After what Sam called 'my stunt', he wouldn't allow me to get up unless he went with me. I spent the last forty five minutes or so of the flight in a state of extreme agitation. I didn't think Beth had taken my warning exactly seriously. Once we landed in Lubbock, I was loaded into yet another anonymous sedan - this one was a Caprice - and driven through the city. We pulled up outside an apartment building like thousands of others across the country. Cosmo: Ready when you are, Sam. Sam: I was born ready. They in there? Cosmo: Poole's been watching the back. We haven't seen anyone matching their descriptions come out. Someone did pull up a while ago, but it looked like all they had was a bag of old curtains when they left. Sam: Good. Let's go. As soon as I judged they were far enough from the car to be unable to hear me, I whipped out my cellphone and dialed Beth's number. I was glad there were no lakes nearby. Billy: Talk to me. Deb: Billy, what are you doing there? Billy: Waitin' for Deputy Dawg. He on the way up? Deb: Yes! Go on, get out! Where's Beth? Billy: On her way to a friend's house. Rolled her up in some old curtains and had a friend of mine lug her out. Don't worry, Barn won't catch her. Deb: I don't want him to catch YOU, either. He's on the warpath. Billy spat in derision. When I heard the door being kicked in, I hung up the phone quickly before Sam could grab Billy's end and figure out it was me. Sam was mad enough to eat sand and shit cement when he came out of the building, and Billy's big grin did nothing to help his disposition. I climbed cautiously out of the car. Sam: Girl, I oughta blister you! Deb: Sam? Sam: Don't play innocent with me. She got away. Now we're gonna have to go with my backup plan. Billy: You got one? I noticed Billy was cuffed, which distressed me greatly though it didn't seem to be bothering Billy all that much. Sam: Dry up, you. Deb: What plan is that? Sam: Gonna talk to the only common thread you all have. I remember something about somebody fronting this mutt some money... Deb: Sam. I don't like the sound of this. Where are we going? Sam made no move to reply. Instead, I was directed to get back in the car, while Billy was stuffed in beside me. Cosmo drove, and Sam directed him to head for the airport while he made a call. It sounded like he was telling someone to ready a small plane for immediate use, and to get someone to fly it. Deb: Sam, talk to me. Billy: He better damn well talk to somebody. Deb: Billy, please. He's probably already got enough on you to put you away for six lifetimes. Don't make him mad. Sam: Too late. Billy: Like hell. Deb: Sam, please, can I ask where we're going? Sam: I s'pose. After several beats, during which I stared at Billy, Billy smirked genially at the back of Sam's head and Sam refused to look at me, I forged on. Billy started cleaning his teeth with some sort of sharp object he was otherwise careful to conceal. Deb: Okay, where're we going. Sam: San Saba. Deb: Oh, no, Sam...no no no no no, not that. He's got nothing to do with this...Don't get him involved, he's just an actor, Sam, that's all, just an actor... Sam: Deb? Deb: Yes, Sam? Billy: Yes, Sam?...Jesus H. Christ... Deb: But you're making a mistake! THAT got his attention. Sam turned around, one eyebrow going orbital. Sam: Mistake? Cosmo: Not Sam. Billy: What about his mother? I was already a bundle of nerves. I didn't need these two sniping at each other in the close confines of the car. I punched Billy in the arm, which didn't seem to affect him in the least. My hand hurt, though. Deb: Knock it off! You're incorrigible! Billy: And you love me, so why don't you quit while you're ahead, girl? We boarded a smaller Lear-type aircraft for the short hop to San Saba, where another miserable Ford had been requisitioned from the local dealership. Deb: Does he know about this? Sam: He'll be there, if that's what you mean. Deb: Crap. Billy: You're not creamin' your cottons with the prospect? Deb: No. I never thought about meeting the man under any circumstances, let alone with a police escort. Billy: Don't you be lumpin' me in with no police. Deb: Make this any worse here, old hoss, and the only lumpin' you'll get is on the melon. Billy moved suddenly, pinning me with his big body to the back of the seat. Billy: Say what? Deb: Never mind. Once he let me up, I refused to look at him. He didn't need to know too much. Still, I heard him chuckling in a lower register and my knees turned to water. When Sam turned to see what was going on, and t-boned me with those eyes, my stomach followed my knees. Sam: We should be pretty...there, that's him. Deb: He's on horseback. I can die now. Billy: That can be arranged. We pulled up to Tommy's gate and stopped. Cosmo opened my door while Sam reached inside to haul Billy out. Billy: Back off, Barn, keep y'damn paws to yourself. Sam: How'd you get out of those cuffs? Billy: Ancient Chinese secret, buttface. Get on with it. Sam and Cosmo fished out their credentials while I looked for cover. Tommy carefully watched the way the two deputies handled both the documents and themselves. From my spot behind Sam, I watched Tommy watch Sam. Billy sat on the hood of the car, massaging his wrists and looking around. Tommy: Billy, it's been a while. How's the truck? Billy: Still drivin' it. How's tricks, boy? Sam: So you know each other? Tommy: Somewhat. Professionally. What's this all about? Sam: In a minute...dammit, get out from there... I was dragged forward. Sam: Tommy, Deb Moritz...Deb, Tommy Lee Jones. Tommy, you know this woman? Tommy: Any reason why I should? Sam: You even seen her webpage? Tommy: No. Lots of people have webpages. Most of them are harmless. Why? Sam: This one's a piece of work. So far she's been in touch with Strannix, here and Ryan Gaerity. Tommy: Is she in any kind of trouble? Sam: So far, no. But she's been evasive as hell and you're the common point. And you don't know her. Tommy studied me. I felt like an interesting new lichen on a rock. Billy: You be nice, boy. She doesn't scare easy, but she takes a lot of gentlin' down. Tommy: She's not a horse, Billy. You into something you shouldn't be, Darlin'? I gestured at Billy. Tommy: Other than that. I managed an emphatic head shake. Now I felt less like a lichen and more like the village idiot. No matter. Better to feel like one than prove I was one by speaking incoherently. Tommy: Well, she's not hiding behind me, Sam, I can tell you that much. Billy, what are you up to? Billy: Anything I want, son. Listen...this fool dragged my girl clean across country for nothin'...d'you suppose you could...hell, I dunno... give her an autograph or somethin'? Tommy: Could she ask herself? Billy: Nope. Look at that. Sam: You're right about that much. Cosmo: She doesn't look like she could string two words together on a bet. That stung. Deb: You three are evil. And you should be destroyed. Billy: There she goes! Deb: Quiet! Am I off the hook? Sam: Looks that way. Deb: What about Billy? Billy: More than you know, Baby. Deputy Dawg tries sinkin' his teeth into this boy, he's gonna be sorry. Sam: Don't bet on it, Strannix. Deb: Will you two take it outside or something? Sam: We are outside. Deb: Then get a room! Just quit knocking heads like a couple of buffalo. I was doing my utmost to present myself as a reasonably intelligent young woman. Also, the last thing I wanted was to stand around and watch these two pound on each other. Tommy: Would you like an autograph? I wanted to say yes, thank you, but what came out of my mouth didn't sound anything like that. Deb: What would I do with that? Tommy: So you don't? Billy leaned forward and covered my mouth with a big hand, wrapping his other arm around my waist and pressing me tightly against him. I knew better than to struggle against those muscles. Billy: She's talking out her ass 'cause her mouth knows better, Tom. 'Course you want an autograph, dontcha? That's right, nod your head. You gonna be good now? I nodded my head myself. Billy removed his hand and set me back on my feet. Deb: Tommy, would you mind terribly if I asked you something? Tommy: Not when you put it that way. Go ahead. Deb: Well, then...if Billy was actually alive when he got off the Missouri, why was he killed off at the end of the movie? Tommy: Seagal wanted it that way. Strannix was actually the more interesting of the two characters... Billy: Damn skippy. Tommy: ...and Seagal wanted to make sure Ryback got the lions share of the film. Made sense to me. Billy: Ryback's a damn wussy. Deb: But if Billy's really in as much trouble as he wants everybody to think he is... Sam: And he really is. Deb: ...why didn't they just pick him up when he surfaced for the premier? I can't imagine Mr Modest, here, missing a chance to watch himself in all his glory. Tommy: Simple, Darlin'. He went as me. Sam: Oh, hell! Tommy: Wasn't my idea, but I had other fish to fry. We put him in my tuxedo and swore my wife to secrecy. Simple. Sam: Dammit! Billy grinned and punched Sam compaionably in the arm. Billy: You people are so damn stupid. Sam reached for his cuffs and Cosmo reached for Billy, but the bad boy danced away from them both. Billy: Go on, you turdbirds, admit it. You got nothin' on me. Not a damn thing. Sam: I've got enough. Billy: Like hell! The most you could do is hold me for 24 hours and that's if I decide to let you. You can't hang shit on me, little man, and you know it. The look on Sam's face was murderous. Billy: Now, where's my key, dammit!? Deb: Exit, stage left, even. Another Mexican Standoff was in the making, and I wondered if I shouldn't get between them. Sam and Billy were squaring off in the road, while over by the gate Tommy dismounted with swift grace that took my breath away. He moved quickly to get me out of harm's way, and put me in the backseat of the car. He held my hands briefly, gently, between his and grinned fleetingly. Then, he backed out of the car and prepared to avert disaster. Tommy: Billy! Sam needs to get a move on. C'mon into the house, have a beer, we'll do some catching up. Billy: Not before I kick his ass. Sam: Bring it on, boy. Tommy grabbed Billy by the scruff of the neck and forcibly hauled him away from Sam. While Billy was plenty big enough to give Tommy a run for his money, and maybe even to whup him, Tommy had the element of surprise on his side. He was able to remove Billy before the outbreak of WWIII. Tommy: I said let's get in the house and have a goddam beer so Sam can get this young woman home! Sam and Cosmo climbed into the car, Cosmo behind the wheel. Sam's expression was evil and thundery. I began to think I'd ruined a good thing, but I was afraid to speak. Sam: 'S not your fault, girl. Keep the stuff coming. Deb: Thank you, Sam. I'm curious...do you still have the key? Sam turned to me. His eyes blazed with evil humor. Sam: Oh, yeah. As Yogi Berra said, it ain't over till it's over. Though I came away with nothing to prove it ever happened, I have my memories - which include Tommy's dismount, which I can see any time I close my eyes - and I have Sam's implied threat. I haven't heard the last of this.
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