Leary on Sports

The Indians used to play a game that involved pushing a wooden hoop with sticks across vast territory. Across states. What we now know as Nebraska and Colorodo and Wyoming. Of course, they hadn't divided the land so exactley so it probably didnt seem as far, but they would chase the hoop-tribes and tribes for miles and miles and miles. People would kill each other in the course of a game and a game would last for weeks.

That's what we need. Let's boil it down to the basic elements. Naked men with helmuts and guns chasing each other across the open plain. Televise it. Throw in a couple of tanks and Humvees. "It looks like he's gonna make it-OH! He stepped on a land mine. That's gonna cost him."

Either that or let's allow drugs in all international athletic competition. Let's pump steroids and cocaine and testosterone-lets take actual testicles from donors and force-feed them to the athletes-lets inject them with Dexedrine and growth hormones-let's make the biggest ,brawniest,most pisssed-off,irritable edgy animals we can and then see how fast they can run-how high they can jump. Let's keep them in cages and launch them into enemy territory during the next war. "He's got Hussein in a headlock-OH! He's torn off Saddam's head!"