"Holy mother of all daggets!  Will you look at this line!!!" Starbuck screamed.
    The line was all squished together to produce one glorious whole.  "I'm giving it about 4 hours in the line." Londo said wistfully.
    A wolfish grin crossed Starbuck's face.  "You know, we could skip this."  He touched the holographic generator in his watch.  "Just a little scan of me, and a little scan of you, then we produce holograms of ourselves that will save our spots in line!"
    "I like how you think!" Londo chuckled.
    After a quick image-scan, the two holograms flickered to life and took their place in line.  "They're only programmed to walk and stand in line.  We've got it made this time Londo!!" Starbuck smirked.
    Londo patted his growling stomach.  "Let's do lunch."  The two left for the diner.

    Tarantulas saw the line for the Hellevator and snarled.  The Hellevator was a tall pole, about 80 feet high.  The riders are strapped in to a ring that travels up the pole quickly to the top, then shoots downwards, then goes back up, and so on.  Tarantulas scanned the crowd waiting in line.  "Hmm....looks like the line would take an hour at least.  Oh well!" he snickered.
    He moved to the front of the line to the attendant.  "Yes sir?" the man asked.
    "Let me go next." Tarantulas said bluntly.
    "Sir I'm going to have to ask that you wait in line." the man stated.
    Tarantulas brought out his gun and took aim at the attendant's head.  "Let me go next." Tarantulas said bluntly.
    The man's arms shot up and he waved Tarantulas in.  Tarantulas rubbed his hands together gleefully and stepped up to the platform.  After strapping himself in, he waited for the other patrons to get settled.  Suddenly, the ring shot upwards at an incredible speed and all Tarantulas could see was the sky and landscape below.  Then it fell and fell towards the ground stopping quite suddenly and raising again.  Tarantulas furrowed his brow as he went up and down, up and down.  "Is this IT?!?"
    Finally the ride ended and Tarantulas unstrapped himself.  As the others staggered about, having lost their balance, Tarantulas walked calmly to the exit.

    "Quack quack.  Quack quack." the robotic duck bleeped as it moved quickly across the shooting range.  BAM BAM BAM!!  Three shots rang out and hit the duck once in the head, once in the neck, and once in the chest.
    "Um, sir?  You missed the bull's-eye." the attendant shifted his feet in his blue uniform.
    "I was not aiming for the bull's-eye on his abdomen.  I hit what I was aiming for." Dino-Bot clarified.  "But here..."  He twirled the gun quickly on one finger and twitched it ever so slightly.  BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!!  The gun fired five times, all while twirling on Dino-Bot's finger.  It hit the moving duck bull's-eye on all five counts.
    Dino-Bot grinned.

    Worf and the holographic doctor entered the glass and mirror maze, in which participants had to navigate a maze without walking into the mirror walls.  Worf looked around himself completely.  "This appears to be quite the labyrinth."
    The doctor tapped his chin.  "Good for about five minutes entertainment, I'm sure."  The two began walking down into the maze.
    THUNK!  The two hit a wall and stumbled backwards.   Worf massaged a tender nose.  "I suggest we pay more caution to our surroundings."
    "Excellent idea." the doctor confirmed.  The two put their hands in front of them and stepped forward.  Suddenly, their hands were pushed aside by a moving glass wall!  "What the devil is going on?" the doctor asked.
    "It appears that the walls of the maze move around." Worf observed.
    "Well, we might as well leave then.  I don't feel like being laughed at like a rat in a trap." the doctor turned back to the exit and discovered that it had become a glass wall.  "What sort of madhouse is this?"
    Just then, laser guns popped down from the roof and took aim.  Worf growled.  "Stun blasters!"  The guns began firing at five second intervals, and Worf threw himself to the ground.  "We must hurry and complete the maze!"
    "I didn't think the maze would be like this!" the doctor whined.
    "Ready...GO!" Worf roared and the two ran down deeper into the maze.

    "This is pretty good." Londo said as he took a bite of his burger.  "So, how long have the holograms been in line?"
    "About a half hour." Starbuck said as he was scooping up poutine.
    "Do you have any more catsup?"
    "Ketchup."
    "Whatever."
    "Yeah, here's a packet." Starbuck tossed him one and looked up at the bar.  "Hellllooo, what have we here?"
    "What?" Londo followed his gaze to an attractive women with brown hair, semi-tight jeans, and a white blouse.  "Yes, she is pretty."
    Starbuck cracked his knuckles.  "Watch the master at work!" he winked.  He sauntered over to the bar where the woman was waiting for her order.  "Hi there." Starbuck said.
    "Hi." the woman responded.
    "Name's Starbuck.  I'm on shore leave right now with my ship, and I couldn't help but notice the class two phase-aligning particle beam energy displacer plasma gun in your hand." Starbuck grinned, satisfied in his knowledge of weapons.
    "Actually it's a toy gun I bought for my nephew." the woman smiled.  "My name's Colleen." she extended her hand.
    "Pleased to meet you Colleen." Starbuck shook her hand.
    The waiter came over to the two.  "I'm sorry miss.  But it appears that your card was declined."
    "Oh no!" Colleen folded her arms.
    "Don't worry about it.  Waiter, put it on my till." Starbuck smiled.
    "Yes sir." the waiter left for Colleen's order.
    "You can have a seat next to me and my friend Londo.  I'll just get a chair for you." Starbuck crossed the diner and pulled a chair between Londo and himself.  "I've still got the touch!" Starbuck told Londo.
    "Yes, one woman in four years isn't too bad." Londo chuckled.
    "Shut up." Starbuck growled.
    Colleen sat down with her order. "So what do you boys do on that ship of yours?"
    "Um..." Londo began.
    "Well...." Starbuck added.  "We get lost." he answered truthfully.
    "And we get bored flying around." Londo went on.
    "Unless we're under attack." Starbuck nodded.  "Which is usually against cybernetic zombies, little green men, drooling man-eaters, or the purest form of evil in the universe."
    "Or we get trapped in a holographic dinosaur game, or a transporter that doesn't work." Londo interjected.
    "While avoiding a psychopathic crewmember." Starbuck concluded.
    Colleen stared blankly at them for a moment before smiling.  "Well...I don't know what to say.  All I have is a bratty little nephew."
    Starbuck and Londo exchanged glances with worried looks on their faces, remembering Jamie, Starbuck's "nephew".  "He's not here, is he?"
    "No no." Colleen tossed her hair back.  "No he's not."
    A look of relief passed through Londo's features.  Starbuck cleared his throat.  "So what do you do for a living?"
    "I'm a freelance author." Colleen explained.  "I'm researching a book right now."  She paused.  "I've never seen a ship as, ah, unique as yours before."
    "How can you see it?  It's in orbit!" Londo said surprised.
    "Why, isn't that it burning up in the atmosphere?" Colleen pointed through a window up at the sky, where a trail of red was streaking across.  Londo took out his scanner and magnified the image.  Sure enough, it was the Babylon Dwarf.
    Starbuck tapped his comlink.  "Starbuck to ship.  What's going on up there?"
    "This is Data." came Data's voice.  "As I was investigating a sensor malfunction, Retro 70's Actor Man took the helm.  I am correcting the descent now, and re-establishing orbit."
    "Thanks Data.  Try sending Retro 70's Actor Man down here." Starbuck closed his comlink, then laughed nervously.  "Heh heh.  Whoops!"

    Worf tumbled across the ground, narrowly missing another stun beam.  The doctor rolled and the two conferred in a corner.  "We have been in this maze for two hours!" Worf rumbled.  "We must find a way to escape!"
    The doctor curled his upper lip.  "Well there must be something we can do!"  Something on Worf's belt caught his eye.  "What's that?"
    "What's what?" Worf asked.
    "That!" the doctor pointed to Worf's laser gun.  "You've had that on you the entire time, haven't you??"
    "Affirmative." Worf nodded.  He pulled out the gun and destroyed the stun guns surrounding them.  He then turned to the nearest wall and took aim.
    Outside the funhouse, the wall exploded outwards, and Worf and the doctor stumbled out, coughing at the stirred up dust blanketing the area.  No one even took notice of the explosion.  Worf straightened his uniform, the doctor wiped some dust off his shoulders, and the two walked off.

    A Cyberman Leader scanned the surrounding fair ground and turned to his troops.  "There will be limited resistance."
    "Leader!  What shall we do with the surrounding equipment?" a Cyberman asked.
    "It is of no relevance.  Ignore it and destroy any aliens you encounter!" the Leader responded.
    "As you command, Leader."
    "Take the patrol and head to those entertainment stands.  There you may begin." the Leader pointed his robotic hand outwards.  "Go!"
    The Cybermen patrol rounded the corner slowly with their guns toted and ready.  There they saw a large mound of stuffed toys moving slowly on top of two arms.  Someone was carrying an obscene amount of prizes.  The Cyberman Lieutenant stood next to the person, unseen by the mound, and said "Halt, or we will destroy you."
    "I can not hear you with these toys..." came the muffled reply.  "Can you hold some of them please?"
    The Lieutenant picked up a single stuffed toy from the mound.  "How is that?"
    "Still can't hear you.." came a grunt.  "You'll have to take a lot of toys."
    The Lieutenant waved to the patrol and they all began taking large amounts of toys from this individual.  The Lieutenant turned to one of his troops.  "Go get the Leader.  We may need backup."
    "Yes Lieutenant." the Cyberman responded and moved off.
    By the time the Cyber Leader and his lone troop returned, all the troops were crushed to death beneath the immense piles of stuffed animals they had tried to carry.  Dino-Bot, with his arms now free from the prizes, stood looking at the eight piles, then looked up at the Cyber Leader.  "I did win a lot of prizes at the shooting booths." Dino-Bot admitted.
    "Destroy him!" the Cyber Leader ordered, and the two brought up their guns.  Pulling the triggers, bolts of energy rained out towards Dino-Bot.  Dino-Bot rolled to the ground and picked up a Teddy bear.  He threw it at the Cyber troop with all his might.  The Cyber troop took it in the chest, and stumbled backwards to the ground, before dying from the bear's gold necklace.  Cybermen die when exposed to gold.
    "Cyber Leader!  Give up!" Dino-Bot roared.
    "Negative!  You shall be destroyed!" the Leader shot back.
    That's when a clown appeared out of nowhere and threw a pie at the Cyber Leader's face.  The pie made full contact, and the Cyber Leader tried to remove the smooshed pie with little success.  Dino-Bot took the opportunity to blow off the Cyber Leader's head with his eye lasers.
    Dino-Bot approached the clown.  "Thank you for your assistance."
    The clown grinned then smacked a pie into Dino-Bot's face.

    Chewbacca sat at a picnic table, still eating cotton candy.  He enjoyed the savory taste of the cotton candy, the candy apples, the suckers, and the Tootsie Rolls.  He rumbled in pleasure as he finished another bag of sweets.
    That's when it hit him.  First it was a dull pain, then it felt like a sharp knife was shooting into his gums.  Yes, he had a toothache.  A bad one.  Chewie brought his hands to his cheek and began massaging his gums, but that only made the pain worse!  In desperation for some cold comfort, he sucked some cola from a straw until it filled his cheek.  The cold provided some relief, but the sugar in the cola amplified the pain even more.
    Rushing upwards, Chewie rushed to the nearest legend and searched the directories.  Sure enough, there was a dentist listed.  He located it compared to his position, and ran quickly onwards.

    Starbuck and Londo walked slowly back to the line for the Splash Coaster.  "So, we're going to hook up tonight for dinner." Starbuck told Londo.
    Londo rolled his eyes.  "I know!  How many times do you have to say the same thing?"
    "So, Colleen and I are going to meet up this evening for dinner." Starbuck explained.
    "Right, fine.  I can see you're excited.  Let's get to the holograms." Londo snorted.
    The two crossed through the line until they reached the front.  There were the holograms of Londo and Starbuck, saving their spots.  "All right holograms, time to power down." Starbuck snickered.
    "Hey!  Get to the back of the line!" Starbuck's hologram shouted to Starbuck.
    "What?" Londo asked, puzzled.
    "Excuse me, but we've been in line forever, and we're not letting you budge!" Londo's hologram growled.
    "The holograms must have broken their programming and achieved sentience while we were gone!" Londo explained.
    "That's one long wait." Starbuck added.
    "As long as we can remember, now vamoose!" Starbuck's hologram snorted.
    "Who's next in line?" an attendant shouted.
    "I am!" Starbuck, Londo and the two holograms shouted.  "No, I am!" they all shouted again.  "No you're not, I am!" they argued with each other.
    No one knows who threw the first punch, but soon the holograms were fighting with Starbuck and Londo.  Other patrons in line bet money on who would win, and couldn't agree with each other, so they joined in the fight.  Soon, the four hour line was fighting and the attendants twiddled their thumbs nervously.

    "AND STAY OUT!!!" the manager yelled, as he threw Starbuck, Londo, and their holograms out of the compound.  They all landed painfully on their butts and growled at each other.
    "That's no fair!  You guys weren't even supposed to become self-aware!" Starbuck shouted.
    "You know what's not fair??  Two idiots trying to take OUR place in line, just because THEY created us!" Londo's hologram shouted back.
    "What are we supposed to do with these guys??" Starbuck asked.  "We can't just turn them off; they are alive after all."
    "I don't know.  Leave them on the planet?" Londo suggested.
    Suddenly the two holograms shimmered and blinked off.  "What happened???" Londo asked worriedly.
    Starbuck looked at his watch and his face drooped a little.  "Oops, the battery ran out."
    Londo grinded his teeth a little.  "Well...it's not really our fault then.  Technically, they died of old age."
    Starbuck brightened.  "Hey, you're right!  Let's get back to the ship, I have a date to prepare for."  The two left the planet.

    A group of attendants huddled together discussing a matter of importance.  "What should we do??" one woman asked.
    "I don't know.  He jammed the controls, and I can't cut the power." one man said.
    "We can't even get close to him, he has a nasty knife and looks like a lunatic." a different man explained.
    Retro 70's Actor Man had locked himself in the Bumper Car arena, all alone, driving around a small red bumper car, hitting all the stationary cars.  He was having the time of his life, and no one could get close to him without risking a serious cut from his knife.
    A long line had formed for the Bumper Cars, and the attendants were getting worried.  Retro 70's Actor Man had been in there for three hours.
    The lead attendant felt a tap on his shoulder.  "What's the holdup?" asked a raspy voice.  The attendant turned and saw Tarantulas.  "I would like to go on this ride today!!"
    The attendant shook his head.  "I'm really sorry, but some raving lunatic has locked himself in there."
    Tarantulas looked in and groaned.  "Oh, him.  I'll get him."  Tarantulas climbed into the arena.
    A brief moment later, Retro 70's Actor Man came scrambling out, running for his life.  Tarantulas followed with a smirk on his face.  "As a reward, can I go first?"
    The attendants let him in, and filled all the cars in the arena with waiting patrons.  As soon as the attendant gave word, Tarantulas put the pedal to the metal and rammed his car against everyone else's.  After two minutes, the timer ran out, and everyone had to get out.  Tarantulas walked out calmly to go to the next ride.
    The other patrons stumbled out, cut and bruised all over with several fractures in their legs and arms.  They all avoided Tarantulas the rest of the day.

    Chewbacca entered the dentist's office and was ushered into the examining room.  He had a seat on the big chair and the dentist came in.
    "Hello Mr. Chewbacca.  I'm Doctor Paine.  And this is my assistant, Nurse Ow.  How are you today?" the dentist smiled.
    Chewbacca grabbed the man, pulled him in close, and roared in his face.
    The dentist straightened up.  "So you want to cut the small talk?  Okay, open wide."  The dentist peered into Chewbacca's mouth and made the mistake of accidentally smelling his breath.  He hit the ground unconscious.
    Nurse Ow revived the dentist, who wore a face mask and a clothespin from then on.  The dentist once again looked inside Chewie's mouth and saw the enormous amount of tooth decay on one of his molars.  "Mr. Chewbacca, I'm going to try to scrape the plaque off." the dentist explained.
    Dr. Paine took a small hook and began scraping at the plaque.  When none came off, Dr. Paine frowned and retrieved a larger hook.  After scraping for five minutes, he frowned again.  Still nothing was coming off.  He took a scalpel and began to try to peel away the plaque for the best part of an hour.  That didn't work either.
    Finally, Dr. Paine brought out a cutting laser and began to shoot it at the gunk on the teeth.  That didn't work as well!  Dr. Paine brought out a large plasma rifle, and shoved the barrel down Chewie's mouth.  He pulled the trigger, then looked inside.  Nothing.
    Dr. Paine sighed and looked around for anything else that could help.  Nothing...except for a toothpick.  Could it??  He grabbed the toothpick and jabbed it against the plaque.  Instantly, the plaque crumbled off.  He shrugged, and picked up the vacuum tube.  He shoved it in Chewie's mouth to clean up the plaque.  Instantly, the tube was blocked.
    Dr. Paine sighed, and picked up a vacuum cleaner.  He stuck the hose inside Chewie's mouth and began to suck up the plaque.  Soon, the cleaner was blocked as well, but not by the plaque...
    Chewie began to holler in pain as his tongue was stuck inside the vacuum.  Dr. Paine turned off the vacuum and released Chewie's tongue.  Chewie massaged his gums, and was satisfied to find that they no longer hurt.  He paid the doctor and left quickly.  He was hungry, and had quite the craving for some candy apples.

    Tarantulas cackled in pleasure at the sight of the Ultra-Super Killer Corkscrew of Doom.  An extreme rollar coaster, that had you strapped in standing up with a full body restraint, and the whole of the track was twirled like a corkscrew.  There were only nine other people in line, and Tarantulas wondered why.
    One guy was speaking in a hushed tone to another.  "I better get the fifty bucks for this."
    The other guy just kept smiling.  "I'm going to puke." he said calmly.
    The first guy looked shocked.  "Dude, we're not even on the ride yet!"
    Tarantulas tapped the sick guy on the shoulder.  "What did you eat?"
    The first guy tensed up.  "Dude, don't remind him!!"
    The coaster stopped, and the ten riders stumbled out crying, vomiting, or both.  Tarantulas cackled in anticipation.  Soon, all the 10 new riders were being strapped in.
    "No, no, I change my mind!!" one guy screamed.  "Let me out!!"
    The woman attendant grinned sinisterly.  "Too late, sucker!!  Mwah ha ha ha!!!"  She pulled the lever and the coaster started on it's track.  It started to go up the first incline, and as it reached the top, rockets shot out flames of green and the coaster blasted forward at Mach 8.  The riders screamed in pure terror, except for Tarantulas.
    Tarantulas gasped.  "This is actually satisfactory.  Could use something..."  Tarantulas slammed from side to side in the restraints as the coaster went across at mind-boggling speeds.  Tarantulas sighed.  "Just isn't perfect..." he thought out loud.  "Wait, I know!!" he laughed.
    Pulling out his gun, he loaded a missile and took aim at his restraints.  He blew them off, but remained plastered to his seat.  "Slagging centrifugal force." he cursed.  He aimed his gun at the back of his seat and fired.
    And he flew at Mach 8, sailing high over the fair grounds, past the coasters, the rides, and all of the booths.

    Dino-Bot finished wiping the cream off his face when he heard the missile fire.  He looked upwards in time to see a purple projectile shoot through the air.  A human eye would not be able to see it, but Dino-Bot's eyes had slow-motion and even then he had trouble tracking it.  It shot out of the fair grounds and he tracked it for about 10 kilometers before he lost it.

    Tarantulas hit the ground, and bounced in the air.  He continued to skim the ground for 2 kilometers before hitting a mountain.  Tarantulas stood up, charred and damaged.  "That...was a great ride!" he laughed.
    However, the impact and the laughing together caused an avalanche, directed solely at Tarantulas.  Too damaged to move out of the way, he sighed.

    Starbuck beamed down in his good uniform and put on his best smile.  He walked to the carnival entrance and waited.  Soon, Colleen showed up wearing beautiful dress.  Starbuck offered his arm and she took it.
    The two went off together to a fancy restaurant across the street.

    Londo finished his sensor sweep of the planet and sighed.  He looked at his watch, and sighed again.  He stood up and started pacing in the bridge.  He made light conversation with Pizza Guy, but that didn't do any good.
    Dino-Bot walked in and watched him pace.  "What is the matter?"
    Londo stopped.  "Starbuck has a date tonight with an attractive woman."
    "Jealous?" Dino-Bot smirked.
    "No!" Londo denied.  "She's going to be a monster, a killer alien, a psychopath, a man in disguise, a computer programmer, a hologram, or some other thing that would mess him up and almost get him killed."
    "Yes, we're all expecting that." Dino-Bot admitted.
    "I don't know..." Londo tapped his upper lip.  "Why don't I go check on him?"
    "I am sure Starbuck is fine." Dino-Bot said.  "He always survives."
    "But what if he doesn't this time?" Londo asked.

    "...which of course was actually Tarantulas the entire time." Starbuck finished his story over the candlelight dinner.
    Colleen laughed, and Starbuck admired the way her hair bounced.  "You have a wacky life Starbuck."

    "He'll be eaten alive!" Londo worried.

    "This is honestly the best Italian food I've ever had." Colleen twirled the ravioli in her mouth and scooped up some more.

    "She'll tear him apart." Dino-Bot agreed.

    "You've got some meat sauce on your cheek." Colleen giggled and wiped it off his face.

    "And then he'll come back to the ship, half-dead." Londo fretted.

    "It's been a great evening, and I want to see you again." Starbuck said, escorting her home.

    "She'll latch onto his face and bite off his tongue." Dino-Bot added.

    Starbuck reached up and kissed her.  After a minute, they released and Starbuck reached down, picked up her hand and gently kissed it.  "Until next we meet." he promised.

    Dino-Bot and Londo watched as ten minutes later, Starbuck walked onto the bridge whistling.  They looked him up and down, and he appeared to be just fine.  Happier than normal mind you.  "Well??" Londo asked.
    "Well, she latched onto my face, tore me apart, bit off my tongue, then ate me alive.  I only made it back to the ship half-dead." Starbuck confirmed their fears.
    Dino-Bot patted him on the shoulder.  "I'm glad you had fun."
    Londo groaned, then noticed a sensor bleep.  "Tarantulas is signaling the ship for beam up." he reported.
    "Finally!" Dino-Bot snorted.  "Last one off the surface.  I want to ask him about that strange purple missile."

    No one is sure how, but Starbuck seemed assured that he would meet Colleen again.  Londo was jealous, Chewie was in pain, and Tarantulas needed two weeks in the CR Chamber.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  Come back next time as: