Leospace6!

Adventures in Mixed-Up Space A set of circumstances that are dramatic, and often have an exciting climax. Well, if you want adventure go watch Indiana Jones. If you want some comedy, you've come to the right place! Now, yet another ‘Doctor Who' story!

The Master     The central column raised and fell continously inside this TARDIS (Time And Relastive Dimensions In Space). A fully functional TARDIS belonging to an individual by the name of the Master. He wore a black jumpsuit which matched his slick black hair and imposing demeanor. The Master was a Time Lord, who had used up all of his regenerations and now stole bodies to survive. His most recent steal was that of the father of one of the Doctor's companions, Nyssa.
    The Doctor.....He growled at the thought of his archenemy, former friend and classmate. Each time he exacted a plan of evil, the Doctor was always there to foil it.
    A shudder interupted his thoughts as his TARDIS landed. "What...?" he murmured. "I shouldn't have landed yet...." He checked his scanner and discovered his location to be an engine room of sorts...Luckily, his Chameleonic Circuit was working just fine and had given the illusion that the TARDIS was just another turbine.
    The Master grabbed his Tissue Compression Eliminator, a stubby black rod capable of crushing a live human body into a twisted corpse the size of a doll, and opened the doors. He was going to investigate this strange ship.

    Dino-Bot walked up to Tarantulas in the Lair. "What do you want Spider? You said there was something of the utmost importance you wanted to see me about."     Tarantulas nodded and continued staring at a moniter with a joystick in hand. "Yes. Want to play Luigi?"
    "What??" Dino-Bot asked, quite confused.
    "I'm playing Super Mario Brothers, and I can't seem to beat it. I figured if I had you as Luigi I could beat this infernal game." Tarantulas explained. "But you'll have to find another joystick from somewhere else."
    "What joystick are you using?" Dino-Bot growled.
    "The Joymaster 2000. It's working now, you know." Tarantulas stated.
    "How can you be sure??" Dino-Bot snarled.
    "Look, I've been playing Super Mario here for the last 20 minutes with it, and nothing has happened yet. Isn't that proof enough?"
    "We shall see." Dino-Bot huffed. "If that joystick does any damage to the ship or something strange, then it's out the airlock. I'll go get my controller." Dino-Bot walked off.
    "Of course!" Tarantulas yelled back. "In your dreams Dino-Piff." he muttered under his breath afterwards.

    Dino-Bot was halfway to his quarters when he stepped on a doll. "I thought Janice didn't play with dolls anymore. It must be Retro 70's Actor Man's." He looked at it carefully and was shocked to see and smell that it was the shrunken corpse of an extra. "What??" Dino-Bot roared.
    "It's the work of the Master." a man said from behind him. The man wore a long brown overcoat and a huge red scarf. He had large teeth and enormously curly hair. "I assume we are here because of the Joymaster 2000?"
    "Doctor! Your fourth incarnation this time." Dino-Bot greeted the Time Lord. "I would assume so. It'll be out the airlock soon though. Who is the Master?"
    "A Time Lord like myself, but my best enemy. Jelly baby?" the Doctor offered. Once Dino-Bot accepted the candy, the Doctor continued. "These are my companions: Nyssa," he pointed to a young girl of about 18 wearing royal clothing and a tiara. "Adric," he pointed to a young boy of about 15. "and Tegan." he pointed to a woman of about 25 in an Air Hostess uniform.
    Dino-Bot nodded. "Nice to see you again Tegan."
    Tegan raised an eyebrow. "We haven't met."
    The Doctor laughed. "Time is relative, try to remember." The Doctor paused a minute. "Knowing this ship, I would assume we will catch up with the Master rather soon actually."
    "You are correct Doctor." the Master stepped out from behind a doorway, holding the five at bay with his Tissue Compression Eliminator. "I figured you would show up soon Doctor. And who is this robot?"
    "My name is Dino-Bot." Dino-Bot introduced himself.
    "Ah..." The Master grinned. "The Doctor had mentioned you before. But now, I finally have the opportunity to kill him and escape without a trace. And please Dino-Bot, no dramatics. I am fully aware you have lasers in you ocular units."
    "What are ocular units?" Tegan whipsered.
    "Eyes." Adric shot back.
    The Master leveled his weapon, and took a step forward. "Now for---" His foot landed on the ground in an awkward fashion, and the ground opened up beneath him. The Master yelled in protest as he fell through one of Tarantulas' trap doors.
    "Where did that come from?" Nyssa wondered.
    The Doctor laughed. "Give my thanks and a jelly baby to Tarantulas." When he saw his companions about to ask he silenced them with a wave. "You don't want to know. Well, we best be off. I have the feeling that the Master won't pester you for a while."
    Dino-Bot shook his head. "This was one of our fastest encounters yet."
    The Doctor stepped into his TARDIS with his companions, Tegan giving Dino-Bot an odd look, and soon they vanished.
    Dino-Bot decided he would rather play Luigi after all, and went to join Tarantulas.

The End

Pretty Wacky Races

    "Not good enough...you're not good enough...you can't do it...you'll never succeed..." the voice filtered through the air in Worf's quarters. Worf was ripping apart his quarters looking for the source of the voice. "Winning in not an option for you..." Worf roared in anguish.
    Finally, he discovered a small speaker in his pants. He ripped it out and yelled into it. "TARANTULAS!!! I AM RACING TOMORROW AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!!"
    Tarantulas' real voice came through. "Ha! You just try on 3 hours sleep. I don't need sleep and you do!" he laughed sinisterly.
    Worf noticed the clock on the wall, and indeed it read 6:00 am. He pulled out a rifle and blew the speaker to small bits.

    "Laaaaaaaaaaadies and gentlemen! Welcome to the Frippydippy 15th annual drag racing! We have several new contestants and their cars from an orbiting space ship, the Babylon Dwarf, and they are: Dino-Bot in his ‘Warrior's Skill', Tarantulas in ‘Yummy for my Tummy', Worf in his ‘Honor', Retro 70's Actor Man in his ‘Eeval Duume Musheen', Londo in his ‘Speedy Devil', and Janice in her ‘Cool Car'." the Announcer shouted.
    Tarantulas watched as Worf walked towards his car, and, shaking his head slowly, staggered. Within a minute, he collapsed on the ground. Several medics checked him over, and declared him unfit due to fatigue.
    Sebulba, a Dug, walked over to Tarantulas. "Jabanee, coo nacka, dabeeleanook!"
    Tarantulas sat back in his car, and looked over at Sebulba. "Whatever." He then looked at Sebulba's car, or rather, Sebulba's Podracer. "Is that allowed??"
    Sebulba grinned and walked off. When no one was watching, Sebulba pulled out the clutch of Janice's ‘Cool Car'. He laughed and stalked off.
    Soon, the lights came on and counted off. 4...3...2...1!!!!
    "And they're off!!!" the Announcer cried. "Except for Janice! Her ‘Cool Car' looks like it has been sabotaged." Janice got out and kicked the car, which promptly exploded, sending Janice sailing into a conveniently placed sack of feathers. "More than once!" the Announcer continued.
    The first challenge: The Candid Canyon!
    Sebulba was gaining on Retro 70's Actor Man's ‘Eeval Duume Musheen', and laughed at the pathetically slow hunk of junk. Sebulba pulled up beside him in the tight enclosure and levelled his gun to blow the engines. But before Sebulba could shoot Retro 70's Actor Man's car, it exploded on it's own, sending the ‘Eeval Duume Musheen' skidding off into the rockface.
    Sebulba shrugged and continued.
    The second challenge: The Mysterious Marsh!
    Londo's Speedy Devil was tearing up the track when Sebulba's pod caught up. Sebulba wasted no time in throwing a bomb under the hood. Soon an explosion racked through Londo's racer, and smoke poured out from the engine. Londo's tires sunk into the wetland and plopped along at a steady 5 km/h, making him perfect food for the swarming mosquitoes.
    The third challenge: The Great Grasslands!
    Here Sebulba could really pour on the speed. He overtook the other insignificant racers who are native to the planet, and aren't mentioned in this story.
    The fourth challenge: The Forbidden Forest!
    Sebulba saw Dino-Bot in the distance between trees in his fancy sports car. Sebulba patted his own orange podracer and sped up towards Dino-Bot.
    Dino-Bot noticed him coming and fired his eye-lasers to stop the oncoming maniac. Sebulba ducked as the green energy beams glanced off his cockpit, and shook his fist at the Maximal.
    Dino-Bot turned his attention back to the track, a fatal mistake. When Dino-Bot turned his head to Sebulba, he only saw several blades shooting into his engine. The enigne exploded and the car skidded into some shrubbery.
    Sebulba laughed and continued on.
    The fifth and final challenge: The Deadly Desert!
    Tarantulas' ‘Yummy for my Tummy' was going on autopilot for most of the race, as he was busy consuming large quantities of rodents. Suddenly, his onboard computer flared on. "Warning: approaching vehicle on intercept course."
    Tarantulas bolted upright and typed into his computer. A view of the rear came up on the moniter, and Tarantulas recognized the shape of Sebulba's podracer. "Ha! Come and get me."
    Sebulba soon pulled up beside Tarantulas, and pulled out a nasty looking rifle, taking aim at the ‘Yummy for my Tummy's engine. Tarantulas caught Sebulba's attention by pulling out a rifle of his own. Sebulba smacked his head in surprise and threw the rifle out of the cockpit. He brought out a missile launcher instead. Tarantulas loaded an Anti-Tank SCUD and showed it off to Sebulba. Sebulba growled and pulled out a multiphasic energy beam dispersal gun. Tarantulas brought out a plasma inducing atomic radial splicing disintigrator.
    "Chuba swervo!" Sebulba spat in frustration.
    "Anything you can do, I can do better!" Tarantulas shot back.
    As Tarantulas brought out his molecular energy compactor, Sebulba brought out his cold fusion generator. They both cursed some more, loaded all of their weapons, and fired them all at each other.
    Seven hours later, only Londo trudging along at 5 km/h crossed the finish line. The Announcer came up to his car and congradulated him personally. "Cooonnnnnnngradulations! Tell me son, how do you feel?"
    Londo shrugged. "Surprised."
    An ambulance drove by carrying the arguing and severely injured Tarantulas and Sebulba. Londo watched the ambulance drive a few kilometers down the road before the roof exploded off of it into the sky and more fighting was heard. Londo shrugged again.

The End

Return of the Vimians

    "No...." Londo cried.
    "Impossible!" Dino-Bot murmured.
    "It's insane!!!" Kryten shouted.
    "Inhuman!!" Worf yelled.
    Retro 70's Actor Man walked onto the bridge wearing a neon pink baseball cap. "What? Don't you like my cool, evil clothes?"
    Chewbacca roared in anguish and ripped the hat off his head. He proceeded to tear it into thirteen, not twelve, but thirteen pieces. Chewbacca bared his teeth at the bad actor and stormed off the bridge.
    Retro 70's Actor Man took this in stride. "At least he didn't see my new green and purple polka-dotted shoes! And, I shall have to run back to my quarters to get my other neon pink hat!" He ran down to the lift.
    After Starbuck returned from vomiting in the washroom, he leaned against a post and breathed heavily. "How....much longer do we have to put up with this?" he gasped.
    "I do not know." Worf admitted.
    The Governor awoke suddenly and actually looked at the sensors. "Hey guys...ah forget it. It's not important."
    "What is it?" Dino-Bot immediately snapped.
    "I forget too now." the Governor licked his paw.
    Worf picked up the cat by the scruff of his neck. "Tell me, or no more catnip!"
"Aaaagh!!!" the Governor screamed. "All right!!! All right, geez. It's only a Vimian Battle Cruiser on an intercept course with weapons loaded and targeting systems activated to our key engine signature. Like I said, nothing important."
    "Red alert!" Dino-Bot roared. When nothing happened, he continued. "Please?" Immediately the klaxons and lights began flashing.
    Twiki strolled up to Worf. "Remember the last time we face the Vimians, it meant certain death for us all."
    Worf nodded. "I am in full awareness of this fact."
    Data activated his controls. "Shields and weapons active and primed. However, I do not believe they will hold under Vimian weapon fire." A Vimian torpedo collided with the ship, and the shields failed. Data nodded to himself. "It appears I was correct."
    Soon, the whine of Vimian transporter beams filled the air. Worf hit the shipwide intercom. "Intruder alert! We are being boarded....again."
    Various "aw"s could be heard filtering through the other end.
    "Sorry." Worf managed again.
    A Vimian stepped onto the bridge. He was pure white, with a red hat, and a strange green mark on his chest. The Vimian soldier whistled his war whistle and charged Starbuck. Starbuck brought up a plasma rifle and shot the invader. As the Vimian staggered to the ground, it began to bleed bathroom disinfectant.
    Soon, more Vimians stormed in and began firing their energy weapons. Luckily, most of the crew found sanctuary inside the crawlspaces behind the controls that lead to all the parts of the ship. Well, except for three unlucky extras who weren't even important enough to get an expensive death scene. The Vimians were not too bright, and could not figure where the crew had escaped to. But they were confident their prisoners would soon be found.
    Meanwhile, Dino-Bot and Londo were crawling along the crawlspace to Engineering. "Tell me Londo, why do we always go to Engineering when we are being boarded?" Dino-Bot asked out of the blue.
    Londo kept up the pace. "Gee, I don't really know. But it sure sounds like a good idea."
Dino-Bot stopped suddenly, as did Londo. "So why don't we skip Engineering, and go to the ship's pool and swim a few laps? I am certain the situation will work out by itself, and I am tired of always saving the day."
    Londo nodded. "I could use a good soak."

    The Vimians soon had complete control of the bridge. As the lead Vimian, by the name of VimVim-Vim, took the center console, his subordinates whistled warnings about someone approaching the bridge via the lift.
    VimVim-Vim whistled an angry reprimand for the lack of security and had one of his chief security officers executed by means of the most horrid deaths possible: The Flushing! VimVim-Vim wasted no time in directing his troops to guard the lift doors and cover him from any possible danger.
    The seconds ticked slowly by as they all waited for the lift doors to open....
    When they did, who should stand there but Retro 70's Actor Man wearing not only the green and purple polka-dotted shoes, and neon pink hat, but also yellow and grey striped underwear over his white tights. "I feel so comfortable in my cool, evil suit!" he gloated.
    VimVim-Vim could not believe the sight, and felt himself choke up some sink cleaner. But, he could not lose it infront of his minions! So he ordered a hasty retreat, which the soldier Vimians were glad for, because their eyes were beginning to melt.
    The Vimian Battle Cruiser picked up all of it's boarding party and sped out of the quadrant to the Vimian homeworld of Vim.
    Retro 70's Actor Man saw that his cool, evil clothes were now covered in blue sink cleaner, and actually thought it looked pretty spiffy. So he kept it that way. And once Dino-Bot and Londo finished their laps in the pool, they dried themselves off and retook control of the bridge. And there were no more problems.

Well, one problem. Chewbacca got lost in the crawlspace and was not seen for two and a half weeks. He lived off of some of Tarantulas' escaped rats, but that's a different story.

The End

The Grand Club Royale

    Scotty and Worf sat in the Mess Hall eating away at their food when the signal came. HAL delivered it immediately. "Worf, I am sorry to interrupt your meal, but you are needed on the bridge."
    Worf dabbed his mouth with a napkin. "Very well. I am on my way."
    Scotty looked at Worf's leftover gak. "Are you going to eat that?"
    Worf straightened his uniform. "No, go ahead."
    Scotty slopped the wriggling worms onto his potato salad. "Thank you. I developed quite the taste for these back a number of years ago."
    Worf shook his head and left the Mess Hall. Dino-Bot in his beast mode came in immediately after with Worf in tow. "Never mind Worf. It was a test of HAL's systems."
    Worf grunted, picked his gak of Scotty's plate, and continued eating. "What type of test?" he rumbled.
    Dino-Bot explained. "To keep an eye on the whereabouts of all crewmembers at all times. This will not stop Tarantulas, of course." He paused a moment. "And there is one problem. HAL: locate Dino-Bot." he commanded.
    HAL answered immediately. "Dino-Bot is in the bathroom."
    Dino-Bot shook his head. "I'll get Robot to fix that as soon as possible. So if anyone needs me, I won't be in the bathroom." Dino-Bot left for the bridge.
    Halfway down the corridor, Dino-Bot smelled something suspicous. He transformed to robot mode and looked around the corridor. That's when a dozen Giant Sumo Wrestlers appeared out of nowhere!! "Oh no! Not again!!" Dino-Bot cried.
    The Giant Sumo Wrestlers spoke to each other in rapid Japanese, and upon reaching a mutual consensus, led a viscous assault on Dino-Bot! Dino-Bot brought out his sword and chopper, but they were merely deflected off the prominant asian flab. So Dino-Bot decided to skip the honourable hand to hand combat, and fired at them with his eye lasers.
    The dozen Giant Sumos were blown away, quite literally, by the shooting energy beams, and decided that now was not a good time for an attack. They ran as fast as their stubby legs could carry them, and vanished.
    That's when Dino-Bot heard laughter down on the other end of the corridor. Transforming back to beast mode, he tramped his way down and came face to face with none other than Centauri and Quark. Dino-Bot snorted in surprise. "Where have you two been?! Quark, we haven't heard from you in at least a year and a half, and Centauri, we haven't heard from you in seven months!"
    Quark and Centauri, both in fine clothing and rich jewelery, looked quickly at each other and began stammering and muttering excuses at the same time. That's when several scantily clad women draped themselves over the two. Now Dino-Bot was really REALLY curious. "Answer me!" he roared.
    Centauri spoke up. "We were at the casino."
    "Casino?!?!?" Dino-Bot asked, quite confused. "There's a casino on board?!?!?!?!?"
    Quark nodded then turned to the girls. "Want to go back to my quarters for some oo-mox?" he grinned. He began to walk off with the ladies.
    "Oh no you don't." Dino-Bot growled, and grabbed the collar of Quark's coat. "Girls, go away. I have business with these gentlemen." The girls scurried off and Dino-Bot yelled after them. "And put on some clothes!"
    Centauri huffed a little. "Good sir, what is the meaning of this?"
    Dino-Bot transformed back into robot mode. "Let's go to this casino now."

    When the three walked in, the first thing that struck Dino-Bot was the sheer size of the place. Imagine a football stadium with a low roof, filled with gambling tables, and you've got this casino: The Grand Club Royale. There were people everywhere.
    Centauri immediately went to seat himself at a Black Jack table, but Dino-Bot held onto him. "You have been gambling for the past seven months straight. I think you need to stop." He turned to Quark. "Where is the owner of the establishment?"
    "Why?" Quark wanted to know.
    "Because I want to know how there could be a casino, this Grand Club Royale, in our ship for the past four years without any of us knowing about it. I mean, look at the size of this place! How could we miss it??" Dino-Bot snapped.
    Quark rubbed his forehead. "All right!" He turned abruptly towards a far wall. "Follow me." he sighed, resigned.
    After an hour of travelling past poker tables, by roulette wheels, and around dom-jot tables, the trio finally made it to the bar at the end of the casino. The three sat down, tired after their long expedition. The bartender appeared infront of them. "What'll it be?" he asked.
    Centauri ordered a shot of bitter, Quark ordered a fruit cocktail, and Dino-Bot ordered a cool glass of oil coffee with a dash of WD40, a bit of Mr. Lube, and a sprinkle of battery fluid. After they finished their refreshing drinks, the three continued. The went around into the back of the bar, past a curtain, down a long hallway, up a long and narrow flight of stairs to an elevator, down the elevator to a giant oval room.
    Waiting for them there was Londo.
    "Londo owns the casino?!?" Dino-Bot yelled.
    Londo saw them. "No. I was walked down the corridor when I fell through one of Tarantulas' trap doors. And here I am."
    Dino-Bot grunted. "Oh. Well...stay here then. We'll...be back." Dino-Bot shook his head and the three made their way to the door on the far side of the room.
    Once out the door, the climbed another set of stairs. Once at the top of the stairs, they had to ride down an escalator. At the bottom of the escalator was a transporter pad. After the transporter had been activated, they found themselves in a large stately room with a personal transporter at one end, an enormous desk at the other, windows everywhere, and a water cooler.
    A man behind the desk stood up. He had slick red hair, and a black business suit. "Quark, Centauri! Good to see you again." the man smiled broadly.
    Quark shook his hand and greeted him likewise. "Nice to see you again Mr. X."
    "Mr. X? I am Dino-Bot. And I would like to ask you a few questions." Dino-Bot began.
    Mr. X looked Dino-Bot up and down a few times and turned to Centauri. "He's a....a.. He's a....robot?" he managed.
    Centauri nodded. "Yeah Mr. X. Why?"
    "No reason!" Mr. X forced a grin. "So Dino....Dino-Bot," he gulped. "What would you like? A drink, you want a drink??"
    Dino-Bot scowled. "No, I do not want a drink."
    Mr. X poured him some whisky. "Nonsense! You want a drink!"
    Dino-Bot folded his arms. "No I do not!"
    "Fine then!!!" Mr. X yelled. "I could use one!!!" he gulped the full bottle of whisky in one breath. He instantly seemed calmer. "Now, what can I do for you?"
    Dino-Bot cleared his throat. "There is the matter of how long this casino has been in operation. I have been running this ship with many of my crewmates for some time and have never heard of this casino until today. How is this possible?"
    Mr. X paced a little. "And how am I supposed to know this??? What am I, the owner??"
    Dino-Bot cast a glance at Quark. "Yes you are."
    Mr. X stopped pacing for a second. "Yes, you're right. Fine then. So, what of it?"
    Dino-Bot tightened a little. "How long has this been in operation?"
    Mr. X pointed to an old wicker chair. "Have a seat!"
    Dino-Bot looked at the aging chair. "I do not need to sit down, I am fully capable of standing here and talking to you at the same time."
    Mr. X developed a twitch in his eye. "Have...a...seat..."
    "Very well, but I do not need it." Dino-Bot sat down and the chair splintered and broke. Dino-Bot stood up. "It appears my mass was too cumbersome for your conventional chair."
    "Because...you're....a.....robot?????" Mr. X had to know.
    "I suppose so." Dino-Bot replied.
    "I.......hate......ROBOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mr. X screamed. His skin burst open revealing a giant and thrashing squid monster. The squid monster now filled half of the room while the Mr. X costume lay on the floor, completely wrecked.
    "You must be joking." Dino-Bot stated.
    The giant squid monster grabbed the three with it's enormous tentacles and began to squeeze the life out of them. It burbled and made grinding noises with it's beak. Quark and Centauri screamed in fear and Dino-Bot could not summon the strength to break the grasp of the mollusk.
    That's when a giant electro-net completely engulfed the giant squid monster, stunning it into unconsciousness, and the three fell to the ground. They looked up to see Tarantulas laughing to himself. He walked up to the giant squid monster's eye. "There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere!" Tarantulas began laughing some more, and dragged the giant squid monster to the personal transporter. The two vanished in a transporter beam.
    Centauri shrugged. "Who knew?"
    Dino-Bot picked some calamari off his head. "I'm closing the casino!!!" he rumbled. He spit out some more tentacle and stormed out of the room.

The End

When one adventure ends, usually another begins. This is always the case onboard the Babylon Dwarf, and there are a great many adventures to come. Most don't involve giant squids, or trap doors set by Tarantulas, but there may be big slug mentioned somewhere. You'll have to see for yourself.
Come back next time to "The Mixed-Up Space Years"!