Promises Made ch 18

Lessons Learned


Lessons learned are like
Bridges burned
You only need to cross them but once
Is the knowledge gained
Worth the price of the pain
Are the spoils worth the cost of the hunt....

John was finally asleep again, thank God. Marlena sat and watched him for a minute or two, thinking about how close she had come to losing him and praying that he wasn't quite so bent on facing off with Roman once he calmed down and realized that she was allright. Satisfied that he was resting comfortably, she left the room for a few minutes to make some calls, the first was to check on the children. Taking a deep breath before she spoke when Carrie answered, Marlena then said, "Carrie, it's Marlena... how are Belle and Brady?"

"They're doing just fine, Marlena. How is John, did the surgery go allright?" Carrie asked anxiously. She still thought of John as a father figure and the idea of anything happening to him was very upsetting.

Marlena wasn't sure how to answer and her hesitation scared Carrie, who asked, "Marlena.. I can tell that something is wrong.. what is it?"

Feeling emotionally drained from the combination of stressful events that had lasted several months, Marlena said, "Oh, Carrie.. it's all such a mess. John did come through the surgery well and right now he's resting, finally. But, while he was in the operating room I talked with Roman and told him that there wasn't a chance for us and he became very upset. He threw a water pitcher against the wall and smashed the coffee pots, shattering the glass and both of us were cut a few times."

Carrie was shocked by that piece of news, "Oh my gosh.. are you okay? "

"Yes I am, but he scared me, he was so angry and jealous and he.. grabbed me and held my wrists too tightly. Then, while I was being treated, he went to see John just after he came out of surgery. Eric, Mike, Lexie and I entered the room to see Roman holding John by the collar of his hospital gown yelling at him, intimidating him. "

She couldn't believe her ears, "Oh my God.. no.. he wouldn't.. Marlena that's horrible! Is John really okay?"

Shaking her head, still not able to fully believe what she had seen, Marlena answered tiredly, "Yes... I think so.. Oh, Carrie.. John was hardly conscious when we came in, he couldn't have done anything to protect himself if Roman had tried to hurt him. Nobody said a word, we were all in shock; Roman let John go and ran out of the room immediately. Lexie and Mike went after him but couldn't find him."

"Does John know about what happened earlier between you and Roman?"

"Yes... and that's what has me really worried, he has already tried to get dressed and leave and he just got out of surgery an hour or so ago. He's in no shape to be getting out of bed, let alone leaving the hospital and confronting Roman. I'm so afraid of what they'll do the first time they see each other again, Carrie!"

Hearing the fear, Carrie tried to be the voice of reason, "Marlena... it's going to be okay. Dad will come to his senses and John will calm down after he's rested awhile and they'll probably be fine. Try not to worry too much about it."

"Oh, Carrie... you should have seen the look on John's face. Sweety, my wrists are bruised and the cuts on my legs were bandaged and John... was so.. upset that he tried to get up almost immediately after the incident happened. He could barely stand, but he tried to get his clothes on and go after Roman for hurting me. Finally, he collapsed and we got him back to bed. Carrie, I'm so frightened that he won't let this go and that he'll try to leave here too soon and end up getting hurt."

"Well, then you have to find a way to stop him, that's all there is to it. Can you think of a way to distract him?" Carrie asked, making it obvious what she meant.

Marlena laughed and realized that it was the reason Carrie said it. "Oh.. yes, I think I can manage to distract him, in fact I'm actually pretty good at that sometimes. At least that's what John says anyway."

"Good.. then get in there and distract the man. I'm sure it will speed the healing process along to have a loving touch and a kiss or two from the woman he loves more than anything else in this world. Don't you think?"

She smiled again, and said, "Carrie, thank you. I really needed to smile a little bit. You seem to know just what to say that will make me feel better. I really appreciate it a lot."

"Don't even mention it, you've always done the same for me whenever I've needed a little encouragement Marlena. You know I love you like a mother and I always have."

Her heart was filled with motherly affection and she said gratefully, "Oh, Carrie.. I love you too, as if you were my very own child. You are so special to me."

"Thank you, Marlena, that means a lot to me." Her thoughts drifted back to her father and she said, "So.. do you think Dad actually intended to hurt John while he was unable to protect himself, or was he just so hurt and angry that he lost control for a minute or two?"

Marlena took the time to think about it and then replied confidantly. "I think it's like you said, he was just so upset to hear it from me that there really wasn't a chance for him to win me over that he lost control of his emotions for the moment. I don't think he ever intended to hurt me or John and I'd be willing to bet he's somewhere nearby feeling guilty about both incidents."

Carrie sighed and said, "I bet you're right, Marlena. Will you be able to accept his apology?"

Oh, Carrie... I don't know. For myself, I think so.. yes, but when we came in and he had ahold of John like that... I don't know if I can rid myself of that image. Carrie, John barely had his eyes open, he had to be scared and confused by it, though he certainly did cover his reaction well afterward. He was so focused on warning Roman to stay away from me. To think that your father could use force like that on someone who was still coming out of anesthesia.. it makes me sick! I don't know if sorry will be good enough."

Carrie sighed worriedly herself, "I can understand that, it was inexcusable. I hope that everything will work itself out without any.... violence. I would hate to see them come to blows over this."

"Me too, Carrrie, but it may happen. A part of me can't help but think that it is almost inevitable that they fight at some point. There is so much history and powerful emotions involved, not to mention their male pride and egos."

"Yes, and John's protective nature is so strong when it comes to you that I would understand if he felt he had to confront Roman about what happened between the two of you. I can see how it might come to blows at some point."

Again, Marlena sighed with emotional exhaustion, saying, "Well, I better get back in there before John tries to get up again. I'll talk to you later.. Oh, and if you hear from Eric.. could you talk to him about all of this? He left a little while ago and he was very upset about seeing Roman do that to John. His image of his father was shattered today and he's hurting, but you know how he is, so...stoic."

Carrie smiled about that description; on the outside he was like that, but not on the inside. "Of course I will, Eric and I were pretty close before everyone started taking sides. I hope we can smooth things over now. How is he doing with the idea that you've chosen John?"

Thinking of the answer to that question brought another smile to her face. "Oh.. I can't believe that I didn't tell you that right away, he has really started to come around recently and he and John have mended their fences. They admitted they loved each other and then hugged and shed a few tears."

"I'm so glad.. I know how much it hurt John to know that both Sami and Eric wouldn't accept him anymore. He still loves us all so much and every time they've hurt him, I've just wanted to shake them and make them realize how cruel they were being to someone who loved and took care of them for several years. He deserves so much better."

Marlena found herself smiling too. Carrie had a heart of gold and the fact that her love for John was so steadfast meant a lot to them both. With a joyful tear or two forming, she said, "Yes, he does and believe me your love and support has meant so much to him, Carrie. He loves you so much!"

Carrie smiled warmly and said, "And I love him, I still think of him of as my father; he is a very special man. I am so glad for the two of you, that everything is finally out in the open and you can be together. I know how hard it was on both of you having to pretend that you were only friends."

Hearing the young woman she loved as a daughter talk about the man she loved that way made her feel so much better about everything and she replied from that place, "Carrie, you have been so supportive of us and that means the world to me. I know it can't be easy when it means your father won't have what he wants. Thank you."

"Marlena, I know what it's like to love someone but be kept apart from them by people and circumstances. You and John have loved each other for a very long time and you have been through so much to be together; you deserve some happiness. I love my father and I want him to be happy, but he left you when you wanted to work things out. It's time for him to let you go and move on with his life."

Tearfully, Marlena stated, "You are wise beyond your years young lady. Listen, I have to go now, kiss the children and give Austin my love. I'll let you know if anything else happens."

"Goodbye Marlena, thanks for calling and try not to worry too much." Carrie hung up the phone, wondering what in the world could be going on in her father's mind that he would act in such a way. Sighing heavily, feeling bad for him and yet accepting the reality that he needed to face, she spoke in her mind to him as if here were there with her. 'Oh, Dad... I wish you could find a way to let go of the past and make a new life for yourself. John and Marlena love each other deeply and they deserve to be happy together. You made your choice three years ago, it's time for you to move on.' As Roman's daughter, who was the most level headed of his three children, headed up the stairs to check on Austin and Belle and Brady, she sent up a silent prayer that he would do just that.

Roman walked slowly and deliberately back toward the area of John's room, trying to figure out what he might say to smooth things over, and was seen by Lexie and Mike as they came back around to check on their friend. "Roman!" called Mike, hoping the man would let him look at the injured arm and that he had calmed down slightly.

Before they could lay into him he said, "Mike.. Lexie.. I know what I just did was... way out of line and I want to try to make amends if I can. I flew off the handle and I want to talk with Marlena and John as soon as he wakes up. I'm ashamed of myself for going in there and intimidating him like that."

The two doctors exchanged uncertain glances, wondering how the scene would play out, having witnessed the protective anger John was feeling and the fierce jealousy Roman displayed. "Roman... I don't know if that's such a good idea right now, John needs to get a lot of rest for a couple of days and he was pretty upset when he learned what happened between you and Marlena earlier. I'm concerned that if you go in there and see him, it will just make the situation worse between the three of you."

Roman sighed heavily, and agreed, "Allright, I'll do what you think is best." As he spoke, he was grimacing in obvious pain from the cut on his right arm and he appeared as if he might collapse. Lexi and Mike reached out to steady him and then Mike said, "Roman... right now I'd say we should get you into an examining room so I can take a look at that arm of yours. You really sliced it open with that stunt you pulled."

He sighed with a sense of frustration at his own recklessness, "Yea.. another impulsive angry reaction. I've really made a mess of things again, haven't I?" he asked feeling embarassed and ashamed of his actions.

Mike had to agree, but was somewhat sympathetic, "Well, you certainly didn't win any points with Marlena by the way you handled the situation." In another minute Roman was seated on an examining table and Mike was unwrapping the towel, wincing at the sight of the jagged cut. "Ooh, and you did quite a number on your arm here, Roman."

"Yea.. that Brady temper doesn't serve me so well sometimes. I lost it, Mike... I really lost it with her and I am so sorry! I didn't mean to scare her or hurt either one of them." Ow!" he cried suddenly at the cleansing process which was quite painful.

"Sorry about that, but you should have let me treat this right away, Roman. I'm going to have to put in several stitches." As he proceeded to cleanse and then sew it up, he said, "Listen... this anger.. and jealousy, it's hurting you as well. Your blood pressure is up way too high, so is your heart rate. Roman.. you need to do something to get it under control. I'm sorry about things not working out with Marlena, but sooner or later you have to accept the truth. She loves John and they were planning to be married when you came back. You can't make John out to be the bad guy, he hasn't done anything wrong this time around and though it's understandable... you did leave her... for three years, Roman. She had a right to move on.. don't you think?"

Roman wanted to dispute it, to find a way to put John in a negative light, but he couldn't summon the energy. Mike was right, and everything that Marlena and John had said was exactly true. Somehow hearing an objective third party say it made it seem more real to Roman. He left Marlena when she was pleading with him to give her another chance; he had essentially spit in her face and left her alone and crying over what happened, full of guilt, pain and loss. He had allowed his own pain, anger, jealousy and humiliation to take control and left town, even though he still loved her. Three years had passed and in that time she rediscovered her love for John and they were reunited after Kristen's lies and deception were exposed. It was understandable, but it was so hard to let go of the only woman he ever loved, when he was led to believe he had a chance at her heart.

As for the jealousy toward John, it was deep-seated. Roman had buried it, but never really resolved it and it flared swiftly when he learned he had been lied to once again by two people he trusted. Blowing out a long breath and wondering what he was going to do about that aspect of it, he agreed, "I know you're right, Mike. I know that in my head, but it's my heart that won't believe it and accept that it's over for me and Doc. I love her so much and I know without a doubt that I made the worst mistake of my life when I left her after the affair was revealed. I wish I could change that and have another chance at her heart, but I guess I have to find some way to face the truth. She just doesn't feel the same way about me anymore and I have to let her go. But, I don't know how Mike.... I just don't know how to do that."

Mike could relate to his patient, he had a similar situation going on that most people had no idea about and it was with this man's daughter. Finding that fact ironic, he said, "Roman, I can understand.. I know what it's like to love someone and know that they don't love you in the same way. It's tough to handle, but you can let her go and make a new life for yourself, if you try."

Looking up at the man, he sensed that Mike really did know and that he was going through something similar. "You're right, I can.. can't I? I can move on and find my own happiness somehow. I'm going to try.. Mike, but I can't say that I'm giving up completely. She isn't married to John yet and as long as that's true I'm going to do everything in my power to convince her she's making a mistake, to help her find the feelings she has for me. Then, if she still ends up choosing to marry him, I'll respect that decision and I won't interfere with their marriage."

"I can't blame you, Roman.. she really is an incredible woman. I can understand why you feel like you have to make every effort to win her back. Please... just try to keep your jealousy toward John under control, he didn't lie to hurt you. They were both following medical advice and looking out for your best interests, Roman. The cardiologist specifically told Marlena that any additional stress could cause a serious problem and none of the others who treated you knew what to predict in terms of the effects that kind of shock could have on the success of the cure, so we cautioned them not to tell you. If you really need to vent your anger, vent it at me and the other physicians."

Roman nodded, realizing that was true. John and Marlena never intended to hurt him and only kept the truth from him because they had been convinced by what the medical personnel had told them about the nature of his condition. "Yea.. I suppose you're right about that, they were doing what they thought was necessary and it may have saved my life. I should be grateful.. though it's hard to feel that way right now. Thanks for setting me straight on that, I guess I needed to hear it from someone like you to accept it. They didn't betray me like I've tried to make it seem. I let my old feelings about the affair take hold of me; that was wrong and because of it, I've made the situation much worse than it had to be. I only hope I can find a way to make things right with both of them."

Finishing up with the bandage on Roman's arm, Mike said, "Good luck, Roman, they're very forgiving people.. but.. what you did was pretty..." he started to say, struggling for a way to soften the harsh terms that came immediately to mind.

"Atrocious.. Mike, it was absolutely terrible that I frightened Marlena and going in there to confront John when he was so out of it.. that was contemptible and I feel ashamed that I could act that way."

Mike said nothing further, but nodded in acknowledgement of the statement and Roman's seemingly regretful attitude, and then the young doctor turned and left his patient alone in the examining room to contemplate his next move.