Breezy was how I would describe that day. I was standing in my veranda collecting my thoughts. My hair was being blown by the wind and that same wind felt like it was kissing my cheeks. My birthday was fast approaching and I had mixed emotions. Just as I was in Never Never Land the phone rang. It was my personal line.
"Hello good afternoon," I said in a sing-song manner.
"Hello...is this Tish?" asked the voice.
It was male and it was cool. I tried to imagine the face that owned that voice. I imagined him to be handsome and tall....but then again, a lot of deejays have cool voices, so I was not so sure.
"It depends...Who's asking?"
"Cynthia let me call you....Ammm...I'm her friend Giel."
"Angelo Ovaldi?"
"Yes."
"I've been hearing a lot about you from Cynthia...she says you're one heck of a friend."
Giel and I talked for more than an hour. I didn't have qualms whatsoever about sharing stuff with him. He was like a long lost friend.
My birthday came and I saw him for the first time. I was fourteen then. He brought Cynthia's gift with him.
"Where's Cynch?"
"Sorry, she can't make it due to personal reasons. She'll just call you up." He was uneasy. "Tish, have you seen Jerry?"
"Oh, you know him too?"
"He's my best friend."
"Is that so?....He's there with the other guests."
I watched him go reluctantly to where Jerry was. He was handsome, but having a boyfriend was the last thing on my mind.
Giel and I became good friends. He was a frequent visitor, but he didn't solicit my love. In fact, he was even building up Jerry who had a crush on me.
"Jerry is really a nice guy. What more can you ask for?"
"Having a boyfriend is the least of my priorities."
"Come on Tish...don't you at least have a crush on him?"
"Nope...he's not my type."
"Even just a bit...you don't need to be his girlfriend."
"Stop teasing me, Giel."
"Who's teasing?"
I started pouting. He stared at me, still in a teasing manner. I don't know why, but that made me smile.
Months later, we were inside the country club drinking iced tea. I'll never know what happened to me that day. Was it the ambiance? The wonderful color of teal that described the sky? The wild scent of roses?
Wait, am I sure I'm talking about a country club scene? Of course I'm sure. Let me think harder...yes, I remember now. There was a wedding banquet and there were lots of roses.
As I was saying I'll never know what changed in me that day. I was feeling giddy. But then again, maybe I just wanted to fall in love. I don't know how it all started, but at the same time we stared at each other.
"Tish, I love you."
"I love you too."
Warning bells started to ring. I was too young to fall in love, but I suddenly didn't care. We went around the country club hand in hand. It was a beautiful feeling. It was simple and pure. I had tons of crushes before, but this is the first time I really felt that I'm in love.
Before going home Giel was uneasy. We were standing in front of his car and we were about to get in. He opened the passenger's side for me, but before I could get in he stopped me.
"Tish, I think this is wrong."
"Why?"
"You are a decent girl. I want to court you properly."
He courted me for a year. He was so persistent. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but he wanted me to be sure. I was very young and he knew that I was still fickle.
We had a beautiful friendship, Giel and I. But somehow, somewhere we had a miscommunication. We didn't talk for about a year. Believe you me, I missed him so.
Our phone number changed. I didn't even know where to reach him, for he didn't find it right that I should be the one calling him. After some time while I was studying for my exams, the phone rang.
"Hello Tish?"
"Giel? Giel is that you?"
"Yes!"
"O Giel...how did you know my number?"
"Cynthia gave me the number."
I was so happy that I was able to hear from him again.
"Tish, are you doing something?"
"It's our exams next week."
"Oh...."
"Why?"
"It's my cousin's debutante's ball tonight. I was wondering if you could be my special guest."
"I'll ask my mom." And so I did. Fortunately, Giel made a good impression. Mom allowed me to go unchaperoned. The party was a blast and I had a great time.
A few months later he told me he loved me again. I was unsure if I should requite his love again. I was enjoying being his friend and I didn't want anything to mar that friendship.
I invited him to the prom and we had a grand time. On the way home I noticed he was uneasy. Again, I thought. He was so cold.
He was driving, but from his profile I saw iciness in his eyes. When we were near our place, he parked the car. I was nervous. I didn't know what was going on in his mind.
"Tish...."
"What's wrong, Giel?"
"I'm in love with someone else."
"I thought you were in love with me."
"I am...but I am courting Bob's sister."
"What?"
The car was spacious, but it suddenly turned compact. Little by little the walls were crushing me and so was the ceiling. Gosh, I couldn't breathe.
"What's wrong with you, Miss Hamilton?"
"Personal problems, ma'am."
"Don't bring your problems to class. You are one fine student. Don't let menial matters jeopardize your future."
"Yes ma'am."
My grades started to falter. What's worse was he never called me again. The next time I heard from him was when I received a Christmas card and that was how it was the following year too.
After quite some time, he looked for me and we had a heart to heart talk. He told me that he recollected his thoughts and realized that all those times he just loved me as a friend. That crushed me.
"Why are you doing this to me?"
I cried and I cried. I wasn't the same old me. I was usually bubbly, but he ruined my composure.
Later on I found out that he went to France to further his studies. I was left here, but life went on. Suitors flooded my doorstep, yet he was the only one that filled my senses.
Everywhere I looked, it reminded me of him. The Garfield doll, the little trinkets, everything. God!
After some time we had to change residence. I had the shock of my life when he was able to locate me. I was reading a book when the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Tish?"
"Yes?"
"Tish...don't you remember me?"
I knew his voice, but I didn't want to sound eager.
"I'm not sure."
"Tish...this is Giel. I'm home for the holidays."
It was a matter of seconds before I could respond, but afterwards we were at ease with each other. He told me that he would be home twice a year and he'd make sure he'd visit me everytime he's here. I had mixed emotions, but it was better than nothing.
Valentine's day came. My friends and I went to a clam bake. There I met Virgil. He was giving me the hibbi-geebees. A week later he started telling me that he loved me. I was startled.
The nerve of this guy, I thought. Imagine, he doesn't even know me that well.
But this guy was persistent. Even more persistent than Giel. I even turned him down several times, but he was still on the go. He knew that I was the woman he was going to marry the first time he saw me.
You must ask yourselves why I didn't love this guy at first instance. No, he isn't bad looking, but let's just put it this way, there were far more better looking guys that were courting me. What's more is that the others had better jobs and family backgrounds.
Yet, I started to have feelings of some sort for this guy. I wanted to be sure if he was true to his feelings or not. I also wanted to make sure if he was the one for me. I went to Acapulco to visit my aunt who lived there and he deluged me with letters. When I returned, I was sure he was the one for me.
Life with Virgil was like a movie. There were ups and downs. Everybody loved Virgil. Whenever we fought, people would take his side. Nobody ever understood me except for a friend or two.
Giel and I still communicated during the holidays, but after two years of going steady with Virgil, we (Virgil and I) decided to get married.
Two months before the wedding Giel called me up in the middle of the night. He said he had to see me. I went to see him. We drove around. Then he parked his car at a deserted, but lighted place. We went down. Both of us were silent. A few moments later, he held my hand, looked straight into my eyes then gave me a lingering kiss. I responded. I never was kissed that way before. Bells were ringing and it felt like the fourth of July.
"I'm sorry," he said.
I was speechless. I was about to get married, but here I was falling for Angelo. He knelt down. It was the first time I saw him cry. There I understood that he loved me. He never stopped loving me. He only pushed me away because I was a so young and he was going to France that time. I looked at him. I wanted to tell him that I wanted to be with him, but I didn't say anything.
He stood up then said,"I guess we were never meant to be."
We went home in silence.
The day of my wedding I was still thinking of him. I loved the man that was about to be my husband. He was every girl's dream. Responsible, honest and loving. He also has a very bright future. But why was I longing for Giel? I almost didn't marry my husband, but deep in my heart I knew I was doing the right thing. Was I?
My life with Virgil was okay, I guess. He was a good husband and father, but I guess I wasn't really doing my part. I was still yearning for Giel. At night I have dreams of Giel and he would really get hurt. I loved my husband, but a series of "what ifs" and Giel's unspoken love haunted my mind.
Now, three years later and just before Christmas I was able to talk to Giel. He was okay now. He has a girlfriend and he has gotten over me. You wouldn't know how relieved I was. I felt free at last to love the man who loves me. And that man is my husband. I don't know what could've happened if I decided to choose him, but I have no regrets. I am glad I married Virgil because he is my soulmate, but I don't regret that Giel became a part of my life. He will always have a special place in my heart.
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© 1996-97 Lara Mia Veronica M. Garcia
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