I'm Bill Strannix...

Ed:  And I'm not.

Welcome to the Revolution.  Who told you to talk?

Ed:  Uh, Bill...

What do you want, girl?

Ed:  Billy, you promised.

Oh, now it's Billy.  You want somethin', I know you do.  What is it?

Ed:  You know what.  I told you what I wanted and you promised you'd
be good and spare us all the BS about the Revolution.  Now you're trying
to do a Kaczynski on me.

Ted's a friend of mine.

Ed:  I'm supposed to be surprised?  

I've got two words for you, woman.  

Ed:  Just what did you think you were going to do, here?

What I agreed to do.  And I'm tryin' my best, despite a 
hell of a lot of interference.  Now will you take a long walk
off a short pier and let men work?

Ed:  Billy, I cannot have a manifesto.  I have a responsibility
to the people who might read this.

Who needs a life that bad?

Ed:  You, too, can be replaced by a button.  I don't know who's
going to stumble across this, but I'm willing to bet there won't
be any revolutionaries.  Tommy doesn't represent the revolution.

Tommy?  Tommy who?

Ed:  Tommy Lee Jones, who else?

What's he got to do with anything?  You never said a word about
that cracked a...

Ed:  BILL!  

What'd he ever do for me?

Ed:  Where should I begin?

So he fronted me a down payment on my house and leased my Suburban.
He owed me.  What's that got to do with anything else?

Ed:  Simply this.  He can't be here.  Unlike present company, he works,
hard.  And you're speaking on behalf of this fine man whose played
everything from the classic American cowboy to whacked out former Special
Ops agents with grace and dignity...

Watch who you're callin' whacked out.

Ed:  Pooh.  Anyhow...

Whoa, baby, I'm here on behalf of the one and only William Strannix.
Tommy's got a big enough mouth on him any other time, what's he need me
for?  Just because he roomed with Slick Willy's second banana thirty
years ago is no sign I need to change my agenda.  You knew where I
stood on the Feds when you asked me to do this.

Ed:  On their necks, I know.  Billy, believe me, I'm taking a huge risk 
just having you here.

I haven't done anything in a while...not yet, anyway.  Who wants me?

Ed:  Bill.  

Damn.  What?

Ed:  Think.  You're not exactly unknown to Deputy Dawg, if you get my
drift?

My God!  What in hell do I have to do to hear the last of that
wuss?!

Ed:  All men should be that wussy.

I'm warnin' you.

Ed:  Okay, you're right.  This is your soapbox.  I won't say a word about
Sam Gerard in a tight t-shirt that shows off just how well put together
he is...

Girl, you dry up or I'm outa here right now.

Ed:  Okay, okay, chill, all right?  Now, Billy, can't you just fake it?
If you do, I promise never to ask you to do this again.  I swear on my
mother's grave.

Your mother's not dead.  

Ed:  You know what I mean.  Please, Billy.  Pretty please...

All right!  Knock it the hell off!  You're not gonna be happy 'till I'm
lyin' through my teeth!

Ed:  And what attractively clenched choppers they are.

You're gonna pay for this.  Okay.  All right.  The Feds.  I used to work
for the CIA, otherwise known as the Central Idiocy Agency.  They didn't
like my methods and my boss sent somebody to put me on a cooling board.
I put the somebody on ice and told my boss what he could do with his 
job.  Now I work for me, and I like my boss one HELL of a lot better.
There.  Satisfied?

Ed:  Yes, Billy.  Thank you.  You're really nothing but an old softy
at heart, you know that?

Shut up.

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