because she didn't know if he would be able to handle it so quickly. She thought he might have asked her to spend another night in the dreadful motel room and was thrilled to know he wanted to take her with him to the house. "Oh, Roman, thank you so much, I didn't want to wait another minute to see everyone again, to see the children, but I wasn't sure if you would..."

"Doc, I told you before, I am filled with joy to know that you are allright and that you managed to make your way back to Salem, back to me. Now....come on...let's go home, Doc," Roman said with a strange sort of smile on his face, he was happy she was back, very happy, but still he hated what the news was going to do to Isabella. He reached out his right hand for her to take in his and they left the temporary living quarters and walked off toward an uncertain future. There was only one thing they were sure of which was that they were elated to be together again and that the powerful connection they had shared was still there between them. That special, undefinable bond of love, though somewhat weakened by the test of time and separation would carry them through some of the rough days ahead while they attempted to make sense out of what seemed like an impossible situation.