Dino-Bot woke to find himself strapped to the roof with no way down.  As he strained to look around, he noticed most of the other crew strapped to the Cargo Bay roof with him.  Dino-Bot focused his intentions on the Martians.  "What evil plan are you hatching this time, brain-blobbies?"
    The Martians looked up at him, and laughed.  Dino-Bot growled.  He growled even more fiercely when Tarantulas walked in.  "Well well well, enjoying the height Dino-Dough?" he laughed.  Then he turned to the Martians.  "I have delivered my end of the bargain.  Now," he cackled.  "will you please deliver the plasma-aligning phase coils?  I need them to get home!"
    The lead Martian snickered and walked up to Tarantulas.  "Ack at at-at ack!"
    Tarantulas' grin dropped.  "What do you mean there are no such things as plasma-aligning phase coils?!?!"
    The lead Martian reached up to console Tarantulas.  "Ack ack, at at at."
    Tarantulas scratched his head.  "But you'll help me on my way anyway?  How?" he asked as the Martians strapped themselves to the Cargo Bay wall.  "What are you doing?"
    The lead Martian finished with his straps.  "Ack ack."
    "This will help me on my way?  How will it?" Tarantulas demanded.
    The head Martian pressed a switch and the Cargo Bay doors opened.  "NO!!!!" Tarantulas screamed as air brushed past him and he was swept into a nearby asteroid belt.  The head Martian pressed the switch again and the doors closed.  The Martians burst out laughing.
    Dino-Bot snorted.  "You are all unhonourable.  But since Tarantulas was as well, he got what was coming to him.  What are you going to do?"
    The head Martian finished unstrapping himself.  "At at at, at-atat ack."
    Dino-Bot didn't even flinch.  "Execution?  I am not surprised."  As the Martians turned away to work on something, Dino-Bot turned to Retro 70's Actor Man on his left.  "Hey Retro 70's Actor Man, quickly!  Distract the enemy!"
    Retro 70's Actor Man growled.  "I am the enemy!  There is none more fiercely evil than I!!!" he screamed.  The Martians turned to regard him.  "In fact, many cities have fell to my evil empire which conquers over all civilizations!"  The Martians began laughing at him.  "HOW DARE YOU LAUGH!!  I shall destroy your pitiful world with all of you as victims..."
    Dino-Bot ignored his bantering and turned his attention to his restraints.  He extended a claw in the hopes of picking the lock.  He fiddled with it with passion, waiting for the click signaling the release of the lock.
    Finally, after an hour of Retro 70's Actor Man's shouts of evil, Dino-Bot gave up and sagged in defeat.  The restraints could not take the weight of his sagging and broke off the roof.  "What--?" Dino-Bot exclaimed before he fell to the deck.  The Martians yelled in protest and began to fire at Dino-Bot.  Dino-Bot ran quickly to the Cargo Bay door controls and, bracing himself, opened the doors.  Immediately, the doors opened and the Martians were swept into the outer reaches of space.
    At the same time, Worf jumped down from the roof as well, having just finished successfully picking his locks, and was surprised to find the Cargo Bay doors opened.  He was picked up by the rushing air and fell headlong into Dino-Bot.  Dino-Bot, unable to protect himself against Worf's weight, was pushed out into space.  Worf caught hold of the control pad and closed the Bay doors.
    After releasing the rest of the crew, Worf initiated a search for Dino-Bot in the nearby asteroid belt.  Londo looked over his scanners.  "Two robotic life forms.  I can't tell the difference."
    Worf sighed.  "I guess we'll have to beam Tarantulas aboard anyway."  After activating the transporter, the crew went back and continued Thanksgiving, this time with Tarantulas tied up completely, hanging from the roof, a symbol of the pilgrims: the Turkey.

    Two kilometers away on a 400 meter cliff, a hand reached up and held the ground.  Worf pulled himself up and swore in Klingon.  He noticed his fallen combadge and retrieved it.  "Beam me to Sickbay." Worf commanded.  After he mended his wounds, he would return to the barbeque for Tarantulas.

    Twiki was trying to open the mustard bottle with little success.  As Data reached over to help him, Twiki opened up the bottle and was surprised by Data's hand.  Twiki squeezed the bottle of mustard reflexively and sent a shot of mustard into the air.
    Starbuck stretched his arms and yawned loudly.  As he was inhaling, a big globule of mustard hit the back of his exposed throat.
    Tarantulas put some more seasonings on his burgers and continued flipping them.  Dino-Bot walked over again.  "These meat patties are really something else.  I find that mustard especially compliments the taste."
    Tarantulas grunted.  "Unfortunately, this mustard packet will not open.  It is very difficult to open in my beast mode, and I am too lazy to transform."
    Dino-Bot held up his dinosaur hands. "Allow me."
    Starbuck was chatting with K, when he raised his glass of cola to take a chug.  A giant caboodle of mustard landed on his nose and dripped into his cola.  Starbuck narrowed his eyes.
    Tarantulas had put some more mouse on the grill when Worf appeared out of nowhere.  Tarantulas giggled.  "Enjoy your trip?" he guffawed.
    Worf noticed everyone laughing and socializing, and eating Tarantulas' meals.  Worf stood on a table.  "Everyone!  I have returned.  Tarantulas had pushed me off a cliff so he could serve you."
    Londo sighed.  "Although these are tasty, Tarantulas, you could have asked Worf--"
    "That is not all." Worf stepped forward on the table on a packet of mustard.  A big squirt was shot up Starbuck's nose.  "This is what you have been eating:" Worf brought up Tarantulas' mini-fridge and opened it.  At the sight of all the rats, mice, voles, and shrews, a dead silence filled the air.
    Tarantulas finished slurping down another mouse.  "What's the problem?"
    Several people lost their lunch, and Dino-Bot was not impressed.  "Although I am not disgusted, you did not take into account everyone else."
    Tarantulas transformed to robot mode.  "What's the problem?" he repeated.  He took another rat from under the grill, prepared it hot dog style, and put it into a bun.  "This was your next one Scotty?" he asked.  He put some mustard on it and handed it to Scotty.  Scotty turned green and tossed the hot dog into the air, before running to a garbage can and vomiting.
    The hot dog flew through the air, and landed in the punch.  The mustard-covered weiner slipped out of the punch bowl, leaving the bun behind.  The weiner shot towards Starbuck.  Starbuck saw it coming and ducked, just in time.  The weiner hit a mustard bottle with enough force to release a jet of mustard that went into Starbuck's ear.
    Tarantulas, laughing, packed up his mini-fridge and beamed back to the ship.
    Kryten beamed down a minute later.  "Sorry I'm late." he said to the blank disgusted faces.  "But I brought dessert: Chocolate cake with Raspberry sauce.  Why, even Tarantulas helped me prepare it."

    Londo ran up to the pod, breathless.  He stopped just short, as he watched Retro 70's Actor Man walk out with 25 uniformed men trailing behind him.  Londo noticed the chagrin expression on Retro 70's Actor Man's face.  "What's going on?" Londo queried.
    Retro 70's Actor Man pointed to Londo and spoke to the men.  "Here is your first target and the first victim of my revenge.  The revenge of my Evil Domain."
    The lead Troop bowed at the waist.  "Yes leader.  We shall assist your Evil Empire."
    As Londo turned to run, the Shock Troops had already surrounded him.  Londo hit his wrist communicator.  "Emergency, Cargo section--" A fist ended Londo's distress call.

    "Londo!" Dino-Bot called through the com-link.  He received no answer.  "Worf, Retro 70's Actor Man got to the ship first.  We must find out what is happening!"
    Worf nodded.  "Agreed.  HAL, can you tell what has happened?"
    "It appears that my surveillance of the area has been severed." HAL explained.
    Worf growled.  "I shall investigate."
    Dino-Bot grunted.  "Very well.  I shall fortify the upper decks."  Dino-Bot clenched his fist as he watched Worf exit.

    Worf hit his combadge.  "Worf to Dino-Bot.  I have scavenged the pod and learned that it carried cryogenically frozen militia known as the ‘Shock Troops'.  Based upon the pod's cameras, I have also learned that they have mistaken Retro 70's Actor Man as their leader.  They are a deadly force and will use any means to exact commands."
    Dino-Bot swore in Yiddish.  "So, the fool has real power for once.  What about Londo?"
    Worf looked at the unconscious Londo, who was hanging upside-down, tied above a chasm with his clothes removed excluding his underwear, with a curly moustache drawn on his face with permanent ink, and black licorice taped on his tongue.  "He will live, but the nightmares may remain for some time."
    Worf closed the com-link, helped Londo down and continued down the corridor, following the carnage left behind by the Shock Troops.  He discovered Scotty in Corridor 198, completely trapped and immersed in unflavored Jello.  "Scotty, are you alright?"
    "I'll be fine, but someone has to stop the chaos." Scotty uttered.
    Worf continued down the hall.  Now, many of his shipmates could be seen sprawled around on the floor.  While observing the mayhem, Worf accidentally stepped on one of Tarantulas' beast mode legs.  "Apologies, spider."
    "This is not funny." Tarantulas grumbled.  "Wait until he sees MY definition of revenge."  Tarantulas had been duct-taped to the ground and had been spray-painted neon pink.

    The lead Troop finished covering Dino-Bot with canned whipped cream, and turned to Retro 70's Actor Man.  "Leader, begging your respect, but should we not be killing your enemies?"
    Retro 70's Actor Man spat on Dino-Bot's limp head.  "Nonsense.  They shall learn the true meaning of humility.  Do you question my power?"
    The lead Troop bowed.  "No, my master.  I was merely--"
    "You are merely my drone.  Do not forget that." Retro 70's Actor Man pulled out his knife and tossed it to a Shock Troop.  "Hold this," The man yelped as the knife pierced his hand.  "We are only missing one person....Worf.  He is ugly."
    Worf dropped down from a higher deck.  "Retro 70's Actor Man!  Stop at once!"
    Retro 70's Actor Man laughed.  "Do you think you can really stop me?!  Shock Troops," he commanded.  "Here is Worf; do what I said."
    The lead Troop stepped forward and grabbed Worf.  Worf was surprised by his strength and could not escape when they all surrounded him.  His head was forced onto a table top, and Retro 70's Actor Man stood above him.  "You shall learn real vengeance Worf!"  He turned to the lead Troop.  "Hold out his tongue and bring out the 300 envelopes in need of licking."
    Worf's eyes widened as the first envelope was brought to his tongue...and was surprised to hear music coming from down the hall.  Londo appeared with a cart full of ice cream and a little stereo playing poorly-done children's songs.
    Retro 70's Actor Man could not believe it when the Shock Troops followed the music.  As each Shock Troop had some ice cream, memories flooded back to them and they smiled.  As it turns out, the Shock Troops were intergalactic ice cream men who were sent into stasis to serve ice cream to far off worlds.  As they exited stasis, the amnesia they suffered had caused them to believe they were troops out to serve an evil purpose.  Londo was the first to escape his capture and learned the truth.  What Worf had seen in the ship was not the Shock Troop's mission, but their favorite movie.  The tyranny had ended.
    As a thank-you, the Shock Troops served the entire crew free ice cream.

    Londo and Starbuck walked down the corridor chatting peacefully.  They were also lost.  "You know," Londo started.  "I do believe we took a left at Junction 3-19."
    Starbuck shook his head.  "No no no.  It was when we took the lift down to Cargo Deck 2.  You know as well as I do, that all the sections on this whole deck look identical."
    Retro 70's Actor Man briskly joined the duo.  "Why don't you just ask HAL??"
    Londo stopped dead in his tracks.  "Oh yes.  We could do that."
    Starbuck snorted.  "We didn't need your help.  We knew what we were doing."
    Retro 70's Actor Man cackled.  "Finally!  My genius is recognized!!"  He was about to gloat some more, when a dozen Black Ninjas appeared out of nowhere.  Londo and Starbuck formed a tight circle while Retro 70's Actor Man ran off screaming.
    The ninjas led a surprisingly accurate assault on the two, executing near-perfect judo moves.  Soon, Starbuck was hit to the ground when one ninja slammed a cream pie in his face.  Londo reached for a blaster in the bulkhead, when one ninja grabbed his hand with an electric hand buzzer.
    Starbuck and Londo awoke at roughly the same time.  Starbuck looked around.  "Where did the ninjas go?"
    Londo massaged his left hand.  "Who knows?"
    Starbuck wiped cream off his face.  "That's the fifth time this week; this has got to stop."
    Londo checked his chronometer.  "Two hours.  I wonder if we've missed anything."

    Dino-Bot grunted.  "You are joking."
    Tarantulas played with his gun.  "No I'm not."
    Worf laughed.  "You want to become captain?!"
    Tarantulas fingered the trigger.  "If the computer thinks I'm captain, then I'm captain."
    Dino-Bot folded his arms.  "There is no way HAL would even consider you to be in charge of this vessel."
    Tarantulas cocked his guns, pretending to get ready to fire.  "He's a computer; he can be reprogrammed."
    Worf shook his head.  "Tarantulas, stop playing with your fire arm.  You are making the extras nervous."
    Several extras were huddled together, cowering in fright before Tarantulas' highly destructive weapon.  "Get back to work!  You won't be harmed." Dino-Bot snapped.  The extras ran in compliance.  One extra stepped on a miniture land mine left behind by the last Martian invasion, and died instantly.  "I've been looking for that." Dino-Bot stated.
    Tarantulas sighed.  "Regardless of what you may think, by sunset today, this slag-heap of a computer will acknowledge ME as captain and give me all the rights deserved for one with such regal status."
    Data interrupted the arguement.  "There is a visitor in Docking Bay 3.  He wishes to speak to the captain."
    Tarantulas laughed.  "Perfect!!  My first job."  And with that, he skipped merrily down to the lift and guffawed his way in.
    Worf turned to Dino-Bot.  "Should we not stop him?"
    Dino-Bot shrugged.  "If there is one thing I learned from Tarantulas, it's this: Never shop when you have a kidney infection."
    Worf left it at that.
    Data turned back to them.  "It appears that a Cybermen attack vessel has closed in on our position and has docked in Cargo Deck 2.  It is currently unloading dangerous troops intending to capture the ship and kill the crew."
    "Why didn't we know about this sooner?!?!" Dino-Bot roared.
    Data pointed to the Governor.  "That is his job."
    The Governor awoke suddenly.  "I was going to tell you when it seemed convenient for me."  And then he turned and went back to sleep.
    Dino-Bot and Worf looked at each other, turned, and ran to the Weapon's Locker.

    Tarantulas met up with the new arrival.  It was a dark man, cybernetically enhanced, and buckled down with weapons.  "I am Tal'N'or.  I have come to kill Starbuck."
    Tarantulas growled dangerously.  "I am captain on board this ship.  And I will not let you kill Starbuck....without my thanks.  Go ahead!!" he laughed and patted the assassin on the back.
    Tal'N'or stiffened.  "No offense or anything, but you are a terrible captain."
    Tarantulas brushed it off as if it were lint.  "Bah, who cares whether I'm good at it.  Just kill the vermin and get lost."
    Tal'N'or loaded his gun.  "This should not take long."

    The metallic Cybermen spilled through the corridor in a tight formation with the leader in front, gun poised and ready.  The Cybermen used to be humanoid, but now had evolved to a robotic state.  Unfortunately, they were also extremely xenophobic.  A troop stopped the leader.  "Leader." it said without emotion.  "We have yet to encounter any aliens."
    The leader leveled it's gun.  "They are here.  We shall destroy them all."  They continued slowly marching down the corridor.  "First, we shall take computer control.  Then, the ship shall be ours."
    Tarantulas was on the other side of the ship, walking to the same destination.  He arrived at HAL's computer control a full five minutes before the Cybermen.  He had no idea that the ship was being invaded.  "Oh HAL?" Tarantulas taunted.
    HAL's red eye stared at him.  "Hello Hacker Tarantulas.  Can I help you?"
    Tarantulas laughed.  "Now that you mention it....Open computer control!"
    HAL's voice was piercing and blunt.  "I can not let you in to that area."
    Tarantulas brought out some screw drivers, tweezers, and cybernetical over-ride commands.  "We'll just see about that!"  He opened up HAL's access port and immediately severed the primary power cable.  Luckily, Tarantulas had erected a magnetic electroshield around himself, so he was protected from the lethal power surge from HAL's cables.  "Now try to stop me!" he challenged.  Within half a minute, he had broken through the doors to computer control.
    A few minutes later, the Cybermen stopped outside computer control.  A troop stepped forward.  "Leader, it appears someone has forced entry into the room."
    The leader thought for half a second.  "Quickly move to the other end of the corridor."
    Inside, Tarantulas had just accessed HAL's memory and all relevant subroutines.  He then held up his false memory chip and inserted it into HAL's RAM.  He then rerouted command decisions from the ‘Command Crew' to the ‘Captain's Orders Only'.  Once done that, Tarantulas initiated a command program that would lock all sections of the ship into Secured State 3 if someone attempted to reverse his changes.   "So," Tarantulas mused.  "The program will take an hour to initiate fully.  No problem, I'll just destroy anyone who attempts to come close to the room.  I've done it...I'M CAPTAIN!!"  And with that, he walked out to stand guard.
    Tarantulas was more than a little surprised to see a dozen Cybermen soldiers waiting for him.  A troop pointed to him.  "Leader!  It is an alien!"
    The leader raised his gun.  "Fire!"  The guns all flared at once and Tarantulas only barely managed to jump out of the way in time.  Unfortunately, his arm wasn't that lucky.  Tarantulas screamed in rage as his arm flew down the corridor.
    "You'll pay for that!!"  Tarantulas removed a mega-missile and fired it at the battalion.  The missile was large enough to pick up five troops and carry them 1000 feet down the corridor before exploding.  Tarantulas wasted no time in firing the remainder troops with his leg bolts.  They all died slowly from the continual rapid fire and staggered dramatically to the ground.
    Tarantulas stopped firing and glared at the robotic graveyard.  He then burst out laughing.  "Ha ha ha!!!  Who needs Dino-Doink when I am around?!?  Ha ha ha!!"  He failed to notice the lone Cyberman behind him until he heard the click of a weapon being loaded.  Tarantulas turned to see the gun flare and an explosion ripped through his torso.
    Starbuck approached from behind the Cyberman and threw gold dust in the air at the lone troop.  The troop choked to death on the gold dust and fell to the floor dramatically.  Starbuck wiped sweat from his brow, and saw a figure approach.  The figure stopped. :"I am Tal'N'or."

    Dino-Bot growled as the CR Chamber opened to reveal Tarantulas.  "Nice of you to leave that booby-trap for us in the Weapon's Locker.  It took us two hours to free ourselves.  You are lucky we told Starbuck what to do about the Cybermen.  And that Tal'N'or person left.  He was looking for a different Starbuck and......wait a moment.  You aren't even awake!!  I'll speak to you after you are repaired." Dino-Bot sighed, and a dozen Black Ninjas jumped out of no where.

    Maybe Tarantulas will learn one day.  The race for Captain failed and Tarantulas didn't bother trying again.  He was too busy in the next issue: "Mixed-Up Space vs. Tarantulas"