Only Time Will Tell
Part 16
The once strong left hand felt so cold. . .so lifeless. Cassy had to concentrate on the steady rhythm of the heart monitor, comforting herself with the sound. The pace of the beeping was slow, but steady, tracking the beat of Tom's heart. As long as the machine made its steady sound, Tom lived.
Unfortunately, her focus on the sound of one machine brought the sounds of others into her mind. The whooshing of the respirator was not so comforting. It forced air into Tom's lungs, involuntarily. It did not mean Tom lived. . .it only meant that Tom's hold on life remained tenuous.
She sat in the chair next to the bed and pressed his still hand between her two, trying to warm it with the heat of her skin. The IV lines running into his forearm limited her ability to move the hand closer to her body.
Her gaze fell upon his bruised face, looking for some sign that he recognized her presence or felt her touch. She desperately hoped for some glimmer of cognizance. There was nothing.
She released the uninjured arm and looked at the other which was bound tightly against his chest, restricting its movement. She moved her hand to his face. Her finger lightly traced the butterfly bandages which held the wounds closed above his right eyebrow and on his left cheek. A gauze pad had been placed over the wound on his temple. Swelling had set in, distorting his normally gentle features.
The lump of fear in her stomach grew when she realized he was not aware of the pain her touch had to be causing. She closed her eyes, squeezing back a tear, and brought her hand to rest on his chest, feeling it's slight motion as a result of the respirator's work.
Her partner's lack of response to her touch was devastating. Her throat caught with a sob, the pressure behind her eyes building. She fought the force of tears, but was unsuccessful. They spilled over her eyelids like floodwaters flowing over a dam and ran down her face. Furious with her lack of control, she hastily wiped them away. Unfortunately, as soon as one tear was removed, another appeared. It was a losing battle.
Her hand returned to Tom's face, a finger gently tracing a line down his uninjured cheek to his jaw. The finger returned to the cheek and followed the pattern previously set.
Her tears still fell, but she had given up on trying to wipe them away. Instead, the wet drops ran, uninterrupted, from her cheek onto Tom's bed.
How had they ended up here? Only yesterday morning they were bantering about alarms and breakfast. Everything was right with the world. And in a day, it had all changed. Her world had fallen apart.
For the past three years, Cassy had been so certain. . .so sure that she understood what had happened between Tom and her. She had it straight in her mind who was to blame for the divorce. The facts were so clear. Tom had betrayed her. And in 24 hours, it had all changed. The facts were not facts, just distorted views on a reality that she had created in her imagination.
"I am so sorry, Thomas," she whispered. "I should have believed you. You tried to tell me."
She looked at his face, but saw no sign that he heard the words. There was no sense in continuing, but her mind, her conscience, would not let her stop.
"But I wouldn't listen. I was so certain that you were lying. All I could hear were my mother's doubts and fears." She moved her hand over his heart, her fingertips feeling its gentle pulse. "I couldn't hear your words. I should have known this heart would not betray me." Her fingers lightly massaged his chest, trying to evoke some response from the man. There was nothing.
She was silent for a long moment, not able to continue, her guilt almost overwhelming her. She took a deep breath, but an involuntary sob interfered. Tears fell again. "How did you do it? Why did you do it? You could have walked away from me. . .from the pain I caused, but you didn't. You stayed by my side, forgave me for my shortsightedness. Why?"
Cassy illogically waited for an answer, knowing none would come. "I did whatever I could to hurt you. . .to pay you back for the betrayal I felt, and yet you did not fight back. You gave in. You let me win. Why?" Still no answer.
But she didn't need an answer from him. For the first time in her life, the answer was clear to her. It was 'love.' Thomas Patrick Ryan loved her. That was the only explanation.
She had always assumed she had known what love was. It was an emotion filled with sparks and passion and sexual attraction. That was what she had been told, that was what she had read, that was what she felt when she married Tom.
However, now she looked upon the still features of the man lying before her, fighting desperately to maintain his hold on life and realized that love was much more than fireworks. It was commitment and risk and sacrifice. And that was what Thomas had given her. Love. From the time they had first been partnered to this afternoon on the stairway, he had given himself to her. He had been willing to sacrifice everything for her. Looking at his pale features, eyes falling upon the tube that pushed oxygen into his body, she knew he risked it all for her.
The tears doubled in their intensity, every anger, every regret, every fear overwhelming her. Why now, when it was too late, did she see the truth? Why now when Tom was. . .? She couldn’t complete the thought.
Cassy lowered her head, resting the scratched side of her face on Tom's chest, listening to the beat of his heart. The pressure against her wounds caused a tingling of pain, but Cassy welcomed the feeling. She wanted nothing more than for her partner to feel her . . .for her to feel him.
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Nurse Roth looked at her watch. The detective had been in with the patient long enough. She hated to run the distraught woman off, but the injured man needed his rest. Besides, the doctor would arrive soon to examine the patient.
She walked softly into the room, ready to whisper to the woman that she would need to leave. She took one look at the two, and realized a whisper would serve no purpose. The blond woman's head rested on the chest of the injured officer. A closer look confirmed what Roth suspected. She was asleep.
Roth smiled and left the room, not having the heart to disturb them.
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"Cassy?" Harry's hushed whisper caused the young woman to jump slightly. His hands on her shoulder and back kept her in the chair.
"Harry?" She looked up at her Captain with sleepy eyes. "What time is it?"
"Almost 9:00. Let me take you home."
Cassy shook her hand emphatically. "No Harry. I'm not leaving here until Tom wakes up."
"I figured you would say that," Harry smiled. "The doctor needs to examine Tom, though. So we at least need to go back to the waiting room."
Cassy nodded and stood, her body stiff. She looked at her partner and found his features unchanged since her arrival two hours earlier.
As the two walked out of the room, Dr. Anderson, the physician assigned to Tom's case, nodded a greeting and entered the room, a serious look on his face.
Harry led Cassy to the waiting room. As they entered, Frannie Lipschitz met them at the door. Like a concerned mother, she wrapped an arm around Cassy and pulled her into a hug. "Are you okay, Honey?"
Cassy felt the tears welling up again, but fought them back, refusing to lose control. "I'm okay, Frannie. Thanks."
Frannie released her, nodding slightly. She led the younger woman to the couch and then sat next to her. Harry took a seat in a chair across from them.
"How's Tom?" Frannie asked gently.
Cassy shrugged, "I don't know. He's still unconscious, but the doctor says that's to be expected because of the overdose."
Frannie nodded, "I'm sure everything is going to be fine, Honey."
Cassy shook her head. "He's so still. I speak to him, and there's nothing. He can't hear me. That scares me more than anything."
Frannie placed a hand on Cassy's leg, "He's been through a lot, Cassy. He'll come out of it. He just needs to rest."
Cassy nodded, smiling bravely. Frannie returned the look, "Why don't we go freshen up and then go down to the cafeteria and get a snack. A little food might do you some good."
Cassy started to protest, but felt the burning in her stomach. She nodded, thankful that Frannie was willing to take care of her.
She reached down for her purse, but it wasn't there. "I left my purse in with Tom," she muttered, starting to rise.
Harry hopped up out of the chair, grateful for something useful to do. "I'll go get it."
Cassy nodded appreciatively. Harry quickly disappeared from the waiting room.
Harry could hear the voices of Dr. Anderson and Nurse Roth coming from within Tom's room. He stood at the door, not sure if he should enter the room or wait until they were finished examining Tom.
Harry decided to wait. From his position he could not help but overhear their conversation.
"No pupillary response," Harry easily identified Dr. Anderson's deep voice. "The head injury is causing complications." There was a long pause. "The heart beat is steady, but too slow." Another pause. "We're definitely going to have to keep him on the respirator. There is no independent respiratory response."
Another pause and then Nurse Roth's voice, "Are you going to tell the family?"
Harry felt his heart drop to his stomach. He couldn't stop himself from walking into the room with those words, "Tell the family what?"
The doctor and nurse looked up from their positions next to Tom's prone form, startled looks on their faces. Dr. Anderson recovered first, "You shouldn't be here," he lightly scolded.
"Tell us what?" Harry pushed, ignoring the admonition. He took an instinctual step towards the hospital bed and looked at his detective with concern.
Nurse Roth stepped forward, prepared to push him back, but Dr. Anderson interrupted her with, "It's okay, Becky. I'll talk to him. We'll finish up later."
Becky Roth's sad eyes met Harry's. Harry wanted to stop her. . .ask her what was wrong, but he allowed her to pass.
"Tell us what?" Harry repeated, emphasizing each word.
"Let's go to my office. We need to talk," the doctor said as he placed a firm hand on Harry's arm and led him from the room.
End Part 16
To Part 17