Promises Made ch 15

Truth, Anger, and Jealousy

Marlena was thankful that Shawn and Caroline arrived a few minutes earlier. They graciously agreed to take Brady back to the Penthouse to spend the early afternoon with Belle and Carrie and Austin. It would most definitely be a lot easier to have this conversation now, rather than when she was worried about the little boy waking up to hear them having a possibly heated discussion. As they settled back down to talk, Roman was working his brain, trying to devise a strategy that would make Marlena give him a chance, but he had his doubts. She had a look in her eyes that he had seen several times since his return, a look he had been denying for weeks, if not months. It was an expression of sadness about not returning the feelings he had for her, as if a part of her wished she could. There was a part of her heart that belonged to Roman Brady and always would and it was that small part that sometimes wished she could give both men who loved her what they wanted, all of her heart, all of her love.

Roman decided to take a chance at winning by speaking first. Smiling warmly at her and taking her right hand gently in his left, he said sweetly, "Marlena.. before you say anything, I just want you to know that I've had a wonderful time living with you at the Penthouse and that I still love you with all my heart. I know that leaving you and pushing the divorce was the worst mistake I ever made in my life. If you could find it in your heart to forgive me...and give me one more chance to win your love, it would mean the world to me, Doc."

It was going to be so difficult to face him and tell him the full truth, knowing how much he would be hurt. She sighed in anticipation of his reaction, "Oh, Roman...you're so...good to me, so forgiving and you mean so much to me. You always will...you know that. But...honey..we need to be honest now. I know that you and John talked awhile back, that you know the truth."

He wanted to deny that conversation ever took place, to make it seem as if John fabricated the whole story, but Roman realized he couldn't do that. What he could possibly do was make John out to be the villain and himself be the victim. If he handled it correctly it would widen the gap he had seen developing between John and Marlena earlier. He didn't know about the Christmas Eve rendezvous, however.

Finally, he answered, with a fierce attack, meant to undermine the relationship between the other two, "Yes, we did, Marlena and I have to tell you that I'm concerned for you. He seems so... consumed by you and so jealous of me. It's very strange to me because he was this way about Kristen too. Do you remember, Doc...when he was so intent on wanting to take her away from Tony, to convince her that he was the only one for her, and that both Tony and Stefano were evil? He was..relentless, almost... obsessive about her and that's how he seemed about you that night. Frankly, it scares me for you, Doc."

It was working slightly, he could see that she had spent time thinking about that same question once or twice before. She did remember the intensity with which he pursued her during the affair. Outwardly, she denied having any concerns about it, "Roman..that's all in the past. Kristen has lied and schemed, she lied to you about everything. She did so much to hurt me and John as well. She turned to evil to hang onto John, she purposely kept us apart, Roman."

"I know all that...Doc...it's more about John. Marlena...I know you think you love him and he says he loves you, but...Marlena think about it. If he really loved you the way he says he does...why was he with all those other women? Why didn't he fight for you? Why was he so...obsessed with having Kristen...right after your affair?" He paused to let those questions penetrate her defenses, searched her eyes and found a trace of the doubt he hoped to plant, then added more fuel to the fire. "Doc... I've talked to a few people since that night John and I had our little run-in. Why did he go back to her after you were possessed and he helped save your soul.... and then again after Aremid when she thought he was capable of murder.. if he loved you so much?"

He was slick and opportunistic...she had to hand it to him. If John hadn't prepared her she would have been sucked right into defending John's actions and their love for each other. As it was, she was forced to consider that what Roman was saying had some validity. She had wondered the same thing in some moments, but she couldn't discuss it with Roman in this context, it would only feed into his argument. Those were issues that needed to be further addressed with John before they were married, but it was none of Roman's business and she firmly told him so. "Roman...we shouldn't be having this conversation, that is for me and John to deal with. I appreciate your concern, but it is unnecessary. I trust John and I believe in his love for me. The issue here is you and me, and what's been happening since you returned. I'm so...sorry about keeping the truth from you, I know that must hurt you."

Frustrated because he wasn't able to make her openly question John's love or manipulate her into defending him, the anger flared swiftly. Nodding his head as he stood up off the couch, he repeated the word with acidic sarcasm, "The truth... keeping the truth from me! You mean the fact that your....lover exposed all your lies the other night? The fact that you and John made a FOOL out of me...AGAIN! That you were both lying to me every single day, every time we saw each other, that you were loving each other behind my back, just like when you had the affair! Is that the truth you're talking about, Doc?"

She winced at his bitter tone and angry words, "Roman...please..we didn't have an affair and you know it. We were engaged to be married, we were at the church for our wedding when Kristen brought you home. She lied to you from the second she found you. We were forced into a position of lying to you because of what she did, to protect you...because you were so sick. I'm so sorry."

His anger seemed to increase by the second, "So...that makes it okay...the fact that you lied with good motives? That justifies leading me on... making me believe we actually had a chance to be together again, making me think that you really wanted a future with me, almost marrying me! Do you have any idea how angry I am, how betrayed and humiliated I feel?" he yelled, glaring at her.

She began to feel the sting of guilty tears, "I'm so sorry, Roman. We never meant to hurt you, I'd do anything if I could stop you from being hurt, but you were so sick. I just couldn't bear the thought of telling you the truth...you might have died, Roman!"

He wasn't ready to quit yet and ignored her perspective, "You've done it to me twice, Marlena. We stood before God...and pledged to spend our lives together, to love only each other and you broke those vows. I had forgiven you and tried to understand and move on...and then by some miracle we were given another chance and you betrayed my trust..again!" As he talked, Roman was pacing, much like a wild animal in a small cage, violence seemingly ready to explode from within, at the slightest provocation. Marlena was frightened for both of them and she stood up as well, wishing he would calm down soon.

She stepped close and touched him lightly on the arm, then made another attempt to help him recognize the difficulty of the situation she and John had faced at the time of his return, "Roman...please...try to understand why we..."

Picking up the pitcher of water for something to do, he yelled in response, "Understand? You want me to understand!" Without warning, he threw the pitcher across the room sending water everywhere, shouting at the top of his lungs, "I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND!! I hate him, I hate John Black because he stole you away from me and I'm gonna make his life miserable, just like he made mine! He's the one.. responsible! He was the one who was pushing you to tell me. He's afraid, Doc.. he's scared that you're falling in love with me again, isn't he?"

One minute he was angry and blaming her, then he wanted her to give him a chance and he was putting all the anger off on John. Marlena was worried about his state of mind as well as his blood pressure, "Roman... please ...try to calm down and talk rationally about this. I'm worried about you."

That only served to increase his bitter jealousy, "Worried about me... you don't care about me, it's all about your guilt! You were just waiting for me to be healthy so that your..sordid love affair didn't have to be hidden anymore! You...feel sorry for me...don't you? DON'T YOU?"

Marlena was moving slowly toward the door of the lounge which seemed to make him even angrier, "Don't you dare walk away from me!" he threatened, grasping her forearm firmly, "Answer me, Marlena!" he yelled, staring into her eyes with fury.

Tears filled her eyes for herself because she was truly afraid of a man who was usually so gentle and kind, and for him because he truly believed she pitied him. Anxiously, she attempted to disentangle herself, saying, "Oh...Roman... I didn't want to hurt you because a part of me...still loves you. I don't feel sorry for you.. I'm just so sorry we lied to you. I didn't know what else to do, Roman. Please..don't be so angry with me!" she pleaded tearfully, hoping to reach his heart.

Roman sensed her fear and released her immediately and was apologetic, saying, "Oh...Doc..I'm sorry I scared you; it's him, not you. I know he was the aggressor; he was pushing you to tell me the truth, pressing you for a commitment, wasn't he? If he would just leave us alone, we might have the chance to find our love again. I know it."

She sighed tiredly in response. He just couldn't seem to accept the truth about the love she shared with John. Anger or not, she had to try to help him understand and accept it. "Roman.... I know that you want to believe that...but I have to tell you... I never stopped loving John...through the years my love for him remained strong. He feels the same way. It was our..guilt, like you said that kept us apart, plus the lying and scheming Kristen did and of course there was Stefano's maneuvering. But the honest truth is John and I never stopped loving each other. I'm so sorry...honey."

Roman was desperate, ready to pull out all the stops, "No! You loved me, you wanted me to stay and work on the marriage, I know you loved ME then, not him! If you just give us a chance, you can love me like that again!"

The tears of grief for the loss of a once wonderful marriage were trickling out now, "Oh..God..Roman, yes I did love you! I wanted it to work out, I really did.. because we had such a history and I wanted to keep our family together. But, Roman... you left and eventually I rediscovered the love I held inside for John. We stayed apart for a long time and didn't realize ourselves that the love we shared was still there, but it was. It is something that simply can't be denied, Roman. I'm sorry, but it's over for us. Our time has passed."

Suddenly the anger erupted in violence again and he knocked the coffee pots on the floor, sending scalding liquid all around the room, glass shattering against the door. Marlena gasped and trembled with fear as she felt some fragments of glass hit her legs, causing a few cuts. Roman's right hand and wrist were injured when one pot broke on impact; he was burned by the hot surface as well. Blood began to drip from the wound onto floor, making an odd pattern at his feet which caught their attention for a moment. There were no more words to be spoken and a painful, frightening silence enveloped them. The eerie quietness was over when several people came rushing into the lounge, having heard the crashing noise emanating from a normally quiet place.

"My God...what happened here?" asked Lexie Carver incredulously. She had just arrived recently for her shift. "Roman.. Marlena...you're both bleeding. What's going on in here?" she asked, surveying the damage.

Roman's anger was still there, though he was clearly embarassed at his loss of control, "Ask her.... she has an explanation for everything!" He didn't say any more and stormed out of the room, bloody arm and all.

"Roman...wait, you're hurt, you need to have that taken care of..Roman!" Marlena called after him. She knew it was futile, he was too upset to care about his injured arm at the moment. Marlena made her way through the debris to the couch and plopped down on it at the same time as she burst into tears.

Lexie sat down next to her weeping friend, realizing exactly what had happened and placed her arm over the woman's shoulders. Marlena had just talked with Roman, telling him the truth about her relationship with John and it hadn't gone well at all. "Oh, Marlena...I'm sorry for everything you've been through. You just told him, didn't you?"

She only nodded and kept crying and Lexie held her close. She loved Marlena and wished there was something she could do to make it easier, but she knew there wasn't. Finally, Marlena said, "Oh...Lexie..it was horrible, he's so angry and jealous of John. I'm worried about him...I'm worried what he might try to do. He said some things about hating John and wanting him to be miserable like John made him..... Lexie, he was...full of rage and he threw the water pitcher against the wall and then the coffee pots. If John were here...there's no telling what he might have done."

"Where is John? And if you don't mind my asking, why are you here, today of all days?"

"Didn't anyone tell you, Lexie? We brought him here in the Jeep. John had an attack of acute appendicitis. He's in surgery right now." Suddenly, it occurred to her that very few people knew what was going on with John. "Oh, I haven't even had a chance to check on him..or call everyone, since it's Christmas and everything happened so fast. Can you see if there's any news, please?"

Lexie's heart went out to her friend; she squeezed Marlena's hand and said, "Oh, of course, I'm sorry, I just came on shift and I didn't know. I'll go check on John and then we'll get those little cuts on your legs fixed up."

Marlena nodded tearfully and stayed put on the couch waiting for Lexie to return."Oh, John..please be okay." She turned to prayer, "And please...don't let him be too upset when he finds out about what happened here today. God...please take care of both of them, help Roman to calm down and think rationally. Please, don't let him do anything foolish while he's still so upset."

Roman had managed to stop the bleeding in his arm and had it wrapped with a towel. He loitered in the hallways as unobtrusively as possible, until he overheard the nurses saying that John Black was now in the recovery room. Roman hovered around the area until he heard a nurse say she was going in to check on the man; he waited until he knew for certain that there was nobody in the room with his rival. Silently, he slipped inside.....