"The Answers Are There..." by Michèle E. Starbuck AKA Riina Ikonen Disclaimer: The greatest characters of all times (i.e. Mulder & Scully) are property of Chris Carter, 20th Century Fox and 1013 Productions. And of course Scully belongs also to Gillian Anderson and Mulder to David Duchovny. This story, however, is completely made up by me. Spoilers: There are small references to Pilot and Memento Mori. Classification: UST, the strength of M/S relationship... Summary: Scully is bored of working as a garbage dump. She gets an offer to get another job, but she'd have to leave Mulder and the X-Files... Author's notes: I finished this in January '99. If my use of language isn't that good, it's probably because English is my second language. So please forgive me the mistakes. Please, feel free to send me *any* comments you have!! I'd be really happy to get some feedback! My address is at the bottom of this page. Constructive criticism is also welcome, I want to be a better writer, with your help of course. Thanx! ****************************************** The Answers Are There... There hadn't been any interesting cases lately for Mulder and Scully. Now they were watching a boring video tape - supposed to be an evidence - in the basement office. "Why do we have to watch this, Mulder? It's not like we'd find out anything new from this," she said. Even Mulder had to admit it was a very boring evidence. "Yeah, but the Seattle PD asked the Bureau's help, and we have to do our job." "But why us?" she argued. "There's nothing unexplainable in this, except the boringness of it." She sighed. "Guess no one else wanted it so they handed it over to us," he suggested. "It's always us. No one wants it and it's ours. Why do I get the feeling we're like a garbage dump or something?" she asked, frustrated. "Maybe we are. But sometimes that's useful." She sighed again. How did he do that? How could he work as a garbage dump? It sure was interesting sometimes, but not that often. She sure couldn't... then why did she? She could quit anytime she wanted to. What made her stay? Only one thing. Mulder. If anyone else was her partner, she'd quit. But Mulder was her partner so she didn't. And besides, it wasn't like she'd have job offers falling from the sky. No one would want to work with her, Mrs. Spooky. Except Mulder. They had to work together because no one else wouldn't work with them. She sighed, loudly. Mulder thought of her. Poor Scully, she could have a normal life, get married or something. But her life is gonna get wasted, because of him. For her, he thought, it might be better if they'd just shut down the X-Files. She wanted to have a good career as an FBI agent but instead she had to work as a garbage dump. "Scully?" "Yeah?" "What if you take a vacation or something and I'll just finish this case." It was the least he could do for her. "Why?" She was confused by his odd suggestion. What was behind this? Did he just want to get rid of her? "This is obviously boring you, and hey, when did you take a vacation last time? A real one?" He tried to be casual but she noticed there was more in those words. More than just this case. "Is something wrong, Mulder?" she asked. "I'm offering to finish our most boring case ever and you ask if there's something wrong?" he asked, still trying to get over this by joking. He didn't want to talk seriously, he wouldn't know what to say or what he should say. "There is something else in this. Wanna tell me what it is?" When he didn't say anything, she added, "You can tell me, Mulder." Maybe he could, if he knew what it was. Now it was kinda difficult. "I just, um...I don't want you to feel like you *have* to work with me. I know this isn't what you wanted from your career. You can quit if you want. I don't want to see you down because of me," he said softly. "You really mean that?" "Yes." "Thanks, Mulder. I really appreciate it," she said, looked in his eyes and then rose to leave. "Good night." "Night." He watched her leaving and closing the door behind her, and felt sad. Scully would quit. He would be left working alone - if there even was going to be anymore X-Files. They probably wouldn't let him work alone, and no one would want to work with him. Not that he wanted to work with anyone else than Scully. But he'd rather be alone than watch her suffer because of him. * * * * * On the next morning Mulder came to his office two hours late. He had stayed up the half of the night, thinking about Scully and wondering would she quit, and so he had slept too long. As he walked into the office, he hoped Scully would be there nagging at him about coming late to work, but there was no one in there besides him. , he thought sadly. He thought about them together; they were without a doubt the best team in the FBI. He sighed, opened his computer and started to go through their case and write a report of it. He spent the whole day doing that and thinking about what it would be like to work without Scully. At night, when most of the people had already gone home, he had got really lost in thought and was startled by Scully's voice. "Mulder?" He looked up, surprised to see her. "Far away from this office, huh?" she asked. "Yeah..." he said absently, then asked, "So, you're not taking a vacation?" "No." The answer was short and firm. "Well, I guess we have to get back to that boring case of ours," he said, wondering why she didn't say anything about her possible quitting, but didn't want to ask her. "Mulder..." she sounded like she was sorry about something. And she was, she had to tell him something he wasn't going to like. "What?" he asked, being afraid of the answer. She'd quit. Why wouldn't she? "I, um...I just came from Skinner's office," she started. "He asked me to quit working with you and start working as Foley's partner in the violence section. Foley thinks it's a good idea. I asked some time to think about this but I have to give them my answer tomorrow morning." She looked at him as his face remained the same but his eyes revealed the sadness and the feeling of being abandoned and alone. "Y-you asked for a new assignment?" he tried to remain his coolness, saying to himself, "No. Skinner just told me that maybe you could work on your own by now." "So, what are you going to do?" "I don't know, Mulder," she said and her voice revealed that she really was unsure. He took her hand in his and said, "It isn't my decision to make, but this might be your only chance to get rid of me. People make fun of me and call me spooky. That's not very nice but I'm used to it. I really didn't want that happen to you but it's happened and it's gonna stay that way if you stay working with me. Maybe you should save yourself while you still can. I'm sure you and Foley will make a good team." He looked in her beautiful, blue eyes. "But not as good as we were." "Do you want me to leave?" She didn't really believe that but asked just to be sure. She needed to hear that if she stayed, Mulder wanted her around, that he would rather work with her than someone else. "You know I don't want you to leave, Scully," he said softly. "But I can't stop you going forwards on your career. I want you to do what you really want. Although we're a good team, the best actually, this isn't the kind of career you wanted." "I have to admit that at first I thought you were...crazy." She walked away from him, dropping his hand from hers. "You kept talking about UFOs, paranormal things, extraterrestrial life and things like that. Things I just couldn't believe." "And now?" he asked, first looking down, then raising his head to face her, "Do you still think I'm nuts?" She didn't know what to say. After a short silence she said: "Working with you has been very interesting and rewarding. I wouldn't change our time together for anything." "But nothing lasts forever, right? You're going, aren't you, Scully?" he tried to hide his fear that he'd have to work without her but he just couldn't pretend with her around, and she saw his feelings from his eyes. Before she had time to answer Foley walked in. "Yes she is unless she's out of her mind. Why would she stay working with *you* when she could have a decent job with me? Don't you agree, spooky?" Foley looked Mulder arrogantly. "I already told her that. By the way, Foley, this is my - I mean *our* - office and I wouldn't mind if you'd knock on the door before coming in," Mulder said. He didn't like Foley that much even before this, but now, knowing that he might take Scully away from him, he couldn't stand him and thought it'd be better to leave. "Well, since you came, I think it's best if I leave. See you tomorrow, Scully." "Don't count on that. She might also decide to start working with me. For the sake of her and her career I sure hope she will do that." Damn it, he was right. Mulder touched Scully's arm on his way out and looked her in the eyes, as a way of saying goodbye. His touch was warm and full of caring, it felt really good. She looked after him until he was out of sight, then turned to face Foley and said, "If you don't mind, I'd like to be alone". "No, I'll just leave. Hope to see you tomorrow," he said but didn't get a reply because she'd hardly heard him. Her rational side told her to leave Mulder and get a normal life, but her heart insisted that she'd stay. She was used to listen to that rational side of hers but this time the other one was so powerful. Mulder's desperate eyes when he walked out of the office kept haunting her, and his touch...it had felt so good, like a touch that told her someone needed her and cared about her. And not just someone, but Mulder. As she thought of his eyes, his touch, his smile, everything in him, she remembered one of the first things she had ever said to him. 'The answers are there, you just have to know where to look.' And she knew the answer. She realized she had known it all the time. She knew that she could *never* work with Foley - or anyone else - instead of Mulder. Never. She just had convinced herself she was doing it for him, so that he would get rid of her, the one who just kept nagging at him. 'As long as I'm able, I need to be with you, searching for the truth', she had said to him after Penny Northern's death, and God knows she really meant that. She remembered thinking earlier that Mulder was the only reason she stayed. Why? Why was he the reason? What did she feel for him? She hadn't really allowed herself to figure out her feelings for him, because she was afraid of them. She trusted him completely, she knew him better than anyone, she didn't want to work without him, she didn't want to *live* without him. Before she got to finish her thoughts, she realized Mulder was probably thinking that she'd leave him. , she thought, grabbed her purse and left the office. It was late, but she needed to tell him tonight. * * * * * Mulder was mindlessly watching the TV, his thoughts were on something else than it. He felt pretty empty. He just wouldn't know what to do, how to live without Scully. His partner and best friend. *His* partner, not some Foley's, damn it! He switched the TV off angrily. He might never actually speak to her properly again, and there had been no good-byes. No one of those wonderful, comforting and warm Scully-hugs, no nothing. Just a deep look in the eyes, in which he tried to tell her how much he cared for her. But did she understand? God, the thought of not having Scully around anymore was terrifying! No more her beautiful blue eyes, no more her red hair, no more her scientific explanations, no more *her*. But as much as he would've wanted her to stay, he was happy for her. She'd get a career and a normal life like she wanted. He could go on by knowing that she was happy. But would she ever miss him? Would she ever think about him at night and want to see him again? He'd do that for sure, he missed her from the bottom of his heart already. Could the partnership between them really be over, just like that? No, Scully wouldn't do that. She wouldn't leave him without a word. He was interrupted by a knock on the door. His heart jumped; it was her. He had learned to know the way she knocked. He walked to the door and opened it to notice that Scully had really come to see him. She cared. She wanted to say goodbye. "I need to talk to you," she said quietly. "Come in." He closed the door after her, walked across the room and sat on the couch. She followed and sat next to him. "So, what did you want to talk about?" he asked, knowing full well the answer. What happened next wasn't the kind of answer he expected though. Her voice nearly broke down as she said, "I am so sorry, Mulder. Can you ever forgive me?" She was quitting. He felt sad, but he wasn't going to let her feel too. "Why should you be sorry?" "I, uh... Remember what I once told you? That the answers are there, you just have to know where to look." He remembered. It was when she had first come to his office. From that day, it had been *their* office. Now it would be his again. "When you and Foley left, I remembered that and realized I had the answer all the time. I'm ashamed that I even thought for a second about leaving you. I hope you can forgive me," she said, not looking at him. Mulder didn't get a word out of his mouth. Finally he managed to say, "You...you're staying with me?" "I couldn't have it any other way. I just couldn't work in the violence section and solve "ordinary" cases. And I think we agree about Foley, you didn't seem to like him that much either." He didn't know whether he should hug and thank her or try to convince her that for the sake of her career she really should leave the X-files. Eventually he did neither of them, he just looked at her and felt very reliefed. "And...I didn't leave because...I couldn't work without you. I wouldn't want to," she said gently, looking deeply into his eyes like to prove that she really meant what she said. 'Cause she did. They got lost into each others eyes for awhile, silently telling how much they cared about each other until Mulder spoke up. "What about your career?" "My career is here with you. We're the best team the Bureau has, no matter what the others say. And what comes to working as a garbage dump, we don't actually do that. Well, maybe sometimes, but most of the time they're burying the cases in the X-Files because no one else can solve them," she said and smiled. "Thank you, Scully." His voice was quiet, almost a whisper. "For what?" she asked. "For staying, for believing in me, for being there for me, for everything," he said and drew her closer. Hugging her was better every time, it was one of the things he'd never get bored of. She put her arms around him, letting his head lean on her shoulder. The moment reminded her of all those moments when she had wanted to hold him like this. And the moments when she had thought she's gonna lose him. Moments of despair and weakness when she had felt he was the only one who really cared. She leaned her head on his, realizing how deeply she really felt for him. She felt very close to him, knowing there was something special between them, something no one else could ever understand. But they both understood it, and it was enough. That's why she didn't know exactly what she felt for him. Because there wasn't an exact name for the unique relationship they had. There was love in it, but it was never expressed with words. They both knew it anyway, it was written into their eyes, hidden into their words, formed into their touches, in a language that no one else understood and spoke but them. She was ashamed; how could she ever have thought even for a second that she'd leave him? "I'm really sorry, Mul--" she was stopped by his index finger on her lips. He leaned back to see her face and savored the sensation of touching her soft lips before taking his finger away. "Will you stop that. You don't need to be sorry, and I hope you know that." She didn't say anything, just looked into his hazel eyes and for a second there she wished the circumstances were different for them, that their lifes would be more...normal. That for once she could stop thinking about...well, whatever it was that kept her from kissing him. But she couldn't do that so she pushed the thought away. They had a wonderful relationship, and she didn't want to do anything to change that. "Mulder?" "What?" "I don't think you're nuts. And I hope you know that I'll always be there for you." He knew it. "I'll be there for you, too." And as he was in her arms, he knew for sure what he had thought about earlier. That he couldn't live without this woman. His partner, his Scully. He had searched the truth for this long only because of her. Because she was there with him. THE END ****************************************** So, what did you think? PLEASE send me your comments! I need you on this ;) Or just e-mail me to let me know you read this. Thanx! Riina aka M.E. Starbuck Dramaqueen@iobox.fi or Invisigoth@scifispace.com All my other fanfics and lots of other XF stuff at http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Studio/6223/