Love Is Not Enough
Part 9
"Oh my God," were the only words that came to Cassy’s lips. "What. . .what happened?"
Harry spoke softly, "I pulled a copy of the accident report from the Highway Patrol. The details are sketchy. The driver of the car behind her said that it appeared she fell asleep. Her car started to weave and then went off the road. It rolled and she was thrown out."
Cassy was stunned. Tears welled up in her eyes. Tears of pain for the human loss, tears of fear for her partner. . .her partner. "What are we going to tell Tom?" she asked of no one in particular.
Dr. Miller spoke up. "In Mr. Ryan’s condition I think it's best that nothing be said until we are certain that he has stabilized. The last thing his body needs is emotional shock. The trauma could kill him."
"But when he wakes up, he’ll want to see her." Cassy stammered.
Dr. Miller thought silently for a moment, "I intend on sedating him again. He's not ready to be up and around yet." As far as telling him about Erin, I don’t see a real choice in the matter. I realize that he will be extremely upset about not knowing the truth, but frankly, I don’t think he can handle the truth right now. I’m sorry. If you don’t think you are up to keeping this from him, I understand. I will prohibit visitors and then you don’t have to worry about lying to him."
Harry put a comforting arm around Cassy. "Cassy, we don’t need to make this decision now. He pulled her towards the elevator, "Let’s go take a walk." She didn’t try to fight him; she was too numb to fight.
Dr. Miller was right. If Tom found out about Erin’s death now, it would kill him. She hated the thought of lying to her partner. . .to her best friend, but nothing could be gained by breaking the news now. Waiting would definitely be better for Tom, whether he realized it or not.
Harry led her to the park bench outside of the hospital, the same park bench that she and Erin had sat on a few hours earlier. She remembered every detail of their conversation. . .the pain in Erin’s eyes, the look of failure on her face. Oh God, why did this have to happen? The tears in her eyes began to fall. Harry, who sat next to her, placed his arm around her and held her close. "Oh Harry, I can’t believe this has happened. What are we going to do?"
"I don’t know, Cassy," he responded. He didn’t know. How does one help another deal with this kind of pain?
"She was so upset when she left here last night." Cassy said quietly, wiping the tears away with her fingers. "She told me that she couldn’t handle the fear anymore, the fear of worrying about Tom. She was so confused. . .she loved him, but it wasn’t enough. She said that she couldn’t live her life always wondering whether Tom was okay."
Harry said nothing, just held his detective. Cassy continued, "I told her that she needed to give it time, that Tom would be okay, that what happened to him could have happened to anybody. She said she needed some time to think, so she left to go home. I knew she was upset. I was going to stop her. . .but I didn’t. If I had. . .."
"Cassy, don’t. Don’t try to make this your fault. It was an accident, pure and simple. It’s a tragedy, no doubt, but no one is to blame." His stern, fatherly voice penetrated Cassy’s thoughts. She nodded in agreement.
"Has her family been notified?"
Harry nodded. "When I confirmed that it was her, I called the school and found out who her next of kin was on their records. The Highway Patrol is making notifications right now. I told them to give the family my number."
"Tom’s going to hate us for not telling him what’s happened."
"I know." Harry replied simply. There were no excuses for what they were about to do. "But right now we know what’s best for him, whether he realizes it or not."
"Help me, Harry," Cassy pleaded. "I don’t know if I can go through with this."
"Dr. Miller said he would restrict Tom to no visitors, if that would make it easier."
Cassy shook her head, "Tom would know something was wrong then. He’s going to expect to see his Mom and Dad, you and me . . .and Erin."
"I know, Cassy. We'll just have to take it one day at a time." Harry rubbed her shoulder absently, "Tom's a strong person. He'll be able to handle it when he is physically better."
Cassy nodded in agreement, took a deep breath and pushed herself to a standing position. "I want to be with him."
Harry nodded knowing that the fact Tom was unconscious didn't make any difference to the woman. She needed the closeness of contact, the comfort that presence could provide.
"I'm going to call Frannie and let her know what's happened." Harry escorted his detective to the lobby and then stopped to pull out his phone. Cassy continued to the elevator, without looking back.
The next twenty-four hours were, thankfully, uneventful. Dr. Miller had re-sedated Tom, protecting him from the horrors of reality. His parents and partner had taken turns sitting with him, hoping that their companionship was providing him with solace.
Intubation had been replaced with an oxygen cannula. The family could now take comfort in the fact that Tom was able to breathe on his own, no longer at the mercy of the life-sustaining equipment.
Erin's parents had flown into Palm Beach to take their daughter home. They stopped by the hospital to speak to the emergency room physician who had attempted to save her life, and to visit the man with whom she had fallen head over heels in love.
Dr. Miller was hesitant to allow the parents into the room for fear that Tom, despite his unconscious state, would be aware of the tragedy that occurred. He requested the couple remain in the hallway, and observe the man from the ICU window.
Ellen Wright, Erin's mother, cried softly as she looked upon the sedated man who had claimed her daughter's heart. Ellen's husband, Michael, held his wife closely, providing the only comfort he knew how.
Cassy watched the two, unable to speak. Death never made words of comfort come easy, and when the death involved parents and child, the words were even more elusive. Ellen's quiet voice made the first sound, "Is he going to be okay?"
"The doctor says he is doing better. With time, he should make a full recovery." Cassy responded.
"That's good," Ellen nodded. She said nothing more for a long time. Then her voice came again, "Erin loved him, you know."
Cassy felt a lump in her throat, "I know. And Tom loved her."
"Did he?" The mother's face had a hopeful look that seemed out of place in the subdued atmosphere.
Cassy nodded and smiled at the woman, "I've known Tom for a long time, he showed all the signs."
"I don't know why, but that makes me feel better. . .to know that Erin had finally found love." The tears fell again, and Michael pulled his wife into a tight hug.
Cassy approached the two and put her arm on Michael's shoulder. "I'm so sorry. . .I wish there were something I could do to make this easier."
"There is," Ellen's quick response startled Cassy. "Just make sure that Tom gets better. I want him to be able to remember the love for my daughter. . .and my daughter's love for him. I want her memory to survive in his mind. I know that doesn't make sense, and it may be cruel, but it keeps a part of her alive for me."
The couple walked off, without saying more. Cassy looked at her partner, who still slept peacefully. "Oh Thomas, but what are those memories going to do to you."
That evening, Tom showed signs of waking once again. Dr. Miller examined his patient and was satisfied with the progress made. He gathered Tom's parents, Harry and Cassy into the waiting room to discuss the planned recovery.
"Tom is showing signs of coming around. I'm not going to sedate him again. He should be waking within the next thirty minutes." The doctor looked at his chart, "His heart has stabilized and he's breathing on his own."
"So he's going to be okay?" Margaret asked hopefully.
Dr. Miller smiled at the tired woman, "Your son is doing very well considering how bad he was just two days ago. I believe that if we keep him calm over the next few days, he will be able to make a full recovery."
Immediately thinking of Erin, Cassy asked, "What if he doesn't stay calm?"
Dr. Miller looked her in the eyes, "He could have another attack. . .it could be fatal." He broke the contact and looked at the rest of the group, "You all have to be willing to keep him calm. . .to make every effort to not upset him. That means that you have to avoid discussing Erin. . .lie to him if you have to."
Margaret and Liam nodded, having no doubt that they could protect their son from the tragedy. Harry also seemed assured that he could pull off the deception. Cassy was the only one who looked doubtful. Dr. Miller looked at the woman again, frowning, "If you can't do this Cassy, I will have to prohibit you from seeing him until later."
Cassy was quiet, clearly weighing her options. She took a deep breath, making a commitment to herself and to her partner, "I can do it." She stood up, "Let's go see my partner."
Margaret sat in a chair beside Tom's bed, Liam standing behind her in a showing of parental unity. Dr. Miller stood on the other side of the bed, watching the parents watch their child. Tom's eyes were still closed, but his face was beginning to twitch, small groans and mutterings escaping his lips. His mother talked softly to her child, reached out a hand and softly brushed his hair back, as she had done when he was a small child and been startled awake by nightmares. "Tommy? It's okay. We're here," she whispered softly. "Wake up, Honey."
Tom's head moved slowly from side to side, as if fighting the effects of the medication. The eyelids fluttered, but didn't open. Liam reached down to his son and gently laid a fatherly hand on his arm. "Come on, Tommy. It's time to wake up. You've been asleep long enough."
Without opening his eyes, soft words escaped the injured man's lips, his voice raspy and dry, "Still. . .tired." Margaret and Liam couldn't help the smiles that came to their faces. Their teenage son had said the same thing to them on Saturday mornings when they tried to wake him to do his chores. Some things never changed. "You need to wake up now, Thomas," his mother repeated, a little more firmly now.
The eyes finally opened, at first not focusing on anything in particular. Margaret, who had continued to brush back his hair, allowed her hand to fall to his face, caressing it gently. His eyes finally made contact with the familiar face, "Mom?" was the only sound from her son's lips, he then looked up into his father's eyes, "Dad?"
"Hi Tommy," Liam smiled at his son.
Their son's face showed his confusion, his voice strained "Where'm I?"
"You are still in the hospital, Tommy." Margaret maintained her contact with his face.
"Hospital?" Tom's eyes searched his parents' faces, as if looking for answers to the questions in his mind. "Chest. . .hurts."
"I know, Honey. You were hurt. But you're going to be okay. You just need to rest." Margaret's words of comfort seemed to be all Tom needed, the questions gone.
"Thirsty. . ." he rasped out. Margaret looked at the doctor for approval, he nodded a response and she reached for a glass of ice chips next to the bed, carefully spooning the frozen water into his mouth.
Tom nodded gratefully, savoring the refreshing coolness of the liquid. He looked past his parents for the first time, seeing Cassy and Harry standing at the back of the room, against the wall. He grinned slightly at the two, "Hi. . .guys."
Harry smiled at his detective, "It's about time you woke up, Sergeant. You were starting to worry. . .Cassy."
Tom could see the warmth in the Captain's eyes, "Worry Cassy?" He looked at his partner, who winked at him, "Yeah, Harry. . .I mean I was beside myself with worry."
Tom looked around the room, a frown crossing his face, "Erin?"
A sudden silence filled the room. No one spoke at first, all searching to find the right words, remembering the doctor's orders. Liam spoke first, "She couldn't be here."
Dr. Miller spoke up, deciding a change of subject was in order, "Do you remember what happened, Tom?"
Tom's eyes closed, as if searching for the answer to the question in his mind. "Shot?. . .Again?"
Dr. Miller took out a penlight and began an examination of Tom's eyes. "Yes, again. I'm not real happy with you, young man. I thought I told you to stay in bed. I know I didn't tell you to go gallivanting around the hospital, playing hero." His face turned from stern to sudden softness, "Although, I think the hospital is in your debt. Your actions did save the lives of many others. Thank you." He patted the man on the arm. "Now, if your family will excuse us, I would like to do a thorough examination."
Liam pulled a reluctant Margaret away from her child to follow Harry and Cassy from the room. The four stood in the hallway, no one speaking for a long time. "He still looks very pale," his mother finally muttered.
"His color will come back in time, you'll see." Harry said to the woman. "He'll be up and around before you know it."
"What are we going to tell him about Erin?" Cassy couldn't escape from her worry about lying to Tom.
"As little as possible. Let's just keep in vague; just say that she can't be here." Liam responded. Then his voice became quieter, "That's not a lie."
Cassy nodded. "Okay. But I want to find out when Tom will be able to handle the truth. I don't want to keep this from him any longer than we have to."
The group nodded their agreement. Dr. Miller exited the room and motioned for them to follow. Upon entering the nearby waiting room he had them all take a seat again.
"How's Tommy?" the words tumbling from Liam's lips.
"The bullet wounds are healing fine. There is no sign of infection from this last incident." He looked at his chart, "There doesn't seem to be any residual problems from the medication. His motor responses are fine. The heart rate has increased slightly, but I'm not worried about that yet. Hopefully, with the other medication we are giving him, it will even out within the next day."
"Will we be able to tell him about Erin then?" Cassy asked the doctor.
"We'll see. I want him out of ICU and holding his own first. If he continues to show improvement, I think we will be able to take him from ICU tomorrow. You might be able to break the news to him in a couple of days. But until then, I want nothing said to the man." The last words were said with pure authority. Once again, they all nodded obediently.
The feel of Erin's body next to his created a joy which filled him throughout. Her hair draped across his chest and he stroked it absently. Her back was to him and he turned onto his side, bent his knees into the back of her legs, and brought his arm around her waist, pulling her close. "Erin?"
There was no response from his lover. He squeezed her tighter, stroking her stomach lightly, "God, I love you." There was still no response. He pushed his body upright and turned her onto her back, prepared to kiss her lightly on the lips. He looked into her eyes and saw. . .her eyes stared up at him blankly. . .lifelessly. He shook her, "Erin?" No response. Panic filled his being, "Oh God, Erin?" Tears welled up in his eyes, "Erin, don't leave me. . ."
A sudden hand squeezed his left arm tightly, "Tommy? Wake up. . .you're dreaming. . .it's only a dream."
Startled, Tom's eyes flew open, "Erin!" the sound of her name escaped before he could stop it.
"Tommy, it's me." His mother leaned over his bed, hand on his cheek.
"Mom?" Tom's eyes were wide, and he was breathing rapidly. Margaret hit the call button for the ICU nurse, afraid that her son was going to have another bout with arrhythmia.
The ICU nurse entered the room and approached her patient's side. "What happened?"
Tom was still panting and not speaking, obviously disoriented. "I think he had a bad dream," Margaret answered.
The nurse checked the heart monitor and looked at the tape which had recorded his vital signs for the past few minutes. "His rate did increase, but it didn't hit any danger areas. We do want to do our best to keep him calm, though." The nurse went back to her patient's side. "You did hear that, right?"
Tom nodded, "I. . .I just had a dream. . .a nightmare."
"It's the medication," the nurse answered.
Tom sighed deeply, "I know. . .Will it stop?"
"When we can take you off of the maximum dosages, it will get better. Until then, just do your best to stay calm and think of getting better." She left mother and son alone.
"Erin was dead," he whispered.
"What?" his mother was startled by the comment, not sure how to respond.
"In my dream. . .Erin was with me. . .but she was dead." He closed his eyes, as if trying to erase the image in his mind.
"It was a bad dream Tom." She reached out and stroked his head, a twinge of guilt entering her thoughts.
"Where is she?" he asked.
"She couldn't be here Tom. Go to sleep."
"Can't. I don't want to have that dream again." He muttered.
"I'll stay with you just like I did when you had bad dreams as a child. Remember?" She caressed his face.
He grinned sheepishly, "Yeah. Thanks, Mom."
"Go to sleep, Tommy."
Within minutes his eyes had drifted shut again.
End Part 9