:: Musings, Thoughts, Quirks, and Cats ::

:: Monday, January 28, 2002 ::

This is interesting and comes from my Psychology textbook, "Psychology, Sixth Edition" by David G. Myers:

"Our eyes connect to our brains in such a way that, when we look straight ahead, the left half of our field of vision transmits through both eyes to our right hemisphere. Likewise, the right side of our field of vision transmits to our left hemisphere.
In most of us with healthy, intact brains, information presented only to our right hemisphere is quickly sent to our left hemisphere, with names it. But what happens in a person whose corpus callosum [the neural connection between our brain hemispheres] has been severed? To find out, experimenters ask the person to look at a designated spot. Then they send information to either the left or the right hemisphere by flashing it to the spot's right or left. Finally they quiz each hemisphere seperately.
See if you can guess the results of an experiment using this procedure. While the patients stared at a dot, the word HEART was flashed across the visual filed with HE in the left visual field and ART in the right. First, what did the patient say they saw? Second, asked to identify with their left hands what they had seen, did they point to HE or ART?
As you can guess, the patients said they saw ART and so were startled when their left hands pointed to HE. Given and opportunity to express itself, each hemisphere reports only what it has seen.
Similiarly, when a picture of a spoon was flashed to their right hemisphere, the patients could not say what they saw. But when asked to identify what they had seen by feeling with their left hands an assortment of objects hidden behind a screen, they readily selected the spoon. If the experimenter said, "Right!" the patient might reply, "What? Right? How could I possibly pick out the right object when I don't know what I saw?" It is of course the left hemisphere doing the talking here, bewildered by what it's nonverbal right hemisphere know."

That's amazing, just amazing. My Psych Prof also related anecdotes of Split-Brain Patients who would do up their shirt with their right hand, while the left hand would UNDO it for them. Likewise, the right hand would take groceries off a grocery store shelf and the left hand would put it back. The two brain hemispheres, no longer able to communicate with each other, would sometimes do two different things.

"Watching The Detectives"
:: Steve Ferguson 6:29 PM [+] ::
...

The Disney Female Repression

Ever since it's creation, Disney has been repressing female characters, even if they're the central figures of the work. There have been many levels of this, and I shall name them, citing examples. The thing to remember the most is: Disney distorts reality to make it seem so gosh darn happy, but the true nature is far more sinister.

Disney Breasts
There is nothing so horrendously unfair to the Disney females as Disney Breasts. The Disney Breasts have changed little over the past 50 or so years. They are quite small, and like a pair of oranges under the Disney female's shirt. They are there, but there just isn't anything to them. Usually, the Disney female makes up for this with exaggerated hips, but is that justice?? Let's think about this. Suppose a Disney male gives a Disney female a Disney kiss, and she gets Disney pregnant. What's to happen to the poor Disney infant once born? It can't Disney breastfeed with those Disney Breasts! Never have I seen a Disney female suffer from Nipplitus (the condition in both males and females where the nipple hardens and stands out due to temperature) when it's cold out, or a slight Disney Breast sag when the Disney female's been lying on her side. Disney is denying their females basic biological rights!

Disney Skin
This is almost too sad. Although it may appear to be fantastic at first, Disney Skin is nothing but horror to Disney females. It's pale, except for rosy cheeks and has a silky texture look to it that enraptures people. BUT have you thought of the consequences of this terrible atrocity? If a Disney female wants to stroll in the Disney sun, her skin would most probably melt off! That's right folks, it's a rubber-plastic hybrid. The unnatural colour causes the Disney females to be unnaturally elvish in appearance, but without the strength. Most Disney females die not long after their movie premieres, or their series ends, most likely of an alien skin cancer, freezing the Disney females forever in a mannequin pose.

Disney Lines
Unfortunately, Disney females more often than not, have the WORST lines you could ever hope to imagine. In fact, they are usually so bad that the Disney females are often thought of to be bitches, cowards, of just plain stupid. For instance, Cinderella sang nicely, sure, but what was her first line? I can't remember! That's because it probably was something like "Good morning sunshine!" or "Hello my bird friends." And let's not forget Disney Screaming. It's not the heartwrenching, bloodcurdling scream you've come to recognize in most horror films, but more of an exaggerated calling out, or yelling. And then this is usually complimented by the Disney female then fainting. You will never see that on Nickelodeon.

"Duchess! Kittens! Duchess!! Kittens!! Duchess!!! Kittens!!!" - that old bat "Madam" from the Aristocats.
"Laaa aaa aaa aaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaa!" - Snow White from Snow White.
"Webigail!! Little girls don't go on adventures!" - Mrs. Beakly from Duck Tales.
"Gee Golly Chip that sounds dangerous!" - Gadget from Rescue Rangers.
"Everybody needs a mother." - Wendy from Peter Pan.
"You must be careful in the meadow." - Bambi's mom from Bambi.

That's enough. It's time for our Disney females stand up for their rights and Disney kill some Disney males. Although DIsney killing involves "accidentally" letting their Disney nemesis to fall a very high Disney height.

"Where's your head at?"
:: Steve Ferguson 2:21 PM [+] ::
...

I saw the height of Human Stupidity on Tuesday.

I was on my way to school, and went into the Royal Oak Skytrain station. Two kids were up there...skateboarding. No joke. They were twirling in the air and jumping over banister. Everyone, including myself, were giving them STRANGE looks. I mean, they were next to electrified Skytrain tracks. Finally, as I was about to speak to them myself, a loudspeaker came on with a rather irritated female voice.

"Attention all...customers." A bad choice of words, I thought. "We would ask that you NOT skateboard on the platform. Thank you."

The two goons then go over to the posted Rules And Regs board and look for the rule that says "Do Not Skateboard" all the while loudly proclaiming they didn't see it in there. Then they saw it. That was funny. But you'd think skateboarding (and they weren't even that good) near a track with enough power to blow your arm off is common sense. Guess not.

On my way home, I was elated to see that one of the new bullet-train style Skytrains came into stations. It was great! It was so clean, and almost like an airplane inside. There was one seat in the very front at the center, that allowed the person seat there to see out the front window, and that was a cool window. It almost seemed bigger on the inside than the out.

I was in heaven. I mean, I dream about Skytrains all the time and this was fantastic. But that's just me.

"Bring me that black magic woman"
:: Steve Ferguson 11:14 PM [+] ::
...

"Dear Fox Kids,

How are you? I am fine.
I would like to say this is a fan letter but...it isn't. Sorry. I would like just a few concerns answered. But first, let me say I USED to be an avid fan, and I really liked your schedules...when I was 8. Anyway.
Firstly, Power Rangers. Why oh why oh why?? Seriously, if your polls and surveys think that there is an audience for Power Rangers, you're wrong. I've only ever heard of 5 year olds liking Power Rangers, and quite frankly there are better things, and certainly less violent things, they could be watching. I watched Power Rangers, sure, UNTIL the cast change. In fact, the Green Ranger Saga kicked butt. But time and time again, it had been proved that when shows have a complete cast change, the series fails. Examples include Blake 7, Chicago Hope, Psi Factor, So Weird, Eerie Indiana, Twice In A Lifetime...I'm sure the list goes on, but I won't bother. The ONLY series to the exception is Doctor Who, but in my opinion, no other series compares to it. Anyway, I think the whole series is pointless and overly violent...and the special effects...guys, seriously.
Secondly, Frankie Muniz. Guys, do you enjoy owning kids? I first saw this brat on your Saturday Morning Cartoon Special, in which his acting was equivalent to a bum reading cue cards. And then My Dog Skip?? Great acting job there...for the DOG. And now Malcolm in the Middle. People really like him there, well at least if they're 14 year old girls. The show has great potential, but you guys blew it.
Thirdly, Nascar Racers. I was insulted by that show, seriously. Are you guys telling me that drivers in futuristic cars are also expert fighters, detectives, crime fighters, mechanics, locksmiths, and anything else the week's script tells them to be. As if a show about cars racing upside down isn't bad enough, the drivers are superhuman. Well how does that make me feel?? Like a NOBODY. You have crushed my ego.

By the way, I'm joking about my ego.

And what's with your WHOLE cartoon lineup?? You get rid of the cool shows to bring in Digimon for ANOTHER straight hour?? Only my best friend Eric watches Digimon! The Tick, X-Men, Spider-Man, Batman, Animaniacs, Beast Wars, Tiny Toons, Freakazoid, and Toonsylvania are all examples of great shows you've replaced with dumb ones like Digimon, Nascar Racers, Digimon, TF: Robots in Disguise (more on that later), Digimon, Alienators, Digimon, Ripping Friends (that show should be BANNED), and Digimon. Notice how often I mentioned Digimon? That's how often you play it!!!!!!
Finally, Transformers: Robots In Disguise. I am a TransFan, of the First Class. I watched G1, G2, Beast Wars, and even Beast Machines (even if the ending sucked), and now you guys have disgraced the name of Transformers!! On many official Transformers forums, RiD has been dismissed as Digiformers. Why?? BECAUSE YOU'VE TURNED IT INTO AMERICAN ANIME!!! You have defiled both the animation, the characters, and the story. Why the story?? Because you have Autobots versus Prediicons!! That's just wrong. I hope Armada is better. TF: RiD has taken the role of Highlander II; that is, it never happened.

But the toys are cool.

Anyways, thanks for your time.

Sincerely, Steve Ferguson"

"Tainted Love"
:: Steve Ferguson 9:55 PM [+] ::
...

"Dear Abby,

How are you? I am fine.
I am a sailor in the United States Coast Guard. My parents live in the suburbs of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensonhurst is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non parole life sentence in Attica, for murder, the other currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on robbery charges. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and indeed is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel; however, her time there is limited, as she has recently been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel, with my fiancé utilizing her knowledge of the industry working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the streets and, hopefully, the heroin.

My problem is this: I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family, and of course I want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who is a Detroit Lions fan?

Sincerely, Steve Ferguson"

"Spanish Eyes"
:: Steve Ferguson 1:14 PM [+] ::
...

"Dear Coca-Cola,

How are you? I am fine.
I have seen the light! I used to drink Pepsi all the time until I heard they employ underpaid wild animals, so when I heard you only employ top sales representatives in Chile, I was hooked.
Just a couple questions:
Firstly, how do you plan on competing with Pepsi's Britney Spears campaign? May I suggest you hire Our Lady Peace to sing about you, or maybe even the Matthew Good Band? Pop music will die along with Pepsi.
Second, I heard Coke is run by a giant Ogre. Do you have a picture to back this up?
Finally, how many times do you think employees have dropped pennies into the vats of your cola, just to see how fast they dissolve?

Coke = LIFE

Sincerely, Steve Ferguson"

"Dear Amanda Marshall,

How are you? I am fine.
I drink a Cherry Coke.

Sincerely, Steve Ferguson."

"Moola, moola"
:: Steve Ferguson 11:46 AM [+] ::
...

"Dear Ed The Sock,

How are you? I am fine.
I just wrote to say I enjoy your quality programming, but I have some questions.
First, do you find the gay community is angry at you for only having dancing women on your show?
Second, did you have problems finger-painting in Kindergarten?
Finally, I was walking down the streets of Vancouver the other day when I tripped over some kind of grey log. It looked up at me with his mop of pink hair, while smoking a pipe, and told me his name was Bill The Sock. Have you been ignoring your family members who are obviously destitute?

TTFN!

Sincerely, Steve Ferguson."

"Dear Duran Duran,

How are you? I am fine.
I really enjoy your music and think you guys are geniuses. But I have a few questions that I would like you to answer for me.
Firstly, your original drummer, Roger Taylor, seemed to be very camera-shy. For instance, in "Planet Earth", he would grimace and look away whenever the camera was pointed at him. Or "New Moon on Monday" when I think one of his brothers had to forcibly hold him in front of the camera when the whole band was singing the final chorus. (I have more examples in my list of your music videos) My question is why??
Now, I'm rather curious about your music videos. I've noticed all your music videos include dancing women and/or the band getting into some kind of trouble. Here's the list from you "Greatest" video collection:

Planet Earth: Trouble. Simon falls at the end of the video. Already mentioned Roger's prob here.
Girls on Film: Girls. Lots of them. Nude. Prancing around. What the heck?? There is NO spotlight on Roger.
The Chauffeur: Girls. I'll get into this one later.
Hungry Like The Wolf: Girls AND Trouble. Poor Simon likes this girl, who's more interested in scratching his face off. The only time I really remember seeing Roger here is in the background of the party.
Save A Prayer: Girls. Simon dances with her, but she stiffs him. Roger stays pretty close to the others here.
Rio: Girls. Wow, Rio sure likes to dance in paint. Roger had almost no screen time.
Is There Something I Should Know?: Trouble. Those guys in the hats wants Simon for something. Why else would they spy on him? When the camera zoomed on Roger, he looked away quickly.
Union Of The Snake: Trouble. Those darn Underground Snake people. Where is Roger??
New Moon On Monday: Trouble. Viva la revolution! Already commented on Roger here.
The Reflex: Girls. Those backup singers are really having a good time. Roger shows off some muscles, but ignores the cameras.
Wild Boys: Trouble. I'm assuming the band is in Hell? Where is Roger?
A View To A Kill: Trouble. Darn evil blind guy. Roger hides in the van the whole time.
Notorious: Girls. Just dancing away. BAM!! From here on, Roger has left the band.
Skin Trade: Girls. But we should have known.
I Don't Want Your Love: Girls AND Trouble. Duran Duran in court...with some girl dancing.
All She Wants Is: Girls. And she's always there!
Serious: Girls. The Carnival Lady shaking her booty.
Burning The Ground: Girls AND Trouble. But only because this video is a compilation.
Ordinary World: Girls. Although she's just walking around THE WHOLE TIME.
Come Undone: Girls. Underwater.
Electric Barbarella: Girls. Or rather, one robotic girl with little clothing.

Also, whatever happened to the next drummer, Campbell? He was awesome and loved the camera! Although the only real colour shots of him in "Serious" were of his crotch.
And finally, "The Chauffeur"...WHAT DOES IT MEAN??? I know they're the same lady, but are they robots, clones, or what? I mean, they both have the same piece of broken mirror.

Thanks and adios British band guys!

Sincerely, Steve Ferguson"

"Putting on the Ritz"
:: Steve Ferguson 3:32 PM [+] ::
...

"Dear N* Sync,

How are you? I am fine.
I had a few questions for you which need answering.
First and foremost is about your relationship with the Backstreet Boys. I had heard a rumour that they had beaten you up and stolen your ice cream cones. Is this true?
My dear Justin, what's the big idea?? You're singing all the songs! Why don't you just rename the group "Justin and Some Insignificant Guys"? Anyway, someone told me that you destroy toys for a living, or as a hobby. Haven't you seen Toy Story?? That's just plain suicide. Good luck with Britney, by the way. But watch out, I think her backup dancer's giving her the ye. (A lesbian maybe?)
To Lance: just one thing. Whenever Justin's around, whisper "Lesbian...". It'll get an interesting reaction, especially if he just read this letter.

Ciao boy band person guys!

Sincerely, Steve Ferguson"

"Dear Pepsi,

How are you? I am fine.
I have seen the light! I used to drink Coke all the time, until I heard about them mistreating their sweatshop employees in Chile. Now that I know Pepsi only employs cheerful forest folk, I am hooked. Just a couple questions:
Firstly, do the badgers harass your other wild beast, Britney Spears?
Second, how do the rabbits operate the machines without thumbs??
And third, whatever happened to Kevin Costner?

Thanks a bunch!

Sincerely, Steve Ferguson"

"Jailhouse Rock"
:: Steve Ferguson 8:05 PM [+] ::
...

Mom spoke to me this morning...
"Steve, I'm leaving for work. Get up for the bottle drive."
I mumbled something, probably a confirmation.
She then tried to turn on the light, but since it had accidentally fell last night, the plug had disconnected. So she wasn't successful. So, she put a tuba in my arms instead.

My alarm woke me up half an hour later, and I noticed the phone lying on my arm. I puzzled over what had happened to the tuba, and got up to go to the bottle drive.

Anyways, for the next couple of days I'm going to be posting letters I'm writing to various celebrities and companies. It should prove to be interesting.

"I want to get away"
:: Steve Ferguson 10:37 AM [+] ::
...

Just forgot to mention my favorite Christmas gift:

An authentic dark blue fedora!!

"Pretty Fly For A White Guy"
:: Steve Ferguson 7:31 PM [+] ::
...

I guess I'll start with Christmas. We were staying at Bowen Island to spend Christmas with my grandparents while Mom and Mark were at Edmonton. We didn't stay at the old Hummingbird House this time, no, we stayed at Doreen's house. Doreen is this little old lady with thousands of dollars of antiques lying around her house, and no will made out for anyone to inherit it. The whole house is a bloody antique, and the floor lets you know it.

Anyway, as usual we waited until 12:30 Christmas morning/afternoon before opening presents, which drove Nate and Dan simply stir crazy. I got "License to Kill" (a Bond film), a new dress shirt, a new tie, Matrix from Reboot 3, and somewhere in the vicinity of 7 or 8 Hotwheels. We spent the day fooling around and having a great dinner. It's too bad though that when Doug took a look at Matrix, he dropped Glitch...and we didn't find him.

Got home on Boxing Day, and the next morning at 8:00 or so I drove out to the airport to pick up Mom and Mark. At home we finished off Christmas and opened some more presents. I got a giant picture of a black panther, a Lego TIE Fighter, a Lego Lambda class Imperial Shuttle, a Herman calender, and finally some movie "Remember The Titans" or something.

So...yes, had a New Years Eve bash with Jess, Dan, Brian, Eric, Doug, and Andrew. We stayed up all night last night playing Dan's PS2. Tekken, Grand Theft Auto 3, and Dynasty Warriors 3. Oh man, that was fun! We watched all of Frank Herbert's Dune as well, which I had seen the first half of Part 1 months ago. Stopped the film at 12:00 to see the fireworks, and caught the Canadian Armed Forces counting down the last minute of 2001 on CBC. Oh God was that dumb. There were these middle aged marines, and doubled up guys on Skidoos (or however you spell that). I flicked a few channels to see if anything good was going on, and the answer was...well no. So I turned to BBCKids, and we watched an episode of Doctor Who. After that, we turned Dune back on. Doug and Andrew came in from another party at about 1:00, one they described as "far too boring to be called a party"

Anyway, at about 8:30, we left for breakfast at MacDonald's. We drove to Metrotown and I parked outside of Superstore. We jumped out of the van and walked to the doors. They didn't open, so we turned around and piled back into the van. I drove us to the Metropolis parking and we went up to the MacDonald's, which was closed. We turned around and went back down into the parkade and piled into the van. We drove to Middlegate MacDonald's and saw they were open.

Had a decent breakfast though. Rubber eggs, plastic sausages, gluey hotcakes, wooden muffins, and boiling hot chocolate. Oh yes, we ate like kings.

Eric took Dan home after that. Doug escorted Andrew to the Skytrain. Mom drove Jess home. And I...I collapsed into a fit of pure sleep for only a few hours. But it was not to last. And here I am. Hell I'm hungry.

"The world's a blister, but I'm okay with it."
:: Steve Ferguson 3:36 PM [+] ::
...