Leospace8!

Lost Mixed-Up Space . . .

The Lost, The Confused, and Tarantulas

    The sun shone down on the meadow with all of nature's splendor. The trees swayed gently in the wind, the grass sprang with every insect, a brook murmured past two drinking deer and several rabbits. All in all, a peaceful day.
    A flash of light, a sound like the cackling of electricity, and the Joymaster 2000 fell to the ground in a thump. A few disturbed crows stared at the hunk of machinery in bewilderment. At first glance, it appeared to be nothing more than a simple joystick that one would plug into a computer. But this joystick was much more. It would allow any person playing it to completely experience the game. Every sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell was plugged in through the Joymaster 2000.
    Another flash of light and electricity, and a humanoid form shot through the air and landed on top of the Joymaster 2000. The figure stood up and brushed grass of his arms. His name was Tarantulas, and he was quite, quite mad. He had the ability to transform into a giant tarantula at will, and used this function to stalk and terrorize those he knew and admired. Those he knew and hated...well...you don't want to know about that.
    Tarantulas looked at his surroundings, and then looked down at his half-destroyed invention. "Gah slag." he cursed. He fished his Timescape X remote out of his side pouch and scanned this time zone. "Hmm....how interesting." he murmured.
    That's when yet another flash of light and electricity exploded in the air, and Dino-Bot flew through and landed on Tarantulas. Tarantulas pushed him off and snorted.
    Dino-Bot looked at their surroundings. "Where and when are we?"
    "We??" Tarantulas growled. "We? Well, I never recalled inviting you!"
    "The ship is in dire peril! And we must return at once." Dino-Bot explained.
    "Tough." Tarantulas spat. "We'll get back when we get back. Now where am I?"
    "Where are we, you mean." Dino-Bot countered.
    "I couldn't care less where you are." Tarantulas laughed.
    Dino-Bot folded his arms.
    "All right." Tarantulas punched a few commands in his remote. "It appears we are in central North America, in what will be called Kentucky. The year: 1216. Oooooh...eerie." Tarantulas mocked.
    "Silence fool." Dino-Bot ordered. "Take us home. The ship needs us."
    Tarantulas picked up the remains of his joystick. "Well...I can only repair this in my Lair anyway, so why not?" He typed a key on his remote.
    Nothing happened.
    "What's wrong?" Dino-Bot asked.
    Tarantulas furrowed his brow. "The ship was destroyed...as well as my Lair!! And the Timescape X!! This remote corresponds with the Timescape X that was destroyed. It's no longer functional!"
    "Are we trapped here?" Dino-Bot worried.
    "No." Tarantulas admitted. "At least not here. If I can get a booster amp relay to carry our signal to a pre-existing Timescape X, then we are out of here."
    "Try the year 2142 on Cybertron. That should do." Dino-Bot guessed.
    Tarantulas fiddled with the keys and hit the remote. A flash of light filled the sky, and a figure dropped through the air. "Oh no!!" Tarantulas cried, as the figure landed on top of him. She was tall and thin, with long brown hair, brown eyes with a half-crazed (or maybe just excited) look, and a bass guitar strapped to her back.
    Tarantulas pushed her off and stood up. "Let me at her!" he screeched, transforming to Beast mode and lunging at the girl, who screamed bloody murder at the sight of the giant spider.
    Dino-Bot shot a beam at Tarantulas, who went flying. "Greetings, I am Dino-Bot."
    "Hi, I'm Version 5." she introduced herself. "This is Bob the Bass Guitar. I was setting my amp and here I am!"
    A charred Tarantulas wandered into view and transformed to Robot mode. "An amp you say? Funny, I was looking for one for my remote. The paths must have cross-linked."
    "How shway." Version 5 stated. "Who's this dork?"
    "His name is Tarantulas. You may not trust him under any circumstances." Dino-Bot explained with passion.
    "That's right." Tarantulas agreed.
    "Um...can I go home now?" Version 5 asked.
    "Yes!! Let me use the Timescape X..." Tarantulas said evilly, and hit the switch.
    The three reappeared a few meters away. Version 5 checked herself, as did Dino-Bot and Tarantulas. "WHAT?!?!?" Tarantulas exclaimed to Version 5. "You're not goo!!!"
    "It was Bob!!" Version 5 joyfully cried out. "He's my ever-so-loving companion."
    "Let us focus on the real task at hand!" Dino-Bot snapped.
    "Which is...?" Version 5 queried.
    "Our ship is gone, our crew is dead, we're trapped in time with Tarantulas, and the odds of you returning to your actual home is less than 0.02%." Dino-Bot attested.
    Tarantulas couldn't help but agree. "That's right, you are certainly trapped with me."
    "I have a feeling you and Bob will fit in nicely with our group, Version 5. And there are very few with a stranger name than you. But at any rate, we must start our journey." Dino-Bot continued.
    Tarantulas sighed. "Well, unfortunately, I can't predict where or when we'll go. When that ditz of a girl landed on me, she wrecked the guidance control."
    "Sure...blame it on me..." Version 5 mumbled.
    "Let's go then." Dino-Bot stated...and the three vanished in a flash of light....
    ...only to reappear a meter away. "How disappointing." Version 5 grumbled.
    "I think I've got it fixed..." Tarantulas growled at her. And they vanished again. The End

A Disappointing Reunion

    The horse galloping echoed through the valley until a figure riding horseback could be seen coming closer. Pulling the reins sharply, the figure in black robes stopped his horse in front of the castle. He jumped off the horse and cupped his hands to his mouth. "My name is Sir Charles Lusworth! I demand to be let in at once!"
    A raspy voice rang through one of the windows. "You can demand all you want. I have no problem sitting here listening to you dying of laryngitis."
    Sir Charles scratched his head, puzzling over what laryngitis could be. "I am an emissary of the Duke of Edinburgh!"
    "Good for you." the voice yelled back.
    "If you do not pay the taxes at once, we shall have the whole of England upon you!" Sir Charles shouted, confident he had won this time.
    Inside the castle, Tarantulas loaded the final heap of cow manure onto the catapult. "That's just perfect! You go do that." he snickered at the poor man.
    "I can't believe you're going to do that." Version 5 mumbled at him.
    "You are a disgrace to everything pure." Dino-Bot snorted.
    "Oh...you're right." Tarantulas admitted. "Bombs away!!" he shouted.
    Outside the castle, Sir Charles turned to head back to his superiors when he heard the sound of a catapult fire. He turned in time to see a mound of...dirt flying towards him?
    Dino-Bot saw the fresh manure land of Sir Charles. He scoffed at the notion. "We have been here long enough! Have you found the diamond?"
    "Yes, I managed to acquire a diamond suitable for refining the targeting laser in the remote. Too bad Sir Charles wanted it back." Tarantulas snickered.
    "Well, he got more than he bargained for dude." Version 5 loaded Bob onto her back. "Can we go now? I'm starving!!"
    "All right, all right. That's enough history changing today." Tarantulas acknowledged, and he installed the diamond. He hit the button and the three vanished in a swirl of light.

    Free-falling through the depths of space-time was always disorientating, but this time it wasn't so bad. Version 5 felt her body absorbed by the pulsating aura of the Timescape X, and felt Bob aiding her survival through the rough voyage. Bright swirls of color formed a vortex around her and then a sound like thunder clashed and she opened her eyes to blue sky.
    She looked around and realized she was on a beach of white sands. Settling back, it took her a moment to realize that her newfound plump pillow was a giant     spider. Named Tarantulas. She leaped up and tried to jump on him. "Yucky spiders!!!" she screeched, crushing Tarantulas' legs under her feet.
    "GAAAAAAHH!!!" he screamed in agony, jumping up and transforming. He grabbed Version 5 and held a gun to her neck. "Would you like to explain that lethal action?"
    Version 5 gasped for breath. "Kill me, and the bass guitar dies!"
    Tarantulas thought about that. "So what? It's your bass guitar."
    Version 5 snorted. "I know that!! Think about it."
    Tarantulas thought about it some more. And some more. She was willing to destroy her own bass guitar for no reason when faced with death. This didn't make sense. Maybe he actually liked Bob, but he didn't think so...
     That's when Version 5 brought her heel down on Tarantulas' knee cap. He dropped her and she beat him over the head with Bob. Dino-Bot had to pull her off him, and set her some distance away.
    "That is enough." Dino-Bot growled. "The spider is vital to our return home."
    Tarantulas stood up. "She started it."
    "I was siding with you, spider!" Dino-Bot snapped.
    "Oh yeah." Tarantulas remembered. "Well, the remote says we are in Tahiti in 1974, on a remote beach and there is a residence near by. About 500 yards due west."
    "Let's go there! I'm starved." Version 5 exclaimed.
    "He might have a rodent problem!" Tarantulas exclaimed as well.
    "You are both pathetic..." Dino-Bot trailed after the excited two.
    After an uneventful trip filled with the "I am hungry" song invented by Tarantulas and Version 5, the three reached the lone shack. Dino-Bot knocked on the door.
The door opened, and there stood Sam Beckett. He recognized Dino-Bot immediately. Dino-Bot recognized him immediately too. "YOU!!" they both said at once. Doctor Sam Beckett, time traveler courtesy of Project Quantum Leap, had once taken Dino-Bot's place on the Babylon Dwarf for a brief period of time.
    Sam sighed. "I knew you'd find me sometime. Come in..." he gave in.
    Version 5 clapped her hands. "Yay me!"
    They sat down around a table in the living room. "So, how's the ship?" Sam asked.
    Dino-Bot cleared his throat and folded his arms. "Fine."
    Tarantulas and Version 5 ignored the conversation and started raiding the pantry. Sam crinkled his nose. "Sure, help yourselves." Sam shook his head. "You can see me as me I guess."
    "Affirmative, although I gather it is a side-effect of the Timescape X." Dino-Bot explained. "We are lost in time."
    "Is that a fact? So am I. I leaped in here, preparing some old man for a typhoon." Sam looked up at his reflection in the mirror, that of an aged Tahitian native. He heard the grinding noise and turned to see Al come into the Imaging Chamber. "Hi Al. I believe you know Dino-Bot."
    Al looked at Dino-Bot. "How did he get here?!"
    Dino-Bot grunted. "I am lost in time."
    "How can he see me?? GUSHI!!!" Al turned and left back through the Imaging Chamber door.
    "So why are you here Dino-Bot?" Sam asked. "A reunion? Where's the rest of your crew? I haven't seen Londo in a while..."
    "I am not interested in a reunion, and only I know you Quantum Leaped into me. We came to raid your fridge." Dino-Bot stated.
    Sam scratched his nose. "You're joking."
    "Nope!" Tarantulas said, coming out of the kitchen, arms full of raw meat.
    "Thanks!" Version 5 thanked Sam, carrying a bunch of veggies.
    "Sure...right..." Sam said, distracted. He watched the two eat their food, and the trio vanished in swirls of light. "Things just don't change."

There Was A Point To This

A Matter of Bob

    Version 5 awoke in the cramped storage closet. The year was 1954, and the place was Louisiana. Tarantulas still had not figured out why the Timescape X only chose to take them to time zones on Earth, but assumed it had something to do with some switches he had set in his Lair.
    A crash brought Version 5's senses in order and she remembered why she awoke in the late hour in the first place. She grabbed for Bob on her back, and realized he wasn't there. She cursed openly and broke open the closet door. Dino-Bot was sleeping on the couch in his beast form. The three had rented an apartment, but there was only one bed. Given that Version 5 was the only girl, she had to sleep in the closet. Dino-Bot voted for the floor, but Tarantulas wouldn't hear of it. It would frighten the rats, he said, to see a giant dinosaur on the ground.
    Version 5 nudged Dino-Bot. "Wake up!"
    "What do you want human?" Dino-Bot snapped.
    "Tarantulas is not in his bed, and Bob is gone!" she exclaimed.
    Dino-Bot rubbed his eyes. "Slag, not again."
    "We've got to find them!!" Version 5 exclaimed. "Otherwise we'll be stranded here!"
    "I doubt it." Dino-Bot smirked. "I stole the Timescape X remote from him yesterday." Dino-Bot searched in his side pouch for a brief moment. "It appears Tarantulas stole it back."
    "Where could he be...?" Version 5 wondered.

    "But I don't play the bass, Jesse!" Elvis Presley exclaimed.
    "Yes you do. Well, you do now." Tarantulas told him. Tarantulas was wearing a heavy cloak and a lousy rubber mask.
    "Jesse, why are you wearing that mask again?" Elvis asked.
    "Look, it doesn't matter. I'm your brother Jesse, and that's all that matters. Now play the bass, and sing the song."
    Elvis took the song sheet Tarantulas offered him and began to play. " ‘Death is fun, and blood is running, I don't need any love! Evil is pure, evil is my life!!'
Are you sure this song is what the audience wants to hear?"
    "Yes yes yes, it'll be all the rage! It's called Punk Gothic, and it'll change the face of music forever!" Tarantulas promised him.
    "I don't think death is fun." Elvis stated.
    "Shut up you Grace land ninny and play the song!!!" Tarantulas picked Elvis up by his collar and started shaking him roughly.
    Bob fell out of Elvis' grasp and hit the floor. It bounced several times and flew out the open window into the autumn air.
    Dino-Bot and Version 5 burst in a moment after. Tarantulas gasped. "How did you find me???"
    Dino-Bot looked straight at Tarantulas. "I read the note you left, stating you had gone to see Elvis in his hotel room."
    Tarantulas thought about that. "I forgot I even left a note!"
    Version 5 grabbed Tarantulas by the throat. "WHERE IS BOB?!?"
    Tarantulas sagged in defeat. "I ate him. I'm sorry, I was hungry on the way over."
    Elvis smoothed back his hair. "Who is Bob, honey-loving?"
    "He's my bass guitar!" Version 5 answered him.
    "He flew out the window." Elvis stated. Version 5 jumped through the window after Bob. Dino-Bot shrugged, picked up Tarantulas and jumped after her.

Elvis never got into Punk Gothic music, but did make the ladies crazy while on tour. He attributed the strange experience to too many cheeseburgers. However, a young man who called himself Rob Zombie found the sheet music Tarantulas had given Elvis, and changed his Gospel band into the Punk Gothic style.

Bob landed on the street below and fell through an open manhole. Landing in the sludge, a group of sewer rats hopped on and found their new surfboard to their liking. A nearby homeless young man saw the surf-boarding rats and got a brilliant idea. He ran up to the street, shaped a plank of wood, and took it to California where he also struck up a successful singing career. His name was Frankie Avalon.
Bob continued down the sludge and turned around a steep corner, knocking the rats into the sewage. It burst through a pipe towards the river.

    Meanwhile, Version 5 landed on the street and looked everywhere for her precious bass guitar. However, it was nowhere in sight. Dino-Bot snorted and shook his head. "The bass is lost."
    Version 5 sniffled. "That means I can't travel through the Timescape X. I'm stuck here! And it's all YOUR fault spider!"
    However Tarantulas was not there. He was farther down the street, hunched over a ditch. Dino-Bot walked over to him. "What is it?" he grumbled.
    Tarantulas shot his hands into the drainage and started rummaging about. "No!" he cried. "The Timescape X remote! It had fallen when I was been HURLED out of a window by a Maximal!"
    Dino-Bot snorted.
    "Well, where is it?" Version 5 asked worriedly.
    "It's flowing down the sewers! Quick, to the river! It'll empty there!" Tarantulas took off towards the distant river.
    Dino-Bot was about to object, claiming to know a simpler way, when three FBI agents jumped out of the shadows and held him fast. "Freeze Communist!" they held their pistols to his head.
    In the meantime, Version 5 caught up to Tarantulas at the river bank. "Did you get it?!" she asked. Tarantulas turned around and trained his gun at her head. "What is this??"
    "I never lost it!" Tarantulas explained. "I saw some FBI agents eyeing Dino-Bot, so I lied about losing the remote to get you here alone with me." he snickered. "Time to die!"
    That's when Bob shot out of an overhanging pipe and whacked Tarantulas on the head. "Thanks Bob!" Version 5 laughed.
    Dino-Bot caught up to the two and picked up the remote. "That's enough history for one day. We retrieved a conductor cable and plutonium from the government, and I resisted their arrest with little difficulty. Let us depart."
    Version 5 gave Bob a big kiss. "Eww...Bob, what have you been sitting in?"

The End

Heil Caesar

    A snap, a clip, and a bolt as their armor was fastened. The gladiators drew their swords, hefted their shields, and strapped on the helmets. All around them, the lower levels of the Colosseum seemed to echo with cries of death. The first recorded instances of graffiti were splashed on the stone walls.
    A Roman guard strolled in and saluted the lead gladiator. "May your death entertain the Emperor."
    The gladiator saluted back, half-enthusiastically. "I live to entertain."
    A bell sounded from outside and the guard stood aside as the gladiators charged out, roaring. Outside were another legion of gladiators with their swords drawn already. Wild beasts were released and the crowd went ecstatic as the battle started.
    A flash of light, and Tarantulas, Version 5, and Dino-Bot landed in the middle of the fray They immediately noticed their surroundings. "What is this, American Football?" Tarantulas asked.
    "I think so." Version 5 responded.
    "Which one's the quarterback?" Tarantulas puzzled.
    "I think it's the guy who was just impaled by the spear." Version 5 pointed him out.
    "Nonsense fools. This is the Roman Empire, and these are the Gladiator battles, NOT Football." Dino-Bot snorted. "Don't you know any military history?"
    "No, not really." Version 5 said "What's the difference between this and Football?"
    "Well...." Dino-Bot paused. "I do not know." A man's severed head flew over them. "But it's obvious this is a Colosseum, not a stadium." Another man's arm rolled past. "Is there anything we can use for the Timescape X remote here in Imperial Rome?" A tiger ran behind him, carrying a man's leg.
    "Um, can we take this conversation somewhere else??" Version 5 growled.
    "No, nothing we can use here. We can make the next jump in 2 hours." Tarantulas admitted. "Let's amuse ourselves in the meantime." He pulled out his missile gun and blew off a gladiator's scalp.
    The gladiators all immediately stopped the battle and finally noticed the trio. Even the beasts gave them an odd look. The gladiators all exchanged looks, shrugged, and charged at the trio.
    "What are we going to do?!?" Version 5 screamed.
    "The spider and I will battle." Dino-Bot fished into his pocket and brought out a quarter. "You go into the audience and buy some popcorn."
    "Enjoy the show." Tarantulas snickered.
    "You guys are such dorks." Version 5 ran into the bleachers.
    Dino-Bot brought out his weapons: a sword and a chopper, as well as his charged eye-lasers. Tarantulas was armed with leg bolts, and a missile gun. But what he didn't tell Dino-Bot was that he also had his Mega-Missile launcher on him, and he was crazy enough to use them. Mega-Missiles were powerful enough to level the whole Colosseum, and were generally used to sink battle cruisers and aircraft carriers.
    The Caesar watched this battle with interest. 54 gladiators, four tigers, six lions, and three leopards verses two freaks of nature. It was obvious who was going to win. Well, no it wasn't.
    Three minutes later, Dino-Bot and Tarantulas stood petting the animals amidst the bodies of all the gladiators, save two who were bowing at their feet. The Caesar was impressed. He held his thumb sideways, letting the taunts of the crowd weighing the decision of whether the victors should live or die.
    The Caesar gave them a thumbs down, death, because they were probably not Roman citizens, and thus didn't pay taxes.
    A dozen Imperial guards charged out and threw spears into the two. They then retreated back into the Colosseum.
    Dino-Bot looked down at the spear protruding from his abdomen and pulled it out. "That was painful."
    Tarantulas pulled out the seven from his body. "I rather enjoyed it!"
    Version 5 ran down from the bleachers, empty handed. "Sorry guys."
    "You didn't save us any popcorn!!" Tarantulas snarled.
    "There was none you lunatic." Version 5 handed Dino-Bot the quarter back. "Sorry, no foreign currency allowed."
    "Fools. Let's leave this arena and buy a toga, or something." Dino-Bot then noticed crackling blue electricity covering his body. "What in Unicron...?" He then noticed Version 5 and Tarantulas had a similar effect on their bodies. And only one thought crossed his mind. "Quantum Leap!!"
    And they were gone in an expanding flash.

    A shot rang out, and the mother cried out in alarm. The Green Police charged through the bulleted door, and took position around the family huddled on the floor. A Gestapo agent, in his black suit and red Nazi armband entered after them. His slight mustache complimented his small glasses, and squinting eyes. "Where are they?" he asked softly in German.
    "I don't know what you mean!" the father stuttered.
    "You are hiding Jews in this house. Do not lie, where are they?" the Nazi agent asked again, smiling deviously.
    "I don't know what you mean, there is no one here but me and my family." the father insisted.
    "Check the mantle." the agent ordered his troops. The troops pulled at the mantle, then shot at it. It swung open, revealing a huddling Jewish family. The agent smiled more. "They shall be taken to a camp. As for you," he stated, looking at the Austrian family. "You shall pay the price of treason." The agent pulled out his gun. "Kneel."
    "Please...please no!" the mother pleaded. "Spare my child."
    "Take the Jews to the car." the agent watched all the troops, save one, file out with the Jews. "Now kneel." The family slowly kneeled down, and the Gestapo man put a pistol to the father's forehead.
    With a flash of blue and rays of light, Dino-Bot appeared on top of the Nazis. The agent was immediately knocked out cold beneath his metallic weight, while the Nazi troop was crushed to death pointlessly, like the extra he was.
    Dino-Bot stood up, brushed dust off his shoulders and stared at the cowering family. He then noticed the swastikas on the agent's arm, and recognized it immediately. "Run quickly. Leave the country and do not come back." he told the family. They thanked him and ran out the back.
"Where are the other two?" he wondered.
    Suddenly outside, he heard the screeching of tires followed by the screeching of Tarantulas. He ran outside in time to see a Jewish family running out of a Nazi jeep down the street. The Nazis were bent over the prone form of Tarantulas on the ground in front of the car. They pointed at Dino-Bot and started shouting something in German.
    Dino-Bot switched his language to German and addressed the quartet. "Greetings. You have killed my comrade. I bid you thanks."
    "Place your hands on your head!" a Nazi yelled.
    Tarantulas stood up behind him, and shot his head off with his missile gun. "Ha!" he yelled. The remaining three Nazis started shooting both Dino-Bot and Tarantulas with machine guns.
    Dino-Bot could not dodge the rapid fire of the three guns in time, and neither could Tarantulas. Both hit the ground in stasis lock, after receiving a generous dosage of lead.
    "What happened?" the Gestapo man staggered out, clutching his head.
    "We lost the Jews." one Nazi responded.
    "Fools!" he looked down at the two Transformers. "Who are they?"
    "I do not know, but they killed Fritz, and allowed the Jews to escape." another Nazi said.
    "They killed Claude as well. Very well," the Gestapo agent said, coming to a decision. "Place them in the truck. We will take them to Berlin and find out what they know, who they are, and what they are. Then they will be disposed of."

    A dulling light and then...
    Worf joined Starbuck. "He does not have the time, he only has 20 seconds! The Lift takes 2 minutes to reach the Lair."
    Version 5 lifted herself off the bridge deck and looked around at all the panicked faces. No one seemed to have noticed her unusual entry.
    Susan looked up worriedly at the Doctor. "Are we going to die??"
    The Doctor felt a calling in his mind. "No...something's not right about this! The Self-Destruct won't go off! It's a prank." he said, smug.
    The holographic doctor tried reasoning with HAL. "HAL, turn off the bomb!"
    HAL continued counting down. "12...11...10..."
    Version 5 saw Sam Beckett, the Time Traveler they had encountered earlier also appear, but he appeared in someone else's clothes.
    The doc tried harder. "HAL!! Turn off the bomb NOW!"
    Worf sadly shook his head and turned to Sam. "Starbuck, it has been an honor serving with you."
    Sam's eyebrows shot to his forehead. "Worf, it was nice serving with you too."
    Version 5 didn't understand anything that was happening, except for the insistent drone of HAL counting down to destruction. "5...4...3..."

To Be Continued...

All will be explained in "The Everlasting Mixed-Up Space".