Phoebus
On June 19, 1996, Disney's 34th Animated Masterpiece was released to the theatres: The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Well, as wonderful as the movie turned out, the uh, characters fared differently after this film was produced. Here, from clipped articles, you can see, *off the record* what happened to that lovable Disney cast.
The Daily Snitch August 4, 1997
Esmerelda
Esmerelda, the beautiful and rather provocative heroine of the film (seen above left) has proven to be one of the more popular characters among both the younger, and the post-pubescent male crowd alike. Her role as a brazen, street-smart dancing girl willing to risk it all, has brought her career to an all-time high, resulting in perquisites of fame, merchandising shares, and a good dental plan.
Or, at least, that's what it seemed.
Reliable sources tell us that Esmerelda, just recently breaking the off-again, on-again relationship with Phoebus, her set counterpart, has gone downhill ever since. After a brief interview with her former agent, we have gathered that the gypsy knock-out has seen better days. "Well, after her court battle with Disney and the bankruptcy, it was very hard to pick up the pieces," her agent, Mr. D.D Goofi relays in mournful reccolection. Apparently, the actress had been in debt hundreds, most of which in hospital bills over a mysterious rash she had discovered six weeks prior to the movie's release. She claimed the source of the rash to be from a leakage in the breast implants that Disney had "urged" her to recieve for the sake of her character. However, the case fell through from lack of documented evidense, and after test results which authorized that the rash was not consequent to the implants, but was instead, an allergic reaction to Djali, her character's pet goat. As a result, Esmerelda was forced to file bankruptcy to cover her debts. However, the following week, she found the repo man to be none other than her old fling, Phoebus, and after removing a piece of rare Snow White deco art, he found a questionable substance in a ziplock which he described as, "Uh, maybe it's baking soda...no, no, maybe it's that white stuff off those little donuts, or uh..." Now desperate, and in posession of an illegal substance, she begged Phoebus for help. She was smuggled into the Betty Ford Clinic, where she stayed for two months.
After released, Esmerelda began to persue her career further. She went blonde, had occasional cameos on BayWatch, and has made efforts to take care of her five illigitimate children. However, things have still not been working out just as she'd like. When we asked her close friend Clopin about her present state, his puppet's only words were, "Dang! She really let herself go."
Phoebus left his mark as the dashing Captain of the Guards (seen left) complete with a bedazzling list of one liners. His purpose was that of all conventional Disney heros; to do what is right, crack a few sculls, and of course, win the girl's heart. After a grueling, five week editing job to take out the "duh, uh" and "ums", the Disney producers were almost satisfied with the character, and payed his tutor nearly a tenth of the movie's take. Why so much for the blade? As it was, Disney was extremely pressed for time; it was too late for them to can the gilded gallant, and so were obliged to accomodate his "special needs". Reports tell us however, that as soon as Pheobus was no longer needed, he was personally escorted off the lot by a studio guard----he forgot where to find the parking lot.
Soon after, Phoebus tried to find other work in the great Disney empire, and was soon hired as the attendant for the "Dumbo" amusment ride at DisneyLand. Nevertheless, he failed to operate the machinery properly, namely at the appropriate speed and place, hurling over thirty people out of their dumbos and into the courtyard below. Not only were there several lawsuits, but the merrigolds had to be replaced as well.
We have been informed that presently, Pheobus is no longer in the movie making buisiness, nor has he any other connection with Disney. Apparently, he has found his calling as a pig farmer somewhere in the northeast part of Nebraska, living a peaceful life in the midsts of a Mennonite community.
Quasimodo
The lead, and most challanging role was played by Quasimodo, the gentle hunchback of Notre Dame. His heartwarming performance, due in part by a "method acting" approach, brought tears to audiences in many different parts of the globe. But it seems the hunchback was working on ulterior motives. Little was known about Quasimodo before he was hired for the movie, including his scandalous relations with Andre the Giant. After being replaced by his own significant other for the part in "The Princess Bride", Quasimodo was furious and vowed he would find another part within the year. He did not, all the while neglecting his companion, and with the tragic death of Andre, an anquished Quasi realized the error of his ways, and decided that the next role he got, he would dedicate to Andre. After "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" was completed, Quasimodo went soul searching, living as a hermit within the outskirts of The Disney Land Hotel. Eventually, the unemployment checks stopped coming, and he resorted to pan handling guests in the Disney Land parking lot.
However, there had been a death in the famliy; his great uncle Eegore, and Quasimodo cashed in on the will, totalling $250,000,000. It was then that he was sought out by "Ringling Bros. and Barnimum Bailey Circus", and after a considerable amount of thought Quasimodo reluctantly decided to join the circus as an honorary side-kick to "Lulu, the 600 Pound Woman". Half of his inheritance was donated to a charity for plastic surgery given to deformed children. The other he invested in stocks for a new and promising line of dentures.
From the reports we have recieved, it seems Quasimodo is living happily with Lulu as man and wife, and is currently touring Idaho in the show.
Clopin
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