A Love Beyond Compare by Sandra Bondelier

Chapter 5
Not Exactly What I Had in Mind

Isabella stood nervously on the front porch waiting, believing instinctively that this conversation was going to change her life forever. It was something she sensed intuitively and it terrified her as she watched him walk across the lawn from his car. He had a very serious expression on his face and seemed to be practicing what he was going to say to her. "Oh, Roman what is it? What do you have to tell me that is going to change our lives so drastically?" she asked out loud as he approached her hesitantly.

"Well, hello lovely lady," he started, wanting to seem casual, but recognizing very quickly that she realized something important was about to happen.

"Oh Roman, just tell me whatever it is you have to tell me, I can't stand this anticipation," Isabella said anxiously, while searching his blue eyes for clues.

Roman felt paralyzed in his tracks and his tongue was locked in his throat, he suddenly had no words to say. "I...uh...well...it's uh....Oh, Isabella, something really strange has happened and I don't quite understand it myself but..." He stopped again, wishing there would be some divine intervention, some angel to explain it in a way that would make her understand and eliminate the pain he was about to cause her. "Oh, I better just say it, Izzy B. It's about Marlena. She's...she's...alive and well and she's here, in Salem. In fact she's here with me now, she's sitting in the car. I found her on the pier tonight, that's where I've been for the past hour or two, talking with her." After saying it, he thought he would feel relieved, but he didn't at all. Roman just felt sad and guilty to be responsible for turning her world upside down.

Isabella stared over at the car in disbelief and then wavered and started to go down, Roman saw the reaction and held her upright. "Izzy?" he asked, making sure she was okay.

"I...can't believe it...she was dead...it's been five years Roman, how can that be?"

"I don't really know how, I just know she's alive and was kept against her will somewhere and she was in some type of a coma for the whole time. I know this is a huge shock for you and it is for me too."

Isabella was silent...trying to absorb the reality of their situation. After a long awkward silence, she asked, "How did you know she was alive, how did you know to go to the pier?"

How could he explain it, "I know it's going to sound crazy to you, but I....was...drawn there, a part of me..sensed that she was out there waiting for me to find her."

Ignoring what that meant about the deep connection between the other two, she asked, "Why didn't she just contact you? Why didn't she just come back to the house or go to the station?"

"Well, I think she was nervous, afraid that things had changed so much and she wanted to meet me alone first. I mean, she did spend five years in a coma, completely isolated from life. It's understandable, don't you think?"

"I guess so..but, Roman this is all so hard to believe. I mean, she's been dead for five years and suddenly she reappears right before we are supposed to marry, doesn't that seem a little odd to you?"

Surmising her meaning, he said, "Yes, it does and I'm going to find out exactly what happened...eventually. Right now, I have to help her..with handling the changes, with getting reacquainted with the family, all of the things she missed.

Wishing not to address it, but wanting to know, she asked what she knew was a more difficult question. "And..what about you, Roman? Where do you fit in to this plan to give her her life back? What does this mean for us Roman? for our future?"

'I wish we didn't have to even think about this now,' he thought.

Taking her in his arms, Roman said with uncertainty, "I don't know, Isabella, I honestly don't know, but I do know that I love you, just as much as I did this morning, just as much as I did when I proposed to you. I can't say anymore than that right now, I'm sorry, Isabella."

"Oh, Roman...I love you too...so much. But I also know how much you loved her and how much she loved you. I'm.....glad that she's alive but...Oh..Roman..." She stopped speaking and broke down in tears.

He felt the tears come to his eyes as well as he said apologetically, "Oh, honey...I'm sorry, I know tonight was so important to you and I didn't want to spoil it, but she lost five years of her life, five years of being with her children, I just couldn't ask her to stay away any longer. Do you understand?"

She turned away, glacing toward the car and thought about it for a second. "Yes, of course I do, Roman....it's just..we were so happy together and we were planning our future, you and me and the twins...Oh, Roman I don't want to lose you, I love you so much!"

"I know Izzy, I feel it too, just when things were really on track for us...I love you and I don't want to lose you either. But, I am...happy she's alive and that she came back. I....care about her so much and she deserves to have her life back." The agony of having to choose was already starting to weigh on him, he loved them both, but his feelings for Isabella were more fresh and intense. It was going to be quite a struggle for him and so painful for both women while he tried to make sense of the whole situation.

Suddenly, she realized that she had to take action, he wasn't ready yet. "I know she does and I...think I should...move out, Roman, right away, so she can get to know you and the kids again, as quickly as possible." It was killing her to say it, especially when she saw his anguished expression. Clearly, he had not gotten quite that far in his thinking about the situation in which he found himself.

Shaking his head, feeling the pain of anticipated separation crushing his heart, he said, "No....no, Isabella, I...don't...I... need you with me..I...Oh, God... I didn't think that far...I didn't think that far! No Izzy B!"

Isabella reached out to wipe a tear or two that she saw sneaking out of his eyes and said, "Well, you have to do it now, Roman. We have to think of the children and they need to get to know their mother again and the best way is for her to be with them here at the house, you know that I'm right, don't you?"

He was still shaking his head, but he said, "Oh...Isabella, but what about us, what about you? It's not fair!"

It killed her to be the voice of reason, but he was too shaken to think objectively, so she had to be the one. "You're right, it's not fair, Roman, but is it fair to keep her from them after five years? We certainly can't both stay here, honey."

Finally accepting the truth, Roman sighed with extreme frustration and said, "No, it's not...but I wish..."

"You wish there was a way to save us all from the pain... there isn't one Roman. No matter what happens from here on out, someone is going to be hurt and there is nothing any of us can do to avoid that fact."

He nodded, feeling resigned to it. Tearfully, he agreed, "You're right, I know you're right, but it hurts so bad! I'm so sorry about all this, Isabella, I really am and I don't want you to go! I'm going to miss you so much!"

"And I'm going to miss you so much..too." She reached down and slowly pulled her engagement ring off her finger, while Roman looked on in horror. "I want you to take this, Roman. You can't be engaged to me and married to Marlena at the same time, so you hold onto it until you're ready to make your choice." Tears were streaming down her face, but her voice was fairly firm, she had such inner strength.

Again, he was shaking his head, tears falling untouched now; he simply wasn't ready for all the changes and was shocked at her action. "No... I love you! I gave you that ring as a symbol of my love and I want you to keep wearing it, I won't take it back...No!" He pulled his right hand away when she tried to put it there.

Her calm facade was amazing, but inside her heart was crumbling into a thousand pieces. As she tenderly caressed his cheek, she said the words he hated to hear because it forced him to confront the dilemma he faced. "Roman, I don't want to take it off, but I need you to do this for me. If you decide that I am the one you want in your future then you can come to me and put it back on my finger, but until then we can't be engaged to be married. Roman, your..wife has returned and you have to face what that means for us."

Roman was crying softly, feeling intense despair; it was the opposite of the extreme joy he felt to have Marlena back in his arms on the pier only two hours ago. How he could feel such diametrically opposed emotions about the same event was beyond his ablitity to comprehend. "I...know...Izzy B.. but I love you..so much..and this is so hard! God, we were so happy that day, you remember...we were like teenagers..so much in love.." His voice softened and began to trail off slightly as the pain of having her leave began to pierce his heart.

She put her fingers to his lips and said, "Don't do this, it hurts too much Roman. Please take the ring and say goodnight." Tears were flowing down her cheeks, but there was conviction in her voice.

"Goodnight? Where are you going?" he asked anxiously as he stared down at the engagement ring she just placed in the palm of his right hand. It was all happening so fast that he felt his head spinning. He definitely didn't want her to leave.

"I'm not sure, but I plan to stay with a friend and then I'll figure out what to do next. I just don't think I can handle staying for all of this, please try to understand Roman. I'll see you sometime soon, allright?" Isabella turned and started to walk away from him, instinctively having her purse, jacket and keys ready when he arrived.

"No, wait!" he said fearfully. He pulled her into a powerful embrace and kissed her fiercely. "I love you, Izzy B. Please, don't forget that, no matter what comes next...I love you!" He spoke with an intensity she hadn't seen for a long time and it gave some assurance when she needed it.

"I won't Roman and don't you forget how much I love you either, how good we are together, how much fun we have, the love we make, don't forget any of it, Roman." She kissed him swiftly, but stirringly and stared into his sad eyes for a moment longer, then pulled out of his arms and ran to her car. Starting it quickly, she drove off into the night, leaving him standing alone and crying, feeling essentially empty inside. His heart was being torn in two, he loved two women very deeply, at the same time. How ironic it was, he thought, as he remembered a conversation with some of the guys at the station during which he had stated emphatically that it just wasn't possible for a man to truly love two women at the same time. He was wrong.

Marlena watched the scene without hearing the words, but she knew exactly what happened. Isabella had given her ring back, he had resisted it, but accepted her decision in the end and she rushed off in tears. Marlena hated hurting them both, but she couldn't feel bad about being alive and coming home. She was ecstatic and couldn't let anything spoil her homecoming with all the people she loved. She gave Roman several minutes alone to settle with his thoughts and then when she thought it had been long enough and was ready to step out of the car, he turned around to wave her over.

He was still standing in the same spot, his shoulders slightly slumped, and she wanted to do something to help him, but knew there really wasn't anything that would provide relief. She reached up and started to give his tight shoulders a light massage. He let her for just a moment and then felt suddenly guilty for taking any pleasure from her touch when he had just ripped Isabella's heart out by telling her Marlena was back. Roman stepped beyond her reach and then upon seeing her hurt expression, apologized, "Oh, Doc..this is so...confusing, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said softly, as more tears trickled down his cheeks.

She tried to smile, saying, "It's okay...I know that was really hard, I'm sorry too, Roman."

"Yea...it was tough, I won't lie to you about it. I...love her deeply. But.. I loved you first...and oh, I did love you, with every part of myself. You know that, don't you?" he asked, not wanting her to think he didn't still care for her too.

Embracing him warmly, she replied, "Yes, I know that...thank you for saying it right now, it...feels...good to know you remember how strong the love we shared really was."

"Share...the love we...share, isn't that what you meant to say, Doc?"

"Yes, but I'm afraid you don't, Roman," she said matter-of-factly.

Roman blew out a long breath and said, "I...want to, Doc.. A part of me wants to feel it in the present, but I...grieved for you and I had to lock those feelings deep inside so I could survive it, Marlena. It..hurt so much!" Tears were in his eyes yet again, it was still so unbelievable that she was alive after so long.

"Oh, Roman..I'm so sorry you had to mourn for me!" she cried as she hugged him tightly.

Sighing in remembrance, he agreed with her, "Yea...me too, Doc, and I'm so happy to know you're allright, to have you here alive and well." He seemed to stem the tide of moisture, dried his cheeks with a shirt sleeve and then sniffed and spoke with subdued enthusiasm. "So, let's not waste any more of your time, let's get on in there and have a party to celebrate your homecoming!"

"Yes, let's do, Roman. Thank you again for bringing me straight here tonight, " Marlena said quietly.

"Marlena, you need to stop thanking me for taking you home where you belong. This is your house, your family, and those are your friends in there. You are entitled to regain as much of your life as soon as possible and to have a grand welcome home. Now come on inside with me." Marlena, once again took Roman's outstretched hand and they headed toward their uncertain future... together.