Daria : Oh me, oh my, a lovely day is dawning.

Oh what a joy, I didn't wake up dead.

So I can go to school and then resume my yawning,

And get my sleep in class instead of in my bed.

Sandi : Let's get out of here while there's still time to walk. Running for your life looks so geeky.

Jake : God-god dammit!

Driver #1 : Learn to drive, jerk!

Jake : God-god dammit!

Driver #2 : Glad you got your horn to work!

Jake : God-god dammit!

Driver #3 : Stay in your lane!

Jake : There's a hurricane comin' and I'm goin' insane!

Father: Quit swearing like a drunkard and get right with the law!

Mother: We're a very moral family with a baby on board.

Jake : And I say 'God-god dammit!'

V.M.F. : Oh me, oh my!

Jake : God-god dammit!

V.M.F. : We hope that you die!

Jake : Ahhh, god dammit!

Drivers : You tell 'em, jack!

Jake : I think I see my turnoff so you better get back!

Drivers : God-god dammit!

Jane : Do you know CPR?

Daria : I once gave the Heimlich Maneuver to Quinn.

Jane : Did it work?

Daria : She wasn't choking.

Jane : She(This really fat woman Jane and Daria went to sell chocolate to) has no family. She ate them.

Kevin : Hey, Daria. What'd you get for number one?

Daria : The thing about 'who I really am?'

Kevin : Yeah!

Daria : Try 'cross-dresser.'

Kevin : Thanks, man!

Daria : How come, even in my fantasies, everyone's a jerk?

Jane : What happened to all your paper writing money?

Daria : My mom wouldn't let me keep it. She said it was wrong to encourage cheaters and to profit from them.

Jane : So, she's giving up being a lawyer?

Daria : I asked her that. And I'm sure one day we'll once again be on speaking terms.

Daria : I mean, if I were going to write about mating rituals, I think I'd go back a couple hundred years when women either married or shriveled up and blew away.

Jane : Instead of marrying and then shriveling up like they do now?

Jane : Well, what's your definition of true?

Daria : Something that says something.

Jane : What? Anything?

Daria : No, something about something.

Jane : Let me get this straight. You're telling me you want to write something, not just anything, that says something about something?

Daria : Right.

Jane : Gee. Who'd ever believe you'd had trouble communicating?

Brittany : Wow! Look at this place! I wonder what it is!

Kevin : I think it's the library babe!

Quinn : I will make a dainty garland for my head and sing, I will make a dainty garland for my head and sing, I will make a dainty garland for my head and sing...

Daria : With the hey nany nany, tra la, tra la. Would you give it a rest?

Quinn : Daria, I have to rehearse. It's not my fault Mom's making you come to this. It's not like I want you here.

Daria : Aww, thanks.

Helen : Stop it you two. Quinn, Daria's very happy to be seeing you in your play, aren't you Daria?

Daria : I will make a dainty garland for my neck and choke.

Jane : Uh oh. Someone just put us in a position of responsability.

Daria : The day has suddenly turned sinister.

Jake : Oh my god you don't think Daria...

Helen : Jake, she was never happy, vibrant, or involved. Besides, she's a straight A student.

Jake : That could be her cover! Her pupils! We should check her pupils! What did I do with that pamphlet?

Helen : Jake, please.

Jake : For all we know she's dealing maryjoe out of the rec room!

Helen : That's maryjane, and we don't have a rec room.

Jane : Yeah, um, she's come down with a slight case of... brain fever. It's a thing brains get.

Brittany : Wow. That sounds serious.

Jane : No, no, usually if you read a best seller it'll go away.

Jane : I just don't feel like celebrating birthday. It's a totally artificial holiday created to stimulate the economy.

Daria : Aren't birthdays the one holiday that the greeting card industry didn't make up?

Jane : That's what they want you to believe.

Quinn : I hope it's not Adam. I was going to cancel on him to go out with Simon but then Todd called so I'm not sure but if it's Brice maybe I'll go out with him instead and cancel on Simon anyway since he hasn't even asked yet.

Daria : Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.

Spa lady : Now the dryers will blast heat on your head for twenty minutes or until you can't take it anymore.

Helen : Can't you just wrap a warm towel over my head?

Spa Lady : I'll lower the temperature if I smell something cinging.

Quinn : Not for me, full blast please.

Helen : Quinn!

Quinn : I have really high pain tolerance for hair care treatments.

Daria : Have I mentioned that I hate pain?

Axel : This won't hurt, it's not worse than popping a pimple.

Daria : Ow!

Axel : I haven't done anything yet.

Daria : I was thinking about how much it hurts to pop a pimple.

Daria : Psst!

Jane : Oh no. The toilet is talking to me again.

Daria : Psst! Lane!

Jane : Talking toilet you may call me Jane. Oh, it's you! (Daria shows Jane her pierced bellybutton, but hides it quickly) Did I just see what I think I saw?

Daria : You didn't see a weeping virgin or anything did you?

Daria : Shopping for your birthday present. Oops, he wanted to surprise you.

Jane : Any he got me a hole in your navel. That is a surprise.

Daria : Gee, maybe E.T. came into my room and touched my navel while I slept.

Jane : Boy Daria, you have the weirdest sex dreams.

Jake : Isn't it great to sit here and see your whole life unfold before your eyes?

Daria : It's almost as good as drowning.

Daria : We've found our subject..."A Day in the Life of Quinn Morgendorffer."

Jane : Are you sure you want to do a horror film?

Quinn : Don't you want to shoot me?

Daria : Yes. I want to shoot you.

Jane : Um...you did the right thing?

Daria : Yeah, a guy makes me a necklace by hand, and I act like it's nuclear waste. Sure, I did the right thing.

Jane : Ok. Now you're being sarcastic.

Quinn : Hey! check it out, my web page has had 2500 hits in just the last three hours!"

Daria : I can beat that.

Quinn : You don't even have a webpage.

Daria : No, but I can hit.

Quinn : Ow!

Brittany : The Telltale Heart? I love romance novels!

Daria : Yeah. Nothing says be mine like a pounding heart beneath the floor boards.

Trent : Hey Janey. You got any money?

Quinn : Money? Are you going out? I wouldn't mind going out for a while. Of course I don't know if I'd want to go out with someone dressed like that.

Trent : Um, who are you?

Jane : You remember Quinn, Daria's sister.

Trent : Oh yeah, Daria's sister. Hey.

Quinn : Excuse me, I have a name.

Trent : Right. Daria's sister.

Daria : See something you like or just browsing?

Jane : I was thinking of getting those running shoes.

Daria : Uh huh. What color were they?

Jane : Just kick the bleachers out from underneath me okay?

Ms. Morris : Ladies, why aren't you exercising with the rest of the class?

Jane : We are exercising.

Daria : We're exercising our rights to obtain from cheerleader practice.

Jane : My straight C average is in serious danger of becoming a D so I'm off to study hall.

Daria : To finish your nap?

Jane : You know me too well.

Mr. O'Neil : You know, when I was in high school, I wanted nothing more than to be on the gymnastics team, but I just couldn't master the high bar. So I practiced everyday...

Quinn : And the big tryout came and you made the team.

Mr. O'Neil : No, but that summer I learned to write with a pencil in my teeth.

Helen : I'm going up to talk to her.

Jake : Wait a minute, why can't I ever be the one to talk to the girls.

Helen : Honey, it's not that you can't, it's just...a strong parenting team is like a singing group, the lead singer carries the tune and the backup singers support her. That's you!

Jake : What do the backup singers do?

Helen : You chime in at just the right moment and then you fade into the background.

Jake : Do I get a tambourine or something?

Jake : Did you ever hear the tale of the ant and the grasshopper?

Quinn : Ew!!! Bugs!?

Quinn : Daria? Are you in there?

Daria : No, I'm taking it easy in Tahiti for a few days. Hang on, I'm just ordering another tray of coconut daiquiris.

Quinn : C'Mon Daria, we're sisters, we've got to stick together.

Daria : Unless we're in public you mean.

Daria : Did you just spend two hours dressing up to go to the door for two minutes to dump your date?

Quinn : Daria, if you look your best when you blow a guy off it makes them think you care.

Grandmother: Janey?

Jane: Yes Grandmother?

Grandmother: Come closer.

Jane: Yes Grandmother?

Grandmother: Closer.

Jane: Yes Grandmother?

Grandmother: Closer.

Jane: Yes Grandmother?

Grandmother: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??

Kevin: All right! Field trip! Where we going, man?

Daria: The field.

Kevin: Cool!

Jody: What did you do to get grounded? No offense.

Daria: None taken, especially since I'm just a victim of some bizarre experiment of parental justice.

Mack: An experiment? On you?

Daria: Yeah, they deliberately exposed me to jurist prudence.

Kevin: Wow! That's a little twisted.

Daria: Yeah, the sad thing is, these are the people responsible for my genetic make-up.

Quinn: No one told me about any tests.

Daria: Don't worry. It's a psychological test. You're automatically exempt.

Quinn: Oh. All right.

Jake: How's the old self-esteem coming, kiddo?

Daria: My self-esteem teacher says that being addressed all my life with child epithets like "kiddo" is probably a key source of my problem.

Jake: Really?

Daria: No.

Jane: Thanks for the ride, Trent.

Trent: No problem. I needed a break anyway. I've been practicing for 10 hours straight.

Jane: Daria, would you say sleeping with a guitar in your hands counts as practicing?

Trent: As long as you don't drop it.

Mrs. Manson: Very good, Quinn! Now Dara, let's see if you can make up a story

as vivid as your sister's.

Daria: It's Daria.

Mrs. Manson: I'm sorry, Daria. What do you see in the picture, Dara?

Daria: Um...a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.

Mrs. Manson: There aren't any ponies. It's two people.

Daria: Last time I took one of these tests, they said they were clouds. They said they

could be anything I wanted.

Mrs. Manson: This is a different test, dear. In this test they're people, and you tell me

what they're discussing.

Daria: Oh. I see. Alright, then. It's a guy and a girl and they're discussinga herd of

beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.

Brittany: Hey, even though I'm much more popular, we have some things

in common.

Daria: Breathing?

Brittany: I mean, you're not popular, but you're not so unpopular that you

couldn't come to my party saturday night!

Daria: Is that an invitation?

Brittany: Yeah! Just this once though.

Daria: Gee Brittany, I'm overcome with emotion.

Brittany: You need a napkin? Anyway, I promised the other cheerleaders

that I wouldn't invite anymore really attractive girls.

Daria: Now I'm especially flattered.

Brittany: Don't mention it.

Helen: I just keep telling myself that Erin hasn't had

the advantages out girls had.

Quinn: Advantages?

Daria: You got me.

Brittany: Come on, let's play a word game!

Jodie: How about geography.

Kevin: Nah, you have to like know stuff for that. What

about Monopoly?

Mack: Monopoly is not a word game.

Kevin: I know that. Can i be the racing car?

Jane: You know, nobody said the message has to be

positive. I'm going to do something that really

represents student life.

Daria: Yes.

Jane: To tell the truth about how much it sucks.

Daria: Yes.

Jane: To blow away the story book fantasy about how

great it is to be young.

Daria: Yes.

Jane: And you're gonna help.

Daria: No.

Daria: How about we call it, "America's Future

Leaders," and we just enlarge a picture of Kevin and

Brittany.

Jane: Come on, that's too depressing. How about we call

it, "Beauty is only skin deep." and we attach the skin

of an actual student.

Daria: Oh. I like that. I wonder if I can talk Quinn

into donating her's.

Quinn: Can I have $29.99 for a removable nose ring? No

piercing required!

Daria: Good idea. You don't need anymore holes in your

head.

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