The Darker Half
Lessons in Love
Long ago I learned how to express love,
To speak my heart,
Share my joys and pains.
Yet she taught me how to love,
Perhaps without understanding it herself,
Or knowing the effect she had upon me.
It's the joy of touching the strands of hair upon her brow.
It's the comfort of feeling her fingers entwined with mine.
It's in the melody of her voice when she becomes excited,
And in the pain I feel in my heart when she sounds disappointed.
Love is endless. It is unselfish and unbridled,
It knows no bounds.
It is within and without, thinking only of the other.
There is no "we" in love, only "you."
It's in the understanding of her heart,
And the respect given to her body.
It's the appreciation of her soul,
And the sacrifices made for her daily.
To see her smile once more,
To know that she is truly happy.
To give her that which she desires and ask nothing for myself.
Love is not perfect. It is a constant struggle,
Reshaping and remodeling itself into a better form.
Mistakes are made...
And all too often, it does not have a happy ending.
Yet she has taught me much,
I shall be at peace this time, even as she walks away.
For I trust the smile upon her lips.
She knows that I love her and what I did, it was for her.
Stranger
I long to reach out and hold her this night.
Yet the stronger I dream, the further away she becomes.
My voice, a distant memory.
My touch, a passing notion.
My kiss, a vague sensation.
She no longer knows my name.
She no longer knows who I am.
I am now but a stranger in this world.
It hurts, it always hurts.
This too shall come to pass.
Withering Heart
It is said that time heals all.
But at what cost?
A cold wind sweeps over my rough face.
As I stand in the frozen night air.
My shadow cast by the golden moonlight.
Misty-eyed and broken-hearted yet again.
Gazing wistfully at a solitary red rose.
Breaths escape from me shallow and weak.
Icy snow drifts lightly to the ground.
As strands of my hair billow in the wind.
I close my eyes tightly shut.
The rose drops to my feet as another dream shatters.
Its petals wither and disintegrate at once.
And its fragrant dust sifts away into the snow.
Dark clouds encompass the lunar light.
Shadows creep in towards me from all directions.
Time stands still for one long moment.
I open my eyes and glare off into the distance.
My fists clench with a new understanding.
I turn and walk away.
A new scar added to an already hardened heart.
Am I weaker for it? Or is this newfound strength I feel.
So Close, Yet So Far
Staring off into the distance
visions of you before me
bright glimmer in your eyes
warm, beautiful smile
the way you melt my heart
Your voice softly echoing in my ears
hearing you laugh playfully
your sincere tears moving my heart
sexy whispers, you say my name
memorizing your every sound
Knowing how it would be
a deep longing for your touch
to feel your breath upon my neck
your face upon my chest
arms wrapped tightly around me
Can see and hear your every moment
yet my heart aches for more
never having missed someone so much
needing you for my life
rest assured, my love is true
Sleeping Not Too Far Away
Laying in my bed,
hands folded across my chest
Eyes closed yet not asleep,
wishing strongly for you
Dark and quiet,
everything is still tonight
Thinking about our times together,
slowly drifting into sleep
Seeing you in my mind,
feeling you in my heart and soul
Visions turn into daydreams,
wants turn into pleasureful dreams
Laying across my chest,
your arm wrapped around me
With your cheek nestled into my chest,
you listen softly to my heartbeat
Caressing your hair softly,
fingers tousling through the strands
Leaning close to kiss your head,
whispering softly into your ear
Reaching down to take your hand,
fingers entwined softly with yours
Holding my girl as close as possible,
while she sleeps peacefully
Warmth of our bodies pressed together,
smell of your hair in my face
Touch of your soft hand holding mine
sounds of soft, content sighs
Drifting into the depths of sleep,
visions of you disappear for the night
Yet in my heart the last thing I knew,
my angel sleeping on my chest
Emotional Schizophrenia
In a rather sad twist of irony, I often find myself seeking out the same solitude that I long to escape. On the one hand, I have always felt that lack of belonging to my family, friends, culture, and society. It has torn me apart to the point where I am simultaneously compelled to fit in everywhere at once and yet developed a hatred that shoves me away from all. How I have searched since my youth for that one entity to deliver my soul to peace. Yet the more I search, the further away I feel from my final destination.
Each failure in my journey, each time I fail to find a true connection with another, each time I am turned away and my heart gains a new scar, I turn further inward and the walls around my heart grow more solid. It succeeds only in showing me the futility of opening up to another and makes each subsequent attempt that much more difficult.
Pity me not though, for I am blessed with a gift. For each time I escape my pains to seek out solitude, I grow stronger. One might fathom that inner turmoil such as mine would break a man, and make no mistake, many a time I have felt myself pushed to the limits of sanity. But when I search deep in my heart, beyond the love, care, sadness, and joy, what I find is a vast darkness that scares even me. It is there, in that pit of shadows, that I hide myself from the world around me. Yes, I am still very much present in all of life's mundane events and yet noone knows but me the true emptiness behind my eyes.
It is there, where I hide, that I find my inner strength. That darkness is what fuels the rage I have locked away and gives me the resolve I require to continue on. I understand that it is dangerous to remain in that place for too long. Someday, maybe even this day, I fear I may not return.
