Valerieisms and other things...

Strange things I've said, had said to me, or I've read in unimportant places

• Oh, I know who Jerry Lewis is. I almost didn't! ~ Ren
• That isn't Hitler, that's wrestling! ~ Adam
• Oh, I was just talking to my pancake. ~ Adam's dad
• Sidewards? ~ Brian, the blue bandit
• Jughead Catapult. ~ Zach's art project
• My monkey is numb.
• Kentucky fried wishes.
• Deep fried dreams.
• An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain (I could say the same about my cat).
• Pineapple pineapple pineapple pineapple cabbage!
• Wakko, Sluggo, and Dot...Sluggo?!
• Mrs. Hamm's boy, Randy. (Hey, has anyone ever seen "Twice upon a Time?")
• Flying gorilla insects.

• "Retsyn" is really "chicken" spelled backwards.
• Anyone else occasionally have problems with analog clocks?
• A hopping snake named Rover. ~ Travis
• See the cane? He walks without it! He's going to BEAT you!! (Anybody NOT remember "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?")
• Monkey pods.

• That little boy was wearing a pastel purple helmet. ~ Travis, half-asleep
• Glowing leopard.
• Orange living room chair.
• "Painterly." ~ Travis
• Tolerance? Monkey...strong. Yeah. ~ Travis, justifying his art piece

• Bob Ross was a good man!!
• Cows need to be milked. If they aren't, you'll be able to tell! If you hear a *sput!* noise, RUN! If they aren't milked, they explode...and they make a MESS!
• I have a pencil with a broken lead that balances on the shoulder of a plastic Barney. It's a WPS pencil (Wisconsin Physicians Service--it's an insurance thing).
• Toads! Everywhere...toads!
• And I like it, too. ~ Anna

• Little cow in a bowl of ice cream topped with chocolate syrup.
• There's stuff wrong with me.
• Wienermobile!!
• Dead men don't wear plaid. ~ pin in my basement
• Silver shirt. ~ christy
• Beware of a duck in a red plaid jacket. ~ Bazooka Joe fortune
• I go stir crazy with my wok. ~ written on a towel
• Palindrome--->paradox.
• Ribbed are the sides of your ribs.
• Meat-flavored meat.
• You can't punch me in the face if I don't have one!
• Word termage.
• Conversation pit of doom! ~ Travis
• Being attractive to bugs. ~ Travis
• Pigs and devils [have two-toed hooves]. ~ Travis
• I saw some frogs mowing the lawn today.
• They peed all over themselves.
• There's a little monkey in all of us.
• Out-barking the train (so it doesn't attack). ~ Travis, about my dog Buffy
• Winged monkey.
• Ultimate nightmare: long-legged black spider eating Jell-O singing "It's a Small World."
• Cyberpunk big-gunned Chewie. Yuck. (Have you seen these new "Star Wars" toys they have? That's just wrong.)
• Actually, they like it when I'm late for work. ~ Travis
• I don't want to start a bad thing. ~ Kate
• DON'T PUT THE FORK IN THE TOASTER!!! ~ Travis and I, to Kate

• Monkey on a stick.
• Radioactive sweetness.
• Buy a cactus. It'll make you happy.
• Lemon pie: cure for cancer.
• He hates everything he doesn't like!

• Orange cake: sounds kinda yucky, doesn't it?
• Leopards are excellent climbers perferring to eat and sleep in trees.
• The lesser prairie chicken...(ha-ha) he gets picked on!
• My monkey got so numb so fast.
• "My Life" by Billy Joel was the theme song of "Bosom Buddies". (Anyone remember that show? It had Tom Hanks in it.)

• The lightbulb enjoyed your meal.
• It's really weird to me that I only have 17 days left of school! It's incredible! I said this morning: "If you had a lot of fingers, you could count the days left on one hand!"
• I got to bat-sit today! I'm not one of those "obsessed with Beanie Babies" kind of girls, but I got to have a friend's Beanie bat for a day (today, actually). And ya know...I liked that bat. :o)
• So if someone filled their lungs with sour cream, and you were to just go up and push on their lungs, sour cream would come flying out. It wouldn't have to be sour cream. It could also be anything of similar substance: cream cheese, mashed potatoes, cottage cheese, cotton balls (that would look funny!), etc. Oh, but if you had to do CPR on someone with sour cream in their lungs, then that would be yucky!
• My pencil has no arms.
• Braindead little guppy! ~ Adam
• Text is what we type when we type what we type.
• It's only fun until someone gets deformed!
• I would need all six legs to walk, if I were an ant.
• Ice cream sandwiches! Our hero is saved! ~ Calvin, "Calvin & Hobbes"
• On top of the mountain perches a ramshackle cabin. ~ Shannon's book
• Jello-Up. ~ Travis
• If one should step on an ant, then it isn’t so good for the ant. ~ Brooks
• Clickable convenience.

• Wednesday--that’s yesterday spelled differently. ~ Anna
• Confusion spilled all over my face!
• "GEOCITIES MAKES FOR A HAPPY HOMESTEADER!"
• Well, you should access more vulgarities, then! :-) Vulgarity is what makes the world go 'round! (Or is that wallpaper samples?) ~ Adam
• "fat little white nazi storm trooper" (from "the x-files" episode where an insurance salesman with psychic abilities helps investigate a series of mutilation killings. he tells mulder & scully a woman will be found in a lake nearby a "fat little white nazi storm trooper" the next day. as it ended up, they found her in a lake near a fat, little, white propane tank! it was pretty funny.)

• "i need longer plug thingies!"
• somehow, mint grapes don't appeal to me...
• i was, like, snortin' in my cube! ~ stefanie, about a joke she read
• "can cert" - n. a gathering of music-goers where there is often beer or soda in cans.
• "i could give you 40 reasons why sports suck. then i could give you 40 more to why sports are bad. in the interest of time, i'll just say they suck & they're bad."

• hello, my name is pineapple. but you can call me pineapple.
• what was the first thing i said?
• and that's why i call you pretzel nose.
• nothin' like flamin' digested apples from a week ago.

• hey, that's not english! that's some form of non-english!
• you just suck rock. thanks, tim.
• hey! you're reclining, and i don't want you to!
• "thank you, captain obvious." ~ tim
• eew! you're all foamy and weird!

• evermind
• "hey, look at me! i'm pickled and delicious!" ~ tim, being a pickled cactus
• eew! clown hair!
• "ooh, it's the size of a twinkie!" ~ tim, talking about my vcr remote
• you can't vacuum up exploded you!

• "don't talk to me - i'm breaking!" ~ tim, talking about work
• goatie-like [like "goaty," not like "goatee"]
• "i'll spit out a bunch of sh*t for an hour and see if you like it." ~ tim
• "i'm glad i amuse you" ~ tim

• i'm wearing my hypocrite pants!
• she gets to wear my "captain obvious" hat today
• "the only food that should squeak is living mice!" ~ tim, in talking about squeaky cheese curds
• during my visual information class...

  Dan: "Does [a pie chart] have to be a circle?   Why can't it be a square?"
  Aaron: "Then it would be a cake chart!"

• see! you don't suck! you made a winky!

• "here, hold my juice." ~ don
• "my a** doesn't vend ice cream, valerie." ~ adam
• "um...i think i'm a woman." ~ this guy in my human development class, after the professor described general characteristics of men and women in terms of relationships
• Spanglish (Spanish-English)~ Tim & Ryan's radio show
• "i didn't talk much about women. i encourage you to think about women outside of class."~ my humanities professor
• "i lost my notebook"~ my humanities professor
• (speaking, trips) "...unless i kill myself first!"~ my humanities professor
• "they [fought or something; i don't remember what he was talking about] to gain--where are my notes?"~ my humanities professor
• "a guy by the name of Joseph...something-ven. it's in your book."~ my humanities professor
• "it's kind of a sick thing, so don't do it if you don't want to, but just imagine a knife sticking in you right there [pointing to his collar bone]"~ my humanities professor (he really is a nice guy, he just says a lot of things that make me laugh a lot)
• ooh, the sarcasm train derailed on that one...
• "are any of you Iron Maiden fans? No? even you, Tim?"~ my humanities professor, to my class and then Tim directly
• that's my story, and i'm done now.

• Adam: why isn't "should" pronounced, "shoold"?
  me: *shrugs* *didn't write the english rooles*
  Adam: *rewrites the english language* that'z betur.
  

• well, my goodness...that's an odd-sounding train. my nose has made sounds like that. ~ adam
• after asking Daniel, my turtle, what i should wear today and getting no response, i made up this short song:
  

  if i were a turtle, i would tell me what to wear
  and if i were a turtle, i wouldn't have hair.

• "my butt hurt very much afterwards"~ my humanities professor, talking about sitting through an entire opera or something
• "pen or pencil is fine, as long as i can read it. you can bring orange crayon if you want; i don't really care, as long as i can read it."~ my humanities professor
• "[stumbles over words] yeah, if i could learn how to speak today!"~ my humanities professor
• i'll show you how to rot in hell!
• "[I'll] turn off the lights so it'll be easier to see."~ my humanities professor (this actually did make sense, since he was showing us some transparencies and slides, but still, it just sounded funny.)
• "I like it. But then, I'm kinda strange."~ my humanities professor (sums up the whole semester :) )
• "what, did they use both sides?! those creeps!"~ my humanities professor, talking about whoever had already written on both sides of a transparency
• "Romanticism to Neoclassicism. Er, Romanticism to Realism! Good. I'll just screw the whole lecture up today!"~ my humanities professor
• "I'm not used to talking."~ my humanities professor
• "hey! don't mess with me on my bad day!" ~ me to my boss after having a terrible day at work. she loves me, though, so it was alright. :)
• "the enlightenment tasted good"
• "[starts singing] i can't sing worth a damn!"~ my humanities professor
• "i have to make a poopie. [leaves room; comes back in a few seconds] grant's making a poopie." ~ tim
• "shut up, from now on!" ~ andy
• "god, that reminds me of something, but i don't remember what." ~ adam
• "It was me! I let the dogs out!" ~ jeff's halloween costume hat
• "okay, i'm sorry, but pigging is NOT a verb! no english teacher anywhere would accept pigging if she asked you to name any verb." ~ me, after receiving a memo from the corporate offices saying something about "critters pigging out" on candy if stored for too long.



thank you. this may be updated regularly, as i say things often.

by the way, have you met my cyclops?   -o)

this is me...


© 2002 Jungle Green