The Chris Farley Trivia Quiz
Here are some wacky ass trivia questions I came up with about Farley. I wrote this for a local paper (although it never got printed as you'l see why), last year when Beverly Hills Ninja came out. Some of these questions are actual Farley Fun Facts and others have dirived from my mental phsycosis. Some questions probe the possibility of Farleys death. I realize now that there can be only one explination for my forehand knowledge of this great tradgedy. I am a prophet. You must join me in the worship of the Great One. Follow me. I will be your shepard. If you want to experience the power of the Farl and achieve oneness with Polish Kelbasa, light a Big Fat Doobie and smoke it in a utility vehicle near a lake. Or you can take the Great One's trivia Quiz and see how ya do. If you get all the answers right you win a whole lot of Jack Squat. Other than that, if you have any questions you'd like to add to the quiz, do old Phil a favor and email me at philhane@dreamscape.com
1. What politician did Mr. Farley impersonate
in front of the United States Congress?
a)
Bill Clinton
b)
Bob Dole
c)
Newt Gingritch
d)
Gen. Norman Schwartzkopf
2. Why do women find Chris Farley attractive?
a)
His excessive weight is attractive to “chubby chasers.”
b)
Women with small appetites don’t have to worry about finishing their meals.
c)
They like his rolls of body fat.
d)
They are charmed by his charisma.
3. In what movie did Farley pluck
a mans nipple ring out?
a)
Wayne’s World
b)
Coneheads
c)
Billy Madison
d)
Airheads
4. Why should you join a religious cult
that worships Farley?
a)
You won’t need to stockpile fire arms because the Great Farley will protect
you.
b)
There will be lots of left over’s after a meal.
c)
Farley is all knowing and will bestow you great knowledge.
d)
Vans down by the river are comfortable.
5. On MTV’s Road Rules what
information did Farley give the cast when they
spent a week with him on the set of Beverly Hills Ninja?
a) The secret to longevity is to eat a pound of
lard a day.
b) In the coming apocalypse all skinny people will
die.
c) Farley is really an ancient Hawaiian god, come
to claim his throne.
d) For their next clue they must travel to Alaska.
*6. When Farley dies which of the following
will occur?
a)
Farley’s body will be preserved in formaldehyde and put on display so his
faithful can worship him.
b)
Farley is immortal and will never die.
c)
Farley’s spirit will wander the earth torturing skinny guys.
d)
His body will be ground up to feed the people of China.
7. Do you remember that time when a former Beatle
appeared on “The Chris Farley
Show?” Which one was
it?
a)
Paul McCartney
b)
Kirk Hammet
c)
James Hetfeild
d)
Lars Ulrich
8. Which statement is true about the political
system of Farleyism?
a)
All food consumption is controlled by the government.
b)
All art and literature must pay tribute to Farley.
c)
The government is controlled by a bicameral legislature known as the
Stomach.
d) All housing for citizens is provided by the state
in the form of vans by rivers.
9. In Tommy Boy what sad scene was put in so
that Farley could pretend he is a real
actor?
a) Tommy’s puppy was caught in a meat grinder.
b) Farley realizes that because of his weight problem
he’s going to “pull a John
Candy.”
c) Farley gets the girl at the end of the movie
and then realizes that only
happens in the movies.
d) Tommy’s father dies.
10. What happened when Scientists crossed Adam
Sandler’s DNA with Farley’s DNA?
a)
A new form of life was created which could kill people by making them laugh
until they bled.
b)
An infertile hybrid was born.
c)
No information has been obtained from this experiment due to a fatal
accident.
d)
A huge monster known as Farlkong destroyed Manhattan.
11. How many times has the Matt Foley, The Motivational
Speaker been divorced and
what did he loose?
a)
Once and the house.
b)
Twice and the van.
c)
Thrice and the whole kit and kabootle.
d)
Four times and a whole lot of Jack squat.
12. When Farley eats beans or spicey food......
a)
Authorities alert California to prepare for the “Big One.”
b)
Where ever Farley is, that “house in the tornado” scene from The Wizard
of
Oz happens.
c.)
The FBI suspects that another terrorist bombing has occurred.
d)
Militias in Montana gear up for the following attack by the United Nations.
13. When Farley goes for a swim in the Atlantic
Ocean.....
a)
A flood warning goes into effect for the entire east coast.
b)
Harpooners mistake him for a whale.
c)
Radar operators at the National Weather Service are confused for hours.
d)
If he’s in New Jersey he comes out of the water with seringes sticking
out of
head so that he looks like that guy from Hellraiser.
14. If Farley were to be in a plane crash.....
a)
He’d provide the rest of the survivors with shelter.
b)
He’d keep the survivors warm with his body fat.
c)
Farley wouldn’t survive because of his weight problem.
d)
If you have ever heard of the movie Alive you know were I’m coming from.
Answers: 1.C 2.B 3.D 4.A 5.D 6.D 7.A 8.D 9.D 10.A 11.C 12.B 13.D 14.D