Leospace!

MIXED-UP SPACE!!!
The Adventures of the Babylon Dwarf.

Hi, little message here for you.
Warning: These episodes contain too many sci-fi shows blended together so much, it doesn't make much sense, and you may not like it, but...we don't care. You have been warned, sort of.

Backwards Planet

    The Babylon Dwarf, which looked like Red Dwarf with the spinning things from Babylon 5 on each end, was gliding through space when they were hailed.
    "Hello? This is Lando of Babylon Dwarf. What do you want?" Lando Mollari's voice was quavering, and soft.
    "At, at at at-at ata att atttttaa atat at at-at at!!!" It was obviously the Martians again.
    "Governor, could you stop preening and play the sucking game with our friends?" Lando asked the Governor, who was an intelligent orange cat.
    "The sucking game? Martians again, eh? Worf you know what to do." the Governor replied.
    "Uhhhhh, I asked.........." Lando started.
    "I would be honored!" Worf stated.
    A second later the airlock on the Martian's ship opened and they were sucked into space. Unfortunately, the giant, lion sized cougar outside the ship got them first.
    "Haaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, that was the most wonderful thing I ever saw, other than torturing Lando!" Dino-Bot said. Lando shivered with fright. He continued, "However, I do believe you did quite a commendable job."
    "There is something on the scanner, I think. Either that or I broke a claw!!!! Ha- ha, just kidding there is something on the scanner!" the Governor said with a smirk.
    Suddenly, the Governor screamed "Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! I did break I claw!!!"
    Cat came up beside him. "I know how you feel, buddy. Oh! I have to watch 'Cats: The Beautiful Creatures'. It's on!"
    The Governor perked up in delight. "I'm going too!" But a shove from Dino-Bot sent him back. "Unsightly no-haired beast!" the Governor muttered.
    "What's on the scope?" asked Lando
    "I don't care!!!! Hmph!" replied the Governor.
    "DINO-BOT MAXIMIZE!!!!!!" He transformed from a velociraptor to a dangerous robot, which quickly changed the Governor's mind...especially with his weapons out.
    "All right, it's a planet that has time running backwards. Are you happy?!? Now I'll watch my program." He left in a humph.
    "Let's take an away team." Lando suggested.
    "Okay, but not with the 'Star Trek The Motion Picture' transporter. It takes forever!!!" Dino-Bot put in.
    So Lando, Dino-Bot, Cat, and Chewbacca went to the planet's surface. But as soon as they finished beaming down they noticed some things quite weird.
    First they had bullets in them. Second Cat had dog poop on his shoe which sent him through hysterics. Third, eye lasers went out of some guys body into Dino-Bot's head.
    The bullets sucked out of their bodies into the guy's gun. He then proceeded to run away backwards.
    Cat stepped backwards and the poop flew off his shoe.
    "Sdrawkcab skool gnihtyreve! I mean, everything looks backwards!" Lando noticed.
    'What a startling revolution!!!" Dino-Bot shouted.
    "Wrraaaaaaaaaaagh!" yelled Chewbacca.
    "What a great idea buddy!" Cat congratulated Chewie. Then, whispering into the other's ears, "What did he say?"
    They shrugged.
    Bird poop suddenly flew off Cat's head. He proceeded to faint.
    Suddenly, Dino-Bot started mysteriously felt his body shielding energon. "What's going on?!?" He then maximized! "Beast mode."
    Looking confused, Lando stated "I have this strange urge to go back to the ship and...blow this planet up."
    "I agree."
    "No problem here, buddy."
    "Wraaaaaaaagh!"
    Returning to the ship they, well, blew the planet up. No one knew why. The End

Mega-Tron Torture Bar

    "Please can I go to bed now?" Lando was exhausted beyond belief. Why should he watch Mega-Tron be blown to bits for 13 hours straight? Looking at his watch, he couldn't believe it was 3:00 in the morning. And why should Quark be allowed to go? Well, being the owner of the bar had its privileges.
    "NOOOOOO!!!! It is getting to the good part." With that, Dino-Bot burst into laughter. "Did you see that!?!" He was so excited he accidentally broke Lando's legs.
    "AGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Com.......puter..........E.............M............H" Staggering at his words, he activated the Emergency Medical Hologram.
    "Please state the nature of your medical emergency...........Again, hmmmm? Dino-Bot you have to be more care---" the Holo-Doc started.
    "SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you don't close you're mouth, I'll destroy you!!! Plus, it's getting to the good part." With that he burst out laughing. "Did you see that!!!!"
    A loud crack filled the air. Wondering what it was, Dino-Bot swung his head breaking Lando's ribs.
    "Well, at least your legs are fine now." the doctor mumbled in disbelief. Then he saw what was on stage.
Mega-Tron chained to the wall with lasers and other various weapons piercing his body by dancing girls. Of course, this was holographic imagery, but Dino-Bot always said 'It's the thought that counts...........especially when I can eat his head.'
    Suddenly, a shudder filled the air. Lando tried to get the door open, but couldn't!
    "I can't turn off!" the doc stated.
    "Oh well, too bad, who cares." Dino-Bot obviously was too caught up with his show.
    The door opened and in stepped Darth Vader. Lando raced for the door, but it closed before he got there.
    Darth Vader looked around confused. "This isn't the 'Luke Skywalker Torture Bar'?"
    "NOOOOOOO!!!!! Now SHUT UP!!!!!! It's getting to the good part." Dino-Bot was a wee bit upset.
    Lando looked frightened. "We can't get out!!! We're going to DIE!!!!! I need my Magic Bag."
    Dino-Bot glared at Lando. "Will you please just SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!! It's getting to the—"
    The doctor interrupted him. "We know. Now there must be some way out.............Maybe if adjust the phase---"
    Dino-Bot was furious. "How dare you interrupt me!!!!!" Here he paused with a wicked grin. "Dino-Bot...........MAXIMIZE!!!" The raptor became the ultimate fighting machine.
    "Have you forgotten you can't hurt a hologram?" the doctor stated.
    With this, Dino-Bot paused. "But I can scare one! Oh, it's getting to the good part." Mega-Tron just exploded. He burst out laughing. "Did you see that!?!"

    Meanwhile, Darth Vader and Lando were trying to blast open the door.
    "This would be easier if you joined the Dark Side. You see, I am you're father!" Darth Vader stated.
    "Oh heavens, I need my Magic Bag. I can't believe you're my father! All this time I thought..........."
    "I was just practicing."
    "Oh..........you sure?"
    "Yes."
    "Oh.........What about that Dark Side thing?"
    "I was really asking you."
    "This is the most stupid conversation I have ever heard!!!" Dino-Bot interjected.
    But before he could say another thing, he mysteriously got energon damage.
    "Not again! How can I get energon damage when I'm at a place where there's no energon!!!!!! Beast mode." He turned back into a raptor. Mega-Tron suddenly exploded. "Did you see that?!?"
    "You are starting to get on my nerves!!!!!!" Lando shouted at him.
    "What did you say? Are you yelling at me?!?!? Dino-Bot maximize!"
    "Uhhhhhhhhh.........No!"
    "Prepare to terminate!!!!!" But before he could punch Lando's lights out, Mega- Tron's arms exploded on his own body and Mega-Tron shrieked in horror.
    Laughing away, Dino-Bot said, "That was good!! Did you see that???"
    They all shouted, "SHUT UP!!!!!"

The End

Holo-Mall

    "Who's there?" Lando asked into the comlink.
    "We are the Borg. You will escort us through the ship so we may assimilate your crew. Resistance is futile." The Borg answered.
    "Make us!!!!! Dino-Bot maximize!" Dino-Bot screamed.
    Suddenly, Borg appeared on the bridge!
    Dino-Bot grabbed one's throat and threw it out the airlock where the giant cougar ate it. Dino-Bot wrecked havoc on the rest of the Borg for four hours, torturing them endlessly.

    Data, Kryten, and C-3PO sat around Dino-Bot, Lando, The Holo-Doctor, Cat, Worf, and the Governor trying to convince them to take a holiday.
    "As long as I can torture Lando it's fine by me."
    "I guess I'll go too...........as long as I can bring my Magic Bag."
    "Me too buddy!"
    "Can I bring my comb?"
    "Someone has to watch them I suppose.........."
    "I would be honoured!"
    "How about the S3 planet we passed 2 days ago?" suggested C-3P0 cautiously.
    "Okay buddy."
    "Fine by me."
    "I can still bring my comb?"
    "Honourable planet choice!"
    "It's decided then. You'll go." said Kryten.

    Landing on the planet, they looked around finding themselves in a mall. Dino- Bot and Worf saw weapons (Dino-Bot also saw Mega-Tron torture dolls), the Governor and the Cat saw grooming items, the doctor saw medical equipment, and Lando saw only Magic Bags.
    "Oh heaven!!!" Lando exclaimed. The others murmured in agreement.
    "These are very intriguing fighting equipment!" Dino-Bot stated.
    "They are honourable indeed." agreed Worf.
    "Perhaps you two would like a psi-scan to check on your mental health? Seems there are plenty of psi-scanners here......." the doc observed.
    "WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!? These are not medical equipment! These are swords, spears..."
    "...choppers, guns, cannons, shafts, lances, axes, and daggers." finished Worf.
    "But I only see Magic Bags! Nice, soft, comfy Magic Bags." inputted Lando.
    "I see combs!"
    "That's great, Cat." said the Doc.
    "Why do we each see different things?!?" Dino-Bot was getting agitated at this turn of events.
    "I believe I have an answer." the doc started. "This is a computer generated Holo-Mall."
    "I was with you all the way to 'This is'. Sorry, come again?" Cat asked.
    "Quite simply, the computer reads our thoughts and telepathically transmits messages that shows us what we want to see so we will buy lots of things." the Doc stated.
    "You mean to say the only thing Lando will buy is a Magic Bag!!!" Dino-Bot shouted.
    "You see?" gloated the Doctor.
    The Governor suddenly found a cable and asked, "What's this?" He accidentally snapped the cable in two.
    Everything vanished but a small box marked computer.
    "Whoops."

The End

Why the Laugh?

     His laugh echoed down the corridor. His spider like grin was beaming. His slobber was on the floor. His cyber-stomach was swishing with the contents of a rat. Over all, a normal meal with Tarantulas, a passenger. He laughed again endlessly over and over.
    "Will you stop with that inferno laughing!!! At least your slobber isn't on the table, I suppose." Dino-Bot said fiercely.
    Worf came to join them in the ship's cafeteria. "What an honourable day to eat this lovely gak! Is that what you are eating, Tarantulas."
    "Even better," he added with a laugh, which got a glare from Chewbacca. "Rat soufflé!!!" With that he laughed again.
    Suddenly, Chewbacca grabbed Tarantulas, picked him up, and took him away.
    "What was that about?" asked Worf.
    "Chewie hates annoying laughs. Then again, so do others." answered Dino-Bot.
    Everyone turned to look as Tarantulas was dragged out of the room and Darth Vader walked in, straight through and into Tarantulas' slobber.
    "WHO'S IS THIS!!!!" he bellowed.
    Dino-Bot smirked.

    Chewie walked through the cargo decks with a spider in his arms (which, I might add, can't transform........or he'd blow Chewie's brains out).
    Chewie threw him as far as possible. Unfortunately, in mid-air Tarantulas transformed and shouted, "YOU'RE DEAD MEAT NOW, WOOKEE!!!!" With that he laughed and, well.............blew Chewie's brains out. He giggled.
    He also liked the fact that a rat just went under him. He then proceeded to transform into beast mode and chase the rat.
    The chase kept going through the cargo decks, until the rat stopped in a garbage pod. "Now I've got you........" Tarantulas mumbled. He crawled in after it............and the pod closed and launched.

    Space...........so cold, yet she was warm. There was no sound, yet she could hear everything. No air, yet she could breathe. She wasn't hungry, she was still having indigestion from the Borg. But that's the life for a giant cougar who lives in outer space by the Babylon Dwarf.
    Then she heard it. An annoying laugh from an annoying beast. What fool would laugh like that??? She thought. She decided to ignore it for now. It came again and again. It wasn't stopping..........she felt the sudden urge to pull out the person's vocal cords and use them to play bass.
    It still didn't stop. She would make it stop. For the soundless space had to be quiet.

Tarantulas laughed endlessly while he slurped down the rat. He didn't stop for 10 minutes. Then it dawned on him. He had been launched into outer space!!! Looks like he'd have to sit tight. The Babylon Dwarf would tell the Governor (who was at sensors) that there was a person in the garbage pod. Then Lando would have him beamed out. Hopefully, that is..............

Unfortunately, the Governor was fast asleep. Not only that, but: Worf was polishing his blades, Dino-Bot was torturing Lando in the Mega-Tron Torture Bar, the Cat was picking apart C-3P0's head, Data is playing poker with Kryten, and numerous other things. Overall, a normal day.

Please don't be a normal day, Tarantulas thought, please!!!! But it was fairly obvious. He had been adrift in space for five hours. It was starting to go boring.
He felt a jolt all of the sudden. Then a loud crash. He had landed on a moon or something. He laughed again at his good fortune.

I can't believe I lost it! thought the cougar. I was so close too......interrupting her thoughts was that laugh again. Never mind! she thought.

    "Humans! What are they doing here?" Tarantulas thought out loud. He had converted to robot mode so he wouldn't be affected by space. Then he remembered that he is in space and he couldn't hear himself talk.
    But he did hear a.............giant cougar ????? It was coming after him!!! He laughed in fear. It shouldn't have heard him, but it seemed like it did!!! It was mad.
    He moved quickly towards the human base, but he recognized the uniforms on the people. He met them when they had docked for trade. It was.......Space 1999!!!!

There he is, the cougar thought, near the humans. He will never laugh again!!!!!!

Tarantulas had never been so tired. The bloody cougar was chasing him all over the moon. He had tried contacting the humans, but, since there was no sound in space, they couldn't hear him.
The cougar once again came around the bend to get him, but Tarantulas didn't notice. He was too busy laughing. He thought he'd lost it for sure.........

Why won't he just shut up?!? the cougar thought. Do I have to rip out his lungs??? Do I have to eat him??? Won't scaring him just do the job??? If he doesn't stop that inferno laughing, I will sell him for parts at an old computer junk shop!!!

    Tarantulas' mouth opened in horror. He was trapped! That cougar had got him cornered!
    "Can't we work some sort of deal out or something???" he laughed nervously.
    The cougar looked like she was going to kill him.

    "I'm certain, Babylon Dwarf , we met him when we were trading. It's the spider and it looks like a cougar or something got him." the commander of the moon base was nice, but firm.
    Lando looked at the sensors. The giant cougar was at her usual spot, so what happened? "Thank you, we'll pick him up. What do you have to say Tarantulas to the nice man who found you?"
    Tarantulas just laughed.

The End

Wow. You actually read it. Either you liked it, or you are writing some horrid article about it and need reference. Oh well, join us next time as:

Lando gets assimilated by the Borg,
Dino-Bot becomes a coward,
The Holo-Doctor tries to sing,
Doctor Who takes everyone to 1312,
The Martians experience Worf's temper. See you next time in: "Revenge of Mixed-Up Space".