Leary on Health

I think we need something stronger than Nyquil. We need a medicine that gaurantees a comma. We need "NEW COMA!" You might never wake up! Wouldnt that be nice? You know when your life sucks? When your job is getting to you, the bills are piling up, the muscles in your neck are gloomed into a tight fisted ball-you suck down a shot of COMA and get three, four, five years of sleep. Wouldn't that be nice? Because when you come out of the coma, your family loves you. Oh yeah, they're happy to have you back. You can get away with anything then. Burn the house down, eat the dog-they are happy as hell.

"ma. I'm sorry I slept with Grandma"
"Dont worry, son. At least you're not in the coma."
Remember Karen Anne Quilan? She was in a coma for nine years. Nine years. A decade minus one. She missed every episode of "Cheers." Finally, her parents couldn't take it anymore. They went to court and got permission and they pulled the plug. They pulled the plug! And four days later-she woke up.

That must've been a nice supreise. The parents are in the room. They've got the parish priest with them. He's in the corner filching through the sports page and muttering,"God has a plan blah blah blah...We all have to go blah blah blah...on the death watch, pricing coffins,flowers,et cetera and then- "Hi,Dad!" (dad is very surprised)"Hi, honey!" Did I unplug you? I meant to unplug the TV! (to mom..) Get the doctor - she's up, for crisakes.(to karen) Didja sleep well,honey? Here. Have some candy. (urgently) Get the doctor! I cant't believe we gave her kidneys away. Get the doctor! (to Karen) You wanna watch TV? We got cable put in."

Continued