Announcer:  “And now - Bill Perry’s Up Chuck - Regurgitation Self Nutrition Program!”

Bill is standing behind a counter.
Bill:  “Hello out there and welcome to my Regurgitation Self Nutrition Program called
Up Chuck.  I’m Bill Perry, but my friends call me Ralph.  Why do they call me Ralph you
say?  Well frankly its because I’m always ralphing.  Why am I always puking my guts
out?   Am I Baliemick?  Do I have some sort of illness?  What the hells wrong with me?
Nothing at all!  I’m simply following the steps in my program to lead a better life of self
sustaining nutrition and you can too!  Save time and money all by regurgitating what
you’ve just eaten and eating it again!  It sounds so simple you’ll ask yourself Why didn’t
I think of that?  Call now and I’ll send you my book demonstrating the official Up Chuck
technique.”  Picks up book, shows it along with other items when he mentions them.
“You’ll learn how to make your own Up Chuck and store it in the refrigerator, with these
special Up Chuck containers.” Holds up paper bags.
“In my book I’ll show you the proper way to prepare an Up Chuck Meal.  Simply extend
fore finger and place far enough down throat so that you gag.”  Demonstrates what he’s
saying.  “Its that simple!  Now you may be asking yourself:  ‘Why should I use the Up
Chuck program?’  What if your poor and out of luck.  Big papa government has cut
welfare spending and you don’t qualify any more.  Where do you turn?  Why just take
poor Mayella here.”

Bill moves over to a woman lying down on the counter wearing a nightgown.
“She got pregnant at Seventeen and the babies haven’t stopped commin’ since.”
As he talks the woman screams and a baby doll “pops” out from under her nightgown.
“Look at that.  This bitch can’t keep her legs closed.”
After he says that a few more babies “pop” out in a row.
“Goodness gracious me.  If you were the father of all these children how would you
afford to feed them?  In my book you’ll learn how to feed your family right out of your
own mouth.”
After he says that a baby “pops” out of the woman and he catches it.
“Now look at this one here.”  Baby crying heard.  “He sure sounds real hungry.  Now
watch as I feed him.  Remember the steps.  First you extend your finger, then stick it
down your throat until you -”  Bill actually throws up on the doll(I’ll do it!)
“There now he’s all satisfied.  I’ll give him back to Mayella so he can wash that down
with some mothers milk.”  Hands doll to Mayella.  “Good old fashion breast milk does a
body good.  Now others of you are probably saying ‘But I don’t have kids.  Why should I
use the Up Chuck program?’  If your a bachelor - what about that car you’ve always
dreamed of.  You save for years, but you spend all your money on food.  But with my
program no more!  And if you call now I’ll send you these official Up Chuck tongue
depressors free!  They’ll make you blow chunks with ease, since I’ve painstakingly
lubricated each one with pieces of my own vomit.  So remember if you order now not
only will you get my book and handy Up Chuck storage containers, but also official Up
Chuck tongue depressors free!”  Points to stuff as he talks about it.  “Anyone can join the
Up Chuck Program - like the theme song says Up Chuck for the fun of it!”  starts singing
to the tune of Putt Putt for the fun of it.  “Up Chuck for the fun of it, Up Chuck for the
fun of it.  Up Chuck for the fun of it.  Come on everyone!” Mayella starts singing and
they both continue as the announcer speaks.

Announcer:  “This has been Bill Perry’s Up Chuck - Regurgitation Self Nutrition
Program.”

2nd Announcer:  “The Surgeon General has determined that Up Chuck may cause throat
and stomach paralysis.”