Copyrighted 2001


     Death - is it really that bad? I used to think it was the worst fate that could be bestowed on you or someone you love, though I don't know anymore. Within a week, everything I believed in or stood for had fallen apart. If I start at the beginning, that may help to make this make sense.
     Jared and I were in love to start. Well, more than just love - Romeo & Juliet had nothing on us. We met two years ago and we haven't come down from our high since. About 2 weeks ago, we were at the grocery store shopping for a party our friends were throwing that night. "Chocolate bars, chocolate milk, chocolate cereal - are you sure you don't want to get any junk food?" I said to him, pushing the cart along as he dropped meticulous items into it. "There's always room for chocolate! Anyway, we're not going to eat it all." He said, smiling a little smile. "Good." "We're using the cereal as poker chips." He replied, with an ever bigger grin than before. "Uh huh, I'll remember to make that appointment with your dentist when I home." I told him, laughing as I ran into something extremely cold. "Oh, I'm sorry. . ." I apologized to the person I had run into.
     She was one of the oldest and smallest woman I had ever seen, although that wasn't the odd thing about her. Her hair was almost white while her eyes were black and cold. Staring at me, she moved away slightly - her eyes not moving from mine, or moving at all really. I smiled the best I could and moved away quickly. Jared had seen the whole thing and walked behind me - pushing me away from the woman.
     "She was weird. . ." He said to me, pushing some of his brown hair back behind his ear. I looked for the woman behind us a we stood in check-out. I couldn't forget her eyes, like black onyx. I looked back to him. "Creepy was the word I was thinking of." His blue eyes looked kindly into mine as my heart floated into my throat.

     Later that night, the party was anything but a party. The plan was to set up a camping site next to the lake a few miles out of town. Then men had made a fire while the womenfolk cooked dinner. Bianca and I were the only ones there with any cooking experience that didn't involve microwaves or a toaster. Of course, the other girls never told us and we ended up ordering a pizza. In midst of all of this, my mind kept wondering about the old woman. Jared seemed to forget about her.
     Around 1 or 2 in the morning, everyone except us had crept into bed, so we lied under the cloudy sky. I kissed his soft lips as I had done so much before and never became tired of. "I love you Sophie." He said to me as I turned over and rested on his chest. "And I love you, Jared." I closed my eyes and just breathed in all that had come to be.
     "Sophia Aleta VanGaurd!" An old voice shouted close to us. We immediately shot up. Standing above us was the old woman, her black eyes a black light shining on us. "Sophia Aleta VanGaurd!" Her withered voice repeated. "How-how do you know my name? Who are you?" I heard my shaky voice say. I felt my boyfriend's hand grip my shoulder tightly. The old woman paused and replied. "I am called Ravenshaw and I am a fortuneteller. I know who you are and who you will be." I heard Jared swallow hard as I sighed heavily. "Why did you follow us from the store? Is there something in our future we should know about?" Jared asked her. She never turned her eyes from mine. "Your destiny will change who you are within a matter of days. You will question who you are and who you love - nothing will be the same." The tone of her voice sending hard vibrations though my heart. "But-" I started to say until an ear-piercing screech was the last thing I heard before blacking out.

     The gray sun was shining when Jared and I awoke. "Jared, did we just dream up that old woman?" I asked with concern. "Not unless we're sharing the same brainwaves now." Something suddenly popped into my mind and I grabbed his wrist to see his watch more clearly. "Oh no! I'm late for church! Dad's going to kill me!" I cried as I ran over to the tent to gather my things.
     It was 10:30 when we arrived in front of my church. Jare turned off the car and glanced at me with a solemn look. I couldn't blame him. We hardly talked all morning. I glanced at him and quickly turned away. "Sophie, don't worry about that old bag. She's probably just some alzheimer's patient that wandered away from a retirement home." His voice low. I searched his eyes for comfort. "I know, I know, but what if she's for real?" No answer. I dusted invisable crumbs off of my shirt and looked at the wall of the church. "Are you sure you don't wanna come today?" I asked. He shook his head and said "Naw, I think I'm gonna do some laps at W.S.U." Which was the only mall in the country that included a pool. "All right." I said, stopping for a moment. I kissed him lightly and hopped out of the car.
II
     A black veil dropped over my eyes and thoughts as the female voice on the other end of the phone said those words that would signal the end. "Jared was in an accident at the pool." Everything else she said didn't register. Alll I knew is I had to get to the hospital as soon as possible. The next thing I knew the smell of the hospital smothered my lungs. In the waiting room, Eliza (Jared's mother) was waiting for me. "Eliza? What happened?" I silently prayed it was not the eneviable. She hugged me as tears ran down both our faces. "Jared," She stuttered out, "he was just found face down in the pool at the mall.They were trying to revive him when I-" She sobbed and didn't finish.
     About two hours later, a doctor came out to talk to us. "Mrs. Murphy? Hello, I'm Dr. Bennett. We have been able to revive Jared, but unfortunetly he was depreived of oxygen too long to not have caused any long-term damage. . ." The large doctor explained. I could believe what I was hearing. It wasn't possible, it wasn't supposed to happen.
     Within a few minutes, we were stnading outsie intensive care. Dr. Bennett opened the door to the ward. I walked over to the large window to see Jared watching TV or at least looking. I turned away and put my face in my hands. No, no, no.
     "Sophie?" I heard Dr. Bennett's voice say. I wiped my eyes and looked up. "Oh Dr. Bennett. Um, I was just-I wanted to ask you if. . .when do you think Jared's gonna get to go home?" I managed to get out. He smiled a little, but his face soon went back to showing no emotion. "Sophie, Jared will be able to leave within the next five days, but probably will never be the same again. The amount of damage to his brain has made him as compitent as a three year old. It is most likely he will never regain full mental ability." I felt tears well up in my eyes again. I wanted to run away from this poor excuse of reality, this alternative universe.
     So I did. Here I am.
     I'm now at W.S.U., staring into the light blue water of the pool where Jared's light - my light has faded. Where it has been ripped to shreds within a matter of hours.
     "Hey." a voice behind my says. I turn my head slightly to see a pair of khakies and a Gap brand t-shirt with my mother's head attached to it standing next to me. "Hey." I say back, unethusiasticly. and return to my staring contest with oblivion. "Let's get some dinner, huh?" She says with fake optimism. I don't want to go. "Uh, I'm fine, Mom. I'll get something at ho-" "Sohpia. . ." "Allright. . ."

     So now we're at the 50s style restraunt and Mom's stare is just about to burn a hole through my sinus. I just nurse my chocolate malt as much as I can. "Sophia, I know you're upset about Jared, but you know he still loves you even though he can't say it." She says to me. I sigh and shake my head. She doesn't understand. "He loves Sesame Street too, you know. For our 3 year anniversary maybe I can get him a Big Bird or an Elmo doll."      "Sophia, you know-" "What mother? Everything will be OK? Things will turn out great and be like they used to be? 'Fraid not. Mom, the one thing that means most to me in my life is now a drooling retard. The one thing I live for, my reason for being is reduced to virtually nothing. No reason anymore. I can't live, not anymore." The hot tears stream down my face and my cheeks hurt. I can barely make out my crying mom. Almost jogging, I race to be alone, race to get out of this nightmare.
     I stop when I get to the corner of W.S.U. and rest. The cresant moon is shining through the huge glass ceiling on me. "God. . .why are you doing this to me?" I whisper to the night sky. I'm not expecting an answer. I feel empty - more than empty. The excrusiating pain is getting unbearable and it would be so easy to end. So easy to give up. Every thought, every impulse telling me to stop the pain. I have to. I have to.      I get up to leave but a vision stops me. Mommy . . .cry . . .don't. Maybe I shouldn't. I don't want to do that to mom. No. Not today.


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Copyrighted 2001-forever by Gloria
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