Words of, er, wisdom or somthin

"He who trains his tongue to quote the learned sages, will be known far and wide as a smart ass." -Howard Kandel

Religion Death Alt.teens' favs Fashion No (literal) Brainers Love Good Advice Society Art Crime Movies & Actors "Optimism" Copyrighted

Religion

  • "I saw that" ~ God
  • "That 'Love Thy Neighbor' thing ... I meant that" ~ God
  • "Don't make me come down there" ~ God
  • "Tell the kids I love them" ~ God
  • "I don't care if you are a Buddist or worship the guy on the Oatmeal box, all I'm looking at is your personality." ~ Me
  • "God and other artists are always a little obscure." ~ Oscar Wilde
  • "I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability." ~ Oscar Wilde
  • Bethany: "What's he like? God?"
    Metatron: "Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humor." ~ From "Dogma"
  • [About Christ.]
    Rufus, the 13th Apostle:" What He really hates is the sh*t that gets carried out in his name. Wars. Bigotry. Televangelism."~ From "Dogma"
  • [On Christ] Rufus: "He likes to hear people talk. Says it sounds like music to Him. Christ loved to sit around the fire and listen to me and the other guys. Whenever we were going on about unimportant sh*t, He always had a smile on His face."~ From "Dogma"
  • Bethany: "You're saying that having beliefs is a bad thing?"
    Rufus:"I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier." ~ From "Dogma"
  • Baldrick: "There's a priest wants t'see you, m'lord."
    Lord Edmund Blackadder:Well, tell him I'm Jewish!" ~ From "Blackadder II"

    Death

  • "Well, you gotta die of something." ~ Eunice(my greatgrandmother), a week before she died of cancer on May 5, 2000.
  • "I'm not afraid of death, it's the dying part I'm afraid of!" ~ a co-worker of my mom.
  • "I start my days talking to him. I end my days talking to him." ~ Queen Noor, as qouted in Life: The Year in Pictures(1999), on King Hussein's battle with cancer(d. at 63).
  • "I shall never make a new friend in my life, though perhaps a few after I die." ~ Oscar Wilde
  • T-Bird: "I got trouble. One of my men got himself perished."
    Top Dollar: "Yeah and who might that be?"
    T-Bird: "Tin Tin, somebody stuck his blades in all his major organs in alphabetical order."
    Top Dollar: "Gentlemen, by all means, I think we ought to have an introspective moment of silence for poor ol' Tin Tin."
    [sniffs] ~ From "The Crow"
  • Sarah: "People used to think that when someone dies, a crow carries their soul to the land of the dead. But sometimes... only sometimes the crow brings that soul back to set the wrong things right." ~ From "The Crow"
  • Rufus: "You know what the dead do with most of their time? They watch the living. Especially in the shower."
    Jay: "I can't wait to die." ~ From "Dogma"
  • Charles De Mar: "Suicide is never the answer little trouper." ~ From "Better Off Dead"
  • Charles De Mar: "And dying when you're not really sick is really sick, you know. Really!" ~ From "Better Off Dead"

    Alt-teen's favs

  • "Forget the past, live today, dream about tomorrow" ~ A. Star Bright
  • "Don't eat yellow snow" ~ Matt
  • "There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory." - Josh Billings
    "Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten."
    Men are like.....High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
    Qui Custodiet Ipsos Custodies? " ~ Garp(Paul)
  • "What you think you see, is not what you actually see." ~ Lady of the Beards(Joe)
  • "Life is daring risk, or it is nothing at all."--Helen Keller. ~ Cody
  • "It takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate." ~ Russ
  • Alan Clark (old Tory MP who recently died): " 'Money doesn't grown on trees?', yes it does, it's paper."
    "An Oxford education is a waste of time and petrol."
    "What's behind every black man? A slower white athlete?"
    Eric Blair (George Orwell): "Christie is a very clever man. When he is born, the world will slide into the never regions of the soul." ~ Stevie Christie

    Fashion

  • "After all, what is fashion? From the artistic point of view it is usually a form of ugliness so intollerable that we have to change it every six months!" ~ Oscar Wilde
  • Lord Percy Percy: "The fashion today is towards the tiny."
    Edmund Blackadder:"In that case you have the most fashionable brain in London." ~ From "Blackadder II"
  • [On the phone to the police]
    Howard: "What was he wearing? Well, uh, let's see, he was wearing a red argyle sweater, and tan trousers, and red shoes... No, he's not retarded." ~ From "Sixteen Candles"

    No (literal) Brainers

  • Chastity:"I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed?"
    Bianca: "I think you can in Europe" ~ From "10 Things I Hate About You"
  • Ginny: "I love Rudy, and he is totally enamored of me. I mean, other men have loved me, but not for six whole months in a row." ~ From "Sixteen Candles"
  • George, Prince of Wales, Prince Regent: "Someone said I had the wit and intellect of a donkey."
    Edmund Blackadder, Esq: "Oh, an absurd suggestion sir, unless it was a particularly stupid donkey." ~ From "Blackadder The Third"
  • [Referring to a suicide pill they have both been given, after being captured by French revolutionaries.]
    Baldrick: "I'm glad to say you won't be needing that pill, Mr. B."
    Edmund Blackadder, Esq: "Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words 'I have a cunning plan' marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?"
    Baldrick: "They certainly are!"
    Edmund Blackadder, Esq: "Well, forgive me if I don't do a cartwheel of joy; your record in this department is hardly 100%. So what is it?"
    Baldrick: "We do nothing..."
    Edmund Blackadder, Esq: "Yup, it's another world-beater."
    Baldrick: "No, wait. We do nothing... until our heads have actually been cut off."
    Edmund Blackadder, Esq: "And then we... spring into action?" ~ From "Blackadder the Third"
  • Lord Edmund Blackadder: "Right Baldrick, let's try again shall we? This is called adding. If I have two beans, and then I add two more beans, what do I have?"
    Baldrick: "Some beans."
    Lord Edmund Blackadder: "Yes... and no. Let's try again shall we? I have two beans, then I add two more beans. What does that make?"
    Baldrick: "A very small casserole."
    Lord Edmund Blackadder: "Baldrick, the ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this. Now try again. One, two, three, four. So how many are there?"
    Baldrick: "Three."
    Lord Edmund Blackadder: "What?"
    Baldrick: "...and that one."
    Lord Edmund Blackadder: "Three and that one. So if I add that one to the three what will I have?"
    Baldrick: "Oh! Some beans."
    Lord Edmund Blackadder: "Yes. To you Baldrick, the Renaissance was just something that happened to other people, wasn't it?" ~ From "Blackadder II"
  • Charles De Mar: "This is pure snow! Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is?" ~ From "Better Off Dead"

    Love

  • "They do not sin at all who sin for love." ~ Oscar Wilde
  • Patrick Verona: "See, who needs affection when I have blind hatred?" ~ From "10 Things I Hate about You"
  • Sarah: "If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn. People die. But real love lives forever." ~ From "The Crow"
  • "Love is undefinable" ~ Me
  • "Loniless lost it's appeal long ago." ~ Me

    Good advice

  • "Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success." ~ Oscar Wilde
  • "Whenever I think of my bad qualities at night, I go to sleep at once." ~ Oscar Wilde
  • Patrick Verona: "Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you don't deserve what you want." ~ From "10 Things I Hate About You"
  • Eric Draven: "It can't rain all the time." ~ From "The Crow"

    Society

  • "It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly." ~ Oscar Wilde
  • "The books that the world calls immoral are the books that show the world its own shame." ~ Oscar Wilde
  • "Only the shallow know themselves." ~ Oscar Wilde
  • Mr. Morgan: "I know how difficult it must be to overcome all those years of upper middle-class suburban oppression. Must be tough. But the next time you storm the PTA crusading for better... lunch meat, or whatever you white girls complain about, ask them WHY they can't buy a book written by a black man!"
    White Rastas: "That's right mon!"
    Mr. Morgan: "Don't even get me started on you two!"
    White Rastas: "No problem mon!" ~ From "10 Things I Hate about You"

    Family

  • Mike Baker: "She's got her period. Should be an interesting honeymoon, eh?"
    Jim Baker: "Where do you kids learn all this stuff?"
    Mike Baker: "School."
    Jim Baker: "Good, I'm getting my money's worth." ~ From "Sixteen Candles"
  • Jim Baker: "Why do you think you're a dork? I don't think you're a dork. I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork."
    Samantha: "Mike thinks I'm a dork."
    Jim Baker: "Mike is a dork." ~ From "Sixteen Candles"
  • Pitt the Younger: "I intend to put my own brother up as a candidate against you."
    Edmund Blackadder, Esq: "And which Pitt would this be? Pitt the Toddler? Pitt the Embryo? Pitt the glint the milkman's eye?" ~ From "Blackadder the Third"

    Art

  • Warren: "Who glued these quarters down?"
    A.J.: "I did."
    Warren: "What the hell for, man?"
    A.J.: "I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren." ~ From "Empire Records"
  • Blackadder:"Baldrick, you have all the artistic capabilities of a cluster of color-blind hedgehogs. In a bag." ~ From "Blackadder Goes Forth"

    Crime

  • "Society often forgives the criminal; it never forgives the dreamer." ~ Oscar Wilde
  • Gina:"Attention Rex Manning fans, to your left you will notice a shoplifter being chased by our night manager Lucas. This young man will be caught, dipped in a vat of hot oil and served to our first one hundred customers. Just another tasty treat from the gang here at Empire Records." ~ From "Empire Records"
  • Top Dollar:"Greed is for amateurs. Disorder, chaos, anarchy: now that's fun!" ~ From "The Crow"
  • [Blackadder is interrogating Captain Darling who is suspected of being a German spy]
    Captain Darling: "I'm as British as Queen Victoria!"
    Edmund Blackadder: "So your father's German, you're half German, and you married a German!"

    Movies & Actors

  • "The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast." ~ Oscar Wilde
  • Bartleby: "This from the guy who still owes me ten dollars from a bet over which was going to be the bigger movie, E.T. or Krush Groove."
    Loki: "Hey, f*ck you man, because time's going to tell on that one." ~ From "Dogma"
  • Edmund Blackadder, Esq: "Gentlemen, I've come with a proposition."
    Mossop: "How dare you, sir. You think, just because we're actors, we sleep with everyone!"
    Edmund Blackadder, Esq: "I think, being actors, you're lucky to sleep with anyone." ~ From "Blackadder The Third"
  • [Blackadder on seeing Baldrick's Charlie Chaplin impersonation.]
    Captain Edmund Blackadder: "Yes... take down a telegram, Bob. To Mr. Charlie Chaplin, Sennet Studios, Hollywood, California. Congrats stop. Have found only person in world less funny than you stop. Name Baldrick stop. Signed E. Blackadder stop. Oh, and put a P.S.: please please please stop." ~ From "Blackadder Goes Forth"

    "Optimism"

  • Vincent Hanna:"You can ball my wife if you want to, you can lounge around in her ex-husband's "post modernistic" bullsh*t house if you want to, but you CAN'T watch my television set, Ralph!" ~ From "Heat"
  • Samantha: "When you don't have anything, you don't have anything to lose. Right?"
    Randy: "That's a cheerful thought." ~ From "Sixteen Candles"

    Copyrighted

  • Eric Draven: "Suddenly their came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. You heard me rapping, right?" ~ From "The Crow"
  • Michael: "Sweet love, renew thy force."
    Patrick Verona: "Don't say sh*t like that to me. People can hear you." ~ From "10 Things I Hate about You"
  • T-Bird: "Abashed the Devil stood and felt how awful goodness is." ~ From "The Crow"

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