Adversarial Aversion - A Nation of Cowards |
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thought recently occurred to me while I was continuing my epic struggle
to find employment. It came while I was sitting on hold, quietly listening
to the strains of John Tesh while waiting for someone's voice mailbox
so I could leave the latest in a long line of messages never to be returned.
The realization was this -- our society has become riddled with people who place themselves first and others a drastically distant second. We're so much more important than anyone else, we can't be bothered with the mundane details of how our lives affect those of others. As long as we're OK, the world is right as a corner. That phone call made me realize this, that message I knew wouldn't be returned. I've made dozens of calls like them, left an equal amount of messages with voice mailboxes and secretaries, and had almost twice as many faxes and emails go unresponded to. I've been forced to suffer this double indignity more times than I care to and today's entry was the straw that broke this camel's back, so now I'm going to start spitting. It's a double indignity for this reason Ð with their incommunication, these people are not only saying, "You're not good enough to get a job here," but they're also adding the extra "fuck you" by saying, "You're not even good enough to get a call back." Well I, for one, have had it. Is this what passes as good business ethics these days? If there's no place for you in our house of employment, we're just going to ignore you exist? If this really is how businesses play the game, I'm shocked our economy is as strong as it is. Whatever happened to the days when common courtesy took precedence over comfort? When if you showed the stick-to-it-iveness to follow up with places of employment, they would return your efforts with a callback or a response of some kind. It may have been a rejection letter that got there three weeks later, but at least you knew. It made you feel like a human that was worthy of response and not some chunk of filth that was worthy of revile and revulsion. Today, though, you'd drop dead of a heart attack if you got that letter -- the shock of actually being treated as a human being would be too great for your system to withstand. It doesn't matter that these letters are of the form variety and about as impersonal as an office filled with cubicles, at least someone took the time to bring closure to a relationship, albeit three weeks later. And how much time does it really take to let people know? Are you telling me your life is that busy you can't pick up the phone or send an email response? Bullshit. These tasks can be accomplished in the blink of an eye; they take about as long to do as a one-piece jigsaw. All you have to do is take one less trip to the water cooler this morning; spend thirty seconds less gabbing with your coworkers about your weekend in the break room; wipe one less time when you're taking your half-hour crap. That's all it takes to show that you remember what it's like to be on the other side of the phone and that you empathize with that person's plight. To show that you're not the typical self-centered asshole that's as common today in our society as dandelions in an unfertilized lawn. Sadly, though, this hardly ever happens. In my four-month quest to get a job, I can count on one hand the number of concrete rejections I've gotten. Either the "We're not hiring" letdown or the "We're going in a different direction" dis, or my personal favorite, probably organized society's longest running irony, the "You don't have enough experience" mantra. All of these, while being an increasingly bitter pill to swallow, made me feel better because they offered me a measure of certainty. I was sure that this avenue was closed and I had to move down another road. Sure, I was a little upset, but at least I could move on without the "what if" clawing at the back of my mind. |
And that's what these ambiguous, unresolved rejections leave you with,
a terminal case of the "what ifs". What if I had called back one more
time? Maybe that time I would have talked to the hiring manager in person.
What if I had sent one more email? Maybe that would have been the one
that got read. What if I had left one more message? Maybe they had just
lost my number and were waiting for me to call back. Sure, these are all possibilities, but they're about as viable as the Cubs winning the World Series next year. Yet with people not giving you a firm answer you start to buy the lie, that these are probabilities instead of needle-in-the-haystack possibilities. It all comes down to the fact that we've become a society of people that are incredibly selfish and callous when it comes to another person's feelings. If something makes us feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable we won't do it. I'm not saying calling a person back to tell them that they're not good enough to work for you is easy Ð I know it isn't. But most likely once the initial hurt feelings and dejection pass, they'll respect you for your honesty. Odds are you'll even feel a little bit better with yourself because you know deep down you did the right thing for calling. Why? Because you remember how maddening it is to be left in the lurch, not knowing whether you should move on with your life or try just a little bit harder. What's happened is we've turned into a nation of pussies, one where we'll take the easy way out every time rather than suffer a little discomfort and do the hard, but right, thing. Let a person know they didn't get the job or that they're fired? Nah, that would be awkward and stressful. I'll just ignore their calls or cut off their paychecks and let them figure it out for themselves. Our country has become so averse to confrontation that we run from it at all costs. Sure, our politicians will involve us in fracases across the globe from time to time just to keep things interesting or to solidify a reelection bid, but for the most part the general populace runs from it like a fat person does a low fat entrŽe. It used to be that you gave people bad news in person Ð it was tough, sure, but it was the noble and honorable thing to do. When that got too uncomfortable we switched to giving people bad news over the phone. Not having to see the people's faces when you ruined their lives made yours a little better, but it still wasn't good enough. Too many times you had to actually talk to that person on the other end. The advent of the answering machine made life almost paradisical Ð now not only could you avoid seeing their faces crumble before you, you also didn't have to hear the disappointment wrack their voices. This wasn't reliable enough, though. There were just too many documented cases of people being home to receive the call. That answering machine was the carrot dangling at the end of the stick that you just could never seem to get to. And that brings us to today where you don't even get a call anymore. Treating people the way you hope they will treat you has become too unbearable and stressful to endure. We've given up, turned into a bunch of cowards. And the sad thing is that it's become an accepted practice. I can't tell you how many times people have told me, "Better get used to it," as if the sheer prevalence of this audacity makes it OK. It doesn't. According to that old saying, "actions speak louder than words," our society is effectively saying, "Screw the Golden Rule, screw you, and screw what I should do, I'm gonna do what I want to do." Spike Lee once made a movie whose theme and title was, "Do the right thing." Not today, Spike, not even close. |