NIKOS THE IMPALER
PLOT-An ancient barbarian returns to life to wreak havok in present-day New York City.
VIOLENCE-Cartoonishly gory decapitations, torn-off limbs, guts ripped out, you name it. Some stuff was so gory I wasn't even sure what the hell I was seeing.
SEX/NUDITY-One totally naked shower scene, courtesy of the incomparable Darian Caine.
WHY I WATCHED IT-I've been reading about Andreas Schnaas's films for over 10 years, and figured I ought to check one out finally. The cast in this one, and the premise, were too good to pass up.
THE DOPE-This movie is nuts! Remember "Weird Al" Yankovic's goofy (and sadly underrated) 1989 film UHF? In one absurdly violent part, "Conan The Librarian" cuts a poor kid in half for returning a book late. Take that, and add a dash of BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE, in which Genghis Khan is shown chopping off mannequins' heads in a shopping mall, and you have a rough idea of what NIKOS THE IMPALER is like. Add horror and stir, season to taste. The first half of the film is spent inside the NYC art gallery where Nikos first returns to life. It was awesome to see him hack the snobby-ass art critics to pieces (woulda been sweet to see him puree a movie critic or two as well) and basically kill off all but two of the characters introduced in the first hour of the movie! To my delight, the female lead in NIKOS is none other than Felissa Rose, known to horror fans as "Angela" in the original SLEEPAWAY CAMP. She's a great actor, and adds a substantial amount of quality to this production. The second half of NIKOS is where things get really weird, though. When he leaves the gallery, his bloody rampage continues on the streets. He uses his (unexplained) magical powers to bring to life random characters from a few movie boxes he sees in a video store window! I shit you not. So in addition to a murderous barbarian running amuck, we now have a zombie, a sexy vampiress, Adolf Hitler, and two ninjas! It was at that moment I knew this baby was gonna kick ass. Total surprise, I love that. Off-the-wall, gory as hell, and fun at maximum volume, NIKOS THE IMPALER delivers like any good b-movie ought to.
MEMORABLE SCENES-There are several brief cameo appearances by today's indie horror royalty, including Debbie Rochon, Lloyd Kaufman, Tina Krause, and Darian Caine Also, look for Jasi Cotton Lanier as a police officer.
NOTES-Right now, the only way to get this movie is to fork over $35 for a limited-edition DVD. Although there was no number on the packaging, we're told that a limited edition of 6,666 copies are available. There's a lot of extras, including commentary by Schnaas, a couple music videos, some interview and on-set footage (featuring a lot of German being spoken and unfortunately no english subtitles), trailers for other Schnaas films, plus one of his older shorts, and a big-ass photo gallery. Should keep you busy for a while.
(June 2003)