Insults now a federal offense |
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| "Are
you (bleep)-ing serious?" This was the phrase that could be heard throughout the office yesterday, bellowed in disbelief at the top of some astonished individual's lungs. This exclamation was elicited not by the discovery that the dairy product spread on this person's bagel wasn't butter, but rather by the news that presidential candidate George W. Bush was in trouble for calling his opposition, totem pole in the mud Al Gore, a rat. How do I know this? Not because I'm a fantastic investigative journalist, able to pry information even out of the distrusting mouths of coworkers, but because the intra-office banshee happened to be me. And I still can't believe it -- George Jr. is in hot water because of something that ran for one thirtieth of a second in one of his campaign ads. The thing that's stirring up all the trouble is a four letter word (no, not that one. Even omitted, once is enough per column, thank you very much...) that jumps on and off of the television screen faster than Chevy Chase's talk show. Bush and his Republican cronies are accused of purposely slipping the word "rats" into their TV ads in an effort to defame and defeat their Democratic counterparts. (As if the Demmies can't do that well enough themselves...) This, in case you don't know, is illegal in the media thanks to an edict from the Federal Communications Commission. They have long said that the practice of subliminal messaging is a no-no because ads that implement its use are "intended to be deceptive". Forget the fact that Bush may be right. Gore & Co. may be the biggest bunch of criminals around, the shystiest pack of politicians this side of the Potomac. That doesn't matter Ð that's for all the political pundits to hash out and for voters to decide. And push aside the reality that the offensive word is on the screen for the briefest of instances Ð for the entire 30-second ad, it is there for only one thirtieth of a second, a mere .001% of the time. I've had relationships more meaningful than that, (barely) and that's just sad. If you sweep away all of this mumbo jumbo Ð FCC regulations, candidate carping, whether or not Bush knew it was there Ðyou're left with the real truth to this debate: that now it's apparently wrong to make fun of somebody else. Despite what mothers across the globe have always told their children, people have called each other names for centuries. Everyone knows that Eve called Adam "a silver tongued jerk" for getting her banished from the garden and that Alexander Graham Bell was "Mr. I'm-too-good-for-tin-cans". (At least, that's what I got from my home schooling...) |
So if these historical figures were forced to endure
such mocking, why shouldn't the people who deserve it most, the politicians?
Mudslinging was in Washington before ineptitude set up shop and it will
be there long after it leaves. (Though I don't know if or when that's
ever going to happen.) For every eloquent speech and logical debate there have been lewd jabs and crude jokes aimed at the opposition. While many think that Kennedy won his election over Nixon because of his smooth demeanor and boyish good looks, political insiders all know it was because of the momma joke that made Nixon cry like a schoolgirl. And while it's long been understood that Lincoln won his election as a champion of abolition, it's recently been unearthed that he was really a champion of the one-liner, zinging his way into office over a trampled and demoralized Stephen Douglas. Now I understand why the Democrats did what they did -- in such a tight presidential race, neither side wants to let anything slip by that might change the outcome of the race. But the real reason everyone in the Democratic Party has their pants in a twist is because Gore got his feelings hurt. If this guy is afraid of being called a rat, I can't wait to see what happens if he gets elected and makes his first new policy. He better hope everyone becomes a supporter come inauguration day, otherwise all hell is going to break loose when he hikes up taxes or cuts wages. I'm thinking people will be shouting a few more vulgar four-letter words at him then. I can see how the Democrats might be a little upset, but the fact that anyone in the Democratic Party actually has the gall to complain publicly about how they're being portrayed is laughable. Do we really need to remind them about the things their current office holder has done for the reputation of the party? The stuff the public has let Clinton slide on far surpasses a cheap shot like this. Better that Gore's people should say, "Thank you, sir, may I have another?" and come back with a witty retort of their own than to gripe about it and test the public's patience. To complain about breaking FCC regulations and about how it was a deliberate attack when the thing that really upsets you is being made fun of is ludicrous. Whatever happened to such wonderful causes as free speech and the ability to speak your mind? You Demmies have ridden their coattails long enough, why hop off when the road gets a little bumpy? We're living in a land that you helped create --one where the pot could call the kettle black if it were so inclined. I thought that was the way you wanted it, but I guess not. Rats. |