Lily heaved a heavy sigh as she examined herself in the mirror. She couldn't tell if it was a trick of her mind or was she already getting thicker around the waist. She studied her profile in the mirror trying to imagine what she would look like months from now.
She sighed again and sank down on to the bed. She tried to move her mind to other matters. The edges of her mouth curled in a smile as she thought of the reaction to Bo Jun's new 'appearance' had caused two nights before. Even Ezra had been speechless for a moment.
Her mind struggled to grasp at the memory of the previous night. She and Ezra had sat for several minutes discussing Bo Jun. But the events of the night were now hazy and distant. Lily had spent much of the evening distracted by the idea of telling Chris about the baby, his baby. During the night she had come so very close to telling him.
She'd woken in the darkness of night gasping for air, her cheeks wet from tears. It had been a nightmare. Chris had scrambled to light a lamp and held her shivering form till she was calm. At that moment her body was filled with such a desperate longing to tell him that she felt her whole body might burst. But in the end she'd stayed silent. He had asked what the nightmare was about, but the light had driven it from her mind.
Lying quietly in his arms had reminded her of Peter. Dear sweet Peter. They had not shared a bedroom, but she would often seek out his bed in the night. She would curl up next to him like a child with her father. He would talk to her late into the night and hold her gently.
They had discussed children once. He had made it no secret that she was free to take lovers if she wished. Peter had only asked that she be discreet. She supposed that he hoped she would take a lover so that she might have a child. But she had been content during their marriage with only his fatherly touches.
There was one conversation they'd had that now played often in her head. They had lain in bed one November night listening to a cold wind off the bay howling outside.
"I know you have had many lovers my dear. But have you ever been in love?"
It had been a serious question and she'd pretended to be asleep rather than have to answer it. She'd pondered that question again as she lay in Chris's arms the previous night. The concern in his eyes hadn't been merely over the loss of a good night's sleep. And she knew the tenderness in his touch was genuine.
Was this love? Was she in love with Chris? Was he in love with her?
Lily pushed the thoughts from her head. There was work to be done downstairs. Chris would be at his house for a few days. He'd hardly had a moment since the tornado to try and do repairs. She'd assured him that morning that she woudl survive without his company for a day or two. Maybe his absence would allow her time to think and sort out her feelings.
Lily grabbed the edge of the dresser to keep from falling. Her face twisted in pain. The doctor in Stillwater had told her that some cramping wasn't uncommon in the early months of pregnancy. But what she was feeling was anything but common.
Beads of sweat ran down her face. She lifted the hem of her dress. 'Oh God', her inner voice screamed. Her petticoats were soaked with blood. Her hands shook as she dropped the fabric. She slipped down the stairs slowing trying not to attract attention. Ezra, who stood near the bar moved quickly to meet her. He took her arm to steady her.
"Lily what's wrong?"
"I'm not feeling well. I thought I'd go see Nathan." She forced out a weak smile.
"Shall I help you over there?"
"No, not at all. I can manage." She patted his arm lightly. Lily decided to go out the back door. The last thing she wanted was to start any more gossip in town about herself. Ezra watched her for a moment before motioning Bo Jun over.
"Bo Jun, may I ask that you follow Lily and make sure that she arrives at Nathan's. I believe she more under the weather than she cares to admit." Bo Jun nodded and slipped out the back a few steps behind Lily.
"I think at least one of those boys has a crush on you." Buck winked at Molly.
"All young boys have a crush on their teacher. I'll bet even you did." Behind Buck, Molly watched several of the children playing tag. School was out for the day and the children were playing happily in the street.
"There was one, Miss Taylor." Buck chuckled to himself. "She would . . ." His words died as something behind Molly caught his eye. She turned and saw Lily walking toward Nathan's.
Molly gave a gasp. Lily's face was drained of color. She stepped slowly and carefully almost as if she wasn't sure what she was doing. Buck crossed the ground to her in three long strides. He reached Lily just as her legs gave out. He caught her up in his arms.
"Lily? What's wrong?" Molly rushed to Buck's side as he began to climb the stairs.
"NATHAN!" Buck screamed up the stairs. "NATHAN!"
"Buck what are ya yellin' about?" Nathan's question was answered by the sight of Lily in Buck's arms. "Lay her on the bed."
"Something's wrong." Lily looked at Nathan through half-closed eyes. The pain in her voice told him that 'something' was the baby.
"Molly, go get Mary. I'm gonna need her help." Molly hesitated wanting to stay. She felt a gentle hand laid on her shoulder. Bo Jun had entered the door behind them silently.
"Go. I will help her."
It only took Molly a few moments to run to the Clarion office. Inside she found Mary and Vin talking intently. The look of fear on her face caught them both by surprise.
"What's wrong Molly?"
"It's Lily, there's something wrong. Nathan told me to come get you." Mary and Vin stood quickly. Mary knew if Nathan was asking for her that it must mean something was wrong with the baby.
"Vin, where's Chris?"
"He left this morning. Was gonna spend a couple of days working out at his place."
"Go get him." Vin didn't wait for further explanation. He ran for the livery and rode hard.
Vin had barely gotten the words out that something was wrong with Lily and Chris was saddled and ready to go. For days he'd known that something was wrong with her. But she'd kept insisting to him that she was fine. He knew his horse was galloping as fast as he could but the road seemed to never end. A wave of relief came over him as the town finally came into view.
That relief quickly faded as he saw Buck and JD. The two men were at the base of the stairs to Nathan's. The younger man paced kicking dirt as he did. Buck sat on the bottom stair his hat twisted in his hands. Neither one dared to make eye contact with Chris. It had been quiet upstairs, deadly quiet. Chris climbed the stairs afraid of what he was going to find at the top.
The door opened and Mary emerged. Her hair fell in disaray from it's normallly neat bun. Dried tears streaked her face. She turned away from Chris unable to meet his eyes. He grabbed her arm harshly. Bed sheets dropped from her grasp. He lowered his glance focusing on the material. It was stained red, blood red.
"Mary," his voice cracked, "what's going on?" She turned away from his question. Another body moved into the door frame.
"Chris," Nathan's voice heavy with regret, "I'm sorry."
"Sorry? Nathan, what the hell is going on?" Chris was tired of being in the dark.
"Lily. . . she was pregnant."
"Pregnant?" Suddenly things clicked in his mind. He should have put two and two together. In so many ways lately Lily had acted like Sarah when she was pregnant with Adam. His thoughts paused as Nathan's words echoed again 'was pregnant'. "What do you mean was?"
"She lost the baby." Nathan had never felt so helpless. There'd been nothing he could do. He half turned in the door looking back at the bed. "I gave her some laudanum for the pain. She just fell asleep."
Nathan moved aside letting Chris in the room. He stood near the end of the bed unable to move closer. He felt his chest constrict with pain. She looked fragile and younger than she was. He wanted to touch and hold her. But he held back. That pain in his chest was the knowledge that he'd lost another child. He couldn't face her like this. He turned quickly nearly knocking over Molly who had just entered behind him.
"Mr. Larabee, I'll go. Mary asked me to bring a new nightgown for Lily. I'll just lay it over here."
"No, I'm leaving." Molly stood in shock. Leaving? She shook her head in disbelief. He can't mean that. She followed to the top of the stairs and watched as he pushed past the others and turned toward the livery.