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The top 29 things you will NEVER hear a Southerner say, never ever, no matter how much they've had to drink, and no matter how far from the south they've wandered. Disclaimer
29. "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"
28. Duct tape won't fix that.
27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
26. We don't keep firearms in this house.
25. You can't feed that to the dog.
24. I thought that Gracland was tacky.
23. No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
22. Wrasslin's fake.
21. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
20. We're vegetarians.
19. I'll have a grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
18. Who's Richard Petty?
17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
16. Deer heads detract from the decor.
15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
14. Trim the fat off that steak.
13. The tires on that truck are too big.
12. I'll have the arugula a ridicchio salad.
11. Unsweetened tea taste better.
10. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
9. I've go two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
8. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
7. Checkmate.
6. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
4. I don't have a favorite college team.
3. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
2. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
And the #1 thing you would NEVER hear a Southerner say is:
1. Elvis who?
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