And, unfortunately, some things aren't meant to last forever.

Last Friday, Paul decided he needed to break things off. I'll admit, this wasn't a total shock, as he nearly broke it off at the end of July, but I had no clue this was coming.

Apparently - most of this I found out later - something about me makes him uneasy and uncomfortable. I'm not sure what, he couldn't put it into words, though it was partly the age difference.

I swear, I cried for days (mainly due to some personal stuff I won't delve into here).

So, I did what any other writer in my case would do: I wrote him a letter.

Part rant, part mushy-gushy, I laid my heart and emotions out on a silver platter. I told him how I felt about this, how I still feel (and, likely, always will) about him, and where I felt we could go next - being friends.

Yesterday, having not heard or seen him since his drumming gig with Littermeet last Saturday, I got up the nerve to call him.

He misses me.

Nearly three hours later, I think we touched on just about every emotion we could. I still cried afterward, but I felt a sense of relief. Mainly because, if we can still talk for that amount of time and honestly discuss how we're feeling, we should be able to make this friendship work. Granted, it's going to be one of the hardest things either of us has had to do, but in the long run, I truly believe neither of us will regret staying friends.

Yes, I'm still in love with him. And I don't think I can just get over it. I fell hard, and it's going to take me awhile before this one's out of my system. And it will be even longer before I could ever fall in love again.

And even if the worst possible happens and Paul and I are unable to stay friends, I know for a fact that I will never regret the two months he and I spent together. They were some of the best moments of my life, and to him I will always be eternally grateful.

Yes, I got my heart broken. (And, yes, it still frickin' hurts!) And Paul is hurting, too. Sometimes, I may think he's a dunderhead, but in the grand scheme it doesn't really matter. We gave it a try, had a blast and are hopefully going to come out of this platonically closer than ever.

And that, man, is worth pain.

Copyright © 2005, Talia M. Wilson
posted: September 15, 2005

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