Reckless
Part 23
Harry found Cassy in the waiting room. The woman was staring absently out the window into the on-coming night. She must have seen his reflection in the glass, because without turning around she simply commented, "I saw Elizabeth and Bill."
Harry nodded. "They're here to talk to Tom."
"He's awake?" Cassy's voice held her surprise.
"Yeah. He woke up right after you left."
Cassy turned around, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "After I left?"
"Well, no," Harry confessed. "He heard us talking. He stopped me before I could leave the room."
"What did he hear?" Cassy felt sickened by the realization that Tom knew of her betrayal. She turned back to the window, unable to face Harry.
"He knew that you were upset about something. He wanted to know what had happened."
"He still doesn't remember?"
Harry approached the woman, standing directly behind her. He, too, allowed his gaze to drift off into the darkness. "He remembers most of what happened."
"Most?"
Harry's voice became very quiet. "He thinks Slater shot him."
Cassy closed her eyes. "Did you tell him the truth?"
Harry shook his head. "I didn't have a chance. Blane and Meyer showed up. I had to let them interview him first."
Cassy's shoulders slumped. "Then it's over."
"Over?"
"He'll know the truth now." Cassy turned away from the window and walked over to the couch. Collapsing on it, elbows on knees, she allowed her forehead to drop into her hands.
Harry nodded his agreement. Without looking up, Cassy continued. "It doesn't matter anyway. I deserve it. I shot him. There's no changing that."
"Tom won't hate you for what happened. It was an accident, he'll understand that. He'll tell them. . ." Harry started to say.
Cassy interrupted. "It doesn't matter what he says, Harry. He didn't do anything wrong. I did." The woman stood and walked to the door. "I was the one who screwed up. And he's the one who's had to pay for my mistake. If I were him, I wouldn't forgive me." She paused for a moment and then took another step towards the exit. "I'm going to go home."
Harry watched his detective's actions, his own anger flaring. "So you're just going to run away again. . .Leave Tom behind to fight the battle alone."
Cassy's eyes widened at the harsh words. "I'm going home because I need to do some serious thinking. . .about my future in the department." She moved closer to the door.
"I never knew you were such a coward," Harry whispered.
Cassy heard the words and stopped in her tracks. "What did you say?"
"I said you were a coward," Harry repeated, his words angrier and louder the second time. "Your partner is lying in a hospital bed and you're going to go run home and think about . . .you?"
Cassy shook her head. "What?"
"It's all about you, St. John, isn't it."
Cassy was speechless. In all the years she had known Harry he had never spoken to her in this manner. Certainly, he had raised his voice at her in the past, when he was critical of some aspect of an investigation, but never before had he attacked her personally. "What are you. . .?" she started to ask, confused by his anger.
"Damn it, don't you see what you're doing?" Harry approached the woman, eyes blazing. "You screwed up. . .you made a mistake and Tom was hurt. And all you can think about is how you are going to deal with it. . .how things are going to change for you because of what you've done. This isn't about you anymore, St. John. You have a partner in there who needs your support right now. . .not your self-pity. Now why don't you start acting like it."
Harry turned away from the woman and walked back to the window. His chest heaved from his anger. Cassy felt the tears welling up in her eyes, but she fought to keep them in check. When she finally spoke, her words were broken whispers. "Harry. . .that's not. . .," she started.
Harry spun on her, interrupting her once again. "I've had enough of your excuses, Sergeant. They aren't going to work anymore." He stopped and took a breath. Cassy started to speak, but Harry's glare stopped her. "Do you know what's worse? What's worse is that you don't even have enough faith in him to know that he would never blame you for what happened. That all these years you've been partnered together, hell, married, were for nothing. You think that after everything you've been through, he'll just turn on you."
"Harry, please." Cassy tried to explain again. "I thought. . .I didn't.. . ."
"'Didn't' what?" Harry broke in again. "Didn't think about the effect your self-indulgence was having on the rest of us? What it would do to Tom? That's the problem with this whole thing, isn't it. Right from the beginning, you didn't think. No, you just acted. You did what you wanted to do to satisfy you. Regardless of the fact that you were endangering your partner. And what you're doing now by leaving is no different than what you did at the warehouse. You haven't learned a thing."
Cassy lost the battle with her tears and they began to spill over and run down her face. "I. . .I. . .," she sputtered and then her voice hitched with a sob. "God, Harry. . .." She turned away from the older man.
Her head dropped down and her hands covered her face. Harry watched as her back heaved. He could hear the sound of her crying. A twinge of guilt struck him, but he ignored it. 'Tough love,' he thought to himself. He approached the woman from behind and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. Cassy flinched at the contact, but kept her back to him.
"Cassy, I'm not going to apologize for what I've said." His voice was much quieter than it had been only seconds before. "We are all tired, Cassy. We're tired of your attitude. . .your self-pity. None of that is helping Tom." He paused for a moment waiting for the woman to respond. She said nothing. "Tom needs you. He always has." Still there was no response. "How do you think Tom will feel when he finds out what you are doing to yourself because of what happened?"
Cassy's head raised. She turned to face the man, her eyes bloodshot, tears streaking down her cheeks. Harry continued, unaffected. "He'll blame himself for what has happened to you. And he's not strong enough to handle that right now. He needs to concentrate on healing himself. If you continue this attitude of yours, you'll not only hurt yourself, but you'll hurt him as well. Is that what you want?"
Cassy, unable to speak, shook her head. Ashamed, her gaze dropped to the floor. Harry smiled at her once again. "Okay. I'm glad we got that straight. Now, do you still want to go home?"
Cassy shook her head, a small smile crossing her features. "No," she whispered. "I think I need to be with my partner."
End Part 23
To Part 24