Faithfulness in the Center

Part 16

"Pop, you here?" Peter called out as he walked down the hallway to his father's meditation room. He was fearful of the silence which greeted him. His heart sunk in his stomach as he realized that he would find no assistance here. He didn't know where else to go. He had already tried the precinct and Delancey's. He had even called Annie. No one had seen Kermit. Peter's last inspiration was his father. Perhaps he would know where to look. But if he wasn't home, then. . .

"I am here, Peter." The soothing voice of the elder Caine immediately calmed Peter's nerves.

Peter rounded the corner into the meditation room and found his father sitting on the floor, half lotus. "Pop, I need your help."

"What has happened, my son?" Caine questioned, even though Peter suspected he already knew the answer.

"Kermit's gone." Peter tried to keep his voice calm, striving to mimic his father.

"Yes. He is attempting to escape his pain." Caine stood slowly, grace and balance filling the move.

"I've looked everywhere I can think of. No one has seen him. You know how hard it is to find an ex-mercenary who doesn't want to be found?" Peter tried to joke, but felt he had failed miserably.

"Yes." His father answered with a straight face.

Peter looked inquisitively at the elder Caine. Somehow I think I should have known you would say that." Peter frowned. "Pop, he's avoiding me. . .I know it."

"Why would he want to 'avoid' you?" Caine asked.

"I think I screwed up," Peter looked at the floor, not able to meet his father's gaze. He didn't see Caine's frown.

"Why do you think that?" Peter's father left the mediation room and walked out onto the balcony, taking a deep breath of the warm air.

Following Caine, Peter shook his head, unable to decide where to start. "I've screwed up everything. Kermit wanted to know what happened when. . ." his voice drifted off as a flash of the memory overtook his vision.

"When you were taken by Stiles?" Caine completed the sentence, sensing his son's inability to do the same.

"Yeah. This shooting. . .Stephanie Porter's death. . .has been bringing back these memories. He didn't understand what had happened, so I told him." Peter turned away, ashamed, "I don't think I did it right. I don't think I helped him. In fact I think he is worse now."

Peter suddenly felt his father's warm hands gently massaging his slumped shoulders. "Peter, you are trying too hard. You have no control over how Kermit responds to the truth, and you most certainly are not responsible for what has happened to him. . .either now or then. You have done the best thing you could do for him."

Peter raised his head without turning to his father, "What? What have I done but succeeded in pushing him away?"

"You are his friend. You have stayed with him. You have offered him acceptance and forgiveness when he could not find it in himself to do the same."

"But it isn't enough." Peter turned to his father. Caine was not surprised to see a hint of an unshed tear in Peter's eye.

"Peter. . .my son. . . you, too, must accept the truth, just as you have asked Kermit to do. You must accept the fact that Kermit, alone, can heal himself. In the end, if he does not wish to do so, no amount of counseling from you will help him." Caine kept his contact with Peter's shoulder. He looked into his son's eyes and saw the exhaustion that the emotions of the last few days had caused. He smiled slightly, "I think it is. . .ironic. . .that you ask Kermit to do something that you find so difficult to do yourself."

Peter frowned a moment, confused by his father's comment. Then the light dawned on him and he grinned back, "What? You're saying that I have trouble letting go of the past and moving on?"

His father tapped his cheek, "I am saying that you and Kermit are more a like than either of you realize. You both have trouble accepting those things which you do not like, but have no power to change."

Peter knew his father was right. "So what should I do now?" Peter asked as Caine turned his attention to a plant.

"Continue to do what you have been doing. Support him. . .be his friend. . .but most importantly, help him to accept the truth. If he can do that, his guilt will be controllable and the rest of his problems, put into perspective."

"I've tried the truth but Kermit keeps changing it. He keeps putting his own spin on it so that he always turns out to be the one at fault." Peter argued.

"This. . .sounds familiar." Caine chuckled. "Kermit, like you, allows guilt to become a constant companion. Events are interpreted in a manner which feeds that guilt. There is only one truth, Peter. It is that truth which Kermit must begin to see. If you have been unable to bring him the light of truth, perhaps others can help."

"You?" Peter said hopefully.

Caine smiled and shook his head, "No. There are others. You will know when the time is right."

Peter looked at his father with doubt. Their eyes made contact and Peter felt his father's approval from within, suddenly feeling better about the past three days. Having his father's approval of his actions was encouraging. It made him feel. . .well. . .Shaolin. He turned to the door and then stopped, frowning at his father. "There's only one problem. I don't know where he is. How can I help him?"

Caine smiled and shrugged, "You are a detective. . .detect."

Peter grinned and gave his father a wave as he left the building.

Peter climbed into the Stealth and sat quietly for a moment. If he were Kermit, where would he go? Peter reached for his mobile phone and dialed information, obtaining the number of the John Durham's branch of Metropolitan Bank. Within a minute he heard Megan's voice answer the phone, "Mr. Durham's office, may I help you?"

"Megan? It's Peter Caine from the 101^st Precinct."

"Oh, hi Peter. How have you been?" Megan asked pleasantly.

"Fine, Megan," Peter answered hurriedly, dispensing with the pleasantries. "Is John there?"

There was silence for a moment. "He was, but then he left about a half-hour ago. He said he had some errands to run."

"Errands?" Peter wondered what the man was up to.

"Yeah. Said he wouldn't be back in today. He wouldn't fill me in on the details." Peter could hear a hint of frustration in the woman's voice.

"Okay, thanks Megan. I'm sorry I can't talk longer, but I need to find John."

"That's okay. If he calls I let him know you are looking for him. Does he have your number?"

Peter provided the woman with his cell phone number and disconnected the call. He looked at his watch with consternation. It was 2:00 and he still didn't have a clue as to where to find his friend.

He leaned his head back against the headrest of the driver's seat and closed his eyes. "Well, Pop says Kermit and I are alike. Where would I go to escape the pain?" he whispered to himself. Then he realized he was asking the wrong question. "I wouldn't try to escape. The real question is 'Where would I go to hold on to my pain. . .to keep my guilt?" Suddenly, he knew the answer. He knew where he would be able to find Kermit. All he would have to do would be to wait in that place for his friend.

End Part 16

Back to KFTLC Page