I Am The Very Model of a Microsoft Executive

(By Brad Rhodes, with inspiration from Lincoln Spector's "The Pirates of Pentium" and apologies to Sir William Gilbert...)

Bill Gates:

I am the very model of a Microsoft Executive
Work sixteen hours ev'ry shift on days that are consecutive
I make a line of software that is of the highest quality
But leave in bugs to fix in upgrades in perpetuality

Though some might claim that we compete in ways that are not very just
That's just vindictive rumor spun by folks who can't compete with us
Besides they cannot prove a thing, no judge will ever take their side
We'll crush them with our lawyers known for litigation far and wide.
Men's Chourus:
He'll crush them with his lawyers known for litigation far and far and wide!
Gates:
My coders work a schedule bordering on impropriety
But they'll still work for peanuts til they're vested in entirety
I'm sure that you will all agree that this is all inde-cu-tive
That I'm the very model of a Microsoft Executive!
Chorus:
I'm sure that you will all agree that this is all inde-cu-tive
He is the very model of a Microsoft Executive!
Gates:
We made our windows system one which we hold in propriety
And tweak it every now and then to screw up Lotus 1-2-3
Developing for Windows makes our competition often frown
They haven't any choice -- our system is the only game in town.

We'll use people's inventions that will make our software sell the best
Idea is the first step but the market is the real test
And though we may use other's thoughts and intellectual property
Stealing's such a nasty word, we like to call it R&D.
Chorus:
Stealing's such a nasty word, he likes to call it R&-R&D.
Gates [faster]:
My business tactics are compared with Henry Ford and Genghis Kahn
They built me up from nerdy kid to billionaire and then beyond
And while my competition spews out words full of invec-u-tive
I am the very model of a Microsoft Executive!
Chorus:
And while his competition spews out words full of invec-u-tive
He is the very model of a Microsoft Executive!
Source: the Gilbert and Sullivan parody archive.
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