Ain't I A Stinker?

Billy and I found ourselves on the street without Beth. Billy was suddenly in a black mood.

Billy:  Oh, you were gonna kick ass and take names.

Deb:  Be quiet.

Billy:  You were gonna clean the Dawg's clock.

Deb:  Dry up.

Billy:  Wuss.

Deb:  Stifle yourself.

Billy:  Watch it, you're lettin' everybody know how old you are.

Deb:  Doesn't matter how old I am, Strannix, I'll never be as old as you.

Billy:  Low blow, baby.

Deb:  You should be used to those.

Billy:  Why can't I shut you down like that?  Sure as hell be easier on 
my ears.

I stopped in my tracks, stared at Billy's retreating back until he turned
to see where I was.  He came back to where I waited.

Deb:  Please.

There was another answer, but I didn't dare give it.  The minute Billy
knew there was a way for him to control me, I was lost.  He knew I thought
he was a package, I suspected some of his strutting was actually for my
benefit, but unless I missed my guess he had no idea how attractive I
found some of his other qualities.  I loved his quick intelligence, droll
wit and irrepressible self-confidence.  But he was far too self-absorbed
to notice it.  I even liked that.  I thought it was funny.  And it would
be a fatal error to let him in on any of it.

Billy:  One word to the Dawg...

Deb:  Quit with the threats.  She'll be okay.

Billy:  You hope.  She slips it's your ass. too.

Deb:  Mine!  Why mine, it's not my basement!

Billy:  You were down there.  You saw.  You ain't any stupider than you have
to be - even if you don't know exactly what I'm doin' down there, you can
put two and two together.

Deb:  I have no idea what any of that cheap-ass Packard Bell trash was for.

Billy:  Aiding and abetting, fool.  That's what they call it when you don't 
kiss and tell.  She spills anything, I'll aid and abet her...

Ryan joined us.  I stared stupidly at him.  He wore jeans and a South
Park t-shirt, dirty tennis shoes and a Chicago Bulls baseball cap turned
around backwards.  His hair was long again, as it had been in Castle Gleigh,
and he had tied it back in an indifferent ponytail.  He blended in perfectly
with the crowd we were in.

Ryan:  Glad to see you could make it, lass.

Deb:  Do I dare ask what you're doing here?

Billy:  Need to know, baby.

Deb:  And I don't need to know.  I've heard that before.  Listen here, Laurel
and Hardy, I know you're cooking something up...

Billy:  Prove it.

Deb:  I don't need to.  I know you.

Billy:  Now, now, lass.  You know what happens when you assume.

Deb:  I also know what happens when I don't.  At least around this one.

Billy:  That's enough, baby.  Ryan, you checked that building out?

Ryan:   Top to bottom, lad.

Billy:  How'd you get in?

Ryan:  Building maintenance man.  Never fails.  Slicker than shit through
an Orangeman's arse.  I know just the place.

Deb:  Just the place for what?

Billy took my hand in his.  From a distance, it would look like the move
of an affectionate, attentive man.  Billy was attentive, all right.  He was
squeezing my fingers, grinding the bones together.  I could hear the
knuckles cracking.

Billy:  Gonna be good, now?

Deb:  Leggo before you bust my hand!  Ouch!

Billy:  Quit askin' so many damn questions.  Then your hand won't hurt.

I snatched my hand away, then put Ryan between Billy and me.  Ryan took
my hand, massaged it gently and gave Billy a reproachful look.

Ryan:  No need for secrets, lad.  She's one of us.

Billy:  One of us?  What the hell are you talkin' about, boy?

Ryan:  This fine lady has applied to the GSI.  Rather creative responses,
Darlin'.

Billy:  Gerard's weasel.  Don't trust her.

Deb:  That's nice, Billy.  That's really nice.  I'm getting torched by Sam
because I've gone out of my way to cover your ass and now you're torching
me for doing it.

Ryan:  Easy, lass.  He's high-strung.

Deb:  I'm not touching that.

Billy:  Good idea.  Keep your mouth shut and things'd be just about perfect.

Deb:  Bite.  What'd you find just the place for?

Ryan:  Lass, I'm disappointed in you.  What am I known for?

Billy:  What's my favorite plot twist?

Deb:  A bomb?!

Heads turned in the crowd and it was pretty plain some good citizen or 
another was going to go looking up one of the boys in blue if we didn't get
scarce.  Billy and Ryan got on either side of me, picked me up under the
arms and hauled me into a seedy little bar.  I was getting used to the 
little flying act snd so didn't fight it.  I was too busy worrying about
how I was going to ditch these two ying-yangs and get back to the Federal
Building to warn them.

Billy:  Siddown.  Have a drink.

Deb:  I don't want a drink.

Billy:  Bring her a beer.  Me, too.

Ryan:  Would you be havin' Guninness, lass?

The waitress stared at Ryan as though he had an extra head or three.

Ryan:  Drinkin' American beer is like makin' love in a canoe.  Oh, well...
Budweiser?

The beers materialized quickly.  Billy threw the woman a bill, grabbed
his beer and took a long pull off the bottle.  Ryan looked at his with
obvious distaste.  I pushed my bottle away.  Billy pushed it back.  I
pushed it away again.  Billy moved it back, curled my fingers around it,
and sat way too close until I drank from it.

Deb:  Where is this bomb?

Ryan:  In yon wee man's office.

I squirmed in my seat.  Billy clamped a hand down on my thigh.

Billy:  Sit tight, baby.  Nobody's gonna get hurt.  I knew she'd start her
pissin' and moanin'.  It's only a damn old stinkbomb.  I ain't crazy enough
to try and take out the whole Loop, even if he is.

Ryan:  That hurts, Billy-boy.

Deb:  A stinkbomb?  Why a stinkbomb?

Billy:  I got no love for the Dawg, but Beth's got some goofy ideas about
'im.  I don't go out of my way to hurt my girls as long as they behave.  

Deb:  Ryan, he lost me.

Ryan:  I wanted the more conventional model, Darlin', but Billy only wants
to make a point.  It's a warning to all parties concerned, lass, not to
take us lightly.

Deb:  I don't imagine anybody does.

Billy:  Thing's set to go off about...when, my man?

Ryan:  Now.

Billy:  Finish your beer, baby.  

Deb:  What's the rush?

Billy drained his beer, then reached for mine and took care of it.  Ryan
managed to work the Budweiser down his throat, then we got up to go.  The
two men rushed me back to the Federal Building - they walked swiftly and I
almost had to run to keep up.  Ryan was kind enough to plant a big hand 
in the small of my back to help me keep up.  Billy just tossed smart
remarks over his shoulder.  We got back to where the Suburban was parked,
and Billy boosted me up onto the roof, so I could sit and watch.
  
Things were already happening at the Federal Building.  A number of fire
trucks and paramedic units were clustered in the street, lights flashing.
There wasn't anything to smell, like most skyscrapers the Federal Building
was a sealed box.  Whatever they'd set loose inside was staying there.  
The only way we could tell anything was going on, besides the presence of
the emergency vehicles, was the condition of the people staggering through
the doors.  Some were merely angry while others were vomiting, crying,
gasping for a lungful of clean air.  Some were unconscious on the sidewalk
and being attended to by the paramedics.  Firemen were moving in and out
of the building dragging lengths of hose, axes and halligan tools.  We
could hear windows being broken out and see water being sprayed in an 
attempt to reduce the odor.  Ryan was grinning hugely, while Billy was flat
out laughing.

Deb:  Man, this is bad.

Billy:  Ryan, you are a genius.  What'd you put in there?

Ryan:  A mixture of buck scent, musk and skunk scent.  Very potent, wouldn't
you say, lad?

Deb:  That building is gonna reek for a month.

Billy:  That building is gonna reek forever.  They're gonna have to tear out
the carpeting, shitcan the furniture, maybe even knock down the walls.  This
is better than I hoped.

Deb:  You guys are evil.

Billy:  Ever been this close to greatness?  You love it.

I was laughing.  I was trying not to, but I was laughing.  As a regular
citizen, I tended to see the Federal government as a bottomless pit, into
which my pittance of tax money was thrown.  Sam or no Sam, I had to admit
I enjoyed seeing this outpost of the Washington bloodsuckers getting a
little bit of their own back.

Deb:  I hate to admit it, but this is funny.

Billy:  Get a load of Renfro.

Billy pointed to Cosmo, doubled over in the middle of the street with
the dry heaves.  He must have been right at ground zero when Ryan's little
present let go.

Ryan:  Where's our Sam?

Billy:  He took the pipsqueak someplace.  They oughta be pullin' up soon.
Looks like Renfro was on the phone.

Billy was right.  Cosmo had a cellphone in his hand, though he appeared
to be in no condition to chat.  Sure enough, Sam came up on foot, with a
bewildered and uneasy Beth in tow.  Sam collared a police officer and 
seemed to be demanding an explaination.  The cop blew him off and bustled
away in a self important manner.  Beth spotted me - I was pretty hard to 
miss, planted on the roof of the Suburban.  I shrugged elaborately.  It
made more sense to play dumb than to give Sam another reason to hassle me.

Ryan:  There's the little love.

He waved at Beth.  Beth made sure Sam was occupied, kicking a mailbox,
before she waved back.

Billy:  Get over here!

Deb:  She can't hear you.

Billy:  She can read lips.  Get your ass over here, baby.

Beth could, indeed, read lips.  She probably also figured she was safer
where she was, unlike me.  I was going to have some explaining to do.  She
shook her head and moved a little closer to Sam.

Billy:  Aw, shit...woman, get yourself gone.

Deb:  What?  Why?

Billy:  You ready to mess with the Dawg?

Sam had caught sight of us.  He had Beth by the hand and was marching
through the mess of vehicles, lengths of hose, prostrated bodies and
puddles of vomit like a man possessed.  Beth was stumbling along behind
him, looking afraid.  Billy yanked me off the roof of the truck, hustled
me over to my car and shoved me in it.  Ryan slipped in beside me.  Billy
stood by until I managed to drive away.

Ryan:  Don't worry, lass.  Billy-boy's got everything well in hand.

Deb:  That's what I'm afraid of.  Are you going with me?

Ryan:  If you don't mind.

Deb:  Not at all.  I could use the company.

Ryan:  Then drive on.  If you're to support the Cause, you need to know
its glorious history.


TO BE CONTINUED...