Scene  (opens at the restaurant that they eat at)
Jerry-So did you happen to catch that Jenny last night?

Elaine-Yah, its a shame what can happen between 2 people. Especially a mother, and
doughter.

George- Well I don’t know about you Jerry, but I would do it especially if the mother was
good looking enough.

Jerry-You mean a threesome.

George-Yah, mother, and doughter at once, it’d be great.

Jerry-You have something seriously wrong with you.

George-Naw, it be great. You do one, then the other, and then watch them….you know.

Elaine-There mother, and doughter George, and besides what if you got dragged onto one
of these shows.

Kramer-(enters) Jerry, guess what. I’m gonna be on national TV.(he points the envelope
an Jerry.

Jerry-Your not planning on running away to Hollywood again are you Kramer?

Kramer-(sits down)No this is even better. I’m gonna be on Jenny.
Elaine-Jenny Jones the talkshow?

Kramer-That’s right. All I have to do is appear on national television, and see someone
who has never seen me, but has always wanted to meet me.

Jerry-A bill collector?

Kramer-No, its probably a secret admirer, a secret admirer Jerry.

Jerry-If I admired you I’d keep it a secret to.

George-So who are you taking with you? You know the airfare for 2, and Hotel
accommodations?

Kramer-Well I was just getting to that. I called up Jenny, and told her that I had four very
special friends that I needed to bring along.
Elaine-So what did she say?

Kramer-Well she told me that I could take my four friends along, she would pay for air
fare, and the meals, but there was only one room left at the hotel where she usually keeps
he guests, so we’ll have to share a room.

George-Does it have 2 beds?

Kramer-Yah, and 2 rooms, a kitchen, a dining room, and a living room with a couch.

George-You left out the most important part. The bathroom.

Kramer-It didn’t have it in the booklet but I’m sure there’s a bathroom in there. This is a
class joint.

Jerry-So who’s the fourth friend?

Kramer-Well I was thinking of Newman.

Elaine-Why?

Kramer-Newmans as good of a friend as any of you, and besides he brought me the mail
that had the letter from Jenny in it. So he figyours that I owe him one.

Jerry-Kramer, that’s his Job.

Kramer-Yah, but he said that it could have gotten lost, and he kept an extra good eye on
it. OK so are you all in?
George-Yah I’m in. What about you Elaine

Elaine-Well I heard there’s a lot of cute guys in Chicago, I sopose I’ll go. Jerry?

Jerry-Well I don’t know. Sharing a room with Kramer, Newman, George, and you, I dont
think so.

Elaine-What do you mean share a room with me. You shared a bed with me when we
were dating.

Jerry-Yah, but then I felt like I was getting rewarded for sharing, and now it’ll be like…

Kramer-Come on Jerry, It would mean a lot to me if you would just consider coming. I
mean this could be the best moment of my life. I’m gonna be a star.

Jerry- All right I’ll go if it means that much to you.

Scene 2 (Jerry’s apartment Elaine, and Jerry are sitting on the couch watching Jenny)

Jerry-Oh my god, I cant believe that he did that.

Elaine-That’s such a shame.

Jerry-I thought the Human race as a general was stronger than that.

Kramer-(enters, and Goes to the fridge. He opens it up, gets out a head of lettuce, a
tomato, and a cucumber. He puts it on the counter, and starts loudly chopping Jerry turns
back around)

Elaine-Do you think you could keep it down with the chopping, I’m trying to watch a
talkshow here.

Kramer-Oh yah, what are you watching.

Elaine-Jenny Jones.

Kramer-Its a repeat.

Elaine-Well I missed it the first time around. I was to busy working at Petermans.

Kramer-I thought you got fired.

Elaine-No, just from my new position as manager of the company.(The thanks for hotel
accommodations, and airfare came on) Now see what you made me do? I missed the
talkshow.

Jerry-Is this the hotel that we’ll be staying at?

Kramer-Yah, I think.

Jerry-All right, I’m in.

Scene 3: In Chicago at the hotel. They are outside the door of a room. It looks like a
closet door)

Kramer-Well maybe it’s better on the inside.

George-Well open it up, and find out.

Newman-(eating a candy bar) Kramer, this is an outrage. It wasent worth doing my job
for.

Jerry-Do you realize that if other people dident do their job’s they’d get fired?

Newman-well obviously other people don’t have the pictures that I have. (devious laugh)

Kramer-(unlocks the door, and go’s in. the inside looks a lot worse that the outside. You
can hear the train go by. The fold out couch had no mattress on it, there’s three other cots
lined up side by side, and the re were three TV trays on the floor.)

Jerry-Well I guess that blows your theory.

Kramer-There’s gotta be some mistake. This is only one room.
(Newman sits on the fold out couch and turns on the TV.)

Newman-Look we’ve got cable.

Jerry-It doesn’t take much to keep simple minds occupies.

Elaine-Well I think that I’m gonna go and talk to the manager. Mabey we can get a better
room
(downstairs at the front desk Elaine walked up, and rang the bell. From behind the desk a
dark skinned muscular guy stood up)

Elaine-(smiling, and flirty) Hi, My names Elaine(she hold out her hand and shook his)
and your name is..(she looks at his name tag) John. Well John, um I have alittle problem
with my room.
(upstairs in the room There are sheets hung that separate the small room. Newman, and
Jerry are watching TV Kramer comes out from behind the sheets He’s wearing a bathing
suit.)_

Kramer-Jerry, I’m going for a soak, you wanna come?

Jerry-I think I’ll pass.

Kramer-All right, I’ll be down looking to see if the woman of my dreams is waiting for
me in the hot tub.
(Kramer leaves. Jerry, and Newman are watching Jenny Jones on TV.)

Kramer-(he sits into the Hot tub, leans back, and go’s to sleep. As he does this a kid that
looks like Kramer comes out from the Sauna. He has a bottle of water in one hand, and a
thick book in the other. He go’s outside of the pool aria.)
(That night)
(Elaine is sleeping next to the manager comfortably in a lavish room.)
(Kramer is still laying very comfortably in the hottub. He has a chair pressed up against
the buttons to keep the jets on.)
(Newman is now watching an action film with lots of machine guns, and he has the
volume all the way up.)
(Jerry is behind the sheets, curled up on the small cots, pushing the pillow over his ears.
He tosses, and the train went by.)

Jerry-Why does this always seem to happen to me?

Scene 4: the morning after

Kramer-(all wrinkled, and red from spending the night in the hot tub comes running
toward a half asleep Jerry) Jerry, look! Look!

Jerry-(still half dazed) Look at what?

Kramer- My skin, its all wrinkled, and red. I cant do the show Jerry, not looking like this.

Jerry- It’s all right It’ll work with the show.

Kramer- Jerry, I look like a 90 year old Indian. What am I going to do? I know I’ll sue the
hotel.

Jerry- didn’t the hot tub have a timer on it?

Kramer-Yah, but they never give you enough time in those hot tubs.

Jerry- I bet you used the chair against the timer method.

Kramer-(turns away from Jerry) Yah
Jerry- Well you my Native American friend don’t have a leg to stand on.

Kramer- But the show Jerry, what about the show?

Jerry- The show must go on, or else Jenny will sue. But for now I have to find the
showers because you didn’t get a room with a bathroom.
Scene 5: The show (Jerry, Elaine, and George take their seats)

Kramer-(comes out to the front row to see Jerry, Elaine, and George) Where’s Newman?

Jerry-He said that he would see you on TV.

George- Where were you last night, and why do you look like an Indian?

Kramer- I fell asleep in the hot tub.

Elaine-(disgusted) the community hot tub?

Kramer-No, this is much better. It’s a high powered industrial strength high quality Hotel
hot tub. They probably use distilled water in it.

Jerry-Distilled water?

Kramer-Yah, I felt the tingling.

Jerry- I’m supprised you felt anything at all after being in that thing.
Stage man-Mr. Kramer the show is about to start, We would appreciate it if you would
come back stage for a moment. Mr. Kramer you didn’t tell us you were Native American,
this could be a whole new show.(Kramer leaves to go back stage)

George-I wonder why there’s no popcorn?

Jerry-What?

George-No popcorn. As a matter of fact, there’s no anything. No coke, no chips, no
expensive candy.

Jerry-What do you expect, this isn’t a movie theater.

George-I know, but they could at least have some popcorn available. I mean what if
someone in the audience is diabetic. Someone could die, and all because they don’t serve
snacks.

Jerry-Do you really think it’s that important.

George-Are you telling me that you don’t want popcorn?

Jerry-I would eat it if it was available, but I’m not going to make an issue out of it.

George-I’m sure you have a lot of better things to make issues about, like parking spaces.

Jerry-What?

George-You know, parking spaces, I mean you only make an issue out of parking spaces
every time you go on stage.

Jerry-All right, now be quiet, the shows about to start.

George-I think I’m going to ask someone about the popcorn thing.(to an usher) Who’s in
charge here, I have a complaint.

Usher-Its called the Jenny Jones show, who do you thinks in charge.

George-Well is there any way that I can talk to Jenny?

Usher-Well I don’t know, she’s a very busy person, and I don’t think she’ll have time for
you, but I will be glad to pass along anything that you might feel the need to say.

George-Well thank you, but This is big, even bigger than you, I really need to talk to
Jenny about this.(Usher walks away, George reaches over Jerry, and taps Elaine)Elaine,
What do you think?

Elaine-bout what?

George-You mean you don’t notice.

Elaine-Notice what?

George-No popcorn. (A man comes out onto the stage holding a microphone)

Jerry-I know this is really important to you, but I’d like to hear the comic.

George-(looks at the comic) You mean they have a comic.

Jerry-Yah, its to keep the audience happy while they prepare for the show.

George-Well now they need popcorn.

Jerry-Why?

George-when there’s a guy making people laugh, its a popcorn thing.

Jerry- Yah, then we can choke on it, and ruin this guy’s whole set.

Elaine-George, has anyone ever told you your completely nuts?

George-Laugh if you will, but this popcorn thing is cutting edge talk show.

Comic-You know the problem with car manufacturers is that they build hundreds of
thousands of new cars each year, and no one is making any new spaces. Wouldn’t that be
great, you go to an auto show and they have a big revolving turn table with nothing on it.
New from Chrysler, a space.

Jerry-That’s my material.

George-I could really go for some popcorn.

Jerry-Who cares about your popcorn, popcorn will come, and go. That’s My material.

Elaine-You guys argue about some of the most stupid stuff.

Jerry-What do you mean, I’m not arguing. That’s My material.(Jerry stands up, and
screams)Hey, that’s my material.

Comic-What, Now theres Hecklers on the Jenny Jones show? I’ve been doing this
material for years.

Jerry-No you haven’t, that’s my material, word for word.

Comic-Who are you, and did you get rejected from the show?

George-(standing up) That was his material. Oh, and by the way where’s the popcorn.

Jenny-(coming out, the theme song starts to play) Hello, and welcome to the Jenny Jones
show. Today we’re going to be talking to…..

Jerry-Hey Jenny, where do you get your comics from, Stolen materials are us?

Jenny- Do you gentlemen mind, we’re trying to start a show here’s I was saying, On
today’s show we have children, who have never met their parents. On this show we’re
going to reunite them for the first time ever. Lets bring out our first guest. Please
welcome from Syracuse New York Cosmo Kramer Jr.(Theme starts playing, and people
are clapping. A teenager that looks just like Kramer comes out) comes to the front of the
stage, and trips over some wires on the floor.)
Elaine- Kramer has a kid?

Jerry- I knew we should have had him fixed.

Cosmo Jr.-(getting up) Hello Jenny, its great to be here.

Jenny-And it’s nice to have you here. Are you all right?

Cosmo Jr.-Yes, as a matter of fact I do that all of the time. It’s genetic I think.

Jenny-(escorting him to his seat on the stage)So are you excited to meet your father?

Cosmo Jr.-absolutely.

Jenny-Tell us a little about yourself.

Cosmo Jr.-Well I am 17 years old. I graduated from high school at age 10, and I have just
finished my exams, and have now gotten my PHD in psychology. I have never met my
father, but I am excited to do so. My mother has told me as little as possible about him,
but I have seen pictures, and read letters from him.

Elaine-(to Jerry) This can’t be possible. Kramer is so….stupid.

Jerry-I’ll tell you what cant be possible. Someone is stealing my material. I could
probably sue you know.

George-I would really like some popcorn.

Jerry, and Elaine-How can you think of popcorn at a time like this.

George-Well it happens to be very important to me.

Jenny-Well now, are we ready t