To Know A Man

Part 9

Tom stood next to Harry's chair. He started to sit and then stopped, suddenly self-conscious.

"What's wrong?" Cassy said from her position in the visitor's chair across from the desk.

Tom shook his head, "It just doesn't feel right."

"What?"

"Sitting in Harry's chair while he's. . ." Tom's voice was quiet.

"He'll understand, Tom. You're helping him; helping to find who hurt him."

Tom nodded, "I know. It's just not right."

Cassy shook her head, "No, it's not right. But this is something we need to do. It's better that we be the ones to go through his things rather than total strangers, right?

Tom nodded in agreement, "Yeah, I guess so." Resigned, he dropped into the chair and pushed it slightly away from the desk. "You take the files," he pointed to a stack on the corner, "I'll take the drawers."

Cassy nodded and reached for the first green folder, reading it silently. Tom opened up the desk drawer on the upper right and leafed through its contents. It held nothing but office supplies. He moved to the next drawer and found personal care items. It contained things Harry used when he pulled an all-nighter at the station. He opened the third drawer and found a small black-leather book. He pulled it out. Flipping to the first page, he chuckled softly.

"What?" Cassy looked up from the file she was thumbing through.

"Did you know that Harry kept a journal?"

Cassy raised her eyebrows, "Really?"

Tom grinned at her, "Yep." He handed the book over to his partner.

She leafed through the first few pages of handwritten entries. She closed the book suddenly, shooting a guilty look at her partner, "We shouldn't be reading this."

"Hey, you were the one who said that it was better for us to go through his office than to have strangers do it. This was in his office. It's part of the investigation now."

"Yeah. . .but. . .this is private. It could have things in it that we shouldn't know about. . .or we don't want to know about."

Tom shook his head, "I don’t see where we have a choice. It's part of our job, Cass."

Cassy's voice raised with slight irritation, "Wait a sec. . .you were the one who just a minute ago didn't want to sit in his chair. . .but you're willing to read his journal. . .something that contains his most intimate thoughts?"

"Yep." Tom responded simply.

Cassy sat back in her chair, crossed her arms and shook her head in defiance, "You know, Ryan. I've known you for a long time, but sometimes you make absolutely no sense to me."

A crooked grin and a shrug of the shoulders were his only responses. He opened the journal and read the first page to himself. He frowned at the passage.

"What? What does it say?" Cassy asked, leaning forward with her elbows on the desk. Her curiosity would not allow her to ignore her partner's actions.

Tom's voice was quiet, "He's written that he's starting a new journal before completing the last because he doesn't want to relive the pain."

"The pain?" Cassy's eyes narrowed in confusion.

"Chris Lorenzo."

"Oh." Cassy's nodded her head slowly. She had not known Chris Lorenzo personally, but she knew that Harry had been very close to the detective and his partner. Tom flipped through the next few pages and then suddenly chuckled. "What?" Cassy pressed, suddenly abandoning her side of the desk to join Tom.

"Us," Tom answered simply.

"What 'us'? Cassy peered over the top of his shoulder to read the page for herself.

Tom read the entry out loud, "Frannie says I've done the right thing. I'm not so sure. I know they were great partners at one time, but things have changed. Marriage changes things and after seeing Tom's reaction, it's obvious divorce changes things too. I asked Tom to give it two weeks, that I would reassign them at that time. I can only hope that I have two detectives alive to reassign. Frannie, you had better be right."

Tom looked at Cassy, the grin still on his face. "I'm glad I'm not the only one who had doubts about the pairing." He watched as Cassy circled around the desk and back to her chair on the other side.

"Hey, it's worked, hasn't it," Cassy retorted.

Her partner winked at her, "Better than expected."

"What else does it say?" Cassy prodded.

"I thought you didn’t want to read his personal journal?" Tom smirked.

"I'm not reading it. You are. I'm just listening. Now, get back to reading," Cassy ordered.

Tom flipped through the next few pages, his eyes skimming over the words. "Mostly just comments about the cases handled by the department. He mentions Frannie quite a bit." He then started to laugh.

"What?"

"He's talking about your mother."

"What does he say?" Cassy started to rise again.

Tom turned the page quickly, still laughing at the words. "You don't want to know."

She turned her nose up at her partner and settled back in her chair. Tom flipped through a few more pages, and grinned again.

Before Cassy could press him to disclose the entry, Tom began reading, "Well, I've seen it all today. Ryan and St. John escalated their bickering to new heights. A gun was involved. They tried to convince me it was just part of their preparation for their recertification tests, but I have my doubts."

Cassy joined her partner in laughter, "I'll never forget the look on his face when he saw me holding the gun, while you tried to take it from me."

"Yeah, and the others cheering me on."

"They weren't cheering you on. . .they were cheering for me."

"Yeah, right, St. John."

Tom moved through a few more pages, then stopped, "He was so upset about Frannie."

"When?"

"When you went to visit Christina's baby."

Cassy gave him a perplexed look. "Remember? I told you that he thought Frannie was having an affair. . .then he thought Frannie was dying."

"Oh yeah. She was just getting a nose job."

Tom nodded, "Yeah. But he was so afraid about losing her." His voice dropped to a whisper, "God, he loves her."

Cassy gave her ex-husband a gentle smile, "Yeah. They make an adorable couple. That's why we have to find who did this to him."

Tom nodded and returned his attention to the words. He flipped through a few more pages. A gentle smile crossed his features. "He's talking about my dad."

Cassy's thoughts of Lyam Ryan brought a smile to her face as well. Tom read from the book, "Lyam Ryan is one of the lucky ones. He has a hobby. . .a skill to fall back on. Sometimes I'm so afraid that I will have nothing to call my own when I leave the Force. I know I can't stay forever, but the idea of sitting at home, doing nothing scares me more than any murderer I have ever faced. Sometimes I think it would be better to die in the line of duty than to grow old with nothing. But then I think of Frannie and the thought of growing old with her changes everything. I know that with her by my side, retirement can be a good thing. . .something to look forward to."

Tom turned the page, swallowing down the emotion the previous entry had raised. He glanced up at his partner and saw unshed tears shimmering in her eyes. He smiled at the next words, "I've always read, it's better to be lucky than good. Thank God for luck. A few hours ago, I was in debt for $5,000. Now I'm the winner of the lottery. . .okay, half winner. I promised Frannie a trip to Israel. I won't have to lie to her now." He looked up at Cassy with a smirk, "You know, that money should have been mine. It was my crystal."

"Hardly. You gave it to me. Anything I won with MY good luck charm is mine."

Turning the page, Tom frowned again, and began reading. "I hate funerals. Steve Burkow's funeral was no different. Everytime I see a coffin I think of Chris. Frannie tells me the pain will get better in time, that the memories will hurt less. Frannie's always right. I pray she's right about this."

Tom swallowed again, remembering the look on Harry's face after the services for the undercover agent. Harry's eyes revealed his pain. Rarely had he seen Harry so emotional about anything. It was only after the funeral that Tom realized that Harry's tears were for another fallen officer.

The next entry also caught Tom's attention, "Sometimes I hate my job. Kel has been a friend for a long time. We were partners. We were friends. I was there when his kids were born. I was there for him when his wife left him. But I can't be here for him now. His drinking has brought an end to his career and perhaps an end to our friendship. I've tried to give him all the help I can, but he has to help himself first. His anger at Craig and me is preventing him from seeing the truth. . .seeing how much damage his disease has caused."

"What happened to Kel?" Cassy asked.

"Don't know. Last time he came up in a conversation, Harry said he was in a rehab program in Jacksonville, but that was over a year ago."

Tom flipped to the next page, the smile returning to his face, "I should probably suspend Ryan for a month. Only he could get me to award a day's vacation for the investigation into a cadaver's death. The problem is, I'm not sure what I would suspend him on. The kid played me and I fell for it. I do have to give him credit for creativity."

Cassy laughed, "And your excuse was what? A 'cop hunch' as I recall."

"Hey, I was right, wasn't I. If you remember, I nailed that case. You and your chart didn't get us anywhere," Ryan responded, with an air of superiority.

Cassy sneered at the look on her partner's face, "Yeah, it worked, but boy did you push the envelope with Harry."

Tom turned the page, reading Harry's thoughts. "Vampires. I hated horror movies as a child. I hate them as an adult. Now we have two victims with puncture wounds in their necks. Cases like this make me wish I'd stayed in the Peace Corp."

"I'm with Harry. That case didn't do much for me, either," Cassy reflected.

Tom looked at his watch. Over an hour had been spent reading through Harry's journal. He plopped the book down on the desk and rubbed his eyes, feeling the exhaustion of having stayed up the entire night. "I don't think the answer's here."

"You're not thinking straight, Tom. Flip to the end. If someone is after Harry and he suspected a problem, maybe he wrote it down."

Tom picked up the book and found the last entries. "He paused on one near the end and closed his eyes. Cassy frowned at her partner, "What's wrong."

Tom's voice broke slightly when he read the words, "The shooting."

Cassy knew by the painful look on her partner's face which shooting he was referring to, "Yours." Tom nodded. "What does he say?"

Tom shook his head and turned the page, "Not a part of the case. It won't help us find the shooter."

The woman tilted her head watching the sadness in Tom's eyes. Whatever Harry had written had made a definite impact on her partner, one he was not prepared to discuss.

Tom turned to the next page, and read the entry. The sadness left his eyes as they widened in surprise. "Cass, I think I've got it. This just might be what we're looking for."

End Part 9