Elmore's Corner...Round Sixteen.

I squeezed between Quint and one of the drugstore cowboys to find Tommy Lee. There was another smooth move for Ex-lax. He was drinking one of the imports we had laid in stock, in case there were people who equated American beer with making love in a canoe, and as I came alongside him he jumped about three feet in the air and turned a fearsome scowl in my direction.

TLJ:  Somebody pinched my ass!

I held my hands in the air, palms forward, keeping them in plain sight.

Deb:  Wasn't me, man!

I backed away from the scowl and into Quint, who caught me before I 
could trip myself up.

Quint:  Careful there, darlin'.

I tossed a grateful smile over my shoulder at Quint and turned back to
Tommy.  The change in position had allowed me to see who was sitting behind
him, and it seemed that the boy had his exquisitely filled trousers backside
to none other than Clay Shaw.

Deb:  I think I might know who the guilty party is...

I gestured, and Tommy turned to find Clay Shaw's faintly smirking face.
I pulled him away before he could do anything to defend the righteous
testosterone.

Deb:  And now you've spilled beer all over your suit...

Tommy grinned evilly.

TLJ:  This bothers you?

Deb:  Not at all, but you need to get out of it.

TLJ:  What am I supposed to change into?

I was dangerously sidetracked here, but enjoying it.

Deb:  Maybe Billy has a spare pair of jeans here...you two are about the
same size.  And we've got these fine polo shirts.

TLJ:  Damn, you're probably right.  Where would the jeans be?

Deb:  In the back office, if at all.  Sam's back there, anyway.  Just look
for the door marked executive washroom.

TLJ:  Sam's sitting in the bathroom?

Deb:  No, that's just the way the door's marked.

TLJ:  Why does this sound like something you're responsible for?

Deb:  Why do you have to ask?  Shoot!  I almost forgot what I wanted to ask
you...have you seen Billy anywhere?

TLJ:  No, but when I do I plan to advise him to keep a closer eye on the
clientele.

Tommy moved away through the crowd, towards the bar.  He shot a final 
glare at a completely unrepentant Clay Shaw before he disappeared.  I   
turned to Quint.

Deb:  Seen Billy at all, Quint?

Quint:  Not lately, but try the back.  I noticed Cole is here.

Deb:  If you see Beth before I do, will you tell her?

Quint:  Make a point to.

I asked my question several more times before I found Beth.  She had
already spotted Big Ugly, but had stuck to the floor because she didn't
know what else to do, and because Tom Boyette was between her and Cole.

Beth:  We have to find Bill.

Deb:  Everybody I've asked says look for the Bail Jumpers.

Beth:  They're in the back and you can't get in there for love or money...
Bill!  Thank God!

I felt two hard arms encircle my waist and squeeze hard enough to make
me gasp, pressing me back against the rock that was Billy's chest.

Billy:  Whatcha doin'?

Deb:  Looking for you...

Beth:  Cole's here.

Billy:  So I heard.  Saw Cosmo myself.  You two get off the floor.  Stay off 
it.  Work behind the bar if ya have to but stay outa the way.  You, Punk, 
hear me?

Deb:  You don't have to say it twice, not this time.

Billy:  You're learnin'...send Elmore out on the floor, if nothin' else.
He's gotta bone t'pick with Cole.  G'wan, now...

I got a slap on the butt and a kiss on the cheek, and Beth and I headed
for sanctuary.  Beth continued on to the crapper, to spend a few minutes
in Sam's company.  I could understand that completely.  Sam would reassure
her with a word and a quick snuggle the way Billy had reassured me with the
smack on the bottom.  Elmore tied on an apron and headed out.

Elmore:  Peckerwood tries anythin' with me, he gonna draw back a stump.
Beth, honey, you okay?

Beth:  I'll be fine, Elmore.

She touched his cheek gently and smiled.  From the other end of the bar
I watched the tension flow out of Elmore's features.  Beth slipped into the
office and Elmore turned to the floor with a look of determination on his
face.  That left me to tend the bar.

Sam:  Baby?

He looked up from the telephone.

Sam:  Come here, you...come on...

He pulled her down onto his knee, gathered her close.

Beth:  Cosmo and Cole are out there.

Sam:  You stay in here, then.

Beth:  I can't leave Deb out there alone.  Elmore's the only one on the
floor...Bill says not to go out and for once Deb's listening.  They'll
come to the bar if Elmore can't get to them...I need to go help after a
minute...I just needed....to be with you.

Sam gently nuzzled and kissed the top of her head.

Sam:  You stay as long as you want to, baby-girl.

Tommy appeared at my elbow, in jeans and a Corner polo.

TLJ:  Heineken, Deb.

Deb:  Sure...

Tommy fished in his pocket for his wallet, but discovered he had left it
in his other pants.  Oldest excuse in the book.

Deb:  Never mind...it's on the house...

At a signal, Elmore had lowered the house lights by half and now the
Bail Jumpers were taking the stage.  Billy, in the forefront, grinned
hugely.  That kind of thing appealed to a streak of exhibitionist in his
soul.

Billy:  Wanna welcome y'all to th' grand openin' of Elmore's Corner.  I'm
Bad Billy and these are the fabulous Bail Jumpers...

Loud, raucous cheers...

Billy:  I wanna start with a song specially for my girl...'s called Rap Mama
Goose...

Tommy ducked pretty smartly at my inarticulate scream, and watched a
perfect fusillade of empties arc toward the stage.  The chickenwire there
protected the Bail Jumpers, but Charlie Company had to scatter as the
bottles started to fall and shatter like bombs on the floor.

Butler:  Incoming!!!

The Bail Jumpers swung into Rap Mama Goose and I shook my fist helplessly
at Billy...

Eventually this unbelievably tedious blues rock jammer came to an end, to
wild applause.  The remaining bartender was not impressed.  Billy shot a
blazing grin at me and inclined his head slightly in my direction.  The
reason for this became apparent when the music started up.

Deb:  Oh, no....

I started giggling uncontrollably.  I had always liked the song they
were about to do...it was terminally smartass.

TLJ:  What's this called?

I pulled his head to mine and whispered two words in his ear.

TLJ:  That's what it's called?

Deb:  Uh-huh.  Listen to it...it's just awful.

TLJ:  I take it that's good?

Deb:  It's wonderful.

Billy:  Wanna dedicate this next tune specially to George Cole...

Billy launched into the song, and I was destroyed.

Why are you staring at me?
When I look back at you I don't like what I see.
I don't like your clothes, your lack of character shows
 and you've got something disgusting hanging out of your nose.

Beth appeared in the office door, bemused.  She came to stand by me.

Beth:  Hi, Tommy Lee.  What's this?

I leaned over, whispered in Beth's ear.

Beth:  That's what it's called?

Deb:  Yup!  

Billy and the Bail Jumpers forged on...

Why are you talking to me?
Please leave immediately!
Where is your dignity?
Please get away from me
Why don't you choke on a fashion accessory?

Beth:  Cole is not gonna like that.

TLJ:  Cole?

Beth:  George Cole?  Remember him?

TLJ:  Good God...is he here?

Deb:  Lurking someplace like the thug he is.

Billy continued in good order...

I can't remember your name and I could not care less
I could have more fun talking to the IRS.
Why don't you take your problems to analysis?
Take your foot out of your mouth and suck on this...

Fuck you!

The Bail Jumpers swung into the chorus, and it only took the first line
to have the clientele roaring along with the first word in every line.  
There was a veritable forest of middle fingers waving cheerfully...but from
where I stood, I could see Cole.  He was seated, right ankle resting on the
left knee, huge arms folded across his chest, and he was not amused.  There
would be trouble over this.

So go tell it to the judge, cause I don't care
You'd look cooler if you wore a frigidaire
Get lost, eat shit, drop dead, go screw
We're in big trouble, baby
And the trouble is you!

The band repeated the chorus, twice, for the edification of the crowd.
By the end, even Tommy was chuckling and I was laid out over the bar, all
but comatose.  Beth was shaking her head as she headed back to the office.
I thought the roof was going to come down on our heads.  I had no idea, then
just how close to the truth that thought brought me.

TO BE CONTINUED...