Return to Innocence

Part 24

Elizabeth stayed wedged between the safety of Peter and her mother during the entire trip to the church. Kathy had asked Peter and his father to join her and her daughter in the limousine. Peter suggested that it might be more appropriate for her parents to ride with her, but Kathy insisted. "Michael would want this," she kept saying.

Upon arrival, Peter began to relinquish his contact with Elizabeth, thinking it more proper that her grandparents take over, but Elizabeth reached out to grab him by the hand, making sure he stayed close. He glanced back at his father walking a few steps behind and shrugged his shoulders.

The church was overcrowded with community members offering their support of the family. Elizabeth looked wide-eyed at the crowd of the unknown and shrank back, making sure she had a firm grasp on her protector's hand.

Peter was certain that Elizabeth was identifying Peter with her father, but he didn't know how to react to this. He did not want it appearing that he was trying to take Michael's place in her eyes, but he did want to be there for her. . .to help her through this. He knew the pain she was suffering. . .the pain she was going to suffer. The loss of a parent was something with which he was all too familiar.

The press was required to maintain a half-block distance from the service, but that didn't prevent the telephoto lens held by Sandra Mason's cameraman from capturing the distraught and anguished faces of the mourners. She gave him explicit instructions to focus on the mother and child whom had been left behind by their loved one.

Peter and Caine entered the church with the family. When they tried to take seats at a pew in the back, Kathy tersely shook her head and pointed to the front of the church. Peter, with his father in tow, obediently followed the family and was seated in the front row, along with Kathy and Elizabeth and the grandparents.

On his long trip to the front of the church, Peter could feel the eyes of certain members of the department burning holes in his back. He saw Barnes, Pearson, Commissioner Kincaid and others, who appeared to be scowling, not mourning. He knew that the police department gossip network had spread the news that Peter had turned traitor. . .that he had crossed the thin blue line.

He began to feel self-conscious and ashamed. But then, as if by plan, his eyes caught sight of Kermit and Captain Simms, sitting side-by-side, Jordie, T.J., Mary Margaret, Jody and Roger were next to them, along with many others from the 101^st, others he called 'friends'. He also saw those who mattered most to him. . .his family. Annie was there, Todd, Carolyn and Kelly at her side. And suddenly, he was no longer ashamed or fearful of betraying Michael. He knew that he had the blessing of those whom mattered most to him. He knew that being with Kathy and Elizabeth, being treated as family by Michael's loved ones, was what Michael wanted from him. And when Peter and his father sat in the front row, the row reserved for family, along with Kathy and Elizabeth and the grandparents, he knew it was right. And the rightness of it was empowering. For the first time since Michael had died, Peter actually felt in control. He knew what he needed to do and he knew how to get it done.

Police Chaplain Mathieson conducted the service, following proper police department decorum. At the end of the second hymn, the Chaplain looked amongst the mourners, "I know that there are those of you who were close to Michael that have requested an opportunity to give us a remembrance."

As if called upon by the Chaplain, Captain Jim Barnes stood up and approached the podium. Peter, a hand resting lightly on Kathy's shoulder, felt her flinch. He couldn't blame her; he felt like flinching himself.

Barnes looked upon the crowd and with a deep, strong, unemotional voice, began his own miniature sermon.

"I first met Michael almost two years ago when I interviewed him for the Task Force. During the course of the interview, we began a discussion of the profile of the perfect police officer. I told him that my concept of the perfect police officer was one who was strong and dedicated; one who did not know fear and who looked upon each assignment as a challenge; a man who believed in the system and was willing to give 110% to fight crime in our city. Michael responded that he didn't think I would ever find the perfect officer. He was wrong. He was all those things that I value most. We, as a department and as a community, have lost an outstanding and valued member of our family. . .a member who can never be replaced." Barnes was suddenly quiet, as if gathering his strength for his final words, "He will be missed."

Without saying more, Barnes stepped away from the podium and returned to his seat. Kathy reached around Elizabeth, grabbed for Peter's hand and squeezed. Peter looked into her eyes and silently questioned, "Are you sure." She smiled slightly, tears sparkling in her eyes, and nodded. Peter, head held high, stood and approached the podium.

He was aware of the mummers from the on-lookers, but knew they didn't matter. He was doing this for Kathy and Elizabeth, and especially Michael.

Standing behind the podium, he felt brief apprehension. Then his eyes caught sight of his mother's face, and even though Annie could not see, she seemed to instinctively know that Peter was seeking out her reassurance. She smiled and nodded at him, also giving her blessing for what he was about to do. He glanced at his father, and saw nothing but pride in his brown eyes. This was right.

"I'm sorry," his first words felt forced and he could feel his vocal cords tremor, "I didn't prepare anything for this, but there are a few things I would like to say. . . about Michael." Peter looked down at his hands, which were tightly clasped together on the podium and then directed his attention at the crowd, capturing the hostile eyes of Captain Barnes, "I want to thank Captain Barnes for the kind words he said about Michael. Every word was true. I have known. . .knew Michael for several years. We were partners. . .friends, and every word Captain Barnes used to describe the perfect officer applied to Michael." Peter held Barnes' gaze and watched as Barnes eyes narrow at him suspiciously. Peter then shifted his gaze to the real targets of his words, Wilson and Pearson, sitting near Barnes.

The young Shaolin took a deep breath, preparing to top the crest of the emotional rollercoaster he had been riding, knowing that everything he had been through, everything that he had put Kathy through, had come down to his next words.

"But Michael was so much more than those few words used by Captain Barnes. Yes, he was a fine police officer, an officer who was loyal, one who took on a challenge with courage and was willing to give everything he had, including his life, to carry out the performance of his duties.

"But Michael was also a man of honor; a man who valued honesty and integrity above all other principals. On our way to the church this morning, Kathy reminded me of an incident with Michael that I had forgotten about. Michael had told me about this one night after we had made an arrest of a hit and run driver. The driver had left the seen of an accident and then tried to lie about her involvement.

"We began a deep discussion about honesty. Michael told me that when he was a young teenager, he had been goaded into shoplifting a tape from a record store. He made it out of the store with the tape and was not caught. When he got home, his friends wanted to play the tape, but he refused. Instead, he left the tape in the wrapper and could do nothing more than stare at it. The tape sat on his desk for two days, haunting him. The longer it sat there, the guiltier he felt. It was destroying him. Something as minor as a tape was causing so much anguish in his heart that he couldn't sleep. . .couldn't eat.

It was at that time, Michael said that he made a decision in his life. He promised himself that he would never allow his honor. . .his integrity to be called into question again. He said that he touched the tape for the first time since having taken home, put it in his pocket and returned to the store from where he had taken it.

He handed it over to the store owner and admitted what he had done. He then told the manager that he was prepared to face the consequences of his crime. At first, the owner was furious. . .was prepared to call the police. But as the man lectured Michael about what he had done. . .his dishonesty, it dawned on the him that Michael had made a mistake, true, but he had the moral character to face up to his mistake, admit it, and was prepared to accept the punishment."

Peter looked out into the crowd, pleased to see some people, his friends, smiling slightly, nodding their approval. He looked at Kathy, her tears now rolled down her face, but she, too, was smiling. Elizabeth was leaning into her mother's side, Kathy's arm firmly around her, pondering the words coming from Peter.

Peter then took a deep, centering breath and directed his gaze at Barnes. The Captain locked eyes with the detective and shifted his position uncomfortably. Peter knew he had made his point. "The store owner did not have Michael arrested. He did call Michael's parents and I hear that he was grounded for six months after, and was required to repaint the house of the store owner as repayment of his debt. He said that it was the worst summer of his life." Peter heard sounds of chuckling and found the source. . .Michael's parents. They were each smiling and nodding, remembering the incident clearly in their minds. They, too, knew what the impact was of the event. They knew how something so minor had reshaped the life of their son. The anger of earlier in the day seemed to be dissipating in the parents and instead, they seemed to understand the point Peter was trying to make.

"Ironically, the next summer, when Michael turned 16, the store owner offered him a job in the store. He worked there until he graduated from college." Peter lowered his eyes, now starting to feel his own tears welling up. "It was at that store that Michael first met Kathy."

He heard Kathy sniffle and looked at her, not sure if he should continue. . .not wanting to cause her pain. She looked up at him bravely and he knew he should go on. "Michael told me that the best thing he had ever done in his life was admitted his wrongdoing. Had he not been brave enough to admit his deception, he would have never been working in the store. . .would have never met his future wife. . .would have never held his lovely daughter in his arms."

Peter found the eyes of Travis Wilson. "That is what Michael taught me. That is what Michael should be remembered for. Yes, everything Captain Barnes said about Michael was true. Michael was a great cop. But he was an even better man. He was a man of uncompromising honesty and integrity, which no power or influence could impair. He should be remembered for those traits and we should do him honor by living up to the same moral code every day of our lives."

Peter was prepared to finish, having said everything that he had wanted, when a movement near Travis caught his eyes. Captain Barnes stood up and made a hasty retreat to the back of the church. Eyes turned on him, most not understanding the reasons for his actions, but a few knowing that Peter's words had hit home.

End Part 24

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