Madonna taught me how to dance, and in this movie, she taught me how to be assertive. Now, I'm not going so far to say that I emulate Nikki in all ways, but I must agree that the character has a certain charm all of her own. This film was universally panned by the critics, and I can understand why, but here's another way to look at it: it's a music video, without the music. And by golly, it's funny!
Let's examine why:
- The succession of NY cabbies who claim to have "had" a woman named Wendy Worthington "in the cab." The field gets narrower and narrower. The first cabbie is fat and plodding, a greasy middle-aged guy who could or could not know Louden's fiancee. The second, a big black Jamaican, correctly identifies the apartment complex that Louden's Wendy lives in, but it is possible that another Wendy Worthington lives there. But the third, a dirty old man, is the best: he has a key to the gate of the Worthington estate, proving without a doubt that Louden's fiancee is a trashy little tramp. (As if her fascination with the muscled UPS driver, Buck, isn't clue enough!)
- Murray, the rare Patagonian Feleus Concolor (translation: South American mountain lion) is adorable. He gobbles down three boxes of McDonald's Chicken Nuggets, saves Nikki from Benny and Raoul more than once, and is on his way to satisfy the urges of Montgomery Bell's mountain lioness before the night is through. There are scenes during which Nikki reaches her hand in the cage and scratches Murray under the chin, totally heedless of the consequences, she combs him with her blue comb, and Murray and his ladylove (who I call Petunia) lounge on the bandstand during Louden and Wendy's wedding. My favorite Murray scene is during Louden's co-op interview. Wendy has been kidnapped by the pimp and the fatman (Raoul and Benny) and Louden needs Nikki to impersonate Wendy. Murray gets lonely waiting for Nikki to come back so he lopes on up to the interview and scares the interviewers half to death.
Nikki: (to Louden as she scratched Murray's head) "Look, honey, it's Baby Tabby."
- Nikki's kleptomania. Throughout the movie, I kept track of the things she "boosted": 6 tapes from Recordland, 1 gold sweater, 1 pair of fishnet tights, 1 pair of black shoes, 1 patent leather bodice, 1 chiffon red patterned skirt, 1 pair of black tights with white polka dots, 1 white tulle skirt, 1 leather cap with chain trim, 1 pair of black sunglasses, 1 semi-automatic gun, and 1 silver Cartier cigarette holder. Watching her get away with this stuff is hilarious!
- Nikki has an incredible joie de vivre. She punches out one of the guards, Donovan, on her way out of prison. When Donovan angrily demands that Nikki be taken back into custody, another of the guards asks incredulously
"You want her back in here?!"
Nikki scolds Donovan with the admonishment of "Be nice," before continuing on her way. She gets away with her five-fingered-discount shopping spree by slipping a tape of classical music into the pocket of a greasy, suspicious looking man and whispers
"Hey, meet me out back in five minutes, I gotta ditch this guy."
as Louden, unaware of her machinations, extols the virtues of psychological counselling and how good it would be for her to find some "professional help." Greasy Guy exits the store before she does and is collared by the rent-a-cop on duty. She compliments the officer on his "good work" who thanks her as he roughs up Greasy Guy. She is always polite, even under the most bizarre circumstances. She thanks Benny for opening the door to the limo for her before diving in after her gun, she acts adorable during Wenday's bath and kitchen shower as she introduces herself
"Louden, shame on ya, honey, I thought you told her. Why, I'm Louden's cousin, Nikki Sue Trott, of the Atlanta Trotts of the three T's. Give us a kiss! Oh, I just love that little thing you're wearing. Louden, she's got the cutest figure! What a cute, sweet, nonexistent little figure, I'll mingle! Presents!"
During this monologue she looks Wendy up and down, patting her on the behind, kissing her on the cheek and patronizing her as much as possible before she starts looking for the key that a certain muscular UPS man accidentally took from Cartier while Louden was picking up the rings. She opens up Wendy's shower gifts and when a bridesmaid declares that the salt and pepper shakers she bought for Wendy are 24 karat gold, Nikki takes one, bites into it and blithely contradicts her by stating, "18." I could have never gotten away with all of these outrageous stunts, but somehow Nikki, who thinks amazingly fast on her feet, manages to fool everyone with her high spirits and lack of inhibition.
- Nikki and Louden's relationship is a sore point with the critics because they refuse to acknowledge the chemistry between Madonna and Griffin Dunne. There are several scenes in which Nikki finds herself warming to the clueless Louden who thinks she's simply insane. They make an interesting team, and the scene where Louden extracts the name of the bank and the box number from Raoul as Nikki tussles in the back with round-boy Benny is delicious. In the end, it is Nikki who decides that she and Louden are in love. Louden, who has stood against this whirlwind of platinum blonde hair, milky skin and red lips long enough, acknowledges her as the unstoppable force. They all get back on the bus to Philadelphia and we don't know how long they'll be together, but it sure will be one fantastic love affair while it lasts. . .
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