Unfounded Fears
Part 11
Annie's sensitive fingers smoothed her blond hair into place. Without hesitation, she reached across the vanity for her bottle of perfume and dabbed the sweet liquid behind her ears. Without turning around, she smiled, "How long do you intend to watch me?"
Strong hands gripped her waist as the gruff voice answered, "A lifetime."
Annie turned to face her husband, "You keep acting like you have been and you could be pushing your luck."
Paul closed his eyes, nodding his head, "I know." He grabbed her hands and brought them to his lips, "Just be patient with me."
Annie tilted her head, her sightless eyes focusing on his face as if seeing, "Paul, why now? Why is this causing you such pain now?" Paul released her hands and turned away from her. She felt the motion and turned him back. "You have been a father to Peter for over fifteen years. Why do you think that would change now?"
Paul's voice was soft when he finally replied with a simple, "Caine."
Annie shook her head, "No Paul. I'm not buying that. Caine's been in our lives for almost two years."
Paul turned away again, "And in those two years, things have changed."
Annie nodded, "Of course they've changed. Everything changes. But they've changed for the better."
Paul mumbled something, but with his back to his wife, she could only hear the sound, not the words, "What did you say?"
"Nothing."
"Don't give me that, Paul. I didn't allow the kids to get away with it, I'm not going to allow you."
Paul sat down heavily on the bed, the springs creaking with his added weight, "I said, 'maybe for you.'"
Annie felt her heart drop, stunned upon hearing the words. "Maybe for me?"
Paul found his voice again, "Yeah. That's what I said."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Annie could feel her anger rising.
Paul could see a tint of red heat crossing his wife's gentle features, "Never mind. I don't want to fight any more Annie. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."
Annie's emotions had taken over, "Damn it, Paul. Don't you dare try that with me. I deserve better than that."
Paul sat quietly for a moment, his own emotions rising to the surface, "Okay, you want better? Here's better for you. The day Kwai Chang Caine entered our lives, my world changed." Annie could hear Paul's hand pound his chest. "Until that time, I had a son. . .a son who looked to me as his. . .his. . .father. I wasn't a substitute. . .I wasn't a good friend. . .I wasn't a mentor. I was his father, with all the benefits and the responsibilities that the job entailed."
"You still are."
"No Annie, I'm not. I'm Peter's captain. . .I'm the person who gave him a roof over his head. . .but the job of father has been taken away from me."
"Paul Blaisdell, it has not. You're imagining that."
"How would you know, Annie? How would you? This isn't happening to you. You're still his mother. Caine's arrival didn't change that."
"This is ridiculous."
"Is it?" The only time in the past two years that Peter and I have been close to being father and son was when Caine was gone. . .out of our lives." Blaisdell rose from the bed and walked to the bedroom window, looking out across the lawn, "That was the only time he turned to me first for help. . .for love. It was the only time he needed me to be there for him since Caine came back into his life."
Annie was quiet for a moment. In her anger she realized she no longer knew where her husband was. She was slightly disoriented. Taking a deep breath, she calmed her nerves. "Paul, I never realized you hated Caine so much."
She heard a deep sigh from her husband. "That's the problem, Annie. I don't. I respect the man for who he is. . .for what he has done. Part of me is so happy that Peter has his father back in his life. It brings balance to the child that I love." She heard her husband take another breath, and choke a sob, "But Annie, there's another part of me that is so angry that Caine came back. . .so hurt that he could take my place so easily."
"You're wrong, Paul. Caine has not and will never take your place in Peter's heart."
"No, Annie. You don't understand. I know Peter loves me. But part of what made me a. . .a. . ." her husband stumbled for the words, ". . .a man was knowing that I was the person Peter looked to as a father. Whether he could call me 'Dad' or not made no difference. It was the fact that I knew I was his father." He stepped in front of his wife, grasping her tightly by the upper arms, "And it kills me to know that in an instant, it was all taken away."
Annie shook her head, "You're wrong, Paul. You are so very wrong."
Paul continued, as if not hearing her words, "And what's worse is that I know Peter feels the change as well. I can see the confusion. . .that pain in his eyes. I can see his guilt. He so desperately wants to have his father back in his life, but he doesn't know how to do that and keep me there too. Every day. . .every damn day, I see him walk the tightrope. . .balancing his love for us. . .trying desperately to keep his fathers happy."
Annie pushed away from the man, retreating to the far side of the room. "You're a fool if you think that is what's happening."
"I see it, Annie. I see the battle in Peter's heart. He doesn't know how to do deal with both Caine and me vying for his love as a son." Paul paused for a moment, then whispered, "Neither do I."
Paul looked at his wife and saw a transformation in her features. She changed from being a wife compassionately trying to deal with her husband's fears to becoming a lioness protecting her cubs. When her words left her lips, they were harsh and bitter, "Well you'd better learn to deal with it, Paul. I love you more than life itself, but there is no way I'm going to let your self-doubts destroy this family."
She turned back to the vanity, grabbed her handbag and pushed by her husband. "Where are you going?" Paul asked, not attempting to stop her progress.
"To the hospital. I'm going to see *our* son," the woman made every effort to emphasize the word 'our.' She slammed the bedroom door behind her. Paul flinched slightly with the sound. Collapsing back on the bed, he didn't try to fight the tears streaming from his eyes.
Annie's anger propelled her down the stairs, but her rage prevented her from sensing her daughter's presence at the landing on the main floor. The soft voice startled her, "Annie?" Stifling a gasp of surprise, Annie felt for the young woman. Kelly grabbed her hand, "Are you okay?"
Annie nodded. "Will you. . ." her voice was shaky with emotion. She tried again, "Will you take me to see Peter."
Kelly put her arm around the woman, "Of course. I was just thinking how enjoyable it would be to pick on my big brother for awhile."
Annie smiled at her daughter's attempt at humor. There was no doubt in Annie's mind that Kelly had heard every word of the exchange between her parents. But wisely, the young woman also knew not to mention what she had heard until her parents confronted her with it. "Are you ready?" Kelly asked cheerfully.
"Are you?" Annie responded, slightly amazed. "I figured you'd need to do some last minute primping."
"Already did. Figured you'd want to head out to see Peter as soon as possible this morning."
Annie reached out to put a warm hand against her step-daughter's cheek. Suddenly feeling overwhelmed with emotion she choked out a, "Thank you."
Kelly brought the woman into a hug, "No problem. Let's go see my big brother."
End Part 11